trying to find balance these days...

 

a balance of watching the news and avoiding the news. our nation is headed towards a takeover if it's not already gone. will we ever have another election, will it ever be fair or believable? i really do not know. the orange felon is really just signing documents and being a distraction. he's got unelected billionaire stealing our information and doing what, we do not know. he's been allowed to roam freely firing people left and right. the project 2025 folks are busy trying to bring their evil plan in and the followers are only hearing that they are all busy making america great again. our allies are being treated like enemies and our enemies are being treated like our allies. what does rus/put have on these folks, what do they have on each other. it's madness...

the felon screams about taking over greenland and renaming it red,white an blue land, he renamed denali and the gulf of mexico. he's doing away with paper straws. he talking of making canada another state, taking over panama, it's a constant bombardment of insanity. tariffs, words being removed from all government documents, words like diversity, equity, inclusion. 

lawsuits are being filed but how corrupt is our justice system at this point.  hard to know. the gop has totally given up any power to the felon. the felon has given over his power to the billionaire. the cabinet is a shit show of loyalty over intelligence or experience. i'm  not really even touching the surface of the madness.  tiktok was off line for less than 24 hours, when it returnd the ceo was out. he's page no longer said ceo and it appears that the big  billionaire social media guys own it all now.

the billionaire is going after all that have made life difficult for him. USAID, abolished. workers left high and dry. there is no respect or dignity with the firings. ditched in foreign lands. even farmer/ranchers have gotten letters that their contracts/pay may never come. these things they want to abolish to save money are, of course, valuable to the poor and regular folks not to the oligarchy they want to form.  the billionaire did not one but two yahtzee salutes in a speech around the inauguration. of course the right is trying its jan 6 tactics attempting to gaslight us all, like we are insane because we saw what we saw, because, it never happened or we are being crazy and overreactive or it means something completely different than we say. i'm so over the gaslighting. 

many call it an extinction burst.  i've always just called it the final attempt by the religious right to have relevance and power. an extinction burst is rise in unwanted behavior when the reward is no longer given. the reward being relevance and power i guess. the big fight is dei, immigration, womens rights, lgbqt rights...it's all changing as acceptance increases and they are throwing a tantrum...how much damage will the entire nation have to endure before the  burst ends? that is the big question. meanwhile they drone on, crushing the rules and laws and constitution in order to bring in the old ways of life. 

from what i can gather, Ice is the newer version of their force.  much of our police and military do lean right, will anything hold. not sure.  someone from world tok on tik tok was saying how come we aren't all in the streets in mass. they would be. first off, don't guess what would be happening elsewhere.  i'm not sure more protests walks will get through.  a large gathering is honestly just what they want.  the proud boys or supremacists will infiltrate and start shit and next thing you know they get to declare marshall law and make the coup happen faster. also, honestly, these jerks are so isolated in life, the only way you can really hit them is financially. either walk outs of work, very selective buying or not buying.  

during the aids epidemic the lgqbt would protest by day and dance by night.  basically, you can't allow those taking over to steal your joy in life.  you have to keep finding ways to be happy. you also need to find ways to be informed without continuously overwhelming yourself. the other thing with even large protests is even if they happen, what will be covered? how will it be covered.  you have to find other news sources these days. the main media has proven to exaggerate to get ratings, then act like all is normal.  they just talk about their opinions all day. 

how am i coping personally.  it really depends on the day. i get out walking the dogs. Sunny is in a class. the kittens have been a great distraction. they return to the shelter Tuesday. at times i'm angry.  i really have very little patience with those who voted for this. they are doing damage to the most vulnerable. they seem to only care if it harms them more directly. there are some who regret their votes out there, but nobody i really know personally. it seems they only hear what they want to hear, their new sources keep them in this bubble that tells them they are owning the libs, making america great, getting rid of government waste (what they don't get yet is that they, themselves, are the government waste that the billionaires plan to rid themselves of. they want to guy medicaid/medicare/va benefits, social security....

i can't really speak to family at this point, who i suspect support this. how am i supposed to chit chat about the weather and mundane issues when our nation is being permanently damaged. i do tire easy. crash early, sleep late.  read books, watch repeats of tv programs. 

