and just like that my brain is screwed...

 

i will be processing this for some time.  in the afternoon i turned on the tv and my gut dropped. the orange fool was going to win. i knew it in my gut. dreadful. i shouldn't be too surprised but it's still just so painful to realize.  i mean, this horrible person got over half the votes. over half the people know what a terrible person he is and still decided this was better than the alternative. 

their hatred is enough to make them sign on with this horrible agenda. 

i have voted against this pos in 3 consecutive elections. it's so clear what a terrible man he is and yet here we are. part of me feels more calm. the fact that i've voted against this 3 x makes me feel that at least i have done what i could to try and stop whatever comes next. whatever that is, it's on these fools who keep checking that box. fools that are now gloating, loving that they get to own the libtards once more, because hate is their agenda. they are too stupid to realize it yet but their fear and hatred was used to manipulate them.  it's on them now though, forever.  they didn't just misunderstand and vote for him once, they've now voted for him 3 times in many cases. 

he's our generations embodiment of Hitler and they have voted for him thrice. how do i feel about that and them? it's hard to just talk about the weather with people who believe this is the best direction for our country.  we are not immune to the most horrible things that humans are capable of. his team has already begun planning for these detention camps they are giddy to put people in.  sadly, many Latino's voted for them and these are exactly the folks they want to detain, deport, even if they have been naturalized...because they want to use some old statutes to denaturalize naturalized citizens. even if eventually, the courts do prevent this from happening, the pain and suffering could be astronomical. 

when in history has detention camps turned out to be a positive thing. how will our society survive a purge of legal and illegal immigrants. many who are now citizens voted against their interest in this and the interest of their loved ones.  his team can't wait to get back to separating families. there are still nearly 1000 kids that were taken from their parents at the border during his last run as potus that have never and will never be returned to their families. 

this Palestine mess was also a big factor in the lefts loss. many who want to support the people of Gaza decided that the Dems aren't doing enough to stop the genocide over there.  that the US sides with Israel too much.  there is some truth in all of that, however, their choice to not vote, vote for trump or vote for a third party probably just caused the death of thousands more Palestinians. Trump would happily build a golf course right over the bodies of these people. he's made it clear he will support anything Israel wants to do to the people of Gaza. 

my heart also breaks for Ukraine. they must be terrified at this moment. Musk and trump have both been in contact with Putin and they fully support him just rolling over Ukraine....and lets face it anyone else he choses to in Europe. trump has wanted to take us out of Nato so that is another horrific plan with terrible consequences. 

not to mention taking gay rights and womens rights and the rights of minorities back 100 years. there are men on the right now chanting, "your body, my choice". that's great. a vast majority of white females voted in favor of all this.  they are so convinced that abortion is just random fetus killing, including after babies are born? total ignorance leads to fear and hatred.  they have been manipulated into watching their daughters and granddaughters die preventable deaths as they accept refusal or delay of life saving care in obstetric cases. 

the right wants to dismantle gay rights, they want to tear apart families that have gay parents...even if they know gay families, it doesn't matter because to them God wants them to destroy other people in his name apparently. in their heads they can both love a gay person and destroy that persons love, life and family in the name of their god. also on the wish list are interracial couples and couples living without marrying. 

luckily i was protected a bit by working this week. i worked picu so that meant it was childrens movies on the television. also i was working with a crew that had similar thoughts to mine.  not always a common mix in this red state. 

the next night i was a sitter in the MHU so again no tv.  

the "news" is more just analyzing what the Dems did wrong...because everything in this crazy world is always the Dems fault no matter what it is. even the dems blame the dems for everything in their need to understand. this is truly a case of people knowing that the man they are voting for is extremely flawed(a gross understatement) but just ignoring all of it because they have an agenda.  an agenda filled with hate but one they will deny the rest of their lives. hard to deny voting for this man 3 times though. once, you can be like, who knew? 3 x though. the man performed oral sex on a microphone. they have decided the cost of eggs will be cheaper under trump. can't pay more for eggs and gas, better to destroy lives and have the cheaper eggs.

