nearly a month and the hell continues

 

These are a mixture from late summer/fall. a trip to Glacier Bay/Gustavus. rain forest. forest covered in green. 

a beautiful new clan house. 

mushrooms,of course. That is fall. i enjoy all of it. angers me that the idiots in charge of our nation have now started a global war. We were all raised with sympathy for Israel. Sadly, their leadership has opted to take advantage of the decades of sympathy/empathy and instead have gathered money and support from leadership in this country and others, I suppose. Most of those in our Congress have taken money from them and now seem to be beholden to them. They finally found an idiot willing to charge into Iran. Their first acts were to kill the person in power in Iran (apparently no loss), but they also bombed a girls school. Over 150 young girls and teachers are dead. We are the terrorists, it turns out. 

The idiots in charge are, in many cases, Christian Nationalists.  They are attempting to usher in a holy war, to, I guess, convince Jesus to return. It's been over 2000 years, and still no return. ridiculousness, really, but here we are. They had a meeting with the military, where they claimed the pedophile at the top was anointed by God. Wish people would wake up to the absurdity of it all. Again, here we are, though. 

saw a comedian on TikTok. he was joking that if Jesus had returned, he's already locked up in a psych ward. That is a common psych issue, people claiming to be God or Jesus or some other religious figure. We had a patient the other week screaming that she was God. It's very common. In truth, any God I read about in the scriptures would not respond well to all these fools thinking they are going to get lifted to heaven to sit and watch people like me suffer and burn up. like some sort of entertainment. Quite frankly, that desire would, itself, be disqualifying for entry to heaven, I think. 

I keep doing my life and trying to distance myself from the hell of the news. a balance of staying somewhat informed without making anxiety soar. longer days and a nice snow pack have made for great walking these past weeks. ice hearts start to melt a bit in the long days, so I think those are done.

I enjoyed some of the Fur Rondy events. hit the native craft fair, the snow sculptures, and watched some of the dog sled sprint races. 

This past weekend I got up to see the ceremonial start of the Iditarod in town.  It was a heavy snow, but always magical. The winner is not in Nome yet. usually around next Tuesday. The same guy is in the lead as last year at the moment. His name is Jessie Holmes. He's on a reality TV show, I think. Close behind is Paige Drobny. i really hope she catches him.  we are long overdue for a woman to win.

3 women in top ten at the moment.

Some of these are walks around Anchorage, and others are from Gustavus.

The Iditarod added a wealthy white guy class, called the Expedition class. They pay a bunch of money to run the Iditarod non-competitively. They are not allowed to win the race and travel with a guide, a vet and crew. They are clamping and are fed, all on their dime. They can trade out dogs for fresh legs. They have their own planes out there. I was confused when I saw Jeff King at the Ceremonial start with a team. He's a guide, though.  They are taking their time. more like a party event, it seems it was when it started. That would be the way to do the thing for a wimp like me. More have climbed Everest than run the Iditarod, so, of course, it is a thing to do. They get a finisher's belt buckle. can't interfere with the actual race. Their cash flow increased the payout for the winner, and I believe, decreased the entry fee. One gave hundreds of thousands. So good for the overall run to Nome. They have lost sponsorship, and PETA has been on a mission.

The back of the pack has one of my favorites this year. I believe Jody Potts-Joseph is the first native female to run the Iditarod. She lives in Eagle, outside of Chicken. has 5 kids i think. Her one daughter rode the back sled going through Anchorage. She is a model, beautiful woman. The dogs were all decked out in handmade native coats. quite the sight.

I suppose I could have put Iditarod pictures in here. Sorry. 

Work continues. Hard to really think about retirement when the pedophile and pedophile protectors start wars. haven't looked at the retirement account. It will be depressing to watch all my money slip away. all because of this idiot and the absolute fools who triple trumped. 

I am managing my 2 shifts a week better. I believe they are trying to not put me in ICU/CSU. I have been getting my hours. peds, pcu, picu, holds ER and straight ER. Also, a few sitter gigs in there. Nobody ever gave me a minimum number of units I had to have listed. Nobody ever offered to cross-train me anywhere new. So for the moment, I'm just putting my head down and seeing how long I last and how long they last with me working less units.