we had a city wide meltdown and then the temps dropped again so i was back to making ice hearts and sending those out there. posting on social media, it did seem to bring some happiness to others out there got mentions on fb, ig and had the ice hearts explode in a group on hearts in nature. 

finished another Kristin Hannah novel and started another novel. last night i finally got brave and hooked up the new computer i purchased before he took control and started these tariff wars, my old computer was purchased back in 2009, it was starting to show some wear and i was getting notices that it wouldn't be updating much more. so i'm currenlty attempting to move my photo's over. i need to move other stuff but it's going to be a process. i  may have to connect up the old computer and attempt to move again to hard drive. 

i was also reading about vertical vs horizontal morality.  it is interesting, a bit scary.  religion lends itself to vertical morality where ultimately all is acceptable as long as there is an authority (ie God) who authorizes it for the good of all i guess. it's where mass murders come from so that is comforting, right? so their morality is vertical and related to a power greater than self.  horizontal morality is more acting based on our personal duties and responsibilities to those around us. laws of rationality and nature.  just all of us out here trying to figure out shit. at first i think we were all in a freeze mode.  bombarded by all this crap, we are still being bombarded but i suspect many of us are coming out a bit and more able to fight back in various ways. not sure how effective any of it will be.  this extinction burst will need to finally play out and i suspect the end will have to come from within the magas. they have to reach a point where the tantrum and hatred are just no longer sustainable.  many have destroyed their relationships with their kids and other family members and friends. many are clueless as to why at this point.  you vote to destroy the lives of all the lgbqt folks in your circle and yet somehow that shouldn't be offensive. like, you are already married so even if they outlaw gay marriage you will be grandfathered in...like that is some solace??? 

they are held together by loyalty and hate.  the last run there was so much infighting.  there may be less this time but still it's a cluster.  

meanwhile, other than not shopping much, being more selective about what you do shop for, writing letters, making calls and in my mind... not making people comfortable with their decisions. i feel we made them too comfortable.  now i'll just say, you voted on the same side as the kkk.  make them own it.  do not make it about the felon, make it about them, make them own everything that is happening.  a trans person was held hostage for a month in NY until they died from the torture and were dumped, another trans person committed suicide wrapped in a lgqbt flag or a trans flag...it's on them. the information was there and they refused to look at it or believe it.  i will not be gaslit anymore.  this is on them, each and every bad thing that happens, make them feel uncomfortable. make them feel the pain they are forcing on others.  when bad things happen to them because of this make sure they know exactly that this is what they voted for. not once, not twice, but 3 times. 

when their disabled grandkid loses services, you voted for this, when someone they love needs an emergent abortion for a miscarriage, they voted for this.  be clear, be calm but be truthful. when food prices are soaring because they have supported ice raids, its on them.  they chose the wrong side of history.  they would have turned in Anne Frank, not hidden her. they would turn me in. when people show you who they are believe them.  all the years hoping they would get it, they never did. so i'm mad at times, but also calmer this time i think because i no longer have false hopes that get dashed each time some crazy executive order is put out there and they are still on the side of the kkk and project 25. also i tried, i voted against this...

sorry to ramble, it's been a bit since i wrote anything. partly because i was in my own freeze with all of this, but also i wanted to get the computer up and it was just another stress i wasn't ready to deal with. fear of losing all the information.  the other day it occurred to me that i could plug it in and down load the old computer to a hard drive or i could take it to best buy and they could do it for me. eventually, stuff will get moved over and if not, the world doesn't end really. 

i have no idea what will happen with fish and game and the walrus sanctuary.  we normally go to REI for a lecture....i suspect their board has been corrupted as well since they sent out a letter approving of the cabinet pick by the felon. many are avoiding REI now.  also, Round Island was already defunded, on Valentines the federal government via the billionaire unelected jerk was gutted of many workers.  a lot of newer hires not yet in the federal union i think. also seasonal workers, temp workers so i do not know what that will mean.  hopefully, speak to fish and game this next week.  

