some things will never fix....

 

people are just different and think differently and see the world differently.  some demand answers and some ask no questions and if they do and that makes them feel uncomfortable they do not ask more.  i was always one who asked questions and then i demanded more answers if those questions weren't answered or if the answers seemed suspect. some would rather live the life they have then dream of a different life. 

watched the FDLS series on NetFlix "stay sweet, pray and obey". the regular Mormon church i was raised in was not at this level but there are some similarities which feels a bit creepy.  it's just mormonism on steroids and gone more mad. the mormons have plenty of bizarre beliefs and actions. 

even with all that came out about warren jeffs he still has thousands of followers out there in the communities he built and groomed. many are just more comfortable, like i said, in what is known to them. 

at this point, as i mentioned in a previous post. i feel sad for those who stay with things and don't ask the questions.  it's how they choose to live and the truth is they feel sad for me because in their mind i walked away from eternal life...of course, there are so many scare tactics and threats to keep you on the path to this eternal nirvana that you can spend your life on earth in hell with no real assurance that you will obtain this eternal glory.  

in the fdls cult he would kick boys out at age 13 just because boys would grow up to be men who would complete for the wives.  when you wants over 40 wives you gotta get rid of the guys.  kids were taken away from parents as well and sent off to the zion location in texas. also fathers who were competition to the leaders would be kicked out and their wives and children dispersed.  

there is a whole lot of sex going on but none of it sounds like it's good sex. 

pretty lazy today. did get to the dog park. there are some fires burning some place so Anchorage was pretty hazy and smoky. not great for activity and lungs. gas prices are high so not feeling a big desire to drain the tank too quickly.  the past few days i've been pondering getting the little inflatable kayak up and running and hitting the pond.  perhaps tomorrow will be the day. 

still coughing up crap.  mostly clear to white.  thick at times.  sats and lungs seem good. still the coughing is exhausting.  no meds except the inhalers  and at night i tend to take a bit of the stronger cold medication. get the rest. 

i just do not buy in to the idea that God requires special names and gestures and handshakes to get into heaven. seems pretty petty if you lived a good life to have you stand there at the pearly gates being denied because you don't know the proper handshake.  i'm not really clear on the whole spirits having sexual identity or hands for that matter. 

in the mormon world being a female in heaven sounds like reproducing new spirits for eternity. again...male and femaleness seems a strange ask for a spirit. i'd be more of a reincarnationist, come back in different lives for different experiences, those life experiences could be as a male or female or even as a trans or any other possibility. there is way too much to learn in life experiences for there to just be one chance it seems. 

those fdls folks and others in high demand religions or cults basically give up their chance to learn and grow as they jump through bizarre hoops trying to obey and pray and whatever...but perhaps there are things that one wanted to learn and being in a cult was just the way that those things will be learned.  i'm happy i was a question asker though. i like the journey i'm on way better than the one i was headed for as a mormon. 

i questioned things at a pretty young age. so many things just didn't make sense or didn't seem at all fair or right. the older i got the more i questioned. thankfully, i ran into others who helped me see the world differently.

the back deck pots are potted now.  there are many projects i should be working on.  do some repairs.  stuff i can do. just have to youtube a few things. just have to get out of lazy mode.

one brother i didn't expect to visit is going to visit and one i thought was going to visit isn't. i never believe much until i know tickets are bought. should be fun.  i do enjoy visitors.  

did some rock painting last night. haven't done too much of late of that. of late though i was sick so sleeping is probably normal when you are sick. 

i can get pretty hammered by cold bugs. 

these are from a trek to Valdez. the summer is already flying by.  we are already to the 12th. 

the worthington glacier has receded a lot.

liked this adorable drawing for Ukraine. 

russia is slamming them hard.  destroying everything they touch.  using torture and rape as weapons of war. sick jerks. 

the hearings on the Jan 6 riots/coup attempt have started so that is taking up air time. many just won't watch, but many are tuning in.  of course, faux news has opted to just not cover the hearings at all but instead tell their watchers what to think of what they tell them is on there. 

people in high demand religions/cults/conspiracy crack addicts are groomed to not ask questions as i said.  so this is how it will go for them with anything trump. they will mostly ignore any facts or truth and instead believe what makes them feel comfortable.  they do not want their world view questioned or altered.  they see things how they see things and nothing like facts or evidence will sway them. 

the rest of these are from March. 

