more walrus, last day on the island

 i suspected that was what would happen though i wasn't sure yet.  i think I'd gotten mentally prepared to not be too disappointed.  figured if i didn't play the game with the boat captain and return on this day it could be another week before he actually picked me up.  part of me worried that it was personal. he is not too keen it seems on the state controlling this place nor is he keen on the camera's being out there.  he was pretty outspoken. I'm sure my being an advocate for the place....you just never know.

 enjoyed watching these walrus on flat rock. it was pretty active.  would i have enjoyed a few more days of sunshine out there...not sure.  from the cam it did look like i would have continued with pretty decent weather for a few more days.

 bloody tusks.

 all my nights of work this week were in the adult ICU.

 my first night i just never stopped.  kept anything really bad from happening which is always the goal but i ran from one room to the other and then back again.  crazy.  i did order food early on and it was brought to my desk but that was it.  never touched it and in the morning i just tossed it out, uneaten.

 most nights i really feel like my patients feel safe with me.  like i am liked by my patients.  that i even add some humor to their hell. that night. I'm sure the one guy wasn't happy with me.  i was trying to be patient with him.  always amazing....people focus on these things and try to control them . often it's stuff like their ice chips. as a nurse, in the crunch of it, i gotta focus on things like how high your heart rate is, you blood pressure, that you are on max of oxygenation and will probably end up intubated again.

 many don't see or even understand how ill they are or at risk.  he kept shaking his cup at me to let me know it was almost empty....demanding his refill.  most nights i am patient.  we are paid to be nice, but i was so busy i could feel myself being totally irritated.  in those situations i just am more quiet...better to just zip it than to say what is really on your mind in those moments.

 i did get through. the rest of the unit seemed pretty busy as well that night.

 i requested a change. my next two nights went much smoother. i suspect they would have been fine if i hadn't switched..the tube was back in the one guy and the other had a new ativan drip.

 we were laughing in our huddle before we headed out. sometimes there are shortages of certain meds or forms of meds.  i was all, if they ever have a shortage of ativan we may all just walk off the job.

 apparently a baby in UK has been on life support for the bulk of it's like...perhaps all of it's life.  this poor boy is 10 months old and has a rare disease and it appears he has a most devastating form of the DNA depletion disorder.  it's not really what it's made to be in some of the conservative coverage.  not sure what the European Court of Human Rights is exactly but it doesn't sound at all like the government is making the decision as it's reported.  the doctors have all said this poor child has no hope despite this thought of potential experimental treatment in the US.  it sounds from all the medical accounts and this counsel agrees that it would only prolong this poor baby's suffering.

 he is to be removed from life support and allowed to pass. this battles will get worse as medicine is quite capable of keeping even folks declared brain dead alive on machines.  this seems to be enough for some folks.

 we are born, we live and then we do die.  it is a part of life.  many, especially in our country seem hell bent of fixing death.  yes, death is tough, especially traumatic deaths and deaths of the young.  it seems so unfair.  it is unfair.  life is not always going to be fair or feel right.

 if  people can have faith in a God, they should also have faith that their God has a plan and that death is included in that plan.  that things maybe happen for a reason.  that we are here on this earth to experience and learn certain things.

 i think one of those things we are supposed to be learning is compassion.  we are supposed to learn to let go of loved ones and allow them to move on to what is to come next for us all after we pass.

 on a purely practical note it's always so odd to me that those who do not feel health care is an entitlement for all of our citizens because health care is expensive and why should tax payers have to foot that bill. we don't have all that money for that..yet, often those are the same folks who would have people remain on life support beyond any reasonable quality of life.  it is expensive to keep people alive...for each case like this adds up quickly in costs, especially in this nation.

 i work in these units, i take care of these people.  i see death.  I've seen some deaths that were planned for, accepted.  where families seemed to be able to make these decisions with kindness, honesty and even an element of practicality.  some are just better at this.  not sure if it has to deal with their religious convictions, whatever they are, or if just some people cope better with end of life issues.  i can tell sometimes having a good palliative care team can help people come to terms with what they are facing.  some people never seem to though and that makes it all so much more stressful on all of them.