we have an overnight camp out with friends coming up. gotta do my schedule tomorrow so i need to look at tides and plan some outings to Homer. the dogs love the beach as do i. 

still a lot to do in the office after getting new computer up.  trying to figure it out.  clean up.  set up the printer that i also purchased. 

the kittens are all doing great.  the smallest one is almost at 1 1/2 pounds.  they have had several visitors. i think everyone enjoyed bottle feeding them when they were tiny. i really wasn't sure if the smallest, Squeaker, would make it. they are thriving. the spare room has been taken over by active kittens. i can hear them running around and pouncing when i am downstairs. who knew kittens under 2 pounds could make that much noise. it's crazy really. so the names we came up with Shermie the tank, Halfie, Sassy and Squeaker.  i have scratches all over from them using me as a cat scratch post. climbing me. they are wild and then that fast they fall back to sleep. 

our temps have warmed again. i have been back to work post op.  doing well, back to normal.  i have had a lot of sitter shifts.  they pay me the same. i was thinking today i should get a job at costco.  i think they have costco's in Canada, perhaps i could transfer and just leave this country.  i do love Alaska though.  not sure they'd want an old gal like me though.  haha. 

gotta put the trash and recycling out.  regular life carries on despite the disaster our nation is.  folks like myself will generally get through it is the truth.  it's a matter of if you have compassion for those who will struggle more with what these fuctards will do. who you are at the core will be made known by how you treat the least of these, right.  Christianity is making itself obsolete because they have lost their way.  churches hoard money and spend it on pomp and circumstance over helping those less fortunate.  the newer christians seem to equate financial success with worthiness. god blesses you financially. it was one of the many things about the mormon church that caused me to walk away.  there were so many issues with the mormon church.  most evangelicals do not see mormons as real christians.  the gop will battle it out and the christians will battle it out.  what will they teach the children, certainly not scientology and jehoval witness and mormon stuff.  the writing is there, it's not going to end will for them at all. unfortunately we all have to suffer. 

many were sure that i would fall in love with the kittens and keep them.  they will return though.  i've had a lot of animals to care for.  that is not sustainable for me really.  i do like road trips and getting out.  i had 5 cat litter boxes and 9 animals to care for. hoarder houses are often a mess of cat shit and piss.  not really my desired life style.  they are adorable and i have fallen in love with all of them.  i hope they find great homes. i did my part. figure i could do this once or twice a year, during the winter months.  

having to sign in to everything all over again with the new computer. pictures didn't load as they did before, we will see if this saves and publishes as it did. always a risk changing over to the new computer.  not as bad as it used to be. they don't even have a crew that comes to your house, the geek squad, anymore. 

had my eval at work the other day. i'm average. the system is set up to keep us all mostly average. makes it easier to get rid of use. so far we have a union but the felon and his shadow government want to do away with unions so they can have a more desperate labor force. 

Sunny is doing great in his classes so far.  such a good boy. he's a star in class. the strange family that came to the first class have never showed up again. he did get to chase a bull moose the other week. 

we may get snow this week.  they have said that a lot though and we have gotten little more than dustings of late.  the wild ice skaters have been thrilled. Portage Lake froze, at least mostly, for a brief period.  someone did fall through and someone captured a large calving of the glacier which sent impressive waves under the ice, causing many to scramble to safety on the rocks and a few to have to be rescued from those rocks. there is always risk skating/walking/whatever in the wild.  mostly, nothing happens. that is life in general. we worry more than we need to. there are always those who end up not worrying enough though and there is pain/suffering and death.  the novel i was reading was set in Leningrad during Stalins time. a cruel dictator. suffering, starving, disappearances.  it's always amazing that one person can cause such pain in such a large place.  i think of that with the US. it just seems so huge, how could you possibly control us all.  it happens though. 

well, hopefully this works. i am still grateful for things in my life.  it's always good to remember all the things that we have even as we are worried about all that we may lose. 1. that the kittens are doing great and i had something to do with that. 2. that the ice hearts brought joy to others which brought me joy. as i pulled the dogs off trail by a heart while bikers rode past today i heard one mention the many hearts around town to the other bikes.  didn't hear it all as they were riding past but it was clear, it was making people happy.  3. that eventually, history moves on and horrible people die.  

the New Year has begun...

