mostly bears...

 felt worse today so i headed to urgent care to get started on a z-pack.  i'm about to take my tussinex so i can rest.  last night i felt a bit loopy on the stuff.  i'm clearly a lightweight.  it makes me a bit floppy.  just take it at night though for the most part.  not something i'd drive on.  throat is sore, the ibuprofen helps with that. the strangest thing is that my eyes are all crusty with yellow drainage.  so freaky.  i did feel better as my sister said a few of her grandkids got this with their last bug too.  i'd never gotten that before.  i've been putting cool compresses on my face tonight while i rest.

 called out sick.  seemed the rational thing to do.  i spent way too many years going in to work at jobs when i was obviously too ill and shouldn't have worked.  there can be pressure to be at work.  you can get in trouble for not coming in when you are sick but if  you come in sick people aren't happy either.  i find i'm the one that puts the most pressure on myself to try and make it to work even though i'm sick.  sometimes i think that stems from issues with self esteem.  you truely are sick and deserve to rest and take a day to heal...sometimes you just don't feel worthy of taking care of yourself if that makes any sense.

 we were encouraged though to not call out.  as a kid we either had to have a fever or be actively puking to be allowed to stay home.  i remember these two guys visiting me when i was sick...now i wonder if they weren't some sort of fever induced hallucination that repeated itself over my childhood.  no lie, these same two men, one short and fat and the other tall and skinny would come and torment me as i lay sick in bed as a kid.  they would taunt me by saying things about me not being really sick, lying.  don't worry, i haven't seen them for decades.

 the worst part of being sick for me is being alone.  don't know that i have much of a support group here locally.  i only heard from people because i reached out for them.  that sucks.  when i'm sick, i totally miss having people. i know soon i'll feel  better and i'll be back to the usual independant me.  i'm sure some of it is me.  i loved that movie, "the doctor".  it's pretty old now.  but he gets cancer and befriends a girl who has cancer as well.  before she passes away she writes him a letter.  she tells a story.  basically, the gist is that for years he'd held people at arms length and now that he needed people he needed to learn how to let his arms down and let people in.

 i think i do that.  i have this "i'm so independant" attitude that eventually nobody thinks i could possibly need them.  when the time comes that i do need people i don't know how to let them in.  i don't know how to ask.  really all i would like is for someone to just text me on occasion and ask how  i am.  no grand gesture, but to be home alone sick and have no contact from a soul unless i reach out is a bit disheartening.

 the people at the clinic were helpful and nice.  i went to an urgent care out off of dimond.  it was a long drive, but i'd rather drive a bit and get better service.  the mornings are the worst.  i didn't get there until almost 1.  then i took blossom for a short walk out in north bivouac.  then over to carrs to get cold meds, some food and fill the rx.

 mostly i'm just weak.  today was the first day i felt short of breath.  not bad and all my vitals were good.  i think all that walking and the swimming as well give me a good cushion lung wise.  it's been the goal.  it's what keeps me doing those things.  i need to get back to free weights once i'm feeling better.  i totally need to shape up and tone up a bit.

 it was fun watching these bears yesterday.  mentally i need to get out.  the dogs and walking is good for that.  the cold air is good for my lungs and i know i cough up crap by taking those deep breaths that come from exercise.

 so i think when i'm sick for several days i always have a meltdown day.  i think today was my meltdown, feel badly for myself day.  hopefully, the z-pack starts kicking in and i start to feel a bit better tomorrow.

 the coughing may not be too much better, we shall see.

 they were out on my street pretty early clearing snow.  too early for me to attempt photo's..still a bit dark out.  my neighbor parks her car so that it's butt end is out in the street.  the bummer part about this is that my driveway doesn't get cleared like it should when the street guys come by.  it's almost spring so not worth complaining about i guess.  just a wee bit annoying.  now i will have more to shovel that i think the big trucks would have gotten.

 love when the bears roll over like this...so adorable!

 these must be backwards or he flipped again.  doubt this little bear could really take him so he must just be having fun out there.

 i think she's doing a little bow, like the dogs do. cute!

 still gotta do my dang taxes.  so slow this year.  i'm a bit behind on everything. gotta get my nome trip planned as well.  this past 6 day stretch off was pretty useless due to being sick.

 natalie posted a short speech by a new york senator, diane savino.  gives you some hope for politics.  i liked the stuff she said.  it was about equality in marriage.  she discussed gay marriage and how it's not about politics it's about fairness and equality.

 she talked about peoples concerns about gay marriage taking a bite out of what they consider to be the sanctity of marriage.  she pointed out the divorce rates, the silly tv shows about marriage...how heterosexuals are the ones who seem to be destroying the sanctity of marriage.  she said it all much better than i am.  it was stuff i tend to think, but said in a way that made sense.

 there is nothing to fear from love and commitment, in fact there is much to learn from many of these same sex couples who have stayed with their same partner for years and years.  it's not a threat.

 i could meet a guy tomorrow and go get married without a care as to whether we are compatible or not.  government doesn't get a say in such things.  they just simply hand out the license.

 the bones scattered about are from moose probably.

 owl at the center.

 these always load all mixed up.

 black bear

 and in an enclosure nearby this poor deer....one has to wonder how stressful this guys' life must be with predators living in such close proximity all the time.

 musk ox and caribou...

 apologies for my little pity party.  like i said i think i generally have a day like this where i am reminded that i am alone in this world.  it's not easy.  this is why i believe any love should be applauded and welcomed.  it's not easy finding someone to share life with and anyone who does and is willing to make those commitments should be allowed to.  why shouldn't they reap the same benefits as other heterosexual couples who make the attempt?

 a few closer shots at feeding time.  those paws are always so enormous.

 happy to have him tearing at some slab of old moose meat than my flesh.  that would be a terrifying thing and i hope it never happens to me.

 this magpie didn't seem too concerned about the big bears he stealing food from.

 and a few more of the lynx snuck in here.  i think i got the pictures covered.

 i'm ready to take some meds and stop coughing.  it really gets old this coughing.

not looking forward to waking up to it all over again tomorrow.  hope it's a better day.  good night.