Iditarod restart.  always fun.

not sure where this hat came from...i think off a dog toy

found a bag of rocks as i was running low this was very nice find. 

sunset at the dog class.

not sure what disasters await us all next.  putin is still nuts.  gas prices are nuts, the cost of groceries is nuts. 

so far other than the gas and groceries i'm hanging in there.  enjoying my simple little life with the pets. 

the annual iditarod event below. 

Sunny had fun chasing a new friend. his legs were so short just a few months ago. he's got a big poofy head of hair now.  he does look more like a poodle now.

made this cart for my rock painting supplies

some of my rocks. still make some rainbows. i think i always will.  i've lost so many great pets over the years.  have been lucky with the greatest dogs and cats though. they never live long enough.  it gets harder to say goodbye to them the older i get.  they are more of the family now.

shot of the neighborhood.  the sunset varies where it happens up here.  in the winter it's more easy to see, in the summer its more in the back yard.  

yesterday my friend and i walked powerline pass. it was perfect out. as we were headed back it started to rain.  i love rain and it just made me so happy and lifted me up so much yesterday.  we met many nice folks along the walk. we got back to the lot and one couple had a cute puppy.  they were nice enough to just let theirs off leash so the pups could chase each other and play. some people you just meet and know you could be friends with them.  as i drove down the hill after the walk i stopped to look at some flowers on the side of the road. they pulled over to make sure we were okay.  just seem like really good people. 

had a lovely meal tonight of some salmon.  i'll get some more salmon tomorrow from friends, thanks GT. i had gotten some out this morning to thaw out. my lucky dogs got the salmon leftovers.  that is how sweet it is to be an Alaskan dog. fresh salmon. 

in our one class. ill have to get him signed up again when the summer ends. 

he's smart and i need to encourage myself to challenge him more. i was really good with Blossom and Tusker/Ivy but i have been more of a slacker with him. not that he's terribly trained just that i want to get him better trained. it's fun to have a well trained dog.  

he's helping walk his new friend. 

we saw a moose and her two calves yesterday on the trail. they were far enough off, like this one.  

i know Sunny will bark.  he's a bit of a barker. 

Covid Cat has a productive morning yesterday.  caught and killed two shrews/voles.  not sure what they are.  at least they were both outside and not brought inside. 

he seemed quite proud of himself. 

such a good boy though. 

the now annual igloo in the bog.  

chilling in class

love to watch the animals sleep.  they are so peaceful. i best head to bed. 

thankful for A. that i was not raised flds. B. that i have a questioning mind C. that i never got further indoctrinated. i'll take my chances at the pearly gates. 

Sunny's first trip to Homer Sunday!

 

bit of a chill in the air right now.  booked a dog room for Sunday and Monday nights. hopefully, our Sunny Boy enjoys Homer as much as we do.  will have to do some extra training to prevent barking. new place, new situation.  we are slated for room 12.  not ocean side but will be larger and further from other rooms. 

i guess it's Easter Sunday. things  i pay less and less attention to these days. not really all that pleased with the God of Christians these days. how can a loving and just God just sit by while children are made to watch their parents get shot, watch their Moms get raped and then get raped themselves. 

people post things about this loved one doing well post op because of prayer or this loved one benefiting from prayer...while all i can think of is all the most sincere and pain filled prayers going up from Ukraine that are seeming to be ignored. how are the cries of thousands ignored while other, even at times trivial prayers get top priority.  lost your car keys say a little prayer..