For sure, the stress levels are down, not going to those more critical units. I walk away knowing I'm still capable but just done with it. Continue to peek to see if there is another job out there. Currently, I have a lot of control over my schedule and work the 2 shifts/week. Not sure I would get that anywhere else. Better the hell I know. I do not think I will last here until I turn 65. I do know I could figure it out if needed. I could book, take retirement. 

dinner/coffee/walks with friends over the past month. Also, a few hockey games. always fun. Our annual trip to Manitoba yurts was a bit of a bust. The road conditions were very questionable. ended up too stressful for me to risk it. we do have our Tonsina trip at the end of April. I'll have to look at a water taxi for us. I also booked a hotel for Homer in April for a low tide. 

I'm up for Jury duty at the end of March. Oh boy! My number is 10 so I suspect I will be called up. 

No new litters of kittens yet.  It's been a bit. Part of me fears I'm getting a reputation for being a kitten killer, and they don't want to risk kittens on me. Of course, we are always harder on ourselves than others are on us. I do want to try to make a little tip sheet for potential kitten fosters. My sweet friend N, mentioned that I wasn't given the tools, and I did the best I could. Better to see if I can give some tools to the future fosters. It would have been helpful. 

It is a strange balance.  Some people have kitten incubators, tube feed and give SQ fluids. I'm not sure how much is really expected of the average foster. My guess is that the Shelter is just grateful to have any foster that is willing to try their best. 

I do add equipment and skills. Just thought a list of basics may help the next fosters have a better chance of not suffering from the losses I have. I need to remind myself to focus on all the successes I've had. Kittens that are now in homes. have been reading a book written by a person who basically does this professionally at this point. She is currently, tube feeding a kitten with a cleft palate and did a lot of extra work on a hairless kitten that happened in a litter. that kitten eventually was euthanized over making it suffer more.

As a vet friend says, there isn't a shortage of kittens. I tend to believe it may be best to focus on kittens with the best chance of survival. people do love an underdog (or underkitten?). 

these are back in Gustavus.  I was excited to see the mushrooms. I wasn't as crazy about them when I lived in Southeast. silly me. 

bills paid for the month. For sure, money is tighter only working 2 shifts/week. Mentally, it was needed.

Little Abbyloni. She was the sole survivor in this litter. was able to get her and her mom to the shelter to find new homes. The mom was pretty anxious. Sometimes I feel like helping these Moms is the bigger deal. The mom was matted and hissed at me a bit.  takes extra care to help them see humans as possibilities. Care and lots of treats. 

Such a cutie.  I had two older litters without Moms to fatten up after this group. The tuxedo litter (or big bang) and then a litter around the holidays. suffered my worst loss on that one. I should have pushed harder sooner. lost sweet Poppers. 

Mentally, I think it was healthy that I could cry over these losses. Working in healthcare for decades, you tend to hold in that pain, and eventually it's internalized. You don't always deal with the losses. You just move on to the next thing. Years of this have probably negatively impacted me. 

So, being able to actually cry over these kitten losses was healthy. 

Missed the window on doing the Portage Lake walk. It was frozen, but not a walk to do alone. It was still frozen when I was out there the other week. big chunks of ice on the edges. uneven. suspect there was thin ice in bits. windy as well. Not worth the risk, though I did see a few folks out there.

This year was the longest I've seen that lake frozen.

Reading, playing games on my phone, I always find ways to stay entertained. My to-do list is always present. I get a few things checked off, but there is always more. Working less means fewer projects get completed. 

knowing our incompetent leaders may get us all killed any day means those projects feel less important. I live within 5 miles of a military base. They fire off a nuke, I'm zapped. Thank you, pedophile supporters.

Our paddle in Gustavus. always nice to be on the water. The only part that sucks is how much time you waste getting instructions.  For others, it's often their first paddle, though. I tend to just play dumb. If I'm asked directly, I will say how much experience I have. 

There were some cool mushrooms out there. Still would like to hit Chicken for fall, maybe Eagle. never been there. I'd also like to get to Yakutat. I have pondered many times a move to Canada. If I were younger, I would pull that trigger for sure.

I'm reminded of Chornobyl. There was a group of older women who refused to leave the area. They stayed and lived peacefully for decades. 

If you survive the blast, maybe you just live it out. 

This is the Fairweather range. only seen in fair weather, thus the name.

trails around the lodge

And trails back in Anchorage.

Another place I want to go is Yakutat. may just toss in a short trek there. I've only landed there on the way to other places.

We had perfect weather for a paddle that day. We just stayed in this bay.