they now have to ignore his history of sexual assaults, cons, impeachments, racism, misogyny, bankruptcy,  associations with a known child sex traffickers, questionable relationships with dictators...i mean the list is long. 34 felony charges...all of which he will conveniently be let off the hook of because of this election. lucky him i guess. in their mind all of it has been a witch hunt because they refuse to believe that they could ever support such a terrible person so it must all be made up.  many still believe he has been sent by God to usher in the second coming of christ. it's total insanity. 

how Nazi Germany happened is just so much clearer. there were and are people who decided to not believe it ever happened. ignorance is bliss.  my brain doesn't work that way though.  empath. a modern day affliction of actually giving a crap about the pain and suffering of others. i'd assumed this was a universal trait but it's not really. fact finding is also not a universal trait. many have been groomed to just avoid any fact that doesn't fit their agenda. you can say things over and over and they will just keep thinking it's fake, made up, untrue while believing only the best in things that have been proven over and over to be corrupt and lies. 

as i said, it's going to be much harder for me to just chat with people who support him about the weather and what not. i'm surrounded by his supporters. so many of them want to just pretend this is just another normal election. how dare the libs want to not associate with them. it's just an election.  we are terrible people for wanting less and less to do with people who would vote for not only him but this racist, misogynistic, homophobic agenda.  they have forgotten that they were the ones who still deny this ass lost the last election, deny that the insurrection was anything more than just a tour of the capital instead of an attempt to overthrow an election. 

at some point voting for this agenda is a character flaw. when families are divided and women and children are dying the blame is with those who allowed these hateful people into the highest positions of our land. project 2025 has some horrible things that will impact all of us. they love freedom but they have pushed us down a path that will continue to dismantle those freedoms and make us more of an oligarchy than we already have become. they want a white christian nationalist society and they know they are on a time crunch. 

so i woke up in the middle of the night with anxiety. more related to what to do now. how to try to normalize abnormal. how to maintain relationships with people who want the worst for people who are not like them...in the name of God no doubt. how to protect myself from the stress of each day under this man. the last time he was in, each day was an assault on normal, an assault on civility and kindness. 

they smile to your face but want to destroy the lives around them, their neighbors, their family members.

in reality, my personal day to day may not be impacted more than increased prices from insane tariffs and possibly the destruction of social security...which will impact me greatly. it's like in the time of the nazi's though. you are safe while this group is selected, then the next group and the next group. you sit in terror waiting for your turn. feeling powerless to help those around you who's turn it is. watching others gloat at their success in destroying society. 

the only positive is that once it is all over, perhaps decades from now, we may end up with a more progressive life.  not sure i'll be alive for that part. there could be a lot of doom and gloom in the meantime. slowly for each category of people on their hate list, which is long. 

so that is where my brain is right now. in a panic mode at times.  overall, i've been calmer than last time he won because i do feel like i am on the right side of history on this.  i've been on the right side of history this entire time. there is a little peace in that. 

the neighbors dogs are all in an uproar. i just went outside because i thought Sunny had joined in. he was just laying on the deck though. good boy. i have good pups. 

it's warmed up and the winds have blown a bit so it's become icy.  i have a pcu class later today and then a hockey game. socializing is not high on my agenda but will be a good distraction i know. 

i went to bed early so it's not too odd to be awake early. hoping to take a little nap after i finish this.  head clearing is why i blog. i realize it could be a reason to get me killed in a worst case scenario. i'm pretty much of the opinion that it's all easy to discover.  would my family turn me in if this were a nazi situation...sadly, yes, they probably would. 

those dogs next door are barking like crazy. nothing to see. i keep giving my dogs the all clear. 

young swan. these are from a trek to Homer. 

i looked up a few houses for sale in BC the other night. many are pondering getting out of the states. it is tempting.  not really practical. if i was younger it probably would be. i always tell people who hate refugees that they should happily take the first round at the very least since the most capable and equipped are the first to leave. 

wanting to put batteries in the new dog bark repellant thing i just bought and try it out. my friend said that since it only covers like 30-40 feet distance dogs often learn to just move to another area and bark.  still would put extra distance.  also it would impact my own dogs, barking or not. 

