my heart is broken. i had hoped we could find what was wrong and correct it. it wasn't meant to be though. here are just a few old pics of the best dog in the world (one of the many that have come through my life) i had made her burger and rice and called after midnight last night. they had just fed her and she was eating great. the hope and plan was that she would come home in the morning so i decided not to make a second visit in the wee hours.
i lay down and was drifting to sleep when the phone rang after 1:30 am sometime i think. she was gone....
can't say i have ever cried that hard. it was painful, my cry. this dog was such an amazing dog. everything a person would hope for in a dog, it was in Blossom. she had her quirks as we all do, but they were as adorable as she is.
had to pull myself together enough to get down to the vets with the puppies so we could see her and they could start to understand. how much do they understand. i have no idea. they sniffed her several times. anxious at times, calm other times, mostly just excited and freaked by stuff puppies get nuts about..a dog with a cone in the waiting room, a big face picture of a cat in the room where we were with Blossom.
i really couldn't keep myself together. i needed to bawl and bawl i did. i'm usually pretty composed i'd say. no way to get myself together last night though. when i did return home i spent much of the night curled up in a ball crying.
wanted this, the greatest dog ever, to live forever. sadly, she only lived to 11, but that is still more years than many get with their dogs so i know i should be grateful for each day of joy this dog brought me.
in truth, after Rio passed almost a year ago i know she missed her terribly. all that she was to me i could never be enough for her. she adored me, don't get me wrong. she just had that special dog bond with Rio Catalina. she enjoyed much of her last year of life, but i suspect she was happy to be greeted by her dear friend Rio and they will wait together for the day that i join them at the rainbow bridge...because i'm totally planning on going to dog heaven. i've put my request in repeatedly. i will happily throw frisbees and tennis balls forever.
i think the puppies were a joy to her. with two of them she was able to sit out and let them play together when she wasn't feeling up to it and she could join in when she was feeling up to it. i will miss her. i have lost 3 very dear pets in under a year. that is just not right. each one hit me harder, but this one, on top of the others...it beat me down and at times last night i felt waves of such sadness.
i have had an amazing amount of support which i am grateful to all for. so many positive and supportive comments on facebook, texts, calls...
it's a bit of a blur this entire weekend. i know today i am exhausted...yet here i am awake still. i think i will swig some nyquil sleepytime and try and get some real sleep soon.
i am grateful that i have so many friends and family who are genuinely caring and loving towards me. i am also grateful for so many on facebook who have been there in comments who i do not know. many who are on a doodle site who just were kind and supportive to a total stranger. it's good to see that, especially in the light of all the negative crap going on in our nation right now. to unify a people apparently all you have to do is talk about dogs. everyone is pretty universally for dogs.
mud, water, tennis balls, frisbee's, these are a few of Blossoms favorite things. she rarely growled and when she did, well it was deserved. she was a great watch dog. i am already seeing the pups trying to figure out how to watch dog. i recall when i lost Huey when Blossom was 6 months old. you could see she was anxious for the first weeks, taking on new roles. i see that in these two now as well. the older dog is a rock to them. they depend on them and find safety in them. hoping they learned what they could from her...they couldn't have had a better example of best dog behavior.
tried to slip in some older pictures of her...and a younger me is not so bad either. dog owners mark time in their lives by which dog joined them on lifes adventures.
here she is with Rio Catalina. they are together again. i must take some comfort there and i'm grateful to have the puppies as a distraction. they have many needs and that will help me move forward i'm sure.
the pups are a bit off their feed. it was confusing to them eating without her there. it's part of the routine. so today i sat down by where Blossom would eat and i ended up mixing the burger/rice into their bowls and leaving a bit in Blossoms old bowl so they could sneak in after and finish her bowl. they ate better in the pm.
today was again the Monday walk. Blossom didn't miss one while she was alive, even walking last Monday. she walked until that last day of life. so her quality of life was not much diminished by all her odd symptoms. i suspect the symptoms would have worsened more and quickly. i still think there was some issue with her ability to get food down or keep it down and that she probably did for them the same thing she had done Sat night with me. the vet thought perhaps it was her heart. we will never have all the answers in this and it's the first time a death in a pet wasn't a planned event. that made it much more difficult.
my sneaky friends started learning early this morning about what had happened with Blossom. like Rio she had become friend and dog to many humans. they texted each other and came up with a plan to try and make today not so awful for me.
this pics are a combination of several phones and photographers. sorry i can't remember who took which ones. i think Karen, Sandra and I? Karen read the very popular tale of the rainbow bridge...if you haven't read it, look it up. it's always touching to the pet lover. then i released colorful balloons. then we passed around food coloring and created a rainbow in the water...and then, well we still had food coloring so we made an actual rainbow bridge at the creek where Blossom always lay down, relaxed and had a drink of water.
one lady out walking a crew of dogs was not happy that her dogs walked through this but she made an attempt to not be nasty about it upon learning that there had been a dog death.
Ivy in true Ivy form got herself coated with many colors. i'm sure Tusker did as well, but who could tell.
personally, Ivy with color suits her personality...i may have to color the girl up more often.
somewhere along the trail she lost her collar. no idea where it went. Ivy on the loose and collarless!! that could be a problem.
later i had to go buy her a new collar. i need to get the new tag on there now that i'm thinking about it. at the petsmart i decided to put his collar on her to get her inside for a fitting. in my tired state i think, both pups escaped the car and were now collarless running mad in the parking lot. thankfully, some kind folks helped me wrangle them up. then i just left them in the car and took the collar inside.
Blossoms collar...all i have left of my girl. each day will be better i guess, but i almost think these dog loses get harder and harder on me. you never get used to it. the docs and crew at the clinic did a wonderful job. very grateful to them for that.
with a favorite family before my actual visit with an improving Blossom yesterday. thankfully, she and i did have a lovely visit and in that room i did say all those things you want to say. i know she doesn't understand all the words but i suspect my feelings were clear to her. i do hope she knows what a wonderful companion she has been and how proud i was of her for being so well behaved and personable.
crew on the trail...thanks to all of you!!
Ivy looking at dogs out the back window.
more of the trail crew.
on to Kaladi's for the post walk crew. joined by a few more friends.
the rainbow bridge...hoping i do not have to send any animals there for many years to come. we have decided that my dogs will go from 10 years to 12 years from now on. we will just skip that jinxed age in the future. problem solved.
stopped at the clinic to clear the vet bill and got insurance papers ready to send off. thought i'd toss a photo in the last one so they can see her.
smiling on a terrible day. i have my many wonderful friends to thank for that. the puppies too are great snugglers.
i mean who couldn't look at this girl and now smile. she's adorable.
grateful for: A. Blossom, one of the best dogs on or off the earth....i think very highly of her B. puppies as a distraction and comfort C. amazing friends and family who are kind and supportive.
