another litter have all found homes since last i wrote

Had a few more trips to Homer. It's easy and beautiful there. Adjusted my schedule to hit some low tides. The trip after I last blogged, I was texted by animal control with another litter. I took in Amora and her 4 adorable kittens. dropped them back off when I was headed for the next trip to Homer. 

It's been a cooler year with rain or clouds often in the morning. Some clearing by evening. The wildflowers are popping out, and even the fireweed is starting to grow. The lupine and many other flowers are a bit behind schedule. 

The crew was so cute, and a few were especially snuggly. The mom immediately got diarrhea and vomiting. Got right on them, and the shelter staff even gave me instructions and supplies to do SQ fluids. Amora looked thin and was thin.   3 days of SQ fluids and she did start to perk up. A few kittens also got some fluids. Just tiny Clubbies was slightly underweight when I took them back, was headed to Homer again though. Clubbies got a home first, and the others soon followed. Amora, the mom, had to have her milk supply dry up so she could get spayed. She found a home within a few days, though. So sweet. Great to have success with these litters. You really get attached fast. Miss Clubbies and Bondii both wanted to eat solids from my lap for the longest time.

Named the kittens after a TV show in Australia I've been watching reels of. A reality show about the lifeguards at Bondi Beach.

Always love my Homer low tides. This last trip, we took a water taxi over to explore a new spot to beach comb.  Lots of seaweed but still fun to see new stuff and explore a bit. I was nervous about loading and unloading the dogs as the first boat did not have a front loader. We arrived at the beach, and they pulled out a ladder. Sunny jumped off the bow onto the beach. Ivy is a bit older and has bad knees. The owner of Mako's had joined us and he kindly got Ivy safely to ground. The return boat had a front loader, so we could just walk on.

Usually get 15,000-20,000 steps a day on these trips. 

Tomorrow I head to Valdez for a few nights. The little cabin i love at the KOA wasn't available, but we will stay in a big tent already set up that has cots. I've done that before. Not as good as the little cabin, but it's just 2 nights. The week after I will make another run to Homer for another low tide.  Maybe we will do the hike to the glacier or go to Seldovia to walk. we shall see. depends on tide times

Should do some bigger adventures, I think. So far this is working. it's all pretty. Fun to just get out and explore. 

Work, well, I'm always pondering when to retire.  The health insurance is my biggest concern. They put me in ICU again. When I asked the staffing people, they said I had been removed from the ICU list. They returned with putting me with step-down patients. The next night, CSU. The next week, back in ICU but now with "stable" patients. The thing with that is that if those step down or ICU patients become unstable, they will not trade out assignments. It's too difficult, as you'd have to move patients around in that unit. If I transfer out a step-down patient, I will be expected to take whatever ICU patient comes. In the meantime, the last time I worked there was in December, I think. It stresses me out to be guilted at 5-10 minutes before shift starts to take assignments i am no longer comfortable with. It feels like bullying at some level. The unit already has your name to come help, and now you are putting everyone in a terrible position at the last minute. It's not fair to me or to them. 

By morning, I had a tension headache with nausea. Called out. These units are literally making me ill. I wrote a note at like 3 am to the management team. Hoping this helps.

I wish ICU had not become a source of such stress, but I am hypervigilant when I am there. I do fine, but at what cost, really. At this time, the cost is mine and somewhat my coworkers, who have to support me more than they should. Do not wish to stay in ICU longer than i should and have to be made to leave. I've seen that happen. ICU is just not a place where you can be less than 100%, and I do not feel 100%. I simply do not work enough hours there to stay confident and skilled. No amount of healthstreams can make up for lack of time at the bedside

Having worked ICU for over 20 years, I do believe I've earned a break from it, and I also believe that I can still be an asset.  I may still just retire if I can find reasonable coverage. Sadly, this nation values its workers so little. Values all its people so little. the corruption and greed is so out of control. 

We just had 250 years this fourth. I did nothing to celebrate really. It was fireworks for 2 nights in a row until well after 1 in the morning. Ivy stayed close, but poor Sunny Boy was panting and clinging tightly to me. Last night he tried to fit himself in a small space. I got him back on the bed and under the covers to snuggle.  Nothing to celebrate in my mind. We are headed in a terrible direction. white supremacists gathered in DC to celebrate and protest. 

Bears are in the neighborhood. It was tipping trashcans and pooped in my front yard, brat! I'll put his poop at the top of my trash in the can. I tend to layer my trash. Anything that smells interesting to a bear gets layered under cat litter or yard clippings or dog poop. I also have a bungee cord that I release before they do their pick up. Hoping that bear leaves the garbage tomorrow. Trash bears are often killed. not a good habit. Saw one a week or so ago strolling down Tudor Rd.  

