pre op done...just op left to go...

 i can eat for a few more hours and then i can have sips of water until like 7 am.  surgery has been moved back to the original time of 11:30 so i'll have to be there by 9:30 am...so no walk for the puppies in the morning as hoped.  oh well.

 Just MT showed up to walk so she ran an errand and met me at the dog park when my pre-op stuff was all done so that worked out well. i was happy that Blossom got to get out for a real walk today.  Rio seemed happy to stay home.  as i had little goodie bags for my Monday walk folks that is probably best.  Blossom left the bags alone...Rio could never be trusted with them. her nose would have located them and devoured all.

 these are from yesterday.  doubt i'll be up to writing anything tomorrow.  i suspect all will go fine.  hoping for the best, and the least required so that recovery will be speedy and i'll be back to walking and work quickly.

 had to sign a lot of papers...you know those...you could die papers, and if you do die we aren't responsible.  that's nice.  medicine is so personal.

 it was strange.  all those papers said i was a 50 year old female...i kept thinking, "that can't be me!", "i'm not a 50 year old female".  it's baffling.  you just get older...how does that keep happening?  occasionally something just forces you to see the truth about yourself.  mostly we just pretend things like being 50 aren't real.  other than the usual aches and such i really don't feel 50...but there it was all over my chart.

 to the staff, whom i've never met, i'm just another 50 year old female.  you feel like you have to find some way to distinguish yourself.  make yourself unique so that these people will want to make sure to treat you well.

 eating some chocolate kisses.  that will probably be enough for me to eat...best to end on a good note.

 i'm anxious tonight.  thankfully, my friends seemed to be more aware of how much help i'll need in the next few days than i have been.  i think i've been convincing myself that i won't need any help.  we all need help sometimes and i think honestly, it's good to occasionally need to accept help.  it's so much harder to accept help than it is to give it to others.  seems amazing to say that it's hard to accept kindness, but it is.  i think when you accept help and kindness you initially believe it means you are weak somehow.  being as independent and stubborn as i am (thanks Dad), you just live with this idea that getting help means you are weak and incapable.

 i am grateful that my friends are smarter than i am.  my basic needs will be met and if i need more, someone will be there.  i appreciate that greatly.  i just hope that my needs are minimal and that i am not putting people out too much.  don't want to be a bother.  i will try and do my part and accept help and ask for additional help if it seems that i do need it.

 i'm pretty active really and it's been frustrating to have had to cut back on the amount and strenuousness of my activities.  i'm stressed knowing that i will have to take a few steps backwards initially before i can hope for improvement.  i hope i can be patient with it all.

 i'm signed up for my first PT this friday and a post op appointment.  so i just need to get through friday and then i can know that forward motion is happening.  it's strange to make appointments and not have a work schedule to deal with.  haven't ever had that happen. i mean i've gone on vacations, but then i was just gone.

 thought these were cute.  wore my new skhoop the past few days. tomorrow i think i'll just wear some scrubs and a big coat to keep warm.  they kept my crutches there.  one less thing to deal with.  did some crutch training.  if i can't weight bear i would kill myself on stairs...

 loved these last pictures. the colors were amazing thru the trees.

 aren't these colors cool?

 these aren't photo shopped, the sky was just that pretty.

 i kept looking behind me as i headed back to the car.  i will miss this but i can usually get a view of the sunset from my room upstairs.

 you see the ice...that is the trail out there.  so far i haven't killed myself on it...but people are falling all over the place.  another co-worker just went out with an ice related injury this past week and is looking for pto donations.  sadly i'll be about out of pto so i can't help her out.

 I love Alaska but it takes some souls . i guess a snowmachine or 4-wheeler went into an open spot on one of the rivers up north.  i think 3-4 folks were missing and presumed drowned.  not to mention that boat that sank out in the Bering that no doubt took up to 50 souls.  another guy died in an avalanche recently...the stories are very common up here.  you always have to be aware and cautious.

 look at this light!! love, love, love these.  they may show up in next years Betsy calendar.  i guess i'll have to make 2 calendars..one for WARIS.  i may see if i can get a better deal for those through Vistaprint.  i really need to learn some stuff about marketing and all that.  now that WARIS has a business license we can sell stuff for profit on our web site to make money to help the walrus and Round Island.  i just have to figure it all out.

 have a shower to  take tonight . hibiclens tonight and again tomorrow morning.

 Kaladi's was fun today . a good group and very Christmassy.  i'll be out of Monday walk shape for a few weeks at least i guess.  hopefully, we can keep it going and my being out won't break the habit.  i think it's been good for everyone...a support group for us all.  it helps make winter more fun i think.

 Rio is snoring pretty loudly tonight.  so cute that big dog.  gotta love her.

 a few last looks and then i headed up the hill and off to run errands.

 well, i guess i should hop in the shower.

things to be thankful for today
1...competent and kind staff to help me get through this tomorrow
2...good friends who take care of me, even when i think i don't need to be taken care of
3...to live in a nation that, even if spendy at times, has medical care available to make our lives better.if i lived in many other places i'd just have to continue to work on this sore knee and make it worse.  to be able to repair things is a true blessing.  to have the hope of living a better and healthier life is always a gift.