no batteries, but its now charging. 

not helping my anxiety.  

could just move someplace more remote and become more of a hermit than i already am. fully embrace my crazy cat lady position. 

it does anger me all these posts of folks on the right wanting us all to be all kumbaya with each other since so many haven't accepted those last results and supported the violence, but also because they want us to forget that their vote may forever hurt/harm people who are kind hearted, but who just exist and that pisses them off. they have spent years now hating trans people, these lives do not harm them.  they pee in a toilet and that is all it takes. god forbid they have to share a bathroom with a trans person. less than 1% of the population...they are paranoid that kids sports is inundated with trans kids when in reality is only like 40-50 kids nationwide.  paranoid that somehow being gay/trans is a catchable disease. that trans surgeries are being forced on everyone.  

mostly, they want to terrify any kid around them that may have any lgqbt tendencies to hate themselves rather than be allowed to be who they are.  

the rights and benefits they take away will impact them even if they haven't realized it.  that is probably because they have chosen to ignore the 2025 agenda.  anything that supports or helps anyone can and will be on the chopping block.  the trump brigade doesn't like anyone who is not in the right box. they will take away rights for special needs, veterans, poor.  they are fine with hungry kids, because as we all know, they only like fetuses and not actual living breathing children. because to be hungry and poor  their parents are hungry and poor and so they are hated for their place in the social scheme. 

i'm irrational because i feel a healthy and educated population is great for the nation in general.  i'm irrational because i want to allow others to live as they wish as long as they do not harm others.  i'm irrational because i think folks should read what they want and that children should be taught to be accepted and to accept others and to think critically. i'm irrational because i want separation of churches and government.  these churches have far overstepped the boundaries of separation. they preach that they must be republican or go to hell some how. these churches hoard money and help very few with their vast holdings. it's immoral.  it's unethical...but morals and ethics and boundaries and laws do not matter if they are making it impossible to enact a white christain nationalist agenda. 

i've ranted but i'm sure my brain is not done yet. each day will hold more and more.  how to keep myself sane in the world that will be life under this jerk another 4 years. we are overdue for a death in office and he has made enough enemies that his loss is always a possibility.  i will not cry over his death. there are many who have abused their powers over their people who i would not cry over their loss.  these people do seem to be like teflon and never seem to face any consequences.  if anything, they die in a bunker or hiding in drain, quick, not painful enough deaths truthfully.  it's never close to the pain they have caused in their lives to the people around them.  people who are just trying to find their own small piece of happiness in difficult times. 

overall, i know my life has been one of privilege. i can move through it will a skin color that can make me invisible.  being female has had it's negative impact at times, but as a middle aged/older female i also move about invisible. 

i better try and rest for a bit and restart the day. 

this will be the new normal.  the madness of what hell has been attempted with each day.  they will be better at getting their agenda in place this second time around.  they have found the other like minded extremists and purged those who have some loyalty to the constitution and order of the past. 

we are just helpless pawns.  

good luck to all.  if you voted for him, i do hope you wake up to the hell you are imposing on your fellow citizens before your number is drawn. you are not safe either. nobody is. can we carry on like nothing happened, like you didn't vote for a convicted felon, a racist, a misogynist who has raped and assaulted females and who took away womens rights...i don't know really. i suspect it will be there at the surface.  can you truly be friends when you have to tip toe around topics. are you truly family when you know they will always put their political and religious agendas before you? i guess that is me putting my agenda before the relationships too. i just can't look away from the suffering this brings. we all have a responsibility to do even the most minimum thing, like not vote for a fascist leaning jerk. 

what am i grateful for...A. the 4 years of relative normalcy we have just had, we needed a semi-break from the madness for our mental health B. those who are like minded that will be an island of peace and safety. C. the relative safety of who i am and where i live. 

election day tomorrow...

what will happen? not sure. will wait and see, do not trust polls or any of the positive media speculations. i fear trusting them.  i do hope for a very clear message, then we shall see how it all falls out.  for sure comfort in the fact that he isn't currently in office. cuts some of the shenanigans that happened last time. 