I need to do more packing. I've done so many trips over the years that I generally can toss stuff together fast. Texted Bill at the glacier. Haven't heard from him. may have to just call. Always love to stop there at the Matanuska Glacier to let the dogs play in the kettle ponds.

Lots of lawn mowing. Things grow crazy fast up here in the summers. I have many lazy feeling days, but I do get walks in. Try to head to different trails. Yesterday I headed to Powerline to explore the flowers.  Last month I checked out Barbara Falls in Eagle River and Thunderbird Falls. I kept hearing about Barbara falls but I finally located it and went to see it. will have to add it to the list of good spots.

Went to Potters Marsh yesterday as well. There is a pair of Sandhill Cranes that have a little baby there, called a colt. I did get lucky and caught a glimpse of it. Will have to look on the big camera. The swans also have 4 babies, called cygnets.

Rainbow with my flowers in boots. So cute.

The dogs do not actually care where we go.  Often we just go to Campbell Airstrip or the dog park at University Lake.  As long as we get out walking, I feel good. It's easy to get lazy. In the summer, friends tend to scatter. It can feel a bit lonely. Be lonely and do it anyway. feel uncomfortable and do it anyway.

You do get more used to not being invited, never fully used to it though. Feelings still get hurt at times. That is the trade off. In general, I'd say single life has worked out well for me. I suspect there are far more people who are surrounded by people who they feel lonely around. Having a spouse and/or kids is no guarantee that you won't feel lonely. 

As a kid i was surrounded by people and felt so alone. Its worse to feel overlooked. 

Sweet Amora.  

She got pretty thin and weak. It was getting tough for her to feed these little guys. So happy we were able to get her feeling better.

I turned 62 in May. There were no plans made, no cake. My Birthday often falls on/near the Memorial Day holiday so over the years it's eclipsed. Better this than Christmas, I'm sure, though. Spoke with people who called. It's just a strange thing, Birthdays. I have no idea how to deal with attention directed at me. Never really learned to embrace that. It just felt abnormal. A Birthday feels like some obligation. 

You really do want to be noticed, to get that attention, but you have no clue how to enjoy it. It just feels awkward. 

A few are starting to talk of planning vacations here next year. Until tickets are bought, I generally wait a bit. Alaska is one of those places people speak of going to, but when it gets closer, there are things that prevent it. We get enough patients in to see that health is not always a hindrance to travel plans. Come die in Alaska. It happens. You may as well leave the planet doing your dream trip rather than leaving it wishing you had tried to take that dream trip.

Everything is green. Missing my kitten time already. They tried, I think, but I have little trips planned in the summer. It was never my intention to give those up for kitten care. You have to set boundaries for yourself in life. All aspects. I really appreciate that the shelter doesn't try to guilt me into skipping trips. They have tried to work with me. 

Look at these sweet faces! 

They change so quickly; it's so fun to watch their skills improve. 

here is Clubbies hitting 1 pound. 

my cat is well over 1 pound. 

kittens are the best!

Work the next 3 weekends to get that Homer trip in. A bit of driving.  The roads seem to have been especially dangerous this summer. be careful out there.

Clubbies had extra toes. 

Saw this mom with her calf near Kincaid

In other news, the Element has moved to a new home. As much as I loved the car, it deserved to be given the love it needed. I'm not wealthy enough to keep up on the maintenance an old car needs, nor am I capable of doing the work myself. She is getting spruced up. It just didn't make sense to have her anymore. I think I understand my Dad selling his 1964 1/2 Ford Mustang more now. Probably in the same boat. How it works for me is you are either making a car payment, or you are spending money repairing an older car. I'd rather have a newer car that I can depend on. 

She was a great car and I hope she makes her new humans happy.

Chappo, really got into his feeds. 

Tamarama, Bondii and Clubbies.

i'm sure i missed stuff. that is the latest catch up.  grateful for A. these fast summers and all the changes week to week. B. another successful litter C. another fun trip coming up. i better run prep!
 

nearly a month and the hell continues

 

These are a mixture from late summer/fall. a trip to Glacier Bay/Gustavus. rain forest. forest covered in green. 

a beautiful new clan house. 

mushrooms,of course. That is fall. i enjoy all of it. angers me that the idiots in charge of our nation have now started a global war. We were all raised with sympathy for Israel. Sadly, their leadership has opted to take advantage of the decades of sympathy/empathy and instead have gathered money and support from leadership in this country and others, I suppose. Most of those in our Congress have taken money from them and now seem to be beholden to them. They finally found an idiot willing to charge into Iran. Their first acts were to kill the person in power in Iran (apparently no loss), but they also bombed a girls school. Over 150 young girls and teachers are dead. We are the terrorists, it turns out. 

