knot busting....

 I'm working on a monster knot between my shoulder and my neck.  i get lots of knots...my massage therapist had baby number 3...time to see if she is near being off maternity leave.  she digs deep and though it sometimes leaves bruises, it works on the knots.  the headache is really annoying. i have tried all my tricks and i am currently utilizing my bonger. a strange contraption with a rubber ball on a mallet.  so basically I'm beating the knot into submission...at least i hope so.

 i met the bonger at a shop in CA when i was visiting my sister.  i had a similar knot to now and i had to board a plane...flying with a headache really did not sound fun so i tried beating the knot in the store for a bit...it worked so i asked my kind sister to return to the store and buy me one!  thanks...it's been the best. 

 a few moon shots from my bedroom window the other day.  i was on call for 2 of my 3 nights.  was expecting to get called back for the overtime but nope. bummer.  i didn't take any actual vacation days this summer so I'm not going to complain.  the one night i just could never get to sleep...all night.  grr.  the next night was much better.

 last night i worked in the PCU.  the section i was in had all sorts of confused patients.  i was thrilled to get an admit that was sane and as we call them a "walkie/talkie". 

 the rest are from the little road trip to Homer...forever behind on photo's, but still you get some idea of the haps in the area.  the fireweed was spectacular which was one of the reasons i really wanted to get down there.  the perks of social media is you get a peek of what is happening in different areas and you can plan accordingly. anywhere in this state can be stunning though. 

 go bees. they are having trouble in this world of ours.  now with the current administration taking a wrecking ball to the EPA the bees are taking a hit.  pesticides are killing off many bee populations.  they are huge pollinators.  we are screwed if we foolishly allow big pesticide corporations to kill off bees...but here we are. 

 Apollo 11, the big moon landing is being celebrated...oh for the days when folks actually supported, reveled and believed science.  now they believe conspiracy theories bought and paid for by oil corporations.  98% of science around the year can't be wrong...trust science.  they questions things and they get stuff wrong from time to time, but that is how you grow.  that is how you get to the moon. you question the norms, you do the research, you dare to dream. 

 our nation should be on the lead in the climate crisis like we were on the space race...but we are becoming backwards.  hesitation on the world field will leave us as a nation in the dust.  many dream of a world that existed before that really was not beneficial to all. 

 racism..."not a racist bone in my body". just saying that should tell you it's a lie.  we all have some racism.  i suspect that is just how it is.  mostly i think it's based on lack of real exposure and experience.  when you are not around folks who don't look like you and have very different cultures it's easy to find yourself falling into the stereotypes and rumors. trying to make your life as diverse as possible is the best way to fend off any racist views that linger inside all of us. 

 i can't recall my Dad ever saying anything i would say was verging on racism, but i can't really say that about my Mom.  i think overall her views had tamed from views of folks before her.  it was mostly just a lack of experience and understanding.  this leads to folks being uncomfortable and then it can lead to distrust and even hatred. 

 it's up to each of us to recognize those things that meander across our brains that are on the racists side.  it's up to us to control our speech and our thoughts and to try and be open and learn more about others.

 many whites will say, well i didn't own slaves or my family didn't own slaves...I've heard these lines all my life.  along with white men can't dance, Asians can't drive....it doesn't matter who you are, what race you are we should all be mindful...the difference for us as white folks is history. 

 history must be taken into account.  the truth is white folks have benefited from racism far more than they have ever been harmed by it.

 love all the pink across the mountains. 

 helicopter working on the hot spots on the Swan Lake fire.

 my nieces sweet wee one is extubated and they are allowed to hold her a few times a day so that is good news. still a road ahead but the news seems to be more good than bad at the time so that is a blessing.

 the fire came right up to the road at some point. was watching a show on the weather channel the other day.  strange weather stuff.  they showed a fire tornado. terrifying.  fires can create their own weather patterns and if things are just right a tornado can form of fire.

 they are also starting to see some connections between weather events and earthquakes. 

 my handyman was over yesterday.  he put in 5 light fixtures.  he will return and put in 3 more outside fixtures. will keep in touch with him after that and see about other projects. when you have a reliable handyman do what you can get done.

 i was looking for fireweed photos all along the drive to/from Homer.  found a few.

 hadn't stopped at the church in Ninilchik for some time.  Russian Orthodox as you can see by the crosses.

 small cemetery surrounds the small church.

 flowers were growing wild.  i had hoped for a sea of fireweed.  not much around the church directly though.

 court documents show trump was totally involved in  the hush payments to Stormy.  sounds like hope hicks was also well aware of what was going on.  seems like small potatoes.  according to the report there are many ongoing investigations.  they will no doubt be going on for decades since the corruption in this administration is like nothing we have ever seen in our nation. 

