heading to work...

 headed that way last night.  ran into a coworker in the parking area who was going home on call and not too happy about it.  i volunteered to take her place and happily never was called in all night.  it was my first full day wearing these hose so kinda nice to get out of them for another 12 hours.  i'm not a girl who was ever into hose wearing so it will be strange.  at least it's cold outside.  does take some time to work my way into these things,but i must say the girdle effect isn't too bad.  i look a bit thinner.

 yesterday i took the chance and headed to get the tires changed over.  my studs are pretty bad but i will try and get one more year out of them and then decide whether to go for studs again or some other sort of snow tire next time.  hopefully these are safe through this winter.  while i waited i took the girls to the park by the library.  the geese are gathering there and will soon book.  the local lakes are freezing up fast, won't by many places to get to water very soon.

 hundreds of geese and ducks there actually.  fun to watch them all do loops out there everytime they got spooked.

 wasn't hit by any poop which was good.  as you can see, it was high risk.

 so a somewhat lazy day overall.  have been doing a lot of sighing. looked up excessive sighing on the internet, it's a sign of anxiety.  i do recall being in stressful situations and sighing so that seems conceivable.

 todays paper showed people ice skating out on potters marsh.  this is not something i would do alone.  i did figure that blossom and i could check out the coastal refuge and maybe get some nice photos.  it was nicely iced over but we did hit one spot that blossom fell through.  luckily, the water out there is not very deep.  blossom needed my help to get out of the hole created when she went through and the water below is stinky and mucky...as you can see below.  i had cleats and was able to get to her for a quick rescue without any concerns really.  blossom was happy to turn around and head back to the car at that point though.

 so i took her to the dog park to get her the walk she needed. i'd already stopped at the pet co for a new chuck it for her.  i'd left without it and since i had rio settled i didn't want to return and disturb her...i know i have very spoiled dogs.  if these were human kids i would never have been so accomadating.

 the lake is nearly frozen over itself.  blossom is still not to be trusted in these nearly frozen areas so her play time was curtailed and she was mostly leashed.  dogs don't always learn from lessons taught by nature.  oh well.  i did play with the chuck it on the sledding hill at the refuge so it wasn't like she got no exercise.  

 so not many photo's these past few days.

 more geese.

 hopefully, i'm not too hot tonight in my digs.  i know i've been a bit anxious over this stuff, i guess i'm a wimp and it probably doesn't help that as a single gal there really isn't anyone in my life to offer support and comfort. that is the down side to single.  in truth there aren't really many downsides.  as you get older though it does get harder to make new friends i think.  i mean people that you really relate to and people who you can depend on.  i think that is true for everyone.  many people i see have made their kids their main friendships and as their kids leave and move on with their own lives, those people get lonely.  i have a lot of people in my life, but i miss having a main person...a best friend as it were. it doesn't help that i tend towards being a loner.

 this guy above cracked me up, he's like that aflac duck. so cute!  a goose with personality!!

 the white ducks are no longer at university lake.  hopefully, they were finally rounded up and taken to a more appropriate home.  someone had written in to the paper that it was ridiculous that people were worried about these ducks when so many humans suffer.  i think people find it easy to rally for animals because they are generally in their situations due to humans or it is by no fault of their own.  these ducks have been bred by humans to lack flight skills, thus making survival unlikely, they were also dumped in this situation by humans.  i'm happy they have been rescued by kind hearted humans.  one wonders how many people the writer of that note has actually helped.

 my phone just rang for another on call.  i really shouldn't take them, but it is a good possibility i'll get called in tonight.  that means overtime.  i rarely get on calls so i'm going to enjoy this mini vacation while i can.

if i don't get called in, the weather continues nice and perhaps i can try for a better walk tomorrow with more photo ops.  these past few days were kinda a bust photo wise, but still got some stuff checked off that list of mine.  a few things go off, a few get added on. made it to the post office to mail a package.  of course, as i arrived all but one clerk took off for some break i guess, then the line grew.  postal workers are in no rush ever and don't seem at all concerned with customers and customer satisfaction.  the quiet grumblings in line were that they should be getting worried about job security, post offices are closing down.  of course we made sure to pretend we were in no hurry, if you act at all upset at the situation it seems they slow down even more...if that is possible.  off to feed dogs, make some dinner and perhaps carve a pumpkin while i have a chance.

argo...great movie

 i was anxious for much of it.  despite knowing the ending, i was still very anxious.  of course, in my heightened state of venous anxiety i was sure that i was about to burst an aneurysm.  surely that was the cause of all my symptoms.  it was anxiety. i just don't do well with these stressful flicks.
loved picture above for some reason.  almost like a flower the rock in the creek with the ice around it.  took the girls out campbell airstrip for a loop.  took me awhile to relax...those poor dogs have to put up with me. obviously i don't cope well with medical issues. i see myself as quite healthy so it's quite the disturbance of my mental force to think i'm not all okay.