 i think that poor child that was declared brain dead after a tonsillectomy in CA is still being kept going on machines.  at great costs, but more i think where is the kindness and the compassion for your family member in this situation.  each situation is different but at some point i have to wonder if part of all of our own "tests" as it were, has to do with how we do handle these sort of situations with our loved ones.  do we keep our family/friend alive because we can't bear to lose them?  or do we allow them the dignity in the inevitable death that we all deserve.   in some of these cases I've seen myself or read about...i have to wonder if when those family members pass themselves they may be surprised to be met at the pearly gates with God saying, "what the hell were you thinking?".

 it's not death panels, though the same who claimed the government was going to be holding death panels don't seem to concerned with gutting medicaid, which ultimately will be a sort of government/ death panel.  the insurance companies have been their own form of death panels in the years past.  refusing experimental meds, refusing to cover procedures or tests that would have found cancers earlier.

 I'd rather these decisions be brought back to the physicians and to palliative care specialists.  we need to have a healthier discussion and acceptance of death in our nation.  it has become a big reason why our health care costs are increasing.

 we have cases on a pretty regular basis....the family members refuse to allow compassionate withdraw.  these folks linger for weeks and months even.  can't say that they are suffering as much physically as i don't think many are capable of physical suffering...they are suffering the loss of dignity though.

 this story just posted on a friends page at the same time as we are dealing with yet another case.

 it's tough on staff as well.  taking care of someone who has no hope of survival for months...

 another good poking shot. love the poke pictures.  they don't seem to suffer at the hands of their fellow walrus...at least not here when there are no female walrus around to compete for.

 it was raining this week.  it did take a break and i was able to finally get my windshield repaired.  so nice.  people have been complaining that we've had a rainy summer. i hadn't noticed i guess.

 seems it's always stopped when i head out for a walk or it's at least just a drizzle

 the same happened today.  we did the airstrip. lots of bear scat out on the trails. i was out there and i got a text from a friend.  they were just headed on the trail and were asking me how to get to the airstrip as they weren't sure they remembered right.  i was all, "did you pass the outhouse?", "yes", "how about the bear scat in the trail", "yes we just passed that"  then i said, "okay so you just go past the bear scat and then take the next left and that will get you to the airstrip".

 giving trail directions with bear scat included made me laugh. only in Alaska would you do that.  haha.  did see some tracks later.   i also saw a porcupine that came out on the trail and wandered down the trail a bit.  thankfully, the pups did not see that.  they did see birds when we hit the creek so they ran up and down river chasing those birds.

 napped a bit when i did get home again after running a few errands. need to get some stuff accomplished tomorrow and try to plan a little road trip with the pups. maybe Homer with a stop coming and going to peek in on Nugget.

 the pups love beach time.

 the airstrip today was covered with these tall dandelions.  not really sure the name of the flowers but there were thousands of them. had to stop often and snap pics of the pups and i in all those flowers.  so pretty.

 i think we all are a bit on edge with the bear activity this year.  i try and remind myself that stuff does seem to come in waves.  I'm sure if you ask more folks in the hospital they would agree. i can totally remember summers with various common themes of accidents/injuries.  one year we had lots of small plane wrecks with survivors.  another year it was moose/car encounters, then there was a motorcycle year, bear year and now another bear year. there was also a year that it seemed everyone was falling on the big mountain.  another year it may be ATV accidents.  in winters we may have one with several avalanche victims or snowmachine accidents....

 just like those full moon stories. we'd all agree there is more to it than just silliness..it really can get crazier at the hospital during a full moon.

 don't think walrus are too concerned with a full moon though tides are impacted by the moon and so would be feedings I'm thinking.

