to those who watch fox i am a lunatic i guess.

had a moment of clarity today.  to those who are followers of agent Krasnov I am for sure seen as nuts. they assume I am the conspiracy crack addict. my news sources are more global so I feel fairly certain that my facts are more factual. they live in such an information bubble that to them, this is just another presidency, nothing to see. all the felonies and accusations are all part of a witch hunt and he is just a victim of all of it. people in my family have told me I have rump derangement syndrome. I am the odd one so I'm sure they tell each other I'm just overreacting, emotional, crazy. best to avoid contact all together. it's too frustrating and it makes me angry really.  lives are being destroyed and they cheer it all on like he's doing all these good things for the nation

really, he's just handed it all over to Putin. Putin so clearly owns him. there was a news conference in the oval office, except not all Press was welcome, but Putins press core was. he and his vp berated Zelensky. now he wants to withhold weaponry and money. of course, many in my family no doubt believe that Zelensky is taking money and buying yachts. really, I felt it proved that many in the GOP, but especially agent Krasnov is owned by Putin. we are in a sinking ship at the moment. 

the congress GOP have ceded all power. the supreme court as well has been placed under his control. they already gave him absolute immunity and the next case will no doubt hand him the power to break any law he wants. it's easy to see looking back how we got here. the GOP had a plan, I suspect for some of the old guard this wasn't exactly the plan, handing things over to putin but greed and lust for power makes fools.

these are from an early spring trip to Homer last year. I have just booked a few treks during low tide. one will be added onto the Tonsina trip.  I'll do 2 nights with friends in Seward at Tonsina cabin then finish the drive down to Homer for a few nights. the low tides were neg 5.2 so hard to pass up. Also a trek for low tides around my Birthday. 

actually worked ICU the other night. haven't been there for a bit. also got a peds night and have been sitter quite a few times since coming back from surgery. 

went to the ceremonial start of the Iditarod on Saturday. we are already in spring so very little snow. I generally do not see this amount of lawn until late April/May, but here we are. they only went about 2 miles with the teams, not the usual 12 miles across town. not enough snow. the restart was today in Fairbanks. 

I pondered the drive north. the roads and weather would have made it a pretty safe and easy trek. I really wasn't up for the 7-8 hour drive. debated staying in Healy overnight Sunday and waking early to get there in time for the teams or see them in Nenana I guess. sounds like the warm weather impacted the restart up there as well. parts of the big river aren't as frozen. so perhaps for the best. 

I'm more anxious/depressed with our current political situation. in truth there isn't that much I can do.  minimal shopping, buy local. I need to make a call to fidelity and see if they have any advice.  fear losses on my retirement savings. I've started to make some searches into moving to the Yukon or BC, just get out of this failing nation. it is tempting. do I want to be here to witness them tearing up our parks. 

you don't want to overreact but you also don't want to wait until it's too late to make a move. people move all the time. with the pets the move lateral would be most realistic. how bad will this all get and for how long?  these are the things we can't magically know. I wake up hoping for breaking news and this is over. I doubt that will be the case. wishful thinking

the kittens have all found new homes. I hope the new homes are good. I have to assume they are for my sanity. it was so hard taking them in and I cried the whole way home.  who knew you could get so attached so quickly. they will always be the way they were the day I let them go. I had a dream and I was on a beach I think and soon one by one the kittens all came out to me and we were together again.  the mom cat, Sophia is still waiting for a new home.  I knew it would be hardest with her. she's sweet and I can tell from the notes and photos that the staff like her so hopefully soon she finds her new place. 

