this is my truth....

 the words i write are about me.  i never intend them to hurt others feelings...but I'm aware that it probably does happen.  especially when it comes to religion.  it's a sensitive subject...but my truth is that being Mormon never worked for me.  it doesn't work for everyone...it is fallible just like all the other earthly religions.  some probably get it closer than others, but God doesn't actually run any of them.  humans do, and humans are for sure fallible.

 was thinking today how too often people claim absolute knowledge of truth in a religion when they really probably mean absolute faith. there is a big difference between knowing a thing and believing a thing.  i know the sun will come up again tomorrow, i  believe there is a greater power who designed the sun and the system.

 these are all in Honduras, Roatan. 

 maybe so many are having trouble with science and knowledge, truth and facts because they confuse them with faith.  we don't know in absolute terms of the existence of God or the tenets of much in religions.  knowledge is based on facts, logic, reason, testing and retesting. in science the knowledge we have can be proven or disproved.   it evolves over time.  faith is a belief in something that can't  be proven.

 in truth i have great respect for those who have that level of faith.  it was just not obtainable to me when it came to religion.  i was always bothered in those testimony meetings when people bore their testimony and always said, "i know the church is true".  you don't know. you believe...you have faith. 

 quite frankly, faith and belief are stronger so it is a better phrasing.  it takes far more courage to have faith in things that can't be proven than to require facts. 

 today science got a first photo of a dark hole, space is beyond our ability to comprehend really.  it is mind boggling as they say...so until science learns more there is an element of faith in a belief of what is out there i guess.

 i have always found that those who have the strongest faith in their own beliefs are the ones who are able to allow someone like myself to see things differently.  your faith can't be broken by my lack of faith.  it can only be broken by my lack of faith if you lack faith as well, if you are searching.  i do not expect the Mormon church or any other church to be perfect as i expect the members don't either...or at least i don't think so.  i believe that members of my family who are still in do have things they will struggle with. their struggle with those beliefs are what make me understand that they are not the mindless masses.  they have kindness and like so many in all religions....they have good intentions. 

 for many who stick with religions despite having some struggle with doctrine, i have respect....again as long as they are able to see that their beliefs are not universal.  if their religion brings them happiness then that is good. my issues are generally with the leadership of most religions...those who use their power and the influx of money in ways that is not in keeping with the intent of the greater power they claim to support.  the same issue many have with big government i have with big religion.  sadly...the larger anything gets, religion, corporation, non-profit, government the more risk of greed and corruption.  Jesus being angry and flipping over the money changers tables comes to mind...there is a repeat of greed and corruption in all the religions.  it's not just government. 

 a bit of a melancholy week for me...when i say melancholy, that i guess  means a period with some element of depression.  since it's controllable in my life i feel i generally just use melancholy to describe what is no doubt mild and intermittent depression.  i sleep more, i hole up more, I'm less social and the word suicide meanders across my brain...it's done this since i was 10 or 11 years old.  never a plan or intent of action...just that the word  crosses the brain randomly. the thought that i am not enough, that i do not fit in. 

 i write a public blog because i know if i feel stuff other people do.  you can be happy and have episodes of melancholy.  you can have mild depression and have the word suicide pass through your thoughts periodically without having that mean intent or plan or even desire.  i could never leave my dogs!

 when i do have these brief episodes of melancholy, it makes me have much more understanding of those who have more severe cases of depression.  where the words that demean are more of a constant drone in their heads.  it's hard enough getting negative feedback externally, but to have negative feedback internally, constantly giving you that negative feedback...i can see how it would get harder and harder to push back on those thoughts, to not believe them.

 i have learned to adapt...to walk, to get out in nature to write, take photo's.  i have a lot of coping skills. i know many others out there don't.  i see them in the hospital.  they cope with drugs or alcohol or bad relationships that maybe are a band aid for times i guess.

 i have come to believe that much of our mental distress is due to an evolutionary imbalance.  we were created with those basic skill sets to find water, food and shelter.  in our world, most of those things are pretty available.  this leaves our brains time....time that we have not really adapted to coping with.  once your basic needs are met you can get overwhelmed with other needs that aren't met that maybe you never would have even realized you had. 

 unwinding on a vacation in these pictures...back to regular life now. 

 many find religion helps them cope...for me i found it stressed me out.  it seemed stressful because everyone was more perfect than me.  that was a common social thing at least in the culture we grew up in...everyone seemed perfect..i think others just acted more perfect. i remember several families that were held up as the perfect families in the ward, only to have it all fall apart.  i found it very upsetting.   now social media sites throw your imperfect life in your face.  at least when i was a kid your imperfection was less visible.  how do young kids cope?  social media can be manipulated to make it appear that others lives are amazing, which can make you feel inferior....they are struggling like you are no doubt.  not many folks get a free ride in this place.