God must be busy elsewhere or not all that interested in our lives. 

multiple renditions of the rising from the dead of Christ.  the bible was written many years post Jesus visit. people can't tell fact from fiction of things that are happening right now...how could any of them be expected to remember in fine detail what they heard from what they heard. literal translation...that seems a push.  the bible's God was brutal at times.  

the books i was raised to believe are even more difficult to fathom. again so many renditions and so many facts that just never add up.  it's really a matter of a house of cards.  that is how i saw it so many years ago.  if the premise of a thing is malarkey and so fallible the entire house of cards crumbles.  the stories i heard of Joseph Smith were rather altered from reality as well.  he was more of a con than a prophet it seems...and a rapid polygamous to boot.  why is it that so many who create/lead religions use that power to gain finances and women. 

not really clear how the bunny became a symbol of the resurrection? it feels like as time passes this becomes more like Christmas.  a bunny themed gift grab. 

i'm guessing that isn't the Easter tribute you expected.  i guess if you know me, that may be exactly the Easter tribute you would expect. 

so i'd much rather be in Homer than in a church. 

as i do believe. i truly hope that if there is an almighty God he is not wasting his time with me at this moment but is instead focused on helping those poor souls in Ukraine fight off Putins killing machine. 

always felt egotistical to believe that there was an almighty, all powerful God that cared whether i had a glass of wine with dinner or even if i had consensual sex with someone. with the tragedies that exist on this planet my small infractions seem pretty insignificant. 

for whatever the big picture is i feel we are here to learn and grow and you just can't do that in a box. you can't hold tight to the iron rod and experience the life that is out there. fear keeps people holding the rod. i sense at the pearly gates they will be asked why they clung to the iron rod instead of making a leap of faith and risking the happiness that comes with the unknown out there. 

changes in my life have been stressful and terrifying at times, but the reward has been so great for being willing to make those leaps into the unknown. the experiences, the people, the ideas.  it's been beyond life altering to listen to people from all sorts of walks of life.  to experience new places as well as new people.  to enjoy the beauty of this earth.  

having worked in medicine i think another question many will be asked is why did they prolong the suffering of their loved ones when it was clear they were only doing so because they couldn't bear to part with them.  

i felt that with Tusker.  it broke me to make that decision but you do have to chose your own suffering and pain over your loved ones pain and misery. if Christians heaven is such an amazing place, and those who have had near death experiences seem to agree it is, why hold back anyone you love if it means they will suffer.

the return of Jesus seems to have been lessons in forgoing crazy religious rules and instead focusing on some basic advice. love one another.  treat others as you would wish to be treated and do not judge. we were not meant to be theologians. we were meant to embrace the new message. Jesus is depicted often as a white male by many conservative Christians.  he seems to have been more of a wanderer. living on minimal means, giving what he had to others. he was accepting of others, even the sinners out there. 

we are all sinners, we are all fallible. nature would do better without us.  it has it's own checks and balances.  we, through sheer number throw off the balances. the earth creates ways for us to he held accountable 

a virus comes to mind.  wars as well. decrease the population. 

putin is enjoying watching the world squirm as he drops the possibility of dropping nukes. i think he may have more nukes than us. how well have they been maintained.  one does have to question that.  where to fire them to? i have no idea the workings of a mad man.  he seems to be starting to risk combat from multiple forces. i'm not sure he is keen on getting the US involved in a war. he's pissed off Finland and Japan for sure. could he manage a battle on multiple fronts. 

he can do a crap ton of damage, death and destruction with even poorly maintained equipment.  

the human and animal costs have been large on both sides. the brutality appears to be more one sided however. 

the best us peons can do is enjoy our lives. you can't get lost in the what if's.  there are just so many things that i can not control.

my three nights were all spent in the ER.  i actually got to come home early by a few hours the first two nights. no such luck last night. it was fine.  i turned in the paper to go from .9 to .75, which just drops one shift every other week. others do say it's been a game changer for them.  i can always try to pick up that shift, especially in the winter months. you make the leaps in life for your own sanity. you can always return to the old plan or just make a totally new plan.  

better get some rest today so i can pack a bit tomorrow.  

i was able the other night to take down the old railing down railing out front on the deck. it's seemed more of a hazard half way up. so what next..we shall see. pondering whether to redo the upstairs bathroom flooring vs the big room so i can change out doors or just get an estimate on the downstairs. the downstairs will be more expensive. 

the snow is mostly melting in the front yard so i have done some starter raking and sweeping out there.  the back yard is mostly ice and mud.  it's melting super fast though.  would like to get someone out again to get the spring clean up done. i'm scared of my weed whacker. 

i also need to get the Element in for that tire issue. i did manage to get bills paid tonight and the dogs walked today. i tend to do a little puppy grooming every day and often times i pull out the clippers and make some more changes on his coat. 

legs and head long, body and face shorter.  we shall see.

i did pull up the last wee pad as the little guy hasn't needed it for many weeks at this point. still do at least one round of training plus all the stuff you do with a new dog just out of necessity. we did a walk in the neighborhood and around the bog the other day. no moose spotted. 

i put out a few of my Ukraine rocks for peace and hope to make more.  may take my paint pens to Homer to paint rocks.  will be a great opportunity to collect more rocks for painting.  will take a few bags for the various beaches.  

