to those who watch fox i am a lunatic i guess.

had a moment of clarity today.  to those who are followers of agent Krasnov I am for sure seen as nuts. they assume I am the conspiracy crack addict. my news sources are more global so I feel fairly certain that my facts are more factual. they live in such an information bubble that to them, this is just another presidency, nothing to see. all the felonies and accusations are all part of a witch hunt and he is just a victim of all of it. people in my family have told me I have rump derangement syndrome. I am the odd one so I'm sure they tell each other I'm just overreacting, emotional, crazy. best to avoid contact all together. it's too frustrating and it makes me angry really.  lives are being destroyed and they cheer it all on like he's doing all these good things for the nation

really, he's just handed it all over to Putin. Putin so clearly owns him. there was a news conference in the oval office, except not all Press was welcome, but Putins press core was. he and his vp berated Zelensky. now he wants to withhold weaponry and money. of course, many in my family no doubt believe that Zelensky is taking money and buying yachts. really, I felt it proved that many in the GOP, but especially agent Krasnov is owned by Putin. we are in a sinking ship at the moment. 

the congress GOP have ceded all power. the supreme court as well has been placed under his control. they already gave him absolute immunity and the next case will no doubt hand him the power to break any law he wants. it's easy to see looking back how we got here. the GOP had a plan, I suspect for some of the old guard this wasn't exactly the plan, handing things over to putin but greed and lust for power makes fools.

these are from an early spring trip to Homer last year. I have just booked a few treks during low tide. one will be added onto the Tonsina trip.  I'll do 2 nights with friends in Seward at Tonsina cabin then finish the drive down to Homer for a few nights. the low tides were neg 5.2 so hard to pass up. Also a trek for low tides around my Birthday. 

actually worked ICU the other night. haven't been there for a bit. also got a peds night and have been sitter quite a few times since coming back from surgery. 

went to the ceremonial start of the Iditarod on Saturday. we are already in spring so very little snow. I generally do not see this amount of lawn until late April/May, but here we are. they only went about 2 miles with the teams, not the usual 12 miles across town. not enough snow. the restart was today in Fairbanks. 

I pondered the drive north. the roads and weather would have made it a pretty safe and easy trek. I really wasn't up for the 7-8 hour drive. debated staying in Healy overnight Sunday and waking early to get there in time for the teams or see them in Nenana I guess. sounds like the warm weather impacted the restart up there as well. parts of the big river aren't as frozen. so perhaps for the best. 

I'm more anxious/depressed with our current political situation. in truth there isn't that much I can do.  minimal shopping, buy local. I need to make a call to fidelity and see if they have any advice.  fear losses on my retirement savings. I've started to make some searches into moving to the Yukon or BC, just get out of this failing nation. it is tempting. do I want to be here to witness them tearing up our parks. 

you don't want to overreact but you also don't want to wait until it's too late to make a move. people move all the time. with the pets the move lateral would be most realistic. how bad will this all get and for how long?  these are the things we can't magically know. I wake up hoping for breaking news and this is over. I doubt that will be the case. wishful thinking

the kittens have all found new homes. I hope the new homes are good. I have to assume they are for my sanity. it was so hard taking them in and I cried the whole way home.  who knew you could get so attached so quickly. they will always be the way they were the day I let them go. I had a dream and I was on a beach I think and soon one by one the kittens all came out to me and we were together again.  the mom cat, Sophia is still waiting for a new home.  I knew it would be hardest with her. she's sweet and I can tell from the notes and photos that the staff like her so hopefully soon she finds her new place. 

I think my cats are happy to have me back giving them attention again. 

the ice hearts are melting. just a few out there, falling out of trees at this point.  they did bring a lot of joy to many out there. fun to see sightings posted on bike and hiking groups on facebook and IG. only a few negatives, there are always those. leave no trace types...it's water and food coloring mostly but whatever. 

sadly, there are just a lot of unhappy miserable people out there who want to spread their hatred. 

this trans hate still baffles me. what do they want of these people. I ask the conservatives I know...but there really is not answer to this. I told one that even though they claim to not hate these people they do aid in making a larger target on these folks. giving permission for whatever hell the GOP wishes to bring upon them. mostly it seems a mission of cruelty. even if they claim to not hate these folks these laws are not coming from a place of love. 

they want these people off their radar.  they don't want to think of how that could happen. making them miserable, taking away treatments, taking away rights, taking away medicine, taking away suicide hotline access. it's coming from a place of hate. the only option seems to be to find Jesus and pretend they are not who they are.  

getting them out of the military, where we have spent money to train them to valuable positions with needed skills.  no foresight.  just like all these mass firings.  they do all of it with cruelty because that is the point.  cruelty. national park folks are told they are being fired because they have done a bad job despite them all having great reviews on record. cruelty to the regular people.they do not even take into account all the money brought in from these parks that more than balances these salaries paid. 

they are chopping off the lowest earners. all this to make more tax breaks for those who make the most money. it's not about efficiency, it's about hate. 

we will do our annual Round Island lecture at REI on March 27, it looks like. everything is okay for this year. it's a state run sanctuary. 

these photos are back to this year, February.  we did have a little bit of chilly temps before another warm up. 