The idiots in charge are, in many cases, Christian Nationalists.  They are attempting to usher in a holy war, to, I guess, convince Jesus to return. It's been over 2000 years, and still no return. ridiculousness, really, but here we are. They had a meeting with the military, where they claimed the pedophile at the top was anointed by God. Wish people would wake up to the absurdity of it all. Again, here we are, though. 

saw a comedian on TikTok. he was joking that if Jesus had returned, he's already locked up in a psych ward. That is a common psych issue, people claiming to be God or Jesus or some other religious figure. We had a patient the other week screaming that she was God. It's very common. In truth, any God I read about in the scriptures would not respond well to all these fools thinking they are going to get lifted to heaven to sit and watch people like me suffer and burn up. like some sort of entertainment. Quite frankly, that desire would, itself, be disqualifying for entry to heaven, I think. 

I keep doing my life and trying to distance myself from the hell of the news. a balance of staying somewhat informed without making anxiety soar. longer days and a nice snow pack have made for great walking these past weeks. ice hearts start to melt a bit in the long days, so I think those are done.

I enjoyed some of the Fur Rondy events. hit the native craft fair, the snow sculptures, and watched some of the dog sled sprint races. 

This past weekend I got up to see the ceremonial start of the Iditarod in town.  It was a heavy snow, but always magical. The winner is not in Nome yet. usually around next Tuesday. The same guy is in the lead as last year at the moment. His name is Jessie Holmes. He's on a reality TV show, I think. Close behind is Paige Drobny. i really hope she catches him.  we are long overdue for a woman to win.

3 women in top ten at the moment.

Some of these are walks around Anchorage, and others are from Gustavus.

The Iditarod added a wealthy white guy class, called the Expedition class. They pay a bunch of money to run the Iditarod non-competitively. They are not allowed to win the race and travel with a guide, a vet and crew. They are clamping and are fed, all on their dime. They can trade out dogs for fresh legs. They have their own planes out there. I was confused when I saw Jeff King at the Ceremonial start with a team. He's a guide, though.  They are taking their time. more like a party event, it seems it was when it started. That would be the way to do the thing for a wimp like me. More have climbed Everest than run the Iditarod, so, of course, it is a thing to do. They get a finisher's belt buckle. can't interfere with the actual race. Their cash flow increased the payout for the winner, and I believe, decreased the entry fee. One gave hundreds of thousands. So good for the overall run to Nome. They have lost sponsorship, and PETA has been on a mission.

The back of the pack has one of my favorites this year. I believe Jody Potts-Joseph is the first native female to run the Iditarod. She lives in Eagle, outside of Chicken. has 5 kids i think. Her one daughter rode the back sled going through Anchorage. She is a model, beautiful woman. The dogs were all decked out in handmade native coats. quite the sight.

I suppose I could have put Iditarod pictures in here. Sorry. 

Work continues. Hard to really think about retirement when the pedophile and pedophile protectors start wars. haven't looked at the retirement account. It will be depressing to watch all my money slip away. all because of this idiot and the absolute fools who triple trumped. 

I am managing my 2 shifts a week better. I believe they are trying to not put me in ICU/CSU. I have been getting my hours. peds, pcu, picu, holds ER and straight ER. Also, a few sitter gigs in there. Nobody ever gave me a minimum number of units I had to have listed. Nobody ever offered to cross-train me anywhere new. So for the moment, I'm just putting my head down and seeing how long I last and how long they last with me working less units.

For sure, the stress levels are down, not going to those more critical units. I walk away knowing I'm still capable but just done with it. Continue to peek to see if there is another job out there. Currently, I have a lot of control over my schedule and work the 2 shifts/week. Not sure I would get that anywhere else. Better the hell I know. I do not think I will last here until I turn 65. I do know I could figure it out if needed. I could book, take retirement. 

dinner/coffee/walks with friends over the past month. Also, a few hockey games. always fun. Our annual trip to Manitoba yurts was a bit of a bust. The road conditions were very questionable. ended up too stressful for me to risk it. we do have our Tonsina trip at the end of April. I'll have to look at a water taxi for us. I also booked a hotel for Homer in April for a low tide. 

I'm up for Jury duty at the end of March. Oh boy! My number is 10 so I suspect I will be called up. 

No new litters of kittens yet.  It's been a bit. Part of me fears I'm getting a reputation for being a kitten killer, and they don't want to risk kittens on me. Of course, we are always harder on ourselves than others are on us. I do want to try to make a little tip sheet for potential kitten fosters. My sweet friend N, mentioned that I wasn't given the tools, and I did the best I could. Better to see if I can give some tools to the future fosters. It would have been helpful. 

It is a strange balance.  Some people have kitten incubators, tube feed and give SQ fluids. I'm not sure how much is really expected of the average foster. My guess is that the Shelter is just grateful to have any foster that is willing to try their best. 

