boxes getting checked, but always more on the to do list...

 

headache all day so far.  bites.  need to walk the pups and get ready for the work run to start.

Sunny has survived his neuter.  so far, knock on wood, he has left his tiny incision alone. they gave me pain meds but no sedation, haha. he seems mostly unaware of his situation. 

my friend and i had a bit of a heated discussion on time to neuter. i do appreciate the concern and i will say here that the study is not without merit and age of neuter should be considered and it is up to the individual owner really when and if they neuter their dogs. we all have our own rational. 

for me...i think some of it was just getting it done and not losing my nerve. my last dog placed under anesthesia had a complication and that led to death.  so there is an aspect of getting back on the horse as it were. also, my other dog had major knee surgery this past year so i do not need more dogs climbing on her in attempt to hump and Sunny will be large.  for whatever reason, despite being spayed, she attracts the non-neutered males. just the other day it happened.  there really is no explanation but after spending a fair sum of cash...i'd like to avoid the other knee having surgery or doing damage to the knee that did have surgery. 

also i wanted to get him licensed and get Tuskers name off of that to avoid getting notification in the mail...each thing is just another shot of pain for me. 

i did speak to my friend, who is a vet, and i have looked at the studies at this point as well as counter views of this.  basically there is some merit but there is also some major flaws in the studies.  mostly, it is a retrospective study..it doesn't take into consideration things such as diet, genetics, obesity.  there is also a large number of animals spayed/neutered in this country...over 80% so that can impact the results of a retrospective study.  another aspect is finances i would say....who are the ones taking their dogs to places to have major surgeries done where these studies were conducted.  which of those dogs are not altered..often that is the cream of the crop, the breeders/show dogs so that further impacts the results possibly.  

that being said, there may be some negative impacts to early neutering.  i can accept that.  i take full responsibility for that.  overall i support neutering as it decreases the number of animals out there to be dumped in shelters...again, i pay for dogs so i am part of the problem.  i should be selecting from the animals that are already out there. rescues in Alaska are rarely of the breed types that i prefer and that is the point of breeding dogs to begin with...to have awareness of certain qualities that can be counted on. 

sadly, many shelters are filled with breeds and breed combinations that just are not ones that i desire.  so that makes me a terrible person in some folks eyes. we can't please everyone i guess.  so we just have to make our own decisions and live with it.  up here it is mostly sled dog/husky crosses.  high energy dogs that tend to stray, no matter when or if you neuter them.  certain breeds are prone to certain genetic issues so it is possible that the time of neuter just worsens these risks. i suspect some breeders love these studies as they can then point to the owners/vets for failings instead of their breeding programs. 

there are also a lot of shepherd and pit crosses...more breeds that do not interest me. 

i often feel oddly guilty about getting the puppy, like i am somehow disrespecting Tusker.  i do know that this is not true...my heart was broken and the puppy was a patch for the pain.  was that wise...? we shall never know really i guess.  he has been a great distraction for me.  i guess others do other things to distract themselves from pain of loss.  that is how many non-profits get started. it's also how many laws end up getting created. from pain comes action.  

more from the October trek and below from our overnight to Manitoba. above is clam gultch

will need to get these dogs walked before i head to work. a worn out puppy is less likely to nibble at his incision. still debating how to leave him tonight. now that he has access to the dog door i kind of want to allow that access.  one friend suggested preventing him from having access to upstairs just to decrease the area...may be a good idea.

birds leaving and heading south. 

yesterday i also had a Dr appointment of my own.

after Tusker passed i was in such a state of stress and distress that i was having pvc's...premature ventricular ectopy.  these stopped after i got the puppy.  taking antianxiety medications also helped decrease their frequency. yes, i take antianxiety medications at times. not daily but i had originally gotten the medications for flights, since covid my stress and anxiety have increased. the dog loss just exacerbated this.  i am back to just as needed.  prior to Sunny's surgery most recent.  

bums me out to admit that i have the chronic issue of anxiety but finding ways to decrease that anxiety is key and i think just admitting it as an issue is key to that.  

heard of a travel nurse in the lower 48 who left his assignment midshift.  initially they found his vehicle on a bridge but i have heard they have found his body.  health care workers are under a lot of stress, many workers are, teachers are very stressed from what i hear.  

speaking to my Dr she was also having some issues with rapid heart rate and this ceased when she took a much  needed vacation to Hawaii. we are all under stress and need to be extra kind to each other. 

we did an ekg, just an electrical snap shot of the heart, which looked just find.  we also did lab work which was also normal. so we will just monitor it all.  i have a great Dr.  she loves dogs as well and totally understands the stress of this loss.  

dang headaches....

there is so much i did not get done on my to do list.  it's distressing some times how little i accomplish 

i keep putting off getting the Element started.  the instructions said to have someone there when you hook up the charger. that gave me pause.  get nervous dealing with the battery, which is fairly unreasonable i realize. 

the frozen waterfalls along the side of the road are so beautiful.  