 a little fox cruised by as i watched the walrus at flat rock.  he later headed down towards beach at boat cove.  after eggs or something I'm sure.  

 he's spotted me here for sure.

 while i was napping/resting this afternoon i watched a few episodes of "switched at birth" the one girl i kept thinking looked familiar then i realized she'd played Lukes daughter, April, on the Gilmore Girls.

 checked me out and now off he goes.

 the rest are from the first part of the drive from Anchorage to Glenallen as i headed to Kennicott.

 always beautiful and you feel obliged to stop and snap the same pics you did the last time you drove past..just so dang pretty.

 it's kind of occurring to me that Tuesday is the 4th.  i think i was originally thinking i was working the holiday and then i guess that isn't how i signed up. that may alter my Homer plans and all that as it may be totally packed down there.  maybe just try to get some longer hikes in.  I'll try and make some calls and see what is going on. Seward is a mad house on the 4th with the big trail race on Mt Marathon.

 sheep mountains above and lions head below.

 pretty scenes coming into view of the Matanuska Glacier

 the dandelions were looking pretty.  just lots of color

 maybe i should head north....

 a moose sighting.  he just crossed over.  they disappear into the brush so fast.  it's always amazing how these huge animals can be camouflaged so easily.

grateful for: A. co-worker support on crazy nights, even if it's mostly emotional  B.  being able to laugh at the insane parts of the job...the day shift has a poop spraying incident...too gross and a major clean up required.C.  my sweet puppies who snuggle with me and are so excited when i get home.  I'm in puppy love

Round Island and Kennicott

 day turned sunny in Anchorage eventually.  spent the better part of the day outside.  yard work in the morning.  part of yard work is picking up dog poop and then mowing..of course, letting the pups play in the hose is also part of yard work.  haha.  above are some cormorants.  love that the iridescence of their feathers shows up so clearly.

 sounds like it's been windy on the island so probably some egg loss with that.  birds off nests which could be enough to kill the occupants of the eggs if the ravens and fox don't get them.

 was meeting a friends new puppy, Ginger, so wanted to wear the pups out a little first. so we again hit the dog park.  my friend texted right after that walk so we headed over to meet her and the wee one.  her baby is a bit of a tank.  so cute.  the pups all got along great Ivy only jumped on my friend once and didn't jump on anyone but me at the dog park today.  they are sleeping as I write. happy worn out dogs.

 i returned home to more yard work.  got nice how could i not be outside.  besides...i had broke down and taken one of my last remaining narcotic pills from my knee surgery a few years back.  it is the only thing that makes my back pain free.

 these are heading over to the bird overlook.

 gull...lots of those.  they have fancier names but i am not a birder.  i only know general bird names.

 the trail up

 the bear that killed that teenager over the weekend has been killed.  i guess there were quite a few black bears roaming around on those trails by Bird Ridge.  fish and game actually killed a total of 4 bears. always sad, but the reality is we do not have a shortage of bears, the meat will no doubt be harvested and given to shelters. there were many comments, of course, (so many trolls on line that apparently know everything and are right about everything) anger over the loss of bear life.  why kill all 4 bears.  hard to tell on that terrain if one bear is the actual bear that was the one that attacked.  that bear was shot in the face but had run away.  can't always see those details and the terrain there is steep and brush covered.

 maybe it took a few bears before they got to the actual bear that had taken the life.  or perhaps, they thought they should go ahead and thin the bear numbers in the area after the attack and since the trails were clear of humans. yes, bears were here before us....but the reality is too many bears and too many humans in one place leads to too many negative encounters.  best to avoid more bear deaths over the summer. if you don't you will get vigilante bear killers out there and often people who decide to take care of issues do so poorly.  i will defer to fish and game.  again, remember there is no shortage of bears black or brown in the state of AK.

 another fox sighting on the island.