i went and voted early. took just over an hour i think. no drama. cool stickers. chatted with the one lady next to me but really nobody else. we'd laughed because it was chilly waiting outside and this older lady came up with a walker.  she was offered a few times to go inside early by the election worker but she very loudly said she was a real Alaskan and the cold didn't bother her at all. a few minutes later she and her walker were led inside...i looked at the lady next to me in line and said something about i guessed she wasn't as real Alaskan as she had said.  the lady said something about her mother always telling her if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all...to which i responded, my mom said that too and then would turn around and gossip about all the other ladies in church.  at this point we both laughed and we were line buddies. 

feels good to have the vote done.  now i just wait. 

fall turned to ice which then turned to snow. the shoveling has begun. it's been weeks since i wrote, sorry. i haven't been busy, just lazy. i have done my walks and actually have gotten stuff done. 

still organizing and filling the shed.  just cleaned up Halloween decorations.  got nearly 30 trick or treaters despite the snow storm. tough Alaskan kids and their parents. i didn't put up the candy slide. instead i put spider web/spiders around the entrance of the front door.  i did have some bags filled with non edible halloween treats. they were a hit.  will have to repeat that. not everyone wants candy and many are also happy with both.  with fewer trick or treaters it's fun to spoil the ones that do show up. 

i enjoyed my last stretch off watching the Los Angeles Dodgers win the World Series. just happened i was off and so i was able to enjoy several games. a few just the last few innings but they won!! New York had several errors that turned around the last game.  crazy game really. i spent many a game in years past at Dodger Stadium watching games. mostly with my brothers. lots of fun memories

wore my Dodger caps with pride last week. 

got the cats to the  vet.  both were due for vaccines. both have lost 2 pounds.  i'd noticed it with Miss Breezy. pretty dramatic.  thought for sure they would do labs. she is nearly 12 these days. 

she has been oddly much more active around the house. going all over the house freely, up and down the stairs. good to see. 

the crv is scheduled for its tire changeover next stretch off. also scheduled for a consult with the surgeon to put my uterus back where it belongs. i absolutely hate making appointments. i had to schedule a class for work.  my license is due this month so i'll have to complete a bit more CE since it's easier. so tasky stretches off but also productive

i also got the cards and calendars made at shutterfly. i do feel like i've been getting stuff done lately. 

random "wild" rabbit. 

the to do list is always there but it's so great to check off a few boxes. 

my last work week was on call one night and then the next night, which was day light savings 13 hour night, i was a sitter. the patient slept nearly the entire night. finished a book. played games, watched tiktok/reels.  so the dreaded 13 hours passed by relatively smoothly. i always work that shift.  after all these years you would think i'd plan ahead. 

i also applied for a per diem job at the urgent care.  not holding my breath but it would be perfect i think. worked on my resume.  they have free templates but then you have to  pay to get the writing removed from the template. half debating forwarding the template off with that on there. lol. anyway. i kept myself busy at work. my next shifts are election night and the night after.  yikes!

that could be nuts or not. the orange idiot has made it very clear that he will contest it all again.  he never accepts a loss. his cult has been prepped to do battle.  will they? when cults fall it's usually ugly and his cult is large. they will believe zero facts. it's crazy.  the guy literally was miming performing fellatio on a mike stand the other night. i so wanted to send that clip to all my trump loving relatives with "this guy?".  i actually thought it had to be some AI thing...what politician/person would ever do something like this in front of a crowd of people.  i mean if you were a comedian i guess. 

the orange idiot had a very racist rally in Madison Square Gardens a few weeks ago.  he had a comedian there who said some extremely offensive stuff. his act was vetted by trumps team.  they took out calling Kamala the C word but not the other offensive stuff. all the speakers said offensive things. he had a cast of the usual nut jobs. 