it was great to stop and relax after driving on the glare ice coming back from Manitoba. 

here is our little overnight yurt

the puppy did really great.

overall, he seems to be adapting well to life here. he's pretty mellow...i mean he is a puppy so they are never totally mellow.  that being said, Butch was super mellow even at a young age. he was 6 months old when i got him.  my males have tended to be neutered younger and the females a bit older. so far none of my personal dogs have lived longer than 12 years. i have no explanation for that. maybe i wear them out, or the diet i feed is a factor or i'm just not a great owner. way too many factors. they have shorter lives but they have spoiled and happy lives.  i waited until after her first heat with Ivy.  not sure i will do that again.  dogs in heat...eek!!

took us a bit of time to get the place warmed up.  

plenty of naps at this end. i'm good with that. i love to nap

he's already gotten so much taller

i do not have the answers to any of life's big questions. i only have the answers that work for me.  i can only do so much and then you just have to accept what comes.  Tusker died too young.  the age he was neutered had zero impact on that.  Rio lived longer than a dog her size normally does. she was spayed later. i just think there are many factors in how long dogs live and what things kill them in the end. 

correlation isn't equal to causation. 

i just hope that we all get to enjoy our pets as long as possible for as healthy a life as possible. i do know we all love our pets equally and all want the best for our pups and kitties. my friends are top notch and amazing dog owners across the board. 

all the dogs i know in my circle are spoiled and happy.  we all just want the best for them and i know we make decisions we believe are in their best interest.  we may not always agree on everything but i do believe we respect each other and support each other in the good and bad times. 

all hail to the puppies in our lives.  they bring us joy and happiness and security.  this has been especially true in the times of Covid.  the pets have made a huge impact in my own sanity and stress levels.  i come home to them and i'm greeted by a round of joy, comfort and happiness. 

hoping this headache chills before work.  sometimes just the fresh air will help

can't' believe how long his legs got since this photo a few weeks ago.  crazy how fast they grow

i'm trying to take lots of photo's but puppies move fast so many turn out blurry. 

the waterfalls are so pretty. not sure what the warm up did to them. will have to make some drives..

my gear was much better packed for the walk out. better organized. 

i'm guessing these ice candle things melted completely with the warm up.  i have ice hearts that are frozen again...my first batch thawed though. 

i need to pick up some food coloring.

camping with friends.

look how tiny he is here...

he weighed in at 30 pounds the other day. 5 pounds growth in less than 10 days i think.

the cats are tolerating him more and more. 

ivy has her moments of annoyance but she seems to enjoy him as well. puppies have a way of working their way in.

grateful for A. the ability to have choices and make choices.  B. the internet, it has information to support any viewpoint. haha. C. a clear ekg and lab exam

Sunny Solstice Boy...

 

so i took a step in the healing process that i would not normally recommend or do...but here we are.  

i had put myself on some doodle sites as i figured later in spring or fall i would be wanting to get a puppy...there are often waiting lists. well this guy popped up. he's a standard poodle, though can't be registered because he has some white spots on him.  i found those to be cute though 

i went to meet him and decided to bring him home. 

he is so far fairly calm and very snuggly. this evening he has mastered the stairs so i have to keep leaving computer to check on him.

he is 13 weeks old and over 20 pounds already.  

he is snuggling in with Ivy Rose as well.  she's given him a few grumbles here and there, but over all i think she will adjust and likes him.  this morning as i hit the shower he began crying and howling. Ivy came running up the stairs to be with him and the howling stopped. 

the first night he was howling and barking a lot, which i was starting to think, oh no, what have i gotten myself into!  he's doing much less of that today as he gets more settled and confident. 

the first few days i had to carry him down the stairs, he'd gotten the up but not the down.  today he got the up.  the dog door is still not something he's warmed up to. figured that is okay for the moment. 

i was in too much physical pain after the loss. the ectopy was concerning. i do have an appointment but i haven't had any more ectopy.  my anxiety has decreased since this all happened.  a great distraction i think....my emotional support dog. 

he's so far not really being too obnoxious with the cats.  Miss Breezy loves dogs so she has been cozying up to him already.  covid cat is a bit more stand off but he has plenty of places to jump up onto to escape the curious pup. he's not really giving the cats much focus. 

he's also not mouthy yet.  rarely he's been caught attempting to chew so stuff to watch for down the road.  hoping the extra time with mom increased his manners.  there were 12 in litter, two died, ( they were in the same sack)

i keep checking on him as he's quiet downstairs with Ivy Rose. he's always just chilling down there. that first night he would howl and bark anytime i wasn't right next to him.  he has attached himself to me...he knows he belongs here already.  

it almost feels like Tusker knew that my heart was broken and i'd need a pup to help with the healing process. 

so i named him Sunny Solstice Boy since he came over the solstice week and he seems to be bringing light back into our world. i call him Sunny or Sunny Boy.  he seems to like it.  several other options came out.  always crazy trying to come up with a name.  

