being subtle is not my strongest quality...

 

these are still from the summer. will have to toss in some winter shots here soon i guess. i'm hopelessly behind on posts...but i have less words of late. Byers Lake above on a warm day.

finished my three nights of work.  lets see if i can recall...PCU, ICU then ED holds.  it is funny that i have a hard time remembering where i worked the last three nights...that is pretty usual these days though. you walk away and you just close it up. 

i had several moments of frustration on that last night.  i was verbal about it.  it was quite frustrating actually.  there were two of us doing holds in the back area.  there were 12 patients and we were each assigned 4. there were also 3 ER staff nurses back there...so you do the math and two nurses were started with heavier assignments. 

finding and getting report was a bit of a cluster. the regular staff member opted to keep one of hers rather than give it over, which i did appreciate.  

seemed every time i got a patient moved to a bed upstairs there was someone who came up to me saying they were there to give me report and the patient was already being moved.  now, i think it's much more respectful to give me a call to ask how i am and if i'm ready for another patient. i also did tell the charge later that if they are slammed up front to let me know that and i can do what needs to be done.  

my first patient also started to rip into me because he had a headache and as i was trying to assess and do what needed to be done he was being a twat.  in the end he figured out i was trying to help him and that i knew what i was doing.  he spent the rest of the shift apologizing and thanking me.  

it is hard for all of us...but the negative we say and do sticks to us much more powerfully than the positive. it's not fair, but it is the truth. 

Thanksgiving.  well it was pretty much just another day. my sister called and today my brother in Boston called me.  otherwise i got a few text messages.  one from the one brother that has never apologized for his nasty words to me.  i'm not keen on just going on like it's not happened. i feel like others have enabled some of this and always seem to support.  i'm in the tough love mind set at this point. life is too short to allow others to get away with treating you poorly. 

at some point you must decide what you will accept. age, covid, his actions....all these things combined to just make me opt out at this time. i only respond in the group text of all siblings.  that is what i decided is best. a friend did this with a couple who had broken up and i thought it was quite brilliant. 

these are mostly still the mine.  the flowers were just so pretty that day. 

did hit Ruth Arcand the last two days for some rock time. found a few, missed a totally cute frog rock...the kid got it.  that family has many of this one rockers, rocks. i must have followed soon after he came, i'd gotten a gorilla rock he'd done so i left the one i found, then i saw his post later that he'd dropped a frog as well.  so the same girl that gave me her sad puppy eyes for the snow leopard rock, found the frog...dang those cute kids! i joked perhaps next time i saw her i'd have to give her my sad eyes.  :-)  

did a bit more painting tonight.  will have to crash soon. 

my friends from work had worked the night before the holiday so they got up late and made a late Turkey meal, then kindly brought me a plate of delicious turkey/gravy/taters and stuffing.  :-)  so that was my Thanksgiving.  i did get the Skelly crew changed over to Christmas

my cards and calendars have arrived.  will send to my siblings, all of them.  i believe i made my point last year.  not sure any points ever get through. i move on as i can but also do not allow myself to accept the treatment as normal.  you can't hold it inside.  you have to move on, that doesn't mean you forget it all and be a fool.  

catching up on the latest Great British Baking Show. they have quite the finalists it appears. he just handing out 3/4 handshakes in the signature.  the German/Brit has had so many wins week by week, but he's the only one who didn't get a handshake...what will happen!!

Portage...below you can see folks walking out on to the unstable snow pack.  

love the color of the glacier fed water.

the rocks have become a sort of therapy, the painting.  

the people are many in a fb group so i've gotten to know a few, run into a few on the trails.  just rocks, no politics, no work. it's just a nice break from the day to day.  

the hunt for the rocks has helped me get moving and out on the trails when covid and the stress of it all had made me start to have less enthusiasm to get out.  

i do also want to not get too caught up in the rocks. i need to wander various places and see the other areas of beauty out there.  it's easy in the winter to get in a rut.  especially until the light begins to return again. 

virgin falls.  there are beautiful places in the winter as well.  longer drives not as worth it because of the fewer hours of work. 

we laughed in the ICU the night i worked there.  less covid at the moment but we are back to many of the usual drunks and drug addicts we used to have.  at least it's familiar.  such a waste of a precious life. they all seem to have kids...that is the most frustrating part.  all the kids who have addicted/alcoholic parents.  it can't be easy for them. 