 

seemed like a good day to play catch up again. 

recovery is going well. you get anxious those first weeks worried about complications like clots, infections and that sort of thing. getting further away from the surgery so i am feeling good about it all. still get a twinge on occasion as i heal and for sure get tired more quickly than previous. 

i'm only off work until the 10th so time is flying by way too quickly. i have enjoyed this time to heal both physically and mentally i think. its been good for me. 

since surgery i have only taken 2 days off of walking.  mostly i have stuck to wide open, more flat trails. the last week i have ventured off to some side trails. it's still pretty icy out, i have cleats on all the time out there though. no falls. 

have been making some ice hearts as it's been lower temps this past week or so. i haul 2-3 hearts on my walks to leave out in the woods. last Monday walk my friends also carried hearts so we were able to get quite a few out at North Bivouac trail. i have also dropped hearts at University Lake now. 

someone messaged me a post on a fat tire group. they had taken a photo of one of my hearts, it was back lit as it was dark out and it sure looked pretty.  they were very excited with the find. great to have some positive feedback. much of these sort of things you never know if it brings smiles to anyone.  i loved a quote years ago, "practice random acts of kindness and senseless beauty". this is one of the ways you do that...still fun to get feedback. got more at the dog park the other day as i was putting one of the hearts that had fallen back up. i was spotted doing this and they spoke of how much they were enjoying the other hearts. 

i did post photos of the hearts on an Alaskan group. it was well received as well. so every morning i pull the hearts that froze the previous day out and start over. i'd gotten a few bouquets after surgery so i have added the plant material to the hearts as they wilt away. turned out really pretty and a fun way to extend the flowers.  thanks for the bouquets  AR and CB!

New years Eve day i ended up picking up a Mama cat and her 4 kittens from the shelter to foster. Miss Sophia is very mellow. her kittens are 14 days old at this point. they've all got a little cold bug but hoping they heal quickly from that. not sure how long i will have them. the kittens longer they say, until they are over 1.5 pounds. not sure how long it takes kittens to get that big. fun to get my kitten fix and help out at the same time. the other pets are jealous and attentive when i go to the spare room where they are living at this time. otherwise, all is going fine. 

i have never heard so many fireworks as i heard that night. seems everyone in every neighborhood in Anchorage had spent a wad of money on fireworks. they started early and went on until  very late. in addition to the fireworks we were gifted with an incredible aurora light display. so beautiful. my pups were barking a lot and anxious. Ivy was doing the barking and Sunny Boy was just panting.  tried keeping tv up loud and even putting headphones on the dogs.  we were all very tired yesterday though. the foster cat was chill every time i checked on her. so anyone looking for a chill, sweet girl.  she will eventually be available at the shelter. 

had to laugh as so many people have said one reason they voted for the idiot was because of the high cost of eggs...clearly not that big of an issue since so many had loads of spare cash to spend on fireworks. 

we are weeks away from the idiot taking over again.  the wealthiest man in the world has bought his way into the position with trump doing as he  is told by Musk.  i do not look forward to the mess that our nation will be over the next 4 years and the decades it will take to sort it all out. i will likely be dead before this country gets to the other side of this mess. 

i mostly just avoid the news.  will enjoy tiktok for quick updates until that goes away from the ban. if it does. i get the bullet points. a nut job drove his car through a crowd New Years and killed 10, injured many more.  he then got out and started shooting before being killed. another guy blew up a tesla in front of a trump hotel. this stuff is just the norm now.  thank you gop for making it so easy for people to kill. 

the holidays were pretty subdued for me.  a few calls, a few messages. nothing much. the dogs enjoyed opening their gifts. walks, naps, dogs, friends mostly. 

as a singleton the holidays can be rough or chill.  it really just depends on my state of mind and the year. this year, the holidays just came and went. 

the hospital i work for gave us each a $25 gift card for groceries...of course, this is the exact same amount that we have received for over 10 years, meaning the actual value goes down every year.  not to be ungrateful but i am feeling pretty ungrateful. they have done very little to entice people to stay...and i think this happens all over. this nation just has zero appreciation for workers. 