I think my cats are happy to have me back giving them attention again. 

the ice hearts are melting. just a few out there, falling out of trees at this point.  they did bring a lot of joy to many out there. fun to see sightings posted on bike and hiking groups on facebook and IG. only a few negatives, there are always those. leave no trace types...it's water and food coloring mostly but whatever. 

sadly, there are just a lot of unhappy miserable people out there who want to spread their hatred. 

this trans hate still baffles me. what do they want of these people. I ask the conservatives I know...but there really is not answer to this. I told one that even though they claim to not hate these people they do aid in making a larger target on these folks. giving permission for whatever hell the GOP wishes to bring upon them. mostly it seems a mission of cruelty. even if they claim to not hate these folks these laws are not coming from a place of love. 

they want these people off their radar.  they don't want to think of how that could happen. making them miserable, taking away treatments, taking away rights, taking away medicine, taking away suicide hotline access. it's coming from a place of hate. the only option seems to be to find Jesus and pretend they are not who they are.  

getting them out of the military, where we have spent money to train them to valuable positions with needed skills.  no foresight.  just like all these mass firings.  they do all of it with cruelty because that is the point.  cruelty. national park folks are told they are being fired because they have done a bad job despite them all having great reviews on record. cruelty to the regular people.they do not even take into account all the money brought in from these parks that more than balances these salaries paid. 

they are chopping off the lowest earners. all this to make more tax breaks for those who make the most money. it's not about efficiency, it's about hate. 

we will do our annual Round Island lecture at REI on March 27, it looks like. everything is okay for this year. it's a state run sanctuary. 

these photos are back to this year, February.  we did have a little bit of chilly temps before another warm up. 

I'm writing on the new computer and keyboard.  got to get used to it. I do like the spell checking again. 

here is Sophia attempting to reach the pets on the other side of the door

today we ended up at powerline pass. still packed snow to walk on so that was nice. a bit of wind the last few days. yesterday we hit the dunes and oceanview bluff park. that was walking on a few inches of water over the ice so that is probably the last time i can go there.

Sunny and I have been taking a basic obedience class. refresher, but also he just didn't get the best training I suspect since it was covid and i was anxious and i was also distressed over Tuskers loss 

he's super smart but for sure needs some extra reminders. he has chased a few moose this winter and he likes to bark. he also needs to tone down his play activities. he likes to nip other pups butts and this is not always appreciated. he's just trying to spur them on to play. every dog has it's things. just will try to tweak a bit.  he's a really great pup though. 

Ivy Rose is also amazing. she just turned 9. can't believe she is 9. still chasing that tennis ball. not as much. mostly she carries it.  for her Birthday I got the indoor dog pool. omg she was so excited. I did notice she gets tired easier now than she used to. 

the week before we did an overnight camping trek to Manitoba cabin with friends.  roads and weather were  great so it was a fun escape. 

this is Halfie and Squeaker

Monty at Manitoba yurt. 

best to try and find ways to relax and enjoy life despite the mayhem happening. eventually, it will get sorted out. just hoping not much irreversible damage occurs. 

agent Krasnov has very quickly turned against our allies and aligned himself and sadly the entire nation with his dictator buddies. those things will take decades to repair.

some of these are out at Manitoba. 

some are just the ice hearts that were put out. 

the kittens were a great distraction as were the ice hearts. both are gone now though. will have to find other distractions.  cleaning the house thoroughly would be a good plan. it needs it. I did go out in yard, which is already mostly free of ice/snow and picked up a large section of dog poop. I get stuff done, just not at the speed I should be getting it all done. 

you try to put positive out there but we all put negative out as well at times. easier to just avoid contacts than piss them off, especially since they all believe I'm the crazy one anyway. I'm never going to change their views because they are never going to get out of the bubble they happily live in.  sadly, their bubble is causing harm and death to others really...or will as agent Krasnov cares very little for them or for any of the citizens.  kind of ironic. Krasnov answers and adores Putin like his followers adore him and Putin could care less about Krasnov except how he can help him in the moment just like Krasnov cares not for his followers except how they can help him. those are weak relationships built of mutual hatred and fear. 

a few more hearts. I got quite a few out there before the melt happened, twice. others were putting them out as well so I enjoyed that too.  

we all need those reminders that there are more good folks than bad folks. mostly, it's a lot of folks who don't pay any attention or who are only paying attention to the wrong sources.  I really believed things were more protected in this nation. that our laws and norms would protect us. none of that works if those in positions of power cede their roles. it also doesn't help if a person who isn't elected and is extremely wealthy is given full power to fire and move money where he wants.... even into his own pocket. 