 it does occur to me that if you were to do an ultrasound like was done on me on other people who work on their feet, they would have venous insufficiency by this age as well. not everyone gets scanned.  i read some stats on the internet that 50-55% of women of a certain age do have venous issues, yet only 20-25% of them will have visible varicosities.  probably even fewer of those will go in and get an actual ultrasound done.  i had the issue with the thrombophlebitis which prompted me to go in.  still freaks me out.

 another beautiful day out there.  can't complain.  it was 15 degrees when i left the theater tonight.  kim joined me.  very good flick. amazing how much has changed since that occurred, still unrest in the middle east.  that rescue couldn't have occurred these days.. internet and cell phones would have transferred information too rapidly.  was quite the strange plan, but thank god it worked and thanks to canada for graciously taking credit.

 actually went on a few dates with a guy in south dakota when i lived there.  he'd been one of the hostages taken and held for over 400 days.  he was in rapid city reading meters for the electric company. obviously, not the job he was doing when in iran.  it wasn't a topic he was up for discussing.  it was clear that they were terrorized while held a great deal.  lots of guns to the head, shots fired, but no bullets.  can't imagine what that would do to you.  before i left for alaska i ran into him and he said he had actually accepted a position and was heading back to the middle east.  yikes.

 many people out there way braver than i am. i have an amazingly easy life and i am forever grateful for the peace and ease that i am allowed to live in.  myself and my dogs live better than a good percentage of earths citizens.  the world isn't a fair place.  does feel silly complaining about anything considering the lives others live.  overall, i have very good health. i have options. i have choices.  i have rights.

 that guy that went into iran to assist with this rescue went on a suicide mission.  not many out there brave enough and courageous enough to put themselves that far out there for 6 strangers.  it really is a moving tale.

 my flower rock from a different angle.

 got my hose.  they are spendy.  will buy more as i can't wear just these two pair the entire 3 months, plus.  looked like there were more on amazon.  will check back on those.  they were cheaper.  hopefully, i can get reimbursed for these that i bought.

 managed a swim today before meeting kim for the flick.  have been just doing 40-50 lengths.  manageable.

 the clot probably formed on the terrorizing boat trip back from round island i think.  held on tight and really didn't move at all, couldn't.  that trek took 2 hours.  no regrets.   it all happens for a reason.  i try to remind myself the worst of it is past and i wasn't really aware of it at the time.  from what i keep reading it's rare to have a major complication from a thrombus in these more superficial vessels.  i'm telling myself all kinds of stuff to ease my worry.

 bear bread.

 do recommend that movie.  what a crazy idea...i know if i'd been at a desk when that idea came out i would have rolled my eyes and said no way.

 back to reading about womens cancer issues for me ce credits.  it's that time...get er done.

the bed calls me. tomorrow will be first day in stockings.  wish me luck.  am hoping they help just make my legs happier.

ruminate, ruminate, ruminate....

 my brain does like to ruminate, but more on that later.  first happier things.  blossom. she is such a cutie.  rio joined us these past few days on walks.  i needed her nose today to help me feel safe in the woods.  she's pretty good at alerting me to wild animals and  i was out there alone today.  another gorgeous day though.

today i walked out gasline to powerline to tank trail.

 yesterday was monday walk.  amy, karen and lena joined me this week so i wasn't alone.  no signs of bears seen these past few days though, which is always good.  i have seen bear tracks in the fresh snow this time of year before.  they are still out there.  made lots of noise today.  talking to dogs, banging the chuck it on the leash.  i probably sound like a crazy person out there.

 lots of ice out there, layers of it at the creeks.  not sure any of my pictures do it justice.  fun trying though.

 amy and sydney out again.  not sure sydney was all that thrilled, but she did great really!!

 blossom is taking every opportunity to get to the water before it gets totally frozen over.  of course, this means i will be avoiding large bodies of water for a bit.  can't really trust blossom on lakes this time of year.  would hate to have her fall through thin ice.

 sydney gets a meet and greet with the dogs.  i think they look less scary above.  they are a rather large lot.

 the ice is always doing interesting stuff this time of year.

 found some decent pumpkins at carrs yesterday.  ran a few errands.  haven't gotten these guys carved yet.

 also bought a few small pumpkins for my adorable mr potato head pumpkin kits.  they really did turn out cute.  also got the lights hung on the front.

 looks a bit halloweeny around here.

 there is the front deck. of course i'm actually working halloween night so hopefully nobody will be mean to my pumpkins that night.

 some pumpkins i've seen around town looked pretty crappy, these guys look good though.  i would like to make some bread with the guts from the bigger pumpkins.

 my day today...well i had my ultrasound done on my leg.  i for sure have venous insufficiency of the veins.  lots of sloshing around. not good.  the cellulitis was really thrombophlebitis.  looks like it's pretty much shut that vein down at this point.  the superficial saphenous way up is supposed to be like 5mm wide and mine was 12 mm so something will have to be done.  my other leg has issues as well, but isn't causing me issues at this time.  i think i'll feel better just getting one leg done first to see how that goes.  i'm sure the other leg will need work as well.