 we are all imperfect, but we just have to find a way to accept ourselves...it's not easy. 

 for me it just means that some days i wallow a bit in the imperfection, i have negative thoughts cross my mind..when you are alone it's easy to get sucked into those thoughts if you aren't mindful of them. 

 again...it's why i write some days. why i just let honestly flow from me.  some may not like it. some may find it uncomfortable.  some may fear i would take action on the word that casually crosses my brain, but i also know that there are some who also have negative thoughts cross their brains and i want them to know that they can do that and those thoughts can be beat back.  that we are all worthy...that no matter how at times it seems like life can be unfair and difficult, it is a struggle we all share.

 be kind to each other.  talk to strangers. smile.  you just never know when a kind word or a smile can make a difference in anothers struggle. 

 i can be too sensitive...i know several others who are the same.  usually, when people lash out it is their crap...it's not about you.

 loved the various blue hues out there. and the random animals that roamed around. up here it's moose and now again bears.

 i felt the need to head back and view the large ice in Portage.  it was soothing to listen to the wind cause water to crash against the ice.  i did start that way and then headed back to the sunshine and walked just a bit of portage trail. 

the university was doing a summer ski training thing for cross country skiers.  those nuts had walking sticks and were walking up and down the big hill there. i walked up and down it once.  it was great training for the dogs so i used their training to train my dogs.   they were all pretty impressed as the dogs stopped and stayed for each of them to pass by.

 just some scenes from the road in Honduras. 

 the dogs got lots of tennis ball chasing in.  walked a ways then heard a few noises...bears show up on this trail early so i opted to stick with the skiers.  i also fear the tennis ball will take a bounce and the dogs will fly down the steep hills of this trail. 

 i know many are walking these trails but i have decided to maybe avoid these trails a bit this year because of the big quake.  more rocks than usual falling down. figure I'll wait for things to settle.  i do like living.

 my dream this morning...the fence was down between houses and the dogs were happily playing with the neighbors dogs in both yards.  thankfully, my pet bull hadn't escaped the yard...not sure why i had a pet bull.  everyone in the neighborhood was putting stuff outside to give away.  that was the dream. 

 took a short nap, woke up after 9pm as it turns out.  this time of year it starts to get confusing.  is it night or day? 

 tried to put the yakima back on the car but as soon as i got it up there i couldn't get the key to work again...need to get that looked at.  thought i had fixed it with some oil.  guess not. the car looks sad without it though.

 a little shopping before we got on the mother ship.

 back to work tomorrow...well i guess it's officially today.

 life your life, be happy. your truth is your truth, mine is mine.  we meet in the middle where we can

thankful for: A.  coping skills B.  good support in my life when i need and/or accept it C.  dogs

WARIS taxes done!!

 it is pretty easy but still it has to be done.  as long as we keep making hardly any money we can keep doing the 990 EZ postcard, which though it is called a postcard can only be done online. above is todays walk to the beach with the dogs. family photo...

 a few from Honduras. 

 my grand niece and nephew.  so cute.

 don't think I'll ever be in Roatan again.  mostly a drive by for local stuff.

 there is the local hospital. would love to check out the inside...always interesting to see how other countries deal with the medical stuff.  we have it pretty good here....not as good as we should. 

 if you are poor the wealthy don't really concern themselves with your life here...being healthy is not something poor folks are entitled too...that is their word.  entitlement.  basic retirement after working your ass off your entire life is also not something folks are entitled too.  getting a basic education...well you aren't entitled to that either.   if you dare feel that our government should raise up those who are poorest among us, then you must be a dirty socialist.  personally, i just feel that our nation, any nation really,  is best served when all it's citizens have a basic and strong education and are healthy. 

 suffer the little children to come unto me...unless they are poor, or from Mexico or are Muslim or are running from danger in another nation and seeking refugee status or are sick...or the list seems to go on and on.

 i guess the current administration with their heartless separation policy never bothered to find any way to keep track of the kids they took from the parents...many on right seem to blame the parents for this...i mean they were desperate and seeking asylum...how dare they try to make a better life for themselves and their families.  so now many of these kids, by the way, many more than were initially reported, will be separated from their families for a minimum of 2 years.  it has Stephen Miller all over it.  he just fired his homeland security chief...the turnover on this administration is insane...and yet he seems to find worse and worse people to replace the already terrible people he initially hired.  who knew there were that many horrible people in our nation...

 i skipped snorkeling.  never liked the mask stuff.  diving would  not be for me.

 we boated out a short distance

 hard to track them once they hit the water.

 an American tourist and her guide were freed in Uganda, where they had been kidnapped a week before.  they specifically had taken her and left others behind..not sure if it was just because she was from the US.  not many details out there. 

 love the change of water color.  so pretty

 the Dems are trying to get the tax records for the iitoo.  not sure if they will be successful...they should be.  just like the Mueller report, if there is nothing to see, then show us...but the iitoo even bullied his past schools not to give up his school records...if he was so smart he would happily share them.  he hides everything and so far, the bulk of the GOP is happy to go along with this secrecy.  what they don't know i guess.  easier to look the other way as long as you are getting your way than to dare to know what lies beneath. 

 are they programmed to look the other way when the truth may make them uncomfortable?  they have been in an attack mode for so long.  they would all  be going nuclear if it was the Dem's not releasing their taxes or the Dems not releasing the Mueller report or the Dems hiding grades.  why is it all peachy when it comes to their own. 