I say less here because I'm not sure if it helps or hinders the stress levels. still good to get it out of my brain somehow I guess.

thankful for A. the time I had with the kittens and Sophia. kitten therapy is real and beneficial. B. the ice hearts. it was a joy to leave them out there on the trails and to hear how they were enjoyed by so many C. the people who are willing to step up and fight the fight. it's not over and will never be over, not if we the people have anything to say about it
 

and just like that my brain is screwed...

 

i will be processing this for some time.  in the afternoon i turned on the tv and my gut dropped. the orange fool was going to win. i knew it in my gut. dreadful. i shouldn't be too surprised but it's still just so painful to realize.  i mean, this horrible person got over half the votes. over half the people know what a terrible person he is and still decided this was better than the alternative. 

their hatred is enough to make them sign on with this horrible agenda. 

i have voted against this pos in 3 consecutive elections. it's so clear what a terrible man he is and yet here we are. part of me feels more calm. the fact that i've voted against this 3 x makes me feel that at least i have done what i could to try and stop whatever comes next. whatever that is, it's on these fools who keep checking that box. fools that are now gloating, loving that they get to own the libtards once more, because hate is their agenda. they are too stupid to realize it yet but their fear and hatred was used to manipulate them.  it's on them now though, forever.  they didn't just misunderstand and vote for him once, they've now voted for him 3 times in many cases. 

he's our generations embodiment of Hitler and they have voted for him thrice. how do i feel about that and them? it's hard to just talk about the weather with people who believe this is the best direction for our country.  we are not immune to the most horrible things that humans are capable of. his team has already begun planning for these detention camps they are giddy to put people in.  sadly, many Latino's voted for them and these are exactly the folks they want to detain, deport, even if they have been naturalized...because they want to use some old statutes to denaturalize naturalized citizens. even if eventually, the courts do prevent this from happening, the pain and suffering could be astronomical. 

when in history has detention camps turned out to be a positive thing. how will our society survive a purge of legal and illegal immigrants. many who are now citizens voted against their interest in this and the interest of their loved ones.  his team can't wait to get back to separating families. there are still nearly 1000 kids that were taken from their parents at the border during his last run as potus that have never and will never be returned to their families. 

this Palestine mess was also a big factor in the lefts loss. many who want to support the people of Gaza decided that the Dems aren't doing enough to stop the genocide over there.  that the US sides with Israel too much.  there is some truth in all of that, however, their choice to not vote, vote for trump or vote for a third party probably just caused the death of thousands more Palestinians. Trump would happily build a golf course right over the bodies of these people. he's made it clear he will support anything Israel wants to do to the people of Gaza. 

my heart also breaks for Ukraine. they must be terrified at this moment. Musk and trump have both been in contact with Putin and they fully support him just rolling over Ukraine....and lets face it anyone else he choses to in Europe. trump has wanted to take us out of Nato so that is another horrific plan with terrible consequences. 

not to mention taking gay rights and womens rights and the rights of minorities back 100 years. there are men on the right now chanting, "your body, my choice". that's great. a vast majority of white females voted in favor of all this.  they are so convinced that abortion is just random fetus killing, including after babies are born? total ignorance leads to fear and hatred.  they have been manipulated into watching their daughters and granddaughters die preventable deaths as they accept refusal or delay of life saving care in obstetric cases. 

the right wants to dismantle gay rights, they want to tear apart families that have gay parents...even if they know gay families, it doesn't matter because to them God wants them to destroy other people in his name apparently. in their heads they can both love a gay person and destroy that persons love, life and family in the name of their god. also on the wish list are interracial couples and couples living without marrying. 

luckily i was protected a bit by working this week. i worked picu so that meant it was childrens movies on the television. also i was working with a crew that had similar thoughts to mine.  not always a common mix in this red state. 

the next night i was a sitter in the MHU so again no tv.  

the "news" is more just analyzing what the Dems did wrong...because everything in this crazy world is always the Dems fault no matter what it is. even the dems blame the dems for everything in their need to understand. this is truly a case of people knowing that the man they are voting for is extremely flawed(a gross understatement) but just ignoring all of it because they have an agenda.  an agenda filled with hate but one they will deny the rest of their lives. hard to deny voting for this man 3 times though. once, you can be like, who knew? 3 x though. the man performed oral sex on a microphone. they have decided the cost of eggs will be cheaper under trump. can't pay more for eggs and gas, better to destroy lives and have the cheaper eggs.