 not sure why this guy was panting...it was hot out there.  it was hot in Kennicott.  I'm not complaining or anything but i admit i do not tolerate heat well.  amazing how you adapt after living here and heat is relative.  it was probably in the 60's both days.  for some reason 60 up here feels extreme.  my fingers were sausages after my Kennicott hike.  this of course, left me freaking out that perhaps i have a valve issue or cardiomyopathy.  amazing how one can come to all sorts of conclusions when one works in medicine.  i always go to the worst scenario.  of course, it could be that i was eating the food at the lodge and maybe they just put in more salt than i am used to consuming.  food was good but not really stuff i take the time to cook up for myself.

 much talk of this poor guy Otto Warmbier.  not sure exactly why he chose to go to N.K in the first place.  would not be on my list of places i want to vacation.  it's a risk.  people do tend to forget that they are not really protected as US citizens in other nations nor do they have the same rights.  he got caught attempting to steal a poster and sentenced to 15 years hard labor.  iitoo and the guys family were quick to blame Obama, of course.  so old the Blame Obama game.  the only reason he was returned now was because he was in a coma and NK didn't want him to die there no doubt.

 iitoo had 5 months and he didn't get a release.  there is only so much our nation can do for people who chose to go to NK.  we will see how quickly iitoo gets the other 3 out.  i would be happy if he was able to rescue them though.  none of this is as easy as he likes to pretend it is.  he lies and his followers believe him.  didn't he say he'd finish off the terrorists I in like 30 days..they are still there, doing what they do. the family does not wish to have their son examined further to determine how he came to be in a coma.  obviously, NK was less than forthcoming in the facts.  nations that so easily kill off their own citizens are probably best to be avoided.

 the screw your health care bill is supposed to be available for viewing for a few hours tomorrow.  from all guesses it will make the bill that got through the congress look kind.  typical GOP help the wealthy and screw the needy mentality.  Ossoff lost, it was close but still the Dems need to figure out how to win. damage is being done to our Democracy.  i know many think that is over stating the truth, but we have a man in the oval office who is corrupt, selfish and hell bent on making as much personal profit for himself and others like him as he can.  the checks and balances that people kept telling me would keep iitoo in check and balance...seem to be failing.

 the GOP seems to remain in lock step with whatever craziness comes out.   at least with HRC we would have had checks and balances in place.  now we have a rogue administration it seems.

 yawn...

 the investigations continue.  thankfully, he has disrespected and ridiculed everyone who is in charge of the investigations which seems like a silly thing to do.  they are no doubt hell bent to prove him incompetent and corrupt.  he can only hide for so long.  still hoping the final check and balances will hold when it comes to the courts and the media.  they had prevented any camera's or microphones in the press briefings for 8 days before finally allowing them in again.  this is not normal. none of it is normal.  any attempt to normalize this is just an alteration of the facts.  if HRC or Obama had done any of this their wrath would be falling down.

 it took years though for all the truth to be unraveled in the watergate stuff and presumably this may be much deeper and possibly involves another nation, a nation that is not known for it's fabulous relationship with our nation.

 RUs did more cyber warfare during the 2016 election that we, the people, previously knew.  several news agencies reporting.  over 20 and less than 40 states had cyber intruders. attempts were made to alter or delete voter data.  during election day there were some places that had resorted to paper due to glitches...was Rus involved in these glitches? were they more successful in their impact than we knew previously.  this would have slowed down getting voters checked in.  it may have impeded some from voting.  there is even some evidence that these glitches happened more in more Dem leaning areas in some states.

 current iitoo still doesn't even want to acknowledge that Rus was involved. pretty fishy since every other government agency seems to acknowledge this as fact.  it would probably help if our Potus was desirous to get the answers to this...why isn't he?  hmm.

 love when their back flippers are all fanned out.

 everyone in DC seems to be getting personal lawyers.   many are losing their jobs in government but lawyers will have a boon because of this POTUS.  haha.

 a Denali climber survived after 15 hours wedged into a crevasse.  i think they said his body temperature was like 79 when they pulled him out.  he had reached the summit and fell on the way back down.  he is from Slovakia. should be all better for the most part and heading home.