 Biden...i guess i should weigh in.  there is a huge difference between grabbing a woman's groin and slipping into dressing rooms of models over a guy who is too huggy.  none of those accusing him so far have felt sexually violated, they have only felt uncomfortable.  as a society we need to learn the differences between being too touchy and being sexually intrusive and then being a sexual predator. 

 i have had many who have invaded my space in ways that made me uncomfortable...these were not attacks on me, nor did i feel sexually violated.  i simply was uncomfortable with their level of personal space invasion.  this is very different from the guys who grabbed or dropped their pants and jerked off.  these were done to get them off sexually.  a hug is just a hug, but it can still make some feel uncomfortable.  a hug is not just a hug if in doing so the guy grabs your ass and grinds against you...can we all see the difference. 

 i hope so.  it is ironic that so many on the right are blasting someone like Biden while for years now they have basically kept quiet about the accusations and the actual tape of the iitoo bragging that since he is famous he can do anything.  kiss, grab women...so spare me the outrage about a guy who is too free with the hugs and shoulder touches until you are outraged by the guy who proudly grabs women by the pussy. 

 a judge has put a halt to the iitoo executive order to open drilling up north.   he exceeded his executive authority...it is funny how giddy all are about him writing all these executive orders when they were angry and accusatory about Obama doing the same thing.  overall, i feel we need to legislate some control over executive orders on both sides.  our potus have been getting increasing power for years and it seems to me to be too much for either side...the legislature needs to learn to work together and get some crap done.

 the Taylor highway is open i guess...not sure if that is on schedule or early.  i know we have been super warm this past month...record breaking...majorly

 the rest are more from just day to day. 

 this beach ice was down to just a few small bits today...amazing what a difference a few days made.

 still loving my kitchen. need to clean up a bit.  have been good at keeping it clean overall though.

 a few cool larger chunks of ice out there the other day though.

 breaking up....which is what we call this season.  break up

 Miss Breezy Chatterbug shows up on occasion. 

 nose to nose with her big canine brother, Tusker.

 cool mud formations as the mud filled ice bergs melt. 

 this one below kind of looks like a king on his throne. i can see a face

 caught just a bit of an NPR conversation.  they were talking about the map of the US and how it has changed over the years.  they were saying that for a time the maps proudly included territories..this time was short lived. they were also speaking of how it was determined that those in these territories must never get the right to vote.  they can not become citizens fully.  our history is not always as pretty as it has been painted for us in our history books. 

 Sleeping Lady is always a focal point on our beach walks.

 there were lots of folks enjoying the beach today again.  ran into a friend and her daughter. fun to have that chance meeting and be able to catch up a bit.  Anchorage can be a small town at times

 churches seem to be trying to figure out how to deal with same sex marriage and the families that have been created.  will the Methodists break apart over it?  the Mormons altered their practices to exclude the children of same sex families to be baptized or blessed until after they turn 18?  not really clear what it was exactly.  i know many were not happy about how it was handled and the church has had issues with increasing suicide rates among their members who are gay.  this year they reversed that policy...seems like a step in the right direction. 

 how do these churches balance their teaching of homosexuality being a sin and yet find a way to welcome members of the LGBT-Q into their congregations.  there are really varying degrees of how congregants feel about gays.  it is interesting to follow how the various religions handle this. 

 Skelly in profile....looking good

 Ivy is ever hopeful that she will get attention.  she is close to me now.  sleeping...they are so cute and peaceful when they sleep

 this cairn was made by another...today i made a few cairns out there.  need to carry some ashes again..

 it's been awhile. 

 below was taken through my car window.  this elderly gentlemen walks with his dog Issac pretty much every day. not always very far...they then will chill on this bench and chat with folks.  i met him years ago...visited him in the hospital when he took ill because another trail friend let me know he was ill.  he recovered from that, walking with oxygen for really short walks for some time.  there are some amazing and wonderful folks out there if you just take the time to smile and say hello.  everyone has a story.  the dirty window actually added to this photo oddly. 

grateful for: A.  the people we meet and the stories we share  B.  friends both old and new C.  dogs that share our lives with us.  some days they are your only friend, but what better friend to have than a dog.