they now have to ignore his history of sexual assaults, cons, impeachments, racism, misogyny, bankruptcy,  associations with a known child sex traffickers, questionable relationships with dictators...i mean the list is long. 34 felony charges...all of which he will conveniently be let off the hook of because of this election. lucky him i guess. in their mind all of it has been a witch hunt because they refuse to believe that they could ever support such a terrible person so it must all be made up.  many still believe he has been sent by God to usher in the second coming of christ. it's total insanity. 

how Nazi Germany happened is just so much clearer. there were and are people who decided to not believe it ever happened. ignorance is bliss.  my brain doesn't work that way though.  empath. a modern day affliction of actually giving a crap about the pain and suffering of others. i'd assumed this was a universal trait but it's not really. fact finding is also not a universal trait. many have been groomed to just avoid any fact that doesn't fit their agenda. you can say things over and over and they will just keep thinking it's fake, made up, untrue while believing only the best in things that have been proven over and over to be corrupt and lies. 

as i said, it's going to be much harder for me to just chat with people who support him about the weather and what not. i'm surrounded by his supporters. so many of them want to just pretend this is just another normal election. how dare the libs want to not associate with them. it's just an election.  we are terrible people for wanting less and less to do with people who would vote for not only him but this racist, misogynistic, homophobic agenda.  they have forgotten that they were the ones who still deny this ass lost the last election, deny that the insurrection was anything more than just a tour of the capital instead of an attempt to overthrow an election. 

at some point voting for this agenda is a character flaw. when families are divided and women and children are dying the blame is with those who allowed these hateful people into the highest positions of our land. project 2025 has some horrible things that will impact all of us. they love freedom but they have pushed us down a path that will continue to dismantle those freedoms and make us more of an oligarchy than we already have become. they want a white christian nationalist society and they know they are on a time crunch. 

so i woke up in the middle of the night with anxiety. more related to what to do now. how to try to normalize abnormal. how to maintain relationships with people who want the worst for people who are not like them...in the name of God no doubt. how to protect myself from the stress of each day under this man. the last time he was in, each day was an assault on normal, an assault on civility and kindness. 

they smile to your face but want to destroy the lives around them, their neighbors, their family members.

in reality, my personal day to day may not be impacted more than increased prices from insane tariffs and possibly the destruction of social security...which will impact me greatly. it's like in the time of the nazi's though. you are safe while this group is selected, then the next group and the next group. you sit in terror waiting for your turn. feeling powerless to help those around you who's turn it is. watching others gloat at their success in destroying society. 

the only positive is that once it is all over, perhaps decades from now, we may end up with a more progressive life.  not sure i'll be alive for that part. there could be a lot of doom and gloom in the meantime. slowly for each category of people on their hate list, which is long. 

so that is where my brain is right now. in a panic mode at times.  overall, i've been calmer than last time he won because i do feel like i am on the right side of history on this.  i've been on the right side of history this entire time. there is a little peace in that. 

the neighbors dogs are all in an uproar. i just went outside because i thought Sunny had joined in. he was just laying on the deck though. good boy. i have good pups. 

it's warmed up and the winds have blown a bit so it's become icy.  i have a pcu class later today and then a hockey game. socializing is not high on my agenda but will be a good distraction i know. 

i went to bed early so it's not too odd to be awake early. hoping to take a little nap after i finish this.  head clearing is why i blog. i realize it could be a reason to get me killed in a worst case scenario. i'm pretty much of the opinion that it's all easy to discover.  would my family turn me in if this were a nazi situation...sadly, yes, they probably would. 

those dogs next door are barking like crazy. nothing to see. i keep giving my dogs the all clear. 

young swan. these are from a trek to Homer. 

i looked up a few houses for sale in BC the other night. many are pondering getting out of the states. it is tempting.  not really practical. if i was younger it probably would be. i always tell people who hate refugees that they should happily take the first round at the very least since the most capable and equipped are the first to leave. 