 ebola is making another run in the Congo.  nasty sounding disease.  hope they can get that under control.  with globalization and travel so common it would be so easy for these diseases to rapidly spread. I'm sure that day is coming...only so many humans can exist in one space.  the earth has ways of keeping populations in check.  humans have found ways to trick the system and survive the stuff nature puts out..we also have a tendency to destroy each other, which is another means of balancing populations i guess.

 loved all the flowers...

 guess the ferrys will survive for the moment but with deep cuts.  this government in AK have no long range vision.  greedy to the core.  take what they can from our state and run.  the koch fools have put their mark on our politics.  so frustrating.  the states rights people really are the corporate rights people as they support the super wealthy and seem willing to forgo the rights of states to choose their own destination.

 headed to the little beach at Ninilchik before heading to Deep Creek

 the dogs were getting antsy to get out of the car.

 it was a bit rainy out that day.  the next day was sunny and beautiful.  i like the rain though and things just look different. clouds add so much drama to everything

 the volcano's were starting to peek through though.

 flowers on the beach.  the dogs of course, were just happy to be running around.

 my goal was to just get to Homer by 9...i made it.

 GOP members Lee of Utah and Paul Rand blocked a bill for compensation for ailing 9-1-1 responders.  the house keeps putting bills through despite all the investigations they are having to work through due to the current corruption.  public opinion is not on the side of impeachment...no doubt because many just haven't bothered to read the report.   it makes me laugh because Clinton was impeached for oral sex and lying about it.  not sure why trump has this high threshold of corruption before he is held accountable while a democrat gets impeached for a private act that should have really just been between him and his spouse. he's her problem..but that is the GOP. 

 meandering is always relaxing for me. lots of boats in the harbor. seems it's been a good year for fishing.

 a young bald eagle

 i was pretty young when we landed on the moon.  in my world we landed on it in black and white.  we for sure watched it.  there are some historical events that just stand out.  this one and years later as a young adult the shuttle explosion.  we had the TV on at work at the Cat Clinic.  we watched in shock as it exploded.  exploration is not without risks.

 as i have fears just taking a commercial flight i find it even more inspiring that someone would put themselves on a vehicle bound for space.  they did a program on the Apollo 11 launch/trip on CNN.  the heart rates as they were taking off was in the 80's-110's.  that is pretty low really considering they were being shot into space.  sl higher landing on the moon, but really not much higher.  shows their confidence i think. what an experience though.  my heart would have been racing out of my chest flying out of our atmosphere into the relative unknown

 headed out of Ninilchik....never went into the actual town though. just the beach really.

 and on to Deep Creek.

 the knot is still hanging in there. hopefully, i will sleep and wake with it gone.  that would be nice.  probably be sleeping with a tennis ball bearing down on it.  another of my tricks.  if i can keep Ivy from noticing me bringing a tennis ball to bed...haha

 lots of baldies out there.  I've seen more of them out there before but still just fun.

 bird chasing is always a favorite past time for the pups...especially Tusker.  they were wiped out both days.

 more eagle action.  they were all over the cliffs. too far away for decent shots and the ones that were closer flew off after catching sight of me and the dogs.

 well, i guess i should wrap this up. reading  a bit of news in the local paper as well. always a great time to catch up on local news...it's all pretty depressing at this time though.  not sure that will turn around in my lifetime..it may all hit the crapper more before it gets better.  time will tell.  at some point one hopes that the rational citizens finally hit the level of disgust that they are more willing to speak out rather than turn the other way.  history is not on our side though.

 humans seem to have a way of always ignoring the lessons of the past.  100 years pass and the past becomes the past.  really amazing when you think of it. even the Apollo flight.  many alive were not around so they barely know that history.  maybe in the context of what we are capable now it doesn't seem like much at all.  kind of like the first planes or the first cars...electricity, TV, even computers.  they were huge developments that now seem so usual it's easy to forget how huge they were in their day.  science...all of it

 yet so many are so quick to discount science. 

 well good night all.  it's dark out there.  the days are starting to be a bit shorter. 

thankful for: A.  the ability to wallow in pain...during these times i often think of many throughout history who would have had to continue to work, or walk in some cases,  through any and all discomfort knowing that if they were not productive every day they would be killed off.  B.  the good news coming from my sister about the baby...thanks for keeping us updated. continued prayers and good thoughts for all  C.  sleeping dogs and cats, they relax me just watching them.

frost

 got pretty frosty in some parts of town last week.  bits of snow this week.  still hoping for a few good dumps.  need to get those snowshoes out!!  would also like to get some sledding in this winter.

 bog twice this stretch.  the dogs enjoyed running around a bit.  generally can't go wrong in the bog.

 Ivy monitors the hood from the upstairs window

 will need to prepare for Monday's Christmas tree decoration... if you come bring tennis balls strung up and ready to hang on branches in trees.  a gift to other dogs out there on the trails and a bit of a memorial from Blossom.  who loved tennis balls.

 gentleman walking on the beach.  you can see that one big ice floe passing by.  gives some perspective i think.

 slept in today.  that seems pretty common after my shifts at work.  i really should force myself to get moving a bit faster, especially with the light at it's lowest right now.