Overall, the trip went well. I am grateful for my adventurous life. So many wait until they retire to do the fun stuff. i feel like i have been able to enjoy adventures throughout my life. 

Sadly, the worst people rise. Being power hungry and greedy can lead to some success. I doubt all that much happiness. added stresses. Having access to all that money is not always the blessing people believe it to be. It comes with added responsibilities. When you can just get what you want, i think some get bored. i mean, normal sex isn't enough, normal adventures not enough. They lose the ability to stop and smell the roses.  Paranoia kicks in. You can't always trust those around you.  They just want to get what they can from you. Most humans just would be happy with the basics, to not have debt weighing them down, to have a safe home, food. if you have loads of money, you better hope you have friends or family or both  who can keep you grounded and humble.

Suspect it just becomes competitive. so much access just causes it's own insanity. It's never enough. 

I've had more than many out there, fewer than many out there. Some of the happiest people out there are living simple lives. I've always believed we, as humans, haven't fully adapted to the new world we have created for ourselves. We were meant to spend the bulk of our time and energy seeking shelter, warmth, food, and water. Being without those tasks means we have to be in our heads more. We don't always do well when we free up our brains. Those who can't cope with the antics of a bored brain create havoc and chaos and wars. some cope by sharing their wealth. others prove they can't cope by destroying others lives in some hope of finding theirs.

grateful for A. winter, it really can be my favorite time of year. the peace, the silence. B. the balance in my life. C. though i often want more money, i'm happy i didn't have to live with some obscene amount of money. just seems way more stressful than it's worth.

babbling because that is my brain

 

It's grey out there right now. I'll head out for a walk in a bit, but delay for a bit. The dogs don't really care when, just that we go. 

We warmed up a bit, 20's-low 30's F. so ice hearts were on hold. melting fast. the temps are cooler, but the days are longer so the hearts start to melt by the afternoon.

still great for photo ops. brightens up the winter days.

this stretch off has been dedicated to Olympic watching. it started with some coverage of the fools from DC with their ICE thugs. there were protests in Italy. thank you. now it's mostly just Olympic coverage. the orange fool trashes any athlete that even hints at being kind to neighbors or speaking out about what is happening. he's the biggest wimp. the males around him are also wimpy and subservient to him, which is ironic since these same men want women to be subservient. they don't see how it looks on them. i have no intention of being subservient. 

there are claims that they have pulled back in Minnesota on their ICE activities. mostly, it appears they have just changed some tactics. for people who want to bypass laws to export people they are now working hard to create more and more concentration camps. they drop people out of detention in the middle of the night at times without their phones or warm clothing. a group works to collect them. there are people looking into woods as well since these asses have been known to drop people out there.

i have backed away more and more from any of his supporters. it's just hard to respect the views that are so destructive and cruel. a guy at work started to talk about how Pretti somehow deserved what he got. i just said, that is just an argument here so i'm walking away.

between covid and the orange fools shenanigans i have backed way off of many in my life.   there was also the cruel and hateful message for me. it was just one of those eye opening moments in life. a very specific apology was fine but it spoke truths. once i left the church, the worse would be assumed of me. no matter who i became i would always be seen as less. after years of killing myself trying to prove my worth,i accepted that my worth is never going to be proven because i simply have no worth after leaving. there are certain things in life where people can apologize but really, they have demonstrated who they really are. you should never allow them back in.

the "forgiveness" is going to be more for your sanity than for any sort of rebuilding.the old forgive and forget is really something pushed by those who need you to forgive and forget so they can keep repeating the bad behaviour. it puts it on the wronged to be the better person over and over, while allowing the one who puts out the negative to just move on. you can't make yourself suffer long so you have to just let it go to a degree but then put up boundaries and make decisions about how much contact you will allow. 

some rough days in these past years but i am grateful because i feel like i'm not in a more happy and peaceful place. 

just need to start planning for this coming summer. road trips mostly. my work weekends fall mostly on the good low tides. may need to expand my vacation ideas.  we shall see. i do enjoy Homer with the dogs.

bear in the  bear tree this last summer

lost this whole litter. fear i'm getting a reputation as a kitten killer.i hope not. no new kittens for a bit. 

fur rondy and iditorod are coming up. break up comes pretty fast after that. the light is lasting longer each day.

mom was ill and babys underweight.

i am getting better prepared and learning more and more about attempting to help these tiny kittens. reading a book about fostering kittens. 