 felt pretty anxious about the whole thing, working in medicine you see and think the worst possible scenario's...stroke, clots, anuerysms...

 to fix they will run a tube up my vein and then just fry it shut.  scary...seems like such a major vein, but then he did remind me that for all those heart patients they have utilized that vein for years and nobody misses it.  of course, if my vein is crap it will be of no use to me in an open heart surgery.  that did make me feel better realizing people exist without them.  would be great if that could fix the issues.  have to get compression stockings, at least thigh highs and wear those for 3 months before the insurance companies will allow the proceedure to be done.  so  i'll have to get those tomorrow.

 getting old and having parts of your body wear out is really annoying.  it's what it is.  hopefully, all will go well with this and i will be good for many more miles.  i have a few months to dwell on it.  3 months is followup, then wait for insurance approval and then the proceedure.  they do it in the office and supposedly, you are back to baseline within a few days.  may try and take a few days off and plan it for my 6 day stretch off.

 if they thought i was in grave danger they would have sent me to the emergency department.  wonder what they would have done if they'd seen me when this first showed up.  it was probably the flights that got me.  luckily it happened coming home and not out there on round island.

 of course, my brain is playing games with me tonight.  am i short of breath, could it be a pulmonary emboli, is that abdomen pain, could that be an aneurysm....it's easy to get crazy on this sort of stuff.  i want my mommy!!

 went to the pool after the ultrasound.  always good to get some laps in.  have been just sticking to 20 laps, like a half hour.  good enough for a nice workout.

 tried working on the book, but wasn't really focused.  watched mindless television and didn't pay the stepper for it.  should just open a bottle of wine and force my brain to relax.  the fire is going in the fireplace and a glass of wine...could be the answer!  nothing i can do really at the moment to change the facts.

 read some really interesting stuff in the latest national geographic...still an amazing magaine.

 first they had this whole thing on cuba post fidel castro.  such a strange place. i guess there are two currencies at this time.  the people are paid in peso's, but if they want to buy anything they have to use the other currency, cuc's. the peso is worth 1/24th of the cuc.  crazy..so nothing really.  those are used for tourists.  the peso amount they get paid is crap and the cuc's are spendy.  highly educated people are working as taxi drivers as they make little to no money otherwise. all these tricks and schemes to get those cuc's.  many come from relatives in the states.  things are changing, but just kinda crazy overall.

 must be incredibly frustrating but it's also amazing how humans adapt to these strange circumstances and find their way around the obstacles.

 i remember being at the sealife center not too long ago and watching the puffins swim under water, when they darted about all these air bubbles released from them.  tanya and i thought it was strange.  then i am looking at another article in this months nat geo and it's talking about emperor penguins in antarctica and how they release these air bubbles as they propel themselves through the water.  must be similar thing to what i saw with the puffins.the penguins release bursts of tiny air bubbles for short bursts of speed. apparently the air bubbles somehow this cuts drag is said and allows for those bursts of speed.  strange.

 a great issue. cool photos by a photographer that uses a motorized paraglider to soar over sand dunes and capture those.  pretty amazing.

 lots of frost out there today.  patches of it anyway.  the gasline trail down actually had some pretty big patches of ice.  cleats would have been helpful.

 creeks meander down through that area.  cool to look at.

 i'm a bit off kilter sleep wise this week. have been going to bed earlier and then waking earlier as well.  not sure what to make of that. throws off my rhythm.

 occurred to me that i could catch my niece claire at home for a chat today.  got lucky so we chatted a bit.  has been awhile.  always fun to catch up.

 blossom makes her way across the ice.  she was much quicker about it than rio and i were.  poor rio. i've really worked her this week.

 some days you want to talk and it seems nobody wants to listen.  seems like everyone wants to talk, you get  used to listening and can't find a way to be heard anymore. all you can do is listen. guess that is why i miss mom on days like this.  she listened when nobody else would, she was actually interested in what i had to say.  for most people whatever you say just reminds them of the next thing they want to say.  so you never really get heard.  sometimes i talk, but it's just not loud enough and it's not noticed. maybe it's heard, but not at all interesting so it's ignored.

 errands to do tomorrow.  gotta get those support hose.  we shall see how that goes.  at least it's winter and it will be an extra layer.  could get hot, especially at work.  maybe i'll lose weight.  it will be like a girdle so all my jiggly bits will not longer have the ability to jiggle.  i've worn support hose, but they are only knee high and not as tough as what i should be wearing.  oh joy! hate putting those on patients, i know they will help though.

 see more ruminating.

 empty seed pods.

 more crystals.

 i was surprised that blossom never lost her toy today. she kept dropping it in the creek.  at least this one didn't have a hole in it.  yesterdays ball was lost to the ice.  the current drags it under.  of course, that happens to people too.  we lost one lady to a local creek last year, just that way. so sad.  she got trapped under the ice in not so deep water really, the current took her under. how horrible. some stories just haunt you.

 pretty ice formation..water in all forms is lethal though at times, best to always be careful around water.

well, i guess i shall take my ruminating brain to bed and hope it gets relief.