so far he's had two walks in the bog today. yesterday he did part of the bog and the night we got home he just went to the mailbox and back.  at first you just want the dog to get used to having a collar and leash on.  he's done pretty well.  

will hope for on calls at work this week, but do have a few folks set up to take him in this first week if needed.  of course, it's also New Years so fireworks and being alone could be a terrible thing.

so far, knock on wood, no accidents in the house. 

he's bound to have a few though. the dog door saved me the last round of pups.  

it will be strange to have a full poodle.  a new experience. will have to find a groomer and make sure i get the puppy cut and not some strange poodle cut. 

here was my working list of possible names. internet/thesaurus searches were done. 

in the end, like the decision to let Tusker go, some decisions you just have to make on your own ultimately.  this one was at least not as painful and more fun.  still it can all feel a bit stressful and overwhelming right now.  i think it just doesn't take much right now to make me feel overwhelmed. 

woke from a nap yesterday to this scene....it is helping to distract me from the recent loss of Tusker.  you can never replace a lost dog and they all leave their own special mark on your heart. 

he's just sitting by the couch next to Ivy Rose. 

the temperatures have warmed.  it's sad actually, though i guess nice to not be going outside in 15 below for potty breaks....now it's lots of ice though. 

just hit the bog.  less tennis ball time for Ivy Rose.  worry about slipping and her knees.  that will always be a worry after her surgery. 

he's not a crazy eater but i'm trying to fill him up when i can.  he runs back and grabs a few.  i think he likes the food i'm switching him to better than what she was feeding. 

i made a brave run to the local PetSmart last night.  took both he and Ivy Rose inside.  i put him inside a cart.  it went okay. 

i think he's gonna get pretty big. she said 60 pounds maybe....i'd be surprised if he was only 60 pounds...but of course, poodles are taller and thinner than labs so perhaps that will be the case. 

a different look on their muzzle.  

we shall see how life goes as a poodle owner. 

who would have thought.  

may try to paint a few rocks for Tusker tonight.  a week or so ago i was brushing Ivy Rose and i went to remove the hair and there was still Tusker hair in the brush so i stopped. i think i have a bag of their hair so i may see if i can have  a hat made with the design of the paw and heart in their fur.  could be very cool to have one with their fur mixed together.  keep them together forever that way. 

Tuskers photo's will crop up on here as i still have lots of old photos to add in....so i'll do that over time. 

felt almost embarrassed to tell people i'd gotten a puppy.  feared people would think it was ridiculous and too soon. they have been supportive. it was impulsive i know but i really felt it was the best thing for my healing. 

this is the sky the day i found the puppy.  i woke to this.  Ivy and i hit Ruths with friends and then I went to meet the puppy.  they stopped by to meet puppy yesterday. he's had some visits and he's been so well behaved.  Ivy gets jealous and tries for the attention.  trying to do all i can to make sure she knows she is still top dog 

i think she's happy Sunny is not all that interested in the tennis ball...seemed to be her main concern. 

he has already done some successful fetch.  we've tried some basics.  he isn't impressed with the training treats.  he may be more excited by squeaky noises.  i'll need to look for training classes for him. 

the to do list.  get him insurance, get him a vet appointment made.  Breezy is due for a visit as well so hopefully i can schedule them together. 

the covid numbers in the state have increased. the intubated perhaps up a smidge from a few weeks ago. lots of travel nurses still so i will try for on call if it's available.  take advantage of that. 

so different from a few nights ago.  he's now sleeping by Ivy Rose downstairs. her on the couch and him beside the couch.  

i took the tree down.  it was pretty dry and i figured why risk the lights and needles and ornaments with the new puppy.  

as Ivy and Tusker were only 5 i still had quite  a few dog toys and chew toys so i didn't feel the need to get much of that.  will just have to figure out what works for him for training.  my labs and doodles were always pretty treat motivated. 

my sweet Ivy.  she's such a good girl.  

this scene really warmed my heart. 

she has grumbled a few times, but you expect that with a new puppy in the house.  it's actually preferred. the older dog will hopefully teach the puppy a few manners.  

he saw his first biker.  i had pulled both dogs off the trail for that this morning.  this afternoon there was a big dog kind of tugging towards us. he seemed a bit more anxious after that and less bouncy on the trail for a bit.  it's all about gaining some confidence.  he still has some vaccines so limited walking for a bit. 

puppies jump between your legs so i joked i may trip and break an arm so i may not have to worry about getting on calls.....hopefully not.  there was a time at the beginning of covid where i would have welcomed a broken limb to get out of work.  i have some more understanding why a soldier would shoot their own foot. 

better go keep on eye on the furs. i'll be thrilled if he's not a huge chewer/biter and trains fairly easily. probably will feel easier after having two at once last round. 

plus last time i had total of 3 dogs at the same time. i was pretty exhausted. 

grateful for A. the distraction of Sunny Boy B. feeling less or no ectopy of late. C. support and kindness.