domestic supply of kids...

never sure which photo will end up as the lead. this is nice. 

some of these are from a trek last summer to Valdez. another favorite drive. will have to change it up after this week. this stretch off i have plans for a boat trip out in Prince William sound and another trek to Homer. the tides aren't as low but the beach is always fun.  especially with Memorial Day weekend and everything opening up.  life changes dramatically in Alaska once tourist season starts. 

there was yet another shooting in a school.  as i've been called a murderer because i am for choice for women when it comes to their pregnancy/their bodies,  i feel it's time to start calling those on the right murderers for voting in the GOP fools who refuse to do anything to stop these mass shootings.  thoughts and prayers and throw their hands up.  certainly it can never be related to the guns that are out there. all the usual bull responses.  good guys with guns, gun rights.  clearly their right to have any and all guns without any sort of  regulation is worth the constant loss of life, even if it's children. 

they scream about needing a domestic supply of infants to protect the fetus and yet they will do nothing for our domestic supply of children or functioning/productive adults. teachers were also killed. i think the death toll is 19 kids, two adults. they went ahead with their scheduled NRA conference before those bodies are even buried. it's sick.  the good guys with guns, it turns out, waited outside the room for others to show up to break down the door.  leaving more time to for the shooter to kill or to have those already shot bleed out. 

there was a protest outside the NRA convention, very proud of my niece for attending. this bull never ends and the right has convinced themselves they are pro-life and are the ones who stand for the sanctity of life...everything they do and vote for goes against that. as i've said, they only care about the fetus...as soon as you take a breath the right has no use for you.  they won't help with the poor or with those with mental or physical health ailments.  they like to say it's all mental health issues, not the guns, yet they won't help deal with mental health, won't put any regulations on guns, won't help families who bring the lives into the world and they will look the other way as children get mowed down.  the rest of the world is shocked and distressed over our mess. how can we allow this to happen over and over. for most industrialized nations this sort of thing happens once and they take swift action and they do not have repeats.  we sit here with our heads up our asses clueless how this could possibly happen and make excuses to protect our precious guns. 

i could go on about it all, but i'll only end up angry and upset. the right will not back down. they only double down.  making it easier to get guns. they believe schools need guns and god and that will fix the issue.  idiots. 

work was steady but i worked PICU all week.  always a great crew there. we had kids getting admitted each night so we all had to be flexible to get the kids taken care of. hope i never have to deal with the anguish of a mass shooting up here as a nurse.  can't wait to be out of this career. i imagine teachers are wanting out.  they want to teach, they don't want to be in a war zone risking life each day to protect their precious charges. 

so i still have to pack my day bag for tomorrows trip. weather is supposed to be nice. i think they are going into college fjord not harriman. i'm cool with that. i've always wanted to go into college fjord. ive paddled harriman twice with friends and also done this boat trip out there a few times.

it's my Birthday tomorrow.  celebrate me.  i've been learning over these decades to alter my Birthday expectations.  in truth, it's not a big holiday.  everyone doesn't need to celebrate me.  i'll go out there and try to just celebrate myself. i'm trying to be kinder to myself. 

i pray though i have less and less belief in a benevolent God out there. i've seen and heard of far too much pain and suffering to pray for any assistance.  seems silly to ask for the trivial things i do tend to put out there to the void when i know that across the globe there are so many others who are in far more dire position that really do need that help, but go with prayers unanswered. 

there isn't some God responding to my prayers and ignoring the fervent prayers of the desperate.  these days i think of all those in Ukraine that i know are praying and hoping for help and yet, people continue to die there.  putin continues to ravage the land and the people, using whatever horrific tools he has access to. we are all just pawns  in the big picture.  i think the only thing we can hope for is for our own loved ones who have passed before us to help with those smaller requests that we may have.  

there have been hundreds/thousands of various Gods who have been held up and worshiped over the years humans have existed. which God, if any, is actually in existence.  probably more of a soul flitting from one life to another. 

ultimately, my hope is to be a decent person and enjoy this life as best i can.  some days are rougher.  some days are lonely.  Birthdays and holidays...can be tough for the introverted, single person. others have it much more difficult though so that is the constant reminder that whatever happens on my "special" day is really pretty insignificant. people are just different.  i have never been one to draw others in...guess that is saying i've never been the most popular of folks.  i'm more of a person that is appreciated more the more people know me. i'm not always open for that i admit. 

i lack a great self esteem...how would it have been to have been raised in a household where you were fully adored?  i know my parents tried and they loved me and all that...but the downside to a larger family is just that, it's large and you can get lost in it. there were other perks that made up for some of that part.  we are all just different in our needs growing up.  

it's too easy for me to get sucked into a melancholy if i don't make a plan so the other night i booked the boat trip. it's going to be beautiful out there. best to just get out. birthdays were pretty mild celebrations growing up. my mom wasn't into having parties. i suspect it was also a money thing.  if you invite other kids over to 7 kids birthday parties you will have to reciprocate a lot, which gets expensive. even in those days. 