had a conversation with someone and abortions came up.  this person is left leaning but it was just eye opening for me.  many just do not really know what an abortion is. we have avoided the term so often that the right had made it a dirty word meaning that you are killing a living fetus because you just don't want to be a parent.  abortion is a general term for a lot of things. like miscarriage. a miscarriage is another term for a spontaneous abortion.  we do not say that though. i think if you told maga women who were having a spontaneous abortion that they were having a spontaneous abortion they would flip the hell out.  also a D&C (dilation and curettage) is an abortion.  many have had these and don't realize it was an abortion they actually had. we do not use that word as often as is technically the case, we use other terminology. 

spontaneous abortions are classified further.  threatened, inevitable, complete, incomplete, recurrent and septic. certain cases require medical intervention to rid the body of retained tissues, including but not always the fetal tissue. 

it covers all pregnancy loss prior to fetal viability. around 20 weeks. i think after that still birth terminology may come into play. i do not work OB/GYN. i do work ER. 

from what i understand many churches will not baptize or offer burials for fetal tissue or fetuses/still births. the bible states life begins at first breath. the bible also seems to be fine with stories that kill off children/pregnant women so clearly their God was not as into fetuses as they are. the flood tale is a huge example. how many thousands and children, pregnant women would have drowned in a global flood?

gotta hit the shower soon, then walk the dogs. a day of peace. tomorrow, well we shall see

I've been driving the Element since the snow fell. later this week i'll get the tires changed over but for now, when the snow falls, it's great to have the old car that really could be hit and it's fine. i keep the winter tires on all year since i rarely drive it. 

fall colors before the winter hit

much of the last mushrooms are covered in snow now. the bear bread can still be found. 

i do love the peace that comes with the darkness and the snow.  i'm feeling ready for bed by the time the sun sets now and i have to remind myself how early it is still

have been watching,"this is us" series. i'd tried it awhile back but i think it was too complicated for my very distracted brain. 

bed rotting is a winter activity. 

don't think i'll have any Monday walkers today. covid sort of killed it off in general. it happens. 

these bear breads. you can tell the growth before the tree fell as opposed to after. gravity is real

just a few photo's of the cute baby walrus that was rescued up north and taken care of at the SeaLife Center. i was super bummed that i never got to see it. in the past they have given the public a chance to get a peek. not this time.  new director maybe the reason. not sure. made me upset though. they snuck the little thing out of state without telling anyone anything about it. not cool in my mind.  she came from here and now if we want to see her we have to fly to Florida. 

the birds have mostly left. i do hear there are a few cranes still out there, a few swans. not sure why some birds delay. perhaps they just love it here and dread the long flights. i'm not big on the travel myself so i can certainly understand that. 

those birds have some long flights.  exhausting. 

made pumpkin bread and seeds.  delicious. always sad to say goodbye to Halloween.  really liked the pirate theme.  will do that again.  when do i put up Christmas...not quite there yet.  

i also bought outside camera's so i'll have to get those put up at some point. 

she is super cute. 

good bye mushrooms...hello snow. 

this one below looked like a little troll cursing someone out. 

lichens above

a few drives before the roads get icy and more risky. i'm a fair weather driver for the most part.  also the darkness slows down the road trips. no point making long drives just to sit in the dark for most of the day. 

i cabin up and enjoy a different peace. 

i best get the rest of the day started. the calendars arrive today.  i always think, oh this one isn't that good this year, but in the end i like the calendars.  i pared down a bit.  there are less and less cards being sent out and the Christmas stuff just decreases as you get older. 

laughed as i got an invite for a great niece??? not sure what she is...she got married on a saturday and i got an invite in the mail on the friday, the day before the wedding.  at some point you just have to decide that you aren't going to send gifts.  my family is large and it's not practical. but it is funny to get an invite the day before a wedding a thousand miles away. nothing says, we don't want you there, but please send a gift more. lol. 

i haven't attended many weddings in my family, i live far away and in truth with Mormon weddings i wouldn't be allowed to attend the actual wedding so that would have meant flying out to watch people go into a building i'm not allowed into. 

alright off to start the rest of the day

thankful for A. Halloween and all the fun B.  the Dodgers and all the great memories C. that we still have the right to vote even as other rights have been taken away. fingers crossed.