Maybe God doesn't actually answer prayers....

 maybe we just all have little guardian angels or spirit guides or whatever you want to call them...they do what they can to watch over us and answer our prayers.  they seem to have their limits though.

 when someone like me ponders the way the world works, people getting killed in vast numbers, it just appears senseless.  these are mostly just regular people, random.  what did they ever do to deserve the hell they are thrust into?  why them?  I'm sure people in these situations are praying, at least a percentage of them.  they prayed in the concentration camps, they surely prayed in Rwanda.  the slaves being transported in boats to the Americans in appalling conditions surely prayed to some God.  those fleeing war torn nations and living with constant bombing I'm sure probably pray...the refugees pray, those left in the streets of Syria pray, those starving in African nations are praying....

 so why is it that these prayers go seemingly unanswered?  is God not listening? or in the big picture of things does God not actually answer prayers.  the spirit guides do what they can but maybe it's just rare that God would actually intervene....say parting the waters or building the ark...otherwise..we are all here basically on our own except for the smaller requests, the individual requests.

 when my plane didn't crash was it because our collective prayers were answered because we had enough spirit guides to help us that day, that moment?  or was it just not our time to perish?  i know i prayed, i suspect others did as well.  i certainly don't believe we were spared for any particular reason....is any one soul more valuable than the rest?  is any one person more valuable to God than the rest?  improbable.

 does everyone have to be praying to the same God?  i doubt that.  in my mind it's all the same anyway, no matter what you choose to call God or Gods..it's the same really.

 these are all on the spit in Homer by the way.  I put the puppies in their scarves since they look so dang cute...which prompts even more puppy pictures than usual.

 when i was a kid i got lost walking home from school.  i stopped and prayed and i was scared.  i remember a clear message to turn down this street, down that street i ran into a family that i was familiar with from church and they took me home.  who answered my prayer?  was it a spirit guardian?  was it God?  i guess I'd go with a spirit, one familiar with me.

 with those big world catastrophe's maybe this feeling we were always given that God was watching over us all just was a lovely story.  so many die in natural disasters, famines, disease, genocide....some survive, some die.  random, totally random? or not?

 i have no answers really.  i think it's lovely to believe that there is this all knowing power, God, who can sweep down and save us from horrible things, but when i look around i see that this power, doesn't actually do this on the grand scale that i had hoped.  there are horrible dictators out there and they terrorize entire nations for generations some times.  why wouldn't a just and loving God stop this one person....?  unless that just isn't what God does.

 if it gets too much for the spirits, they have to let the world roll over us.  they will try to do what they can for us as an individual but their abilities are limited perhaps.  above is my favorite i think of the day...are these puppies cute or what!!

 when we get in those situations we still pray.  we may not know what exactly we pray to but still we pray.  it can't hurt right?

 faith...I've never been good at faith.  i want answers. i need answers.  i ruminate over things, i ponder, i wonder.  i suspect that is just how we are. some of us can accept the things on faith alone.  others, like myself, find that less than comforting.  I'm rattled by that which is unclear and driven to discover the facts.

 i suspect our brains are just wired differently.

 it will all work out.  not for everyone...that is truth.  if "it will all work out" means that some will just die, then i guess it will all work out.  I'm not keen on having faith of it all working out, at least not without me trying to alter the outcome if i don't like where it's going.  perhaps prevent the bigger disaster from happening.  i mean shouldn't we all want to fix stuff before it gets worse over just taking a wait and see attitude?

 coal....there is some of it there. it lays on the beaches in Homer.

 young bald eagle sitting near the beach...until Ivy spotted it

 biggest bird she chased that day.  bird dogs for sure.

 i do believe that prayer can lead to answers, to directions, to miracles.  I'm not sure it is actually God doing those things in any direct way.  does God know me or is it the family and friends on the other side who come to my rescue or guide me in my decisions.  so often in life i have done the ground work but still ask for guidance on which decision would be best for me.  i have felt that i really have never had to actually make those decisions.  when all my research was done i would go some place quiet and i would ask and at some point the answer would just be there, urging me forward.  the path suddenly clear.

 i remember when I'd first became a nurse i wanted to get out of Los Angeles.  jobs were not opening up.  i got a job offer in Texas, a back up job i had applied for.  it was in Galveston.  in my heart it really wasn't where i wanted to be but i was starting to think i needed to just take a job.  i prayed.  one day i looked at a sled i had and i knew that i needed to turn down that job offer, i would be going where there was snow.  soon i got a job in South Dakota.

 when i pondered buying a house and settling down in South Dakota i remember sitting and it coming to me that i had always dreamt of living in Alaska.  we get directed, we get help.  there is that something inside of us or with us that helps us if we are open to it.  

growing up we called that the holy ghost.  that was taken away from me by the Mormon church when i had my records removed by their report.  so was my baptism. a simple letter written to me with a single sentence.  your baptism is revoked.  most of my Christian friends say that the Mormon church can't take away your baptism...that this is between you and God.

