passing...

 Ivy inspects the troops.  cracks me up when she jumps up on the table outside.  she really is quite the jumper.  we have had quite a bit of snow this week.  this day the snow was super wet and i immediately thought...snowmen!

 i made a total of 21 little snowmen and they still line the deck railing to some degree.  of course, some meltage has happened and some snow has covered them up.  Ivy also has knocked over a few.

 they do look pretty bright and happy.

 this week it was particularly nice to see my little colored snowmen out there....it was a sad week.  my nephew passed away. thankfully, it seems it was fairly peaceful as far as these things go.  difficult to sleep after getting the news.  mostly my heart ached for my brother and his family and all that a loss of this magnitude takes on folks.  they sound like they have had a lot of love and support.  the perks of religion, friends and just being good and likable people.  we have spoken a few times.  he'd texted me and the other siblings in a family text.  i texted back...but some things just can't be done via text...probably a lot more things shouldn't be done via text, but anyway. i called him when i got home that morning.

 often calls over the next weeks and months are needed.  loss tends to come in waves.  Bryce had many medical issues in his life.  he did live to 25 years despite predictions of much less.  that is a testament to the care he received.  Darla's family have lived near by for many years and i know they were a great help to them...very grateful to their generous spirits as well.  wish i could have been more help.  he had many seizures when he was younger.   he had seizures his whole life actually.  he was having one when he passed.

 my last night at work was a bit emotional.  i worked PICU...had a young patient.  he probably passed today.  then i got another little one who is sick as well.  when you work in medicine you can generally keep yourself at some distance emotionally from all the sadness you deal with at work.  death...but when you are dealing with a death close to you as well, the lines get blurred and it can be tougher to hold back your emotions.

 thankfully, PICU is staffed with super kind people.  with your friends you get through those tough days.

 we skipped walks twice this week.  lack of sleep.  yesterday i did manage a bog/neighborhood walk.  there is one bit in the bog where the puppies seem to bolt every time now.  brats!! i think there are rabbits there.  once they were spotted once, it's nearly impossible for me to hold those puppies back there.  avoided a second area by taking off into the hood.

 today we headed to gasline.  i slept a lot.  napped last night, woke up and watched a movie.  then i slept again til late today.  i finally made it to the trail after 3:30 i think.

 a toy from our bark box...looked cute on Ivy.  she is a cutie! she likes to sit in my lap...she is not small.  i was able to let them off leash out there. did see some dogs, but i would call to see if they were neutered/fixed.  if they were then i could just let her play.

 below she is up on the wood pile inspecting troops.

 look pretty cool lined up, right?

 the movie i watched was, "the imitation game".  very well done i thought. code breakers during WWII.  early computer work and the guy who was a brilliant mathematician but maybe not the most personable guy was the one who created the machine to crack the code. once they cracked it they had to be careful so that Germany wouldn't know it was broken...that meant they had to play God to some degree and allow some attacks to go forward without intervention.  he was also gay and was later convicted of lewd or indecent acts.  some time after this he committed suicide.

 not sure exact quote from the movie but i did like it, " the people that no one imagines much of often do the things that no one imagines".

 i also have taken the scissors to my hair these past few days.  not sure why i do that.  i have proven repeatedly that i am not overly skilled in hair cutting.  i'll have to go get a repair cut at some point.  nobody is really looking at me anyway...maybe if i have a crappy haircut they will...haha.

 i actually may have put these pictures in...moose, never tire of them

 my first night of work i was put on call...briefly. literally for 10 minutes i think. on the plus side i got overtime for my entire shift.

 they called me in to do respiratory therapy.  the RT's didn't need me as it turns out because someone came to work that they weren't expecting.  once you are there they have to pay you for 2 hours.  wasn't too keen on leaving and then just getting called back in a few minutes later again anyway.  after those 2 hours was up ER grabbed me up.  i was there the next night as well.

 back at the beach...

 second night i was in ER as well.

 Tusker and Ivy turn 1 on Tuesday.  was thinking of making cupcakes for the Monday walk anyway.

 not doing that tonight.

 i'll take nyquil and hope this doesn't get worse.

 big sky

  as i mentioned, my nephew Bryce passed away the other day.  i got a text from my brother when i was getting ready to leave work.  Bryce lived with medical issues every day and his folks, my brother and his wife, were absolutely amazing with him.  they kept a sense of humor about them, they kept positive, they never complained that i heard.  in short, they gave him the best possible life he could have ever hoped for.

 my heart goes out to them as they go forward without Bryce here with them.  he lived many years more than the medical community suggested he would.  the funeral is next Sat. there are no quick weekends from AK to the lower 48.  i can give you a litany of excuses none of which would really suffice i guess, but i will not make the flight south for the funeral. tough timing wise.  the flight/airport time would be extensive for the short time i would be there.  my brother was willing to even pay the ticket as all the other siblings will be there.  so i feel sad and guilty but after looking at the flight options again today i decided it was best to just let myself move forward,let it go. i told my brother i hope they would save the money for the ticket and use it for a trip,maybe to AK again.   woke up feeling like crap today as well.  sore throat,aches...if i end up sick then for sure i will know it was the right decision. don't want to bring AK bugs to my entire family. i do appreciate my brothers kindness and generous offer.  i also appreciate that he was understanding whatever decision i ended up making.

 a few oldies of the Blossom and Rio.  Ivy is in heat still as well.  finding dog care at the last minute is not easy and no boarding facility would take an in heat dog.  i don't blame them for that.  actually have never had a dog in heat since i was a kid i guess.  those dogs always seemed to get out and knocked up, thus i was often in front of Ralphs grocery store with puppies or kittens looking for homes.  having adults yell at me for not having gotten my pets spayed...i was 10...like i had that power or understanding.

 though i won't be at the funeral.  i did feel inspired the other day to write a poem on behalf of my brother and his family.

 Bryce

too often,
in life,
we pity those,
who live bravely,
with disabilities.

we think of them,
in terms of what we have,
and not in terms,
of what they have.

as i recall,
Bryce,
a smile comes to mind,
his smile,
it seemed,
to never end.

he lived free,
free of hatred,
free of greed,
free of self loathing,
free of sadness,
free of a hurt heart.

Bryce knew,
only love.

his family,
loved him,
without fail,
they gave freely,
of their love,
and their time.

sacrifice,
it would seem,
to those on the outside,
but,
i know,
to them,
each day with Bryce,
was never
a sacrifice,
each day with Bryce,
was a gift.

there are no words really,
to describe,
the dedication, respect and kindness,
that was shared with this sweet soul.

oft in life,
what at first,
seems like,
a challenge,
a test,
a struggle.

becomes,
the greatest lesson,
the greatest strength,
we could have never imagined.

soar,
conquer heaven,
for your life,
simple and pure,
made the lives,
of those you touched,
more meaningful,
more kind and more joyous.

may your message of love,
be with us always.

grateful for: A.  words...being able to express myself  B.  my brother and his wife for the example they have been.  C. snow, it makes me smile