I do add equipment and skills. Just thought a list of basics may help the next fosters have a better chance of not suffering from the losses I have. I need to remind myself to focus on all the successes I've had. Kittens that are now in homes. have been reading a book written by a person who basically does this professionally at this point. She is currently, tube feeding a kitten with a cleft palate and did a lot of extra work on a hairless kitten that happened in a litter. that kitten eventually was euthanized over making it suffer more.

As a vet friend says, there isn't a shortage of kittens. I tend to believe it may be best to focus on kittens with the best chance of survival. people do love an underdog (or underkitten?). 

these are back in Gustavus.  I was excited to see the mushrooms. I wasn't as crazy about them when I lived in Southeast. silly me. 

bills paid for the month. For sure, money is tighter only working 2 shifts/week. Mentally, it was needed.

Little Abbyloni. She was the sole survivor in this litter. was able to get her and her mom to the shelter to find new homes. The mom was pretty anxious. Sometimes I feel like helping these Moms is the bigger deal. The mom was matted and hissed at me a bit.  takes extra care to help them see humans as possibilities. Care and lots of treats. 

Such a cutie.  I had two older litters without Moms to fatten up after this group. The tuxedo litter (or big bang) and then a litter around the holidays. suffered my worst loss on that one. I should have pushed harder sooner. lost sweet Poppers. 

Mentally, I think it was healthy that I could cry over these losses. Working in healthcare for decades, you tend to hold in that pain, and eventually it's internalized. You don't always deal with the losses. You just move on to the next thing. Years of this have probably negatively impacted me. 

So, being able to actually cry over these kitten losses was healthy. 

Missed the window on doing the Portage Lake walk. It was frozen, but not a walk to do alone. It was still frozen when I was out there the other week. big chunks of ice on the edges. uneven. suspect there was thin ice in bits. windy as well. Not worth the risk, though I did see a few folks out there.

This year was the longest I've seen that lake frozen.

Reading, playing games on my phone, I always find ways to stay entertained. My to-do list is always present. I get a few things checked off, but there is always more. Working less means fewer projects get completed. 

knowing our incompetent leaders may get us all killed any day means those projects feel less important. I live within 5 miles of a military base. They fire off a nuke, I'm zapped. Thank you, pedophile supporters.

Our paddle in Gustavus. always nice to be on the water. The only part that sucks is how much time you waste getting instructions.  For others, it's often their first paddle, though. I tend to just play dumb. If I'm asked directly, I will say how much experience I have. 

There were some cool mushrooms out there. Still would like to hit Chicken for fall, maybe Eagle. never been there. I'd also like to get to Yakutat. I have pondered many times a move to Canada. If I were younger, I would pull that trigger for sure.

I'm reminded of Chornobyl. There was a group of older women who refused to leave the area. They stayed and lived peacefully for decades. 

If you survive the blast, maybe you just live it out. 

This is the Fairweather range. only seen in fair weather, thus the name.

trails around the lodge

And trails back in Anchorage.

Another place I want to go is Yakutat. may just toss in a short trek there. I've only landed there on the way to other places.

We had perfect weather for a paddle that day. We just stayed in this bay.

Overall, the trip went well. I am grateful for my adventurous life. So many wait until they retire to do the fun stuff. i feel like i have been able to enjoy adventures throughout my life. 

Sadly, the worst people rise. Being power hungry and greedy can lead to some success. I doubt all that much happiness. added stresses. Having access to all that money is not always the blessing people believe it to be. It comes with added responsibilities. When you can just get what you want, i think some get bored. i mean, normal sex isn't enough, normal adventures not enough. They lose the ability to stop and smell the roses.  Paranoia kicks in. You can't always trust those around you.  They just want to get what they can from you. Most humans just would be happy with the basics, to not have debt weighing them down, to have a safe home, food. if you have loads of money, you better hope you have friends or family or both  who can keep you grounded and humble.

Suspect it just becomes competitive. so much access just causes it's own insanity. It's never enough. 

I've had more than many out there, fewer than many out there. Some of the happiest people out there are living simple lives. I've always believed we, as humans, haven't fully adapted to the new world we have created for ourselves. We were meant to spend the bulk of our time and energy seeking shelter, warmth, food, and water. Being without those tasks means we have to be in our heads more. We don't always do well when we free up our brains. Those who can't cope with the antics of a bored brain create havoc and chaos and wars. some cope by sharing their wealth. others prove they can't cope by destroying others lives in some hope of finding theirs.

grateful for A. winter, it really can be my favorite time of year. the peace, the silence. B. the balance in my life. C. though i often want more money, i'm happy i didn't have to live with some obscene amount of money. just seems way more stressful than it's worth.