 i can't say there was any dramatic change.  when i prayed, i could still get directions and help.  my plane didn't crash. i am not suddenly rudderless.  i do believe more that much of that which is spiritual has little to do with buildings and churches specifically.  if they help you, great, but i suspect they aren't really the way to God they want us to believe.  the ways of God are spiritual and the way to God is spiritual.  i doubt there are specific religions in the next world.  it's all the little things and how you treat people that will matter. kindness, generosity, grace, selflessness.  i also believe that protecting our earth matters.  she is a gift.  the one who created this place took great care and time on all the details of it.  if God did not love this earth why so much variety?  if it was just for human consumption and use, why 4 million types of insects?  why not just a place with specific edible plants and animals?  much of my own spirituality is tied into nature.

 a boat called Icelander above.  i feel that pull.  last night i had put Palfreyman in the search bar on Facebook.  was surprised by all the Palfreymans that showed up.  there was one in Iceland.  i sent him a message, figured I'd never hear from him.  he messaged back this morning and we had a nice message exchange over the next half hour.  he's actually from a group of Palfreymans in Utah.  he's going to school there.  distant relatives.  my fathers father, William, his father, Dennis, his father Richard, another 2 Richards follow. we are distant relatives.  he's actually been to my fathers family graves in Utah.  small world.

 this is the Time Bandit from Deadliest Catch fame.

 when it comes to next life answers...i have less need to know in some ways.  i guess that would be odd...perhaps i have more faith in what is to come than what is here and now.  perhaps because i want to feel i have some control over the here and now...it is clearer.  i did much research after i left the Mormons.  churches just no longer felt right.  nature yes, churches, no.  after much soul searching i think it just no longer mattered if i had all the answers to the next life's issues.  weren't there enough things to figure out in this life?

 I've come to feel that we don't need to have all the right answers when it comes to religion.  we just have to be following a path of those basic tenets.  do unto others as you would have done to you.  love one another. do not judge.  Jesus never expected those who followed him to become theological scholars.  no matter their education they were enough if they followed the basic principles.  it seems much of these similar simple messages exist in really all of the major religions in one way or another.  they sound different and look different but the basics are generally pretty similar as far as how one behaves and what really matters...the rest is pomp and circumstance.

 i don't think it was ever meant to be so complicated to be good.  if your heart is pure, your heart is pure. it's about motives, intentions, kindness, love.  be true to yourself, be honest and kind with others and be happy.  the simple answer is usually the right answer.  man(in general man/woman) likes to muddle it all up because they have a need to feel superior and to be right.  why do so many people have such a need to be right on everything!!  we are all wrong sometimes.  I'm probably wrong a lot, but don't discount me either....we are all right sometimes too!! i need to converse and ruminate, converse and ruminate to come to answers...life is grey...it's not black and white.

 the kids had a great time in Homer.  will need to make several trips this summer.  roadies!!

 today we did a loop in N Biv.  it was a bit slushy and posty.  still fun. next Monday will be our final Monday walk of the season.  it will be time to venture out for summer.

 keep checking the bear tree.  she has not been sighted yet.

i think i have everything ready on my end for tomorrow nights event.  wish us luck.  :-)  wish me luck live streaming it.  really hoping i can get that done right.  I'll have to sit up closer.  i still need to just write down a little note of what i should say i guess.  i get so nervous, but hopefully it will feel better this time.  i just need to be a grown up...be confident.

 back at Bishops Beach here...this was the day we did over 9 miles of beach walking...well i did over 9 miles so these guys did a ridiculous amount of walking, running, jumping, swimming!!

 we had been joined by some local dog...fine for a bit but an unattended dog eventually just becomes a bit of a bother after a bit.  hadn't planned on him sticking with us as long as he did.

 Tusker was getting frustrated with the stick stealing...i mean Tusker is the stick stealer so not happy to have someone else take it from him.

 Ivy still waits for the stick.  not a big swimmer.  she likes to feel her feet on the ground.  i guess we are all a bit like that.  we like to have stable ground under us.  right now it feels unstable.  it's like a constant earthquake in our nation right now and the aftershocks just keep coming and coming.

 nothing to see here though. just dogs playing and having fun.  they are so lucky to be free from the debates, from the concerns of humans.  i live vicariously through them for that.  to be free of worry for the most part.

 guess i should get some real sleep tonight.  want to be prepared for tomorrow nights event.  should have had my friend SH take me shopping for a power outfit for tomorrow. i have nothing to wear that i can't work as a nurse in or hike in.  she likes to spend others money...haha.

 extra dog was starting to wear out his welcome so we headed back to the hotel room to leave him behind.

 free we returned for more play.

 Ivy is the adventurous pup...as long as she has her crew.  we give her confidence.

 keep praying.  it may not actually be God that picks up your call, but there are others out there who will.

 and keep laughing as well.  a smile, a laugh...it can be your best defense.

 if nothing else, find a dog.....they make life so much lighter

grateful for: A.  my spirit guides...whoever you are, thank you for helping me find my path  B. for the dogs, especially for those moments when i feel alone out there  C.  for nature, beauty, wildlife...i am re-energized and filled every time I'm out there.