this week we have just hit the dog park several times. the dogs always have a great time there. Sunny loves finding dogs to chase. he has sort of swam a few times. not the best swimmer at all.  still all legs. good to see him brave enough to get out there a little further each day. 

still miss this boy...happy i got Sunny to put a little band aid on the broken heart. the other night i was having pvc's again. it's been awhile since that has happened.  anxiety.  it's been less but it can still hit me randomly. 

probably should just find a less stressful job really. 

got the old mower out and did mow the front yard...it's nearly on fire as i mow so i have to stop it.  need to just get a new mower and put a free sign on the old one. someone out there will probably be able to fix it up and use it or sell it.  i tend to feel like giving stuff like that away is good for my karma bank. 

debated doing the airstrip today but not many bites on hiking companions lately.  that is fine in the winter but in the summers that gets more sketch with the bears out there. 

i am feeling like i need to get back to my baseline bravery. i've gotten a bit more chicken over the years. probably built up experiences with both bears and moose.  you start to get this feeling that the odds are getting less in your favor of a good outcome. haha. 

life isn't changing though.  i'm single and many are not available for walks when i am wanting to walk so it's either just do the dog park or get more brave again. i've been walking alone for decades so i need to put on my big hiker pants. 

i just made a purchase on Amazon. i bought an inflatable kayak just for getting into some local lakes for some day paddles.  seems like it should be easier than dealing with an ocean kayak.  can't really do that alone. i know people do, but i'm not one to do an ocean paddle on my own.  lakes though, that has always appealed to me.  supposed to be fairly easy to blow up and so could be taken to other places to do short explorations. so Happy Birthday to me.  :-)

i also bought some cheap poodle earrings. 

tomorrow boat trip.  Sunday, i'll prep for Homer and perhaps walk dogs and do some planting. 

was trying to look into at least a day trip to Seldovia with the dogs...not sure if i can make that happen.  could be fun though. could also try for that glacier walk.  we shall see. early is better as it's less grown over.

the to do list is building up but writing seemed more therapeutic tonight. 

cherish each photo with my boy.  Sunny is still a bit of a pill to Ivy, corn cobbing her when she is trying to chase the toy. it's does seem much less.  he also still gets poor Covid Cats collars off. i have two so i keep replacing.  i try to put some cayenne on the collar. not sure it's really helping. 

will have to hit the 10:30 tunnel tomorrow. so i need to leave her by around 9:15. that means an early wake up. 

sweet Miss Breezy. love watching the animals sleep. they have such peace.

there are still a few rare phone booths in random spots in Alaska. 

a few from this winter. February. 

he's now 8 months old.  his legs really shot up.  crazy how quickly they grow. 

Ivy is still my love sponge.  he's also pretty snuggly.  love my snuggly crew.

haven't been to Ruths for a bit. not sure why.  it was pretty muddy for a bit i think and i heard the other day that they do kids camps there so that makes it less fun.  one of the regular rockers has been followed with her dog by a coyote a few times...she goes early in the morning though. 

a few more of the exciting Birthday celebration. 

i've been wanting to get back to swimming again. it's time to try to get this old body some more exercise. slacking on the longer walks so i need to make up for it all somehow. i'm more about Birthdays for goal making over New Years i guess. that doesn't mean that either one of those goal times means the goals are achieved. 

i've been slacking on getting prepped for the next floor project. also need to get more motivated on the walrus stuff. did send a email to the new manager as i heard there was a fire on the island. hope the cabin is okay...or the other things they have built out there. haven't done too much with all that. 

life just gets busy and covid through every thing out of whack in life.  it's just feeling more like it's time to try to pull shit together again.  that covid excuse is getting old.  :-)

so, 58!  hard to fathom really.  how many years do i have left on this earth? it really does fly. those who put off stuff waiting to retire are fools in my book.  enjoy each day.  you just never know when it will be your last. if not death, you could also be hit with a debilitating illness or event.  best to not put off life...best to live it. 

does make me sad as well for many who get stuck in these high demand religions that have also limited their life experiences.  their choice but still sad imho...or not so humble, depending on who you ask.  haha. 

both dogs like when i add ice in the water bowl. no matter what season it is. 

more rocks to paint and drop.  i dropped a rehide from Homer my last night. now that the Resource Office has moved, i tend to walk down this nice little garden area.  it's a little moment of peace before work starts.  clearly it didn't help the other night when the anxiety kicked in and my heart started to do it's little extra beats.  some people get them and don't notice them. i can feel them. just feels strange. not painful. just annoying. 

i better get my stuff together for tomorrow. should be a fun day. 

such a cute face.  almost snuggle time

need to do more store walking and leash walking in general.  such a slacker.

lots of grooming time this week though. always fun 

thankful for A. another year of fun and adventure and relaxation and experiences.  B.  the wisdom that comes with age.  C. to live in a beautiful place and have opportunities to enjoy it