I'm writing on the new computer and keyboard.  got to get used to it. I do like the spell checking again. 

here is Sophia attempting to reach the pets on the other side of the door

today we ended up at powerline pass. still packed snow to walk on so that was nice. a bit of wind the last few days. yesterday we hit the dunes and oceanview bluff park. that was walking on a few inches of water over the ice so that is probably the last time i can go there.

Sunny and I have been taking a basic obedience class. refresher, but also he just didn't get the best training I suspect since it was covid and i was anxious and i was also distressed over Tuskers loss 

he's super smart but for sure needs some extra reminders. he has chased a few moose this winter and he likes to bark. he also needs to tone down his play activities. he likes to nip other pups butts and this is not always appreciated. he's just trying to spur them on to play. every dog has it's things. just will try to tweak a bit.  he's a really great pup though. 

Ivy Rose is also amazing. she just turned 9. can't believe she is 9. still chasing that tennis ball. not as much. mostly she carries it.  for her Birthday I got the indoor dog pool. omg she was so excited. I did notice she gets tired easier now than she used to. 

the week before we did an overnight camping trek to Manitoba cabin with friends.  roads and weather were  great so it was a fun escape. 

this is Halfie and Squeaker

Monty at Manitoba yurt. 

best to try and find ways to relax and enjoy life despite the mayhem happening. eventually, it will get sorted out. just hoping not much irreversible damage occurs. 

agent Krasnov has very quickly turned against our allies and aligned himself and sadly the entire nation with his dictator buddies. those things will take decades to repair.

some of these are out at Manitoba. 

some are just the ice hearts that were put out. 

the kittens were a great distraction as were the ice hearts. both are gone now though. will have to find other distractions.  cleaning the house thoroughly would be a good plan. it needs it. I did go out in yard, which is already mostly free of ice/snow and picked up a large section of dog poop. I get stuff done, just not at the speed I should be getting it all done. 

you try to put positive out there but we all put negative out as well at times. easier to just avoid contacts than piss them off, especially since they all believe I'm the crazy one anyway. I'm never going to change their views because they are never going to get out of the bubble they happily live in.  sadly, their bubble is causing harm and death to others really...or will as agent Krasnov cares very little for them or for any of the citizens.  kind of ironic. Krasnov answers and adores Putin like his followers adore him and Putin could care less about Krasnov except how he can help him in the moment just like Krasnov cares not for his followers except how they can help him. those are weak relationships built of mutual hatred and fear. 

a few more hearts. I got quite a few out there before the melt happened, twice. others were putting them out as well so I enjoyed that too.  

we all need those reminders that there are more good folks than bad folks. mostly, it's a lot of folks who don't pay any attention or who are only paying attention to the wrong sources.  I really believed things were more protected in this nation. that our laws and norms would protect us. none of that works if those in positions of power cede their roles. it also doesn't help if a person who isn't elected and is extremely wealthy is given full power to fire and move money where he wants.... even into his own pocket. 

I say less here because I'm not sure if it helps or hinders the stress levels. still good to get it out of my brain somehow I guess.

thankful for A. the time I had with the kittens and Sophia. kitten therapy is real and beneficial. B. the ice hearts. it was a joy to leave them out there on the trails and to hear how they were enjoyed by so many C. the people who are willing to step up and fight the fight. it's not over and will never be over, not if we the people have anything to say about it
 

the way the world is...

 

between shifts at the moment. i could work every day if i wanted to....i don't want to. 3 in a row of nights wears me out.  still undecided on how my future plays out. need to look up insurance options. i suspect the best plan is just to drop to 2 shifts/week to keep insurance going a bit longer.  thinking work this for now and try for that come spring. enjoy summer and pick up a second part time job next fall. something different.  will extend life until i get to full retirement. 

did speak to a person from fidelity and i have enough i could retire fully now and still have money if i live to age 90. will i live to age 90? that is the tricky bit....trying to guess when you die.  also a strange and uncomfortable part of planning your life in retirement.  guessing your age of death. insurance could cost upwards of $10,000/year. i'm not really wanting to give that up. could look into switching over to Prov's urgent care set up to i guess. there are lots of options as a nurse so that is good. may end up doing something like that part time eventually and then take a different job on the side for extra cash or various different jobs and have summers more free.  lots to consider.