wanting to put batteries in the new dog bark repellant thing i just bought and try it out. my friend said that since it only covers like 30-40 feet distance dogs often learn to just move to another area and bark.  still would put extra distance.  also it would impact my own dogs, barking or not. 

no batteries, but its now charging. 

not helping my anxiety.  

could just move someplace more remote and become more of a hermit than i already am. fully embrace my crazy cat lady position. 

it does anger me all these posts of folks on the right wanting us all to be all kumbaya with each other since so many haven't accepted those last results and supported the violence, but also because they want us to forget that their vote may forever hurt/harm people who are kind hearted, but who just exist and that pisses them off. they have spent years now hating trans people, these lives do not harm them.  they pee in a toilet and that is all it takes. god forbid they have to share a bathroom with a trans person. less than 1% of the population...they are paranoid that kids sports is inundated with trans kids when in reality is only like 40-50 kids nationwide.  paranoid that somehow being gay/trans is a catchable disease. that trans surgeries are being forced on everyone.  

mostly, they want to terrify any kid around them that may have any lgqbt tendencies to hate themselves rather than be allowed to be who they are.  

the rights and benefits they take away will impact them even if they haven't realized it.  that is probably because they have chosen to ignore the 2025 agenda.  anything that supports or helps anyone can and will be on the chopping block.  the trump brigade doesn't like anyone who is not in the right box. they will take away rights for special needs, veterans, poor.  they are fine with hungry kids, because as we all know, they only like fetuses and not actual living breathing children. because to be hungry and poor  their parents are hungry and poor and so they are hated for their place in the social scheme. 

i'm irrational because i feel a healthy and educated population is great for the nation in general.  i'm irrational because i want to allow others to live as they wish as long as they do not harm others.  i'm irrational because i think folks should read what they want and that children should be taught to be accepted and to accept others and to think critically. i'm irrational because i want separation of churches and government.  these churches have far overstepped the boundaries of separation. they preach that they must be republican or go to hell some how. these churches hoard money and help very few with their vast holdings. it's immoral.  it's unethical...but morals and ethics and boundaries and laws do not matter if they are making it impossible to enact a white christain nationalist agenda. 

i've ranted but i'm sure my brain is not done yet. each day will hold more and more.  how to keep myself sane in the world that will be life under this jerk another 4 years. we are overdue for a death in office and he has made enough enemies that his loss is always a possibility.  i will not cry over his death. there are many who have abused their powers over their people who i would not cry over their loss.  these people do seem to be like teflon and never seem to face any consequences.  if anything, they die in a bunker or hiding in drain, quick, not painful enough deaths truthfully.  it's never close to the pain they have caused in their lives to the people around them.  people who are just trying to find their own small piece of happiness in difficult times. 

overall, i know my life has been one of privilege. i can move through it will a skin color that can make me invisible.  being female has had it's negative impact at times, but as a middle aged/older female i also move about invisible. 

i better try and rest for a bit and restart the day. 

this will be the new normal.  the madness of what hell has been attempted with each day.  they will be better at getting their agenda in place this second time around.  they have found the other like minded extremists and purged those who have some loyalty to the constitution and order of the past. 

we are just helpless pawns.  

good luck to all.  if you voted for him, i do hope you wake up to the hell you are imposing on your fellow citizens before your number is drawn. you are not safe either. nobody is. can we carry on like nothing happened, like you didn't vote for a convicted felon, a racist, a misogynist who has raped and assaulted females and who took away womens rights...i don't know really. i suspect it will be there at the surface.  can you truly be friends when you have to tip toe around topics. are you truly family when you know they will always put their political and religious agendas before you? i guess that is me putting my agenda before the relationships too. i just can't look away from the suffering this brings. we all have a responsibility to do even the most minimum thing, like not vote for a fascist leaning jerk. 

what am i grateful for...A. the 4 years of relative normalcy we have just had, we needed a semi-break from the madness for our mental health B. those who are like minded that will be an island of peace and safety. C. the relative safety of who i am and where i live.