 was reading this novel, but it's been annoying. some books about medical stuff turn out to be just to filled with crap that i can't finish them.  this is one of those.  i get the idea of it.  a nurse, who is black, ends up with a patient/family who are skin heads.  they request she not have anything to do with the babies care.  then an emergency arises and she doesn't render aid initially because she's been told to not touch the baby.  within days it seems her license is revoked and she is in prison.  no nurse i know would watch a baby die no matter how heinous the parents are.  it just doesn't happen.  anyway....just too many things that were clearly not back checked by the author.  i will move on to another novel i believe.

 still waiting for the base for my little library. he is supposed to be working on it now though so hopefully soon.  excited to get it painted and out there.  may have to have a little library opening party.  not sure how one does that but a welcome for the neighbors.

 then they can ask questions as well i think. may just chill out there on the new bench with some treats and beverages i guess.  good to meet more neighbors anyway i guess.

 cute guy at first beach.  sat with him for a bit.

 guess there are several out on first beach right now.  the camera hasn't switched over from main beach.  looked to be several walrus last i looked at the end of the island.

 cormorant in flight

 puffin in flight.

 little butterfly.

 i think a big butterfly hit my windshield...that or a small bird on that drive. it was a lot of blood for a regular insect.

 gotta get that windshield fixed.  it's so banged up. waiting for it to just fall apart one day.  also need to get on the kitchen remodel stuff.  crap is falling apart.  time to just gut and redo.

 the rest are from the Kennicott trek.

 liked this of the ash hearts on the glacier.  seemed a good spot for the pups

 tried to load this next to another picture i took several years before. above is the Worthington Glacier as i saw it Monday.  it seemed like it had receded a great deal. 5 pics below is how the glacier looked back in 2003. it really has receded a lot!! crazy.

 the main mine building from the top.

 me attempting a selfie with the ash hearts .

 beautiful scenery along the trail

 below is 2003 shot of the glacier.

 the USS Fitzgerald is a destroyer that ended up in a bad crash with a container ship from Japan.  how this happened is still unknown. 7 men did die. they were found dead in areas that had taken on water.  very sad.  no idea how this accident could have happened.  these ships generally know where every other ship is around them.

 a couple paddled from Homer to Seward and there the met friends who joined them.  they all then mountain biked and pack rafted back to Homer.  love how many adventurous folks there are up here.  it's great to be surrounded by these souls.  people who embrace life and who live without much fear.  it's pretty amazing.

 as if my windshield wasn't damaged enough a huge rock made this big ding in the windshield.  i was sure the entire glass would collapse.  it survived though.

 thought this pic below turned out pretty nice.  the building on the left is the old hospital i guess. in the tour the guy said all the buildings were red except 3.  the hospital, the single women's bunk house and the owners house or managers. whoever was in charge.

 embarrassing moment on the trail.  ran into some woman from another country.  she didn't want to hike alone so i said I'd join her...i had to make a pit stop.  when i returned she was gone.  now i wonder...did she see me have to leave the outhouse with my pants down to locate some leaves as there was no toilet paper in there and i hadn't noticed.  how embarrassing is that?  we have all had embarrassing bathroom moments.  especially those of us in AK who hike and adventure.

 can't recall the details of a story our guide told us.  she and her now husband bonded over the entire trip they took...if you can survive kayaking from Washington State to Skagway together you can survive anything I'd guess.  we were all laughing though.  on a trip like that you get to know each other intimately.  I'm not sure i impressed this international visitor though.  apparently, i was more scary than a possible bear encounter.  walk fast and make a lot of noise i guess

 thought this was funny at Worthington Glacier...check out all these matching RV rentals.  well i better go look at more pictures from the trip.  below is on the side of the road headed towards Valdez. back to work tomorrow.

grateful for:  A.  old friends that no matter how much time passes remain the same  B.  independence  C.  pain free moments.