Homer for me is very much about the drive to and from.  

we ran into another standard poodle this day.  this one was about 8-9 months i think.  super cute. i haven't clipped Sunny's face that short yet.  will be a learning process.

i do like to see his eyes. 

covid is still not exploding again here. good news there. i hit Cost co today and i braved no mask.  figure i'll wait and see about the next booster. it doesn't last all that long it seems so i'd rather wait and take it as the numbers begin to rise when it would do the most good. this new one BA-2 is another omicron version.  that was a weaker deal.  far fewer hospitalized and even less requiring intubation. 

so hoping we are moving to endemic over pandemic.  Shanghai is a madness.  total lock downs for weeks and weeks and weeks. people unable to leave their homes.  their gates locked, doors taped.  i heard a rumor if you test positive you are taken elsewhere and if you have a pet it is taken away and killed. seems if you have vaccinated the general population, which i'd guess there you aren't given the freedom to choose. it seems overkill on a vaccinated population to have such severe, draconian lock downs and all i can think of is the many whiners her who bitch when they are asked to wear a mask. 

expansion kills dictators.  sadly it may take some time before this asshole is taken down . he has a lot of fire power so no idea what the human suffering will be before it's all over. we are giving a great deal of support but the sad reality is we give a few billion in equipment and putin gets over 30 billion for oil and gas which goes to his military. not cutting the tap is just ensuring the death and destruction continues. if that tap cut off, perhaps that would be the shot heard round the world.  we can't be  held hostage to putins threats of nukes.  will he be killed if he goes to make that move? we really have no idea what state the people around him are.  i hope the russians love their children too..STing. 

tax day.  mine are done and my refund arrived.  i moved it to savings. hopefully that will work for tile either in the bathroom of the main room.  

time to start doing more spring clean up and purging of crap that has collected over the past seasons.  the free pile may have to make it's appearance in the front yard. 

wasn't sure how my gut would do at work.  every so often post gall bladder surgery....my gut rebels at certain food intake.  it can be a bit unpredictable.  thankfully, it is not a common occurrence. then comes the is that a fart or a shart or worse? the little game that is not fun to play at work.  it all settled in eventually, but then i was, of course, famished.  of course, the food i'd  brought to work was the same as what may have been the culprit so i didn't want to eat more of that. 

overall good nights in the ER. good crews. 

as i was checking in last night a co-worker surprised me by asking if i'd paint her a rock with mountains.  will have to meander Pinterest for some ideas for it.  

this face is so sweet. he's still a great snuggler.  haven't weighed him, but i am very curious where we are.  he's got no mass but he's got these crazy long legs.

the cat chasing continues. mostly Covid Cat.  Miss Breezy Chatterbug seems to handle it better.  she stands her ground and acts very confident. 

my boy Covid is a bit more hesitant.  

i'm for sure drifting at this point. 

guess i should get off this computer and head to bed.  lots of rambling on here today.

can't think of any new personal news. trucking along. 

did call my sister as it's her Birthday.  Birthdays i will try to call, otherwise i have dropped way back to making any family calls. i think mostly i fear hearing that they are even ambiguous of this all.  or that they support and believe putins propaganda.  

it's like that whole, "he's just not that into you" but it's my family.  expectations are painful.  it felt like time to let them go.  i will attend the reunion but i do plan to make myself available rather than do anything to push myself. i have thought of calling as in the past i would attempt to call one or more of them each week as these are rarely if ever returned...at some point you just have to accept the limitations of relationships.  that the limits are put there by others and all you are doing is beating your head against the wall. 

thankful for A. these sweet mugs.  B. the prospect of an escape to Homer.  packing day tomorrow.  C.  fun and excellent co-workers.