sick and tired....

pogi, orange cat, really loves his buddy,mufasa. they often are snuggled up together. mufasa can't possibly have much time left to roam around, though he's lasted much longer than expected. pogi will be very sad when he's no longer around. today mufasa worked his way under my arm as i sat...i don't really think my arm lifted at all he's so thin.

this moose was nibbling on the local fauna when i was driving out of the park the other day. spotted 5 or 6 moose just driving around town that day. of course, i never bothered to get my big camera out of the pack, which was sitting right there. but then again...i have many pictures of moose so no matter really. the blurring almost gives it a painted feeling i think.

so i went walking with tanya on tuesday, did my 35 laps and the next day i woke up with some sort of bug. hate when that happens. generally, i'm very healthy. on occasion my body just takes itself a little break. i am powerless. it just gets all wiped out. sore throat, body aches, extreme malaise, sweats/chills...the coughing and runny nose kicked in on day two. so had to take two nights off of work. first day i could barely go downstairs and back before complete exhuastion kicked in. by yesterday i was able to walk the dogs up the road and back. today was better still though the coughing has gotten worse.

when i was around 16 i got a bug and for years after that i battled chronic bronchitis. when i lived in los angeles i would get walking pneumonias every season it seems. for years i just really thought this was all normal. we weren't taken to the doctor very often when we were kids. you really had to be bad to merit a trip. so in my late 20's i finally went to see a pulmonary doc at the request of my vet. she'd listened to my lungs and couldn't hear much for air exchange in one of my frequent bouts.

long story short..it wasn't normal. that doc put me on inhalers and a regimine. he was thrilled when i told him i was moving away from los angeles. in south dakota i finally stopped hacking for the first time in nearly 15 years. the cough returned when i moved to ketchikan. i'd still get at least one to two bad colds that lasted for months. i finally took a flu shot a few years back and this is the first time i've had so much as a cold since then. my inhalers are all expired, but hopefully, this doesn't drag on like in the past.

so this week, i've watched movies, read my books. finished my latest read on the kindle,
"the last child" a kinda mystery type story. and started the next book on the list. "cutting for stone". i think since the kindle is new, i'm hesitant to purchase books on there. don't want to use up space. i do enjoy reading with it. the battery last longer if you turn off the connection so i'm learning. i mean a book, the actual kind, never needs to have the battery charged. i still feel myself reaching to turn a page, but otherwise the transition from book to kindle isn't bad. can't read ahead and can't tell what page you are on. it shows you what percentage of the book you have read. watched my net flix rental for the week which was "the search for bobby fisher"..or something close to that. i guess i thought it was about the actual chess player more, but really it was about a kid who was a natural chess player and how one family learns to balance life with some skill that could totally take over and destroy a young childs life, like it seemed to do with the original fisher who i guess keeps going into hiding.

sometimes, i think our bodies just need to take a break and it's okay to get the rest the body asks for. the fact that it's been raining during these days did make it easier. i do hate calling out sick, but i would have been of no use there as i was really just weak. in my young, always sick days, i would have just pushed through, which probably just made me sicker longer. better to just read your body and let it lead you. i was just foolish in those years about my health. i remember the doctor being less than excited when i reported to his office with bronchial pneumonia proudly telling him i'd done a 50 mile bike ride in mexico and had been able to keep up with my weight lifting regimine. he told me to go to bed for the weekend or he'd admit me.

strange, in retrospect, that ugly thing called low self esteem was to blame in a way. for some reason, i just didn't think that there was anything really wrong with me. that being sick was weakness. i don't know how to explain it...but that a doctor was finally making it okay for me to be ill. i wasn't weak, i wasn't a slacker, i truely had a medical condition worthy of a few days off of work and school. i was worthy of being taken care of, of taking care of myself.

shall retire early tonight. my favorite drug in this situation is tussinex syrup. it lets me stop coughing and get some rest. nyquil is good too, but for a nasty cough...bring me my syrup. i did wash the sheets today which should be wonderful. after a few days sick in bed with those sheets they feel so gross. the dogs have been very patient with me. such great pups! of course, cats love it when you're sick.