when i first went into nursing they did a good job convincing us that we were viewed as professionals.  that just isn't the case really. we are low level workers in every way. they demand us behave like professionals but treat us like fast food workers. not to disparage fast food workers. we all deserve better but if these companies have any interest in patient safety they would be wise to treat their core workers better.  i'll be out soon though but i do hope for better for the nursing coming in to the job. 

as i said, i doubt i will live to see the better America so many of us envision.  i do hope it happens.  at this point we are clearly and quickly becoming a corporate ran oligarchy. the rich keep getting richer and sadly the bulk of them have no limit to how much money they want and desire while millions suffer more and more. i am grateful for each wealthy person who gives a good chunk of their money to others.  there are celebrities that do more for mankind than the churches that is for sure.  

the church i was raised in is one of the wealthiest churches out there. 250 billion dollars and i do not believe that includes all the land they own, which they are also one of the largest land owners. they only give less than 1% to help and much of that is bull shitted by keeping track of members volunteer hours and putting a price on that and calling that their donation to society.  they also, no doubt, run the money from this light the world campaign through an llc/nonprofit so that they get credit for those donations. prove me wrong please. i have read the books.  this is not at all what the teachings they supposedly follow of Jesus preach.  Jesus, his message, was very much against wealth and was very much for taking care of those who are poor and in need.  these churches are so far removed from the message. 

they have tax exempt status and take full advantage of that by hoarding money and land. 

i heard all my life that the government doesn't need to help the needy, that should come from churches and non-profits...from the same people who support churches that hoard the money and refuse to call out their church and then vote against the government using tax dollars to help....thus the poor and needy get nothing and the churches and wealthy just get wealthier. the system is totally screwed up. 

i signed up Sunny Boy for some adult dog training. will be fun and get me more motivated i think. i just have to get no sleep every other sunday a few weeks. 

these pictures are all local hikes and rambles. 

these are out at Byron. very little glacier left up there

the rest of these are from this December. 

we had some nice ice crystals at the beginning of the month. then a little snow.  now just cold so the crystals are forming again. i was happy to not have the dumps of snow of the last 2 years, mostly because post op i couldn't have shoveled so that has saved me. 

i always love the various crystals.  ice can show up in so many shapes and forms. it's beautiful really. 

i'll head out walking with the dogs here soon. i try to walk and then do some sort of errand or fun thing.  that has been the plan these past several weeks. 

yesterday was just the walk since new years eve wore us all out. i felt like i had a hangover despite not drinking a thing. 

as i said, only 2 days i haven't walked since surgery.  

i hear little kitten mews.  they will grow up so fast.  i had them out a bit ago.  one kitten was climbing on  my legs. 

may change the Skellys to a Valentines theme so the hearts will look cute with it. 

will sort out where to walk here in a bit.  was going to try oceanview bluff park a few weeks back but it was pretty ice covered and seemed silly that close to post op. we've only had a dusting of snow 

Sunny dressed up for the cold. i have wanted to give them a bath so i can give him a clip. too cold for them to be a little wet driving home. 

figured it was too much work...soon though.  i'll hit the monster wash.  

haven't done this trail yet post op.  too big of hills, again, soon.  i'll have to get myself cleared to return to work next week. 

the dogs could care less where we go to play in the woods, they just want to be out there. 

it's been nice when friends have joined us on the walks.  mostly it's been us though. 

dropped a few ashes early in December. 

maybe i'll start getting a few more things done this week. 

i'll keep making ice hearts and leaving those until it snows or warms up

will check in with kitten updates, feel free to stop by and get your kitten fix. it's good for them to get handled.

snack time then walk time i think. 

no goals for the new year yet.  i'm not the big goal maker i guess. i just do stuff. 

my actual goals are pretty small. be happy, find your peace, enjoy nature.  stuff that is just part of life. mostly be grateful for each day and every joy that comes your way. 

Happy New Year to all...

grateful for A. continued healing B. making people smile C. the comfort of pets and people who accept me for who i am.