 3 nights of work in the past.  Holds in ER on night one. always pretty busy.  i think i had 8 admits through the night.  sometime near 2 am, they were going to give me another patient and i said i was getting hangry and needed a break before i got the next one...you never catch up.  don't think i'd say hangry if i was totally pissed off but the charge came to me when i was on my break to make sure i wasn't ticked off. it's just a thankless job some nights.  as soon as you get one out they are already planning on the next ones they will give you.  you never catch up, you accomplish the bare minimum and at some point you find yourself giving up on stuff that on a normal night you would neurotically do.

 next night i was in PCU.  night wasn't bad.  i really should create some sort of fake persona.  patients ask questions.  just making conversation i know but it can get tedious at times...this one patient had a question each time i came in the room.  "how many grandkids do you have?" none, i have no children. next time i come in room, "what does your husband do for a living?" i don't have a husband.  next time, "what does your boyfriend do for a living?".  i don't have a boyfriend.  just talk about the weather or whatever is on your tv or what you read last week...

 i'm not ashamed i don't have these things or feel like i have some incomplete life, but it is what it is.  of course, next he was asking for my number to see if he could call me, and asked if i was on fb....

 i realize i am not a spring chicken but i also am not keen on finding some even older guy to start up a relationship with at this stage of the game.  i guess i see that playing out as like i get with some old guy, he gets ill, i spend what's left of my healthy years taking care of said guy and draining whatever i have out of myself, then guy dies, all his money goes to his ex-wives and kids and i am alone to care for my debilitating state.  depressing.  it would be lovely to have some like minded person who is healthy and active to hang out with, but there is something to be said for meeting someone when you are younger, getting together and growing old together as opposed to meeting and marrying when you are older.  i think much of that has to do with all of our mental states.  it's a bit of denial i'm sure.  we don't really see ourselves as aging as much as we probably are and therefore when you are in your 50's and looking at other people your age..they seem older.

 it's often just odd to me as well that who i am, who we all are is so tied into those basic things of who we married, what they do for a living.  as a female you were supposed to get a good catch.  a provider, someone to take care of you.  i suspect my independent streak was at play a great deal in my eventual lack of a partner. i didn't want to need to be taken care of.  i didn't want to need someone.  i also wasn't keen on some men's need to be needed.  wouldn't you rather have a partner that wants to be with you than one that needs to be with you?

 my last night i was in CICU.  not always my favorite.  mostly because i have always felt like i'm a bit of a jinx for heart cath patients.  was in a panic the night before when one heart cath patient i had kept coughing hard...felt like i was just waiting for the patient to start bleeding.  in my head and to my co-workers i kept saying.  "stop coughing"...all was chill that night though.

 ran into a fellow float nurse as i headed into CICU and he headed to ICU.  he was all, "your going to CICU?".  then he was annoyed saying if they were sending me to CICU that meant that he was going to have a triple in ICU...in his mind they only send him there if i'm also on if it's a triple...like i was getting special treatment i guess.  i looked later...he did have a triple.  just an odd conversation.

 another funny SNL Drumpf skit.  guess Baldwin said he'd stop when Drumpf showed his taxes.  haha.  so this will continue on for years i guess.  at least until the impeachment happens...oh it will happen, haha.  the Republicans have gotten themselves into a death spiral with this one.  still some will say, "but Hillary...".

 Hillary is gone. no matter how crooked you thought she was, it is of no consequence at this point. now it's all on him and them.  there is no more" but Hillary..".there is only him and his billionaire band of white men. if there was no Hillary at all...or if Drumpf was a Democrat that had just won the election...can you imagine what the Republicans would be doing right now.  they would be doing everything they could to oust him.  they would not be defending his actions and words.  they would be aghast that he will not really slam Putin for meddling in the election.  they would call him unpatriotic, immoral, unethical, the pussy grabbing, the lack of transparency, the taxes withheld...this man they have embraced and elected is not a Republican except in word.  he's not anything but a Drumpfican...he has managed to rebrand the party into something completely unrelated to the ideals that created it.

 fog on the ground but the planes were still taking off.

 and the moon.

 this is probably 3:30?

 prettier than what my photo's show.  it was getting dark and i never have a tripod around or bother with it i guess.

 the fog had made everything covered over with ice.  very cool looking

 other photo fanciers out there enjoying the beautiful afternoon

 better crash so i don't sleep in again until 2!!  night

thankful for: A.  not being grossly overweight. i am overweight but i take care of folks who can't even leave their homes, people who every aspect of their lives is impacted by the weight they have acquired.  B. the many photo's of Blossom. makes my heart happy to just see her and remember all the joy she brought to my life.  i miss her every day.  C.  that it sounds like some have been able to evacuate from Aleppo.  it's a drop in the bucket i know, but in such a horrid state as that place is i'll take the smallest blip of hope.