good to know there is money...barring any catastrophic world event that causes the stock market and thus my retirement account to be totally blitzed. that is always a possibility in this world. of course, with that i may be blitzed as well. 

i have never really been one to live the day to day worried about the remote possibilities. you can't really and stay sane. someone once said their Dad always said to not cross bridges before you get to them.  it's sage advice.  hard to follow at times. covid created stress and anxiety that didn't exist before. i do feel it loosening a bit and i have also had less of that numb and tingling stuff.  still sl anxious right before my work run starts.  

a terrorist group has taken hostages in Israel. the history in that region is complicated and the hero/villain lines can be a bit blurry.  i'd lean towards Israel for sure on this event.  Hamas is a known terrorist organization.  Israel has it's own long history with the Palestinians that is cruel and Apartheid like. at some point you do have some responsibility for your actions when consequences happen. that never means the consequences are deserved.  there are also Americans who have been killed and taken hostage. 

some have tried to compare things with Ukraine.  there is no comparison in my opinion.  Russia/Putin clearly just have tried for a land grab with no concern about innocent human life and borders.  the Ukrainians have a right to self determination. many would argue so do the Palestinians. i would probably argue that as well. 

our involvement across the globe is coming back to bite us in some ways.  we have had good intentions at times in the past but our involvement may not have always been helpful.  creating Israel without any thought to the current occupants of the area.  probably a bit sketch.  i mean that whole region wasn't really involved in WWII from what i can gather so then we just choose to give part of that space to a group.  not just us, of course. looking back, what a crazy plan. 

that has put us in line with Israel so that is where our loyalty tends to lie.  we do need to push back more on the cruel treatment of those especially in Gaza. holding people hostage in their own way was always going to have some repercussions.  like the parents that are totally strict with their kids, rebellion is predictable. people will, amazingly, tolerate a lot before they will rebel in these situations.  sadly, in this case they have learned to rely on horrific terrorist groups. in their lack of any power, they turn to others who are full of hate and behave with no morals, values, kindness or discipline. 

i have no answers for the major issues that plague our globe. these things are very complicated.  it is interesting that trump is, more and more, proving to have been a big secret teller.  he told labrov of russia things about the Israeli intelligence.  he's told people from Australia about  our submarine positions off of the n. korean coast.  he had boxes of classified materials.  he spoke with putin for several hours in Geneva i think it was.  more and more we are discovering the depth of his treason really. giving away secrets for cash no doubt.  who still supports this fool? it's really baffling. 

things he told putin/russia would have made their way to iran and hamas...so this may come back on him a bit. he has put many lives at risk with his narcissistic behavior and tendencies. today i thought of how the Israeli's hunted down those responsible for the hostage taking/killings in the olympics in Munich in 1972.  would their wrath turn on trump if they find that he did indeed share things that made this possible for hamas? 

i do recall this event in the '72 Olympics. i was pretty young.  all i remember was hearing that gorilla's had taken the Israeli team hostage.  nobody else seemed the least bit concerned that giant apes had escaped a zoo and taken these people hostage.  what made the gorilla's do such a  thing? why did they not like the Israeli's.  i was very confused but asked nothing since nobody else seemed confused by these events.  eventually, i did notice humans climbing around on a balcony and being referred to as gorillas...guerilla's. cleared things up for me a bit.

we also had made a treaty with Ukraine to make them give up their nuclear arms.  we'd help protect them if russia invaded.  so here we are.  if they had kept their nuclear weapons i doubt russia would have been this bold. so we are in.  i bought i few other items from Etsy -Ukraine. i like to do that on occasion. i may have doubled my order accidently.  oops. we shall see. from Ukraine sellers there can be quite the delay getting the product. 

my 3 nights were in peds/picu.  picu was getting pretty busy. they are short staffed at this time. lots of folks moving on from the hospital. 

no surprise.  we spent covid years watching other people come in and get big sign on bonuses while we got nothing.  i find myself pissed that there were no retention bonuses for those of us who have stuck it out.  we get a crappy $500 bonus annually, before taxes and a cheap $25 gift card at Christmas. 

at this point i am embarrassed to answer the question, "how long have you worked here?". i feel a bit like a sucker.  i could have been moving around taking different jobs and getting fat bonuses over staying her and being taken advantage of. it's disheartening and frustrating. i am not the only one feeling that. many are booking. 

i think in general the working people in this nation are rising up and screaming bull.  we have sat by while our captors, large corporations, have given themselves huge raises and bonuses while treating the workers of this nation like crap. we are mad as hell and we aren't going to take it anymore...or will we.  we shall see.  lots of folks going on strikes.  i wish them well. 

i was annoyed Saturday morning at the usual guilt trip pushed on me by the oncoming day shift charge. like if i don't volunteer to work overtime on my days off it is all my fault my co-workers will suffer and that childrens lives will be endangered. 