have been enjoying the kitten time despite my failings.  i will always remember Poppers. the things i should have had.  mostly, just being more confident in my gut feelings about their issues.

still want to spend some time in Yakutat. repeats of other places always good too. things different every time you visit a place

things change here so fast you could visit the same place different weeks and the change would be dramatic.

the Epstein/trump files are showing more and more depravity. our rouge leaders are doing all they can to hide and lie about what may be in there.nothing to see here...look at the dow. it would be more ridiculous if there wasn't a percentage of the population who can't be bothered to actually research anything and simply accept what these idiots tell them.

on the plus side, even though our country is refusing to do anything about these pedophile/possible murderers, the rest of the world is starting to step up and do their own investigations.  

justice moves frustratingly slow but you have to have some faith and hope that many will eventually have to pay a price for their behavior and association. in other nations some have lost positions. 

my sweet puppies!

many of these are from a drive to Valdez. always a great road trip

often with a stop at Matanuska Glacier. never get bored of these views.

most of my walks have been in N biv and at the dog park.  a few beach treks though. 

during the warm spell the roads to Manitoba got to be slush/ponds and glare ice. in the end, i opted out of the Manitoba night.  i'm not the best winter road driver. i mean, i have done some scary drives very safely, but it's very anxiety inducing.  you have to decide if the overnight is worth the anxiety and the risk. really just wasn't. i was watching the road conditions and getting myself more and more worked up.semi's were chaining up.if you drive safe and slow, it frustrates other drivers and they can do stupid things. if you don't go for it, you can be viewed as a wimp.  it's like a no win. why can't you drive on bad roads vs why are you driving on bad roads if you aren't skilled enough. in truth, i have driven many hazards and done well. it's honestly, more the anxiety than the skill.

work.  haven't had to work icu or csu lately despite being told it wouldn't be taken off my list. they haven't really set up for me to orient other places. i just work 2 shifts/week.  tried to just alter my attitude. it's just for the insurance. have done a lot of hold days, which is fine.  also pulled a pcu shift with the 5 patients. not a safe staffing ratio. i think i feel like i have told them i don't feel like my skills are at optimal in csu/icu so in my mind, that is documented. it gives me a cushion really. unless you work icu continuously it can be tough to keep up those skills 

forget me not. love these beautiful little flowers.

how Sunny Boy often sleeps in the car at the end of a long drive. doesn't look that comfy but it's what he does.

this below is the top of Thompson Pass.

these dogs have a pretty good life. Ivy Rose turns 10 this week. crazy. i have made an appointment for a swim day Sunday.she always loves that.  her knee has been pretty sore. the one that didn't have surgery i think. 

have been a bit of a hermit of late. it's all overwhelming at times. our government madness and those that support this. it really just makes it tough to get motivated. it's just always there, wearing you down.  something you can't control.  

i will hop in shower after this and get out with the dogs. supposed to snow today. a few flakes have come down. head back to work in a few days. 

my patients seem to appreciate me overall and most of my co-workers as well. the joy of holds is often the annoying patients get rooms and leave. was happy with one very entitled guy who got a room last week. whew! would have been a long night with him. just complaining from the moment i arrived.

was thinking today, watching Olympics, that making the people of different nations not like each other is harder and harder. social media, more access to travel and information.  people have mixed and mingled, married, had kids. those kids are now choosing which nation to do their sport in. previously, you just had no idea who those people were in other nations.  it's just harder to trash others now. unless, of course,  you have put yourself in a bubble.even those people are usually introduced to various people from different walks of life. there are less people who have never met someone a different hue than them or a different sexuality or religion or culture. to still be hateful, takes more work now i think...which is maybe why those that remain hate filled are super hate filled.it takes work and dedication at this point.

this is Valdez as well. so beautiful. 

love the art in the various communities.

Miss Breezy Chatterbug. thin but seems to be doing well. active and happy.

flowers in Valdez near the old community site.a nice place to walk i find

our new favorite place to stay. this cabin in the campground.

also love walking the pipeline to/from Valdez. often loads of wildflowers out there, if you hit it right.

the dogs and i love many breaks on a long drive, and that drive is a long drive.

great views

below is sheep mountains, almost home

out of order, but below is part of the old Valdez community.

sweet sleeping Covid Cat

grateful for: A. peace B. all the adventures,big and small C. the olympics and all the nations coming together to play sports and compete in peace.