these are issues that are not my fault nor are they my responsibility.  the responsibility rests with those in upper management.  we should be better staffed and in order to keep staff they need to loosen the strings they need to treat their workers with more respect. they need to have a more balanced distribution of wealth. they need to be less greedy and selfish.  the responsibility is theirs. 

i am a worker bee.  

the flower pots have been put up for the season.  i'm taking steps to get ready for winter.  have done some raking.  yard clean up. need to make an appointment to get the CRV in for winter tires. 

hanging with the pups and kitties yesterday.  never even showered, barely got out of bed. bit of a headache day. feeling better today.  enjoy today off and then back to work tomorrow.  probably peds/picu again. 

things do change there fast though. 

above from last summer, below from this summer. more from glacier and arctic valley

i had hoped to do some longer drives last week but did some shorter ones at least. gotta pay attention to weather now.  would like to sneak over to Seward before the roads get sketchy. they may already be though a bit. 

i went up artic valley last week. way past fall prime.  the dogs could care less, they just like to be out there. 

the swans have been coming through a lot these past weeks. so some nice sightings of those. 

did have a strange dream the other morning. so detailed and specific.  does make you wonder some days, where do these dreams come from.  

also had a strange thought as well.  these evangelicals see trump as like a prophet or jesus himself.  they have even been heard to call out their pastors for preaching the words of Jesus in their sermon....they think Jesus sermon on the mound was too woke. they have been only reading certain passages in the bible or just believing what they are told so they do not know the words ascribed to jesus at this point. 

of course, it occurred to me...what if Jesus was more like trump? what if, in truth, jesus was really just a con man as so many other messiah/cult leaders are?  what if the stories in the bible are just a mass of conspiracy theories?  blasphemy i realize, but still an interesting thing to ponder. all these followers of trump believing all sorts of craziness.  they so easily set aside the person they previously saw as the messiah...Jesus seems to have lost followers even though they still call themselves Christians..will this maga crap morph into a religion that topples jesus? 

creepy things to think about. that is just how my brain works. 

CB taking a sample of the glacier ice.  we really should take stuff to make treats on the glacier.  

looking at Halloween pumpkin carving ideas on Pinterest as i write. 

the pumpkin massacre is on.  i mentioned it to my friend who has turned into co-host. her place is bigger and better for it.  i hadn't heard back so i was thinking i may need to bring it home.  she popped in today making plans so now it's all set.  yeah! always a highlight. looks like there is interest out there. 

so many great ideas.  Halloween is fast approaching. i did get the Skelly's prepped for the season and bought full candy bars to hand out. will probably do the candy slide again...cause it's fun!

gives the kids some distance from the dogs and me as well....haha. 

kids are little germ factories and i'm around enough little snot nosed kids as it is. haha. 

so i've covered some politics and some religion stuff. stuff you aren't supposed to discuss.  leave it to me to jump right in there and be potentially offensive. 

my heart breaks for all those who are in these war torn parts of the world.  generally, like most things, it's the regular people, who have no beef really and no say in these matters, that suffer the most. those who have control and power will remain safe in their castles surrounded by moats pulling the strings that inflict pain on others. pain that they will never even really witness as they are safety protected while pulling those strings of hell upon others. 

always love the blues in the glaciers. so beautiful

fun camp out with family.  some discrepancy in which chip would be better...so both were purchased and trials were done. 

Sunny as king of the mountain. 

at the dog park the other day.  we ran into the cool group.  i don't think i'm totally part of the cool group but Sunny is so i'm accepted. what does it mean when your dog has better social skills than you do and is one of the cool kids. haha. just happy i am in his orbit so i get to be popular through him.  

there is one small herding dog that has become obsessed with Ivy.  she is right on her and Ivy has been getting more annoyed as she just wants to chase her toy. Ivy actually went after this dog the other day. no blood but she gave that dog a scare.  thankfully, the owner of the dog has seen how annoying their dog is to Ivy. they have cheered Sunny Boy chasing said dog away from Ivy and seemed happy to see that this did seem to fix the issue of obsession.  still sad to see Ivy had to resort to this.  hard to watch...though it really was more scary to watch and wasn't really an attack. she's way bigger and if she wanted to do harm...she could.  she's mostly a lover though.  just pushed  too far.  that dog kept it's distance after that though. 

more blues

always a favorite place. happy we got one more trip out there in.  not sure i want to do that road in the winter.  it can be dicey in the summers. drop offs. 

would be cool to get out there in front of the glacier when the lake is frozen though. 

love me a campfire!

i better get the day moving along.  dogs to be walked, human to be bathed.  

thankful for A. the relative peace i have been lucky to have lived in thus far in life. B. a curious and questioning mind.  C. little bits of fall colors still and the oncoming ice designs.