the thing too about that last night in the ER...two of the nurses are FEMA nurses who we all know are getting paid much more than us...so to see them sitting around with 1 or 2 patients while i was getting slammed just added to my annoyance.  it's a double edges sword.  we needed the help but how do you not feel a bit resentful when they are getting paid so much more for the same work.  

pinterest is my go to place for rock ideas.  sometimes i do better than others. i do think the rocks are looking much better than they have. i think i have always really liked the paddlers i've done though. fun to explore other designs and ideas and then add my touch to it.

flowers, flowers, flowers....

i did buy a small turkey today.  will hopefully be able to cook it Sunday or Monday.  let it thaw a bit in the freezer. still like to have a few more turkey meals during the holidays even if i don't ever have a big festive event on the specific days.  holidays are just different when you are single. 

a favorite flower is the states flower, the delicate forget me nots below.

like all the antiques and old building/cars at the mine.  great photo ops

we got a bit more snow, warmed a bit and now we are back into a freeze.  i did forget to plug in the car. i can plug it in a few hours before i leave though.  i have already forgotten to  unplug and drove off...luckily it worked out okay. the car, the cord and the plug are all intact.  i also need to call AAA and get the Element a new battery.  

rain forest, moss covered trees.  so pretty

i did miss a walk between shifts one day.  i slept much longer than i usually do and it has always been okay to miss one dog walk, the dogs may not agree with that. 

fireweed.

more reflections

i guess it's almost 2 am...probably time to sleep. where to walk the beasts tomorrow. always the question. 

glaciers and waterfalls coming off the glaciers.  

will we survive it all.  will relationships broken ever be mended again?  covid has made a mess of so many things. politics took care of the rest.  well, perhaps it's the other way around...politics made a mess of things and covid just kicked the mess all the way over.

moose tracks

that is a wrap....

something good about myself...my painting skills are improving.  thankful for: A.  friends who stopped by for a little single chick and brought me a Thanksgiving meal. B. the pretty rocks i find and the pretty rocks i paint C. walks between shifts. 

from snow to super cold..

 

i remembered that i have auto start this morning.  such a joy! car is plugged in and ready for the winter fun. the element on the other hand...well the battery is dead. i went out to use it on one of our zero degree mornings only to find i hadn't shut the door tightly...probably the seat belt got caught. anyway.  it wouldn't start.  thinking i'll rejoin AAA and then request a jump in a few days to get her started again. it's still newer than the car above.  these are from July

mixing it up. 

i head back to work again tomorrow night. no anxiety this stretch off.  the overall covid numbers appear to be decreasing, most importantly, the number hospitalized is decreasing and before we had over 30 on vents in state and now it's less than 20 so that helps. 

not sure what will happen in December.  many of our help will leave and we shall see...

have been out walking and enjoying the great outdoors, no matter how chilly it is.  i come home and snuggle in under the covers and electric mattress pad for a bit and then try to get a few things accomplished for the day. 

i have managed to get the calendars and cards made! bought a few gifts so things are starting to get done.  i like to get the business of the holidays under control so that the holidays aren't so insane 

i have had some double walk days with treks to my new obsession of rock hunting out at Ruth Arcand. 

so Monday i walked out at Campbell Airstrip with friends and then hit the dentist and then zipped over to Ruth Arcand. i've gotten a winter inner loop figured out.  just exploring and finding new paths.  just adding the park to the mix of trails i use. i'll tire of the rocks at some point i'm sure or just run out of rocks to paint to trade with. in the summer i suspect the bug count will get pretty high out there like it does in the bog here.

today i headed to Ruths for a quick walk and then met LS out at North Bivouac for a nice loop. always good for me to get some actual social time in the mix. 

the other night i was painting rocks.  trying to improve my skills a bit.  looking on pinterest for some better options so i don't feel guilty in my trades.  there are some impressive artists out there. 

i have a few new options to add to the mix. my paddlers are cute and i'm starting to build on my mountain scenes.  

some of these are from the crow creek mine.  there is a cat that lives there...i was happy i left the dogs in the car!  they would have given chase.  the cat was super sweet and came right up for pets.  extra toes, which i always love. 

so several of these are from Crow Creek mine, also Portage valley, Girdwood/virgin falls and i think another trek out to Independence mine. 

lots of pretty flowers at the mine.  they do weddings and other parties out there so many pretty photo ops

their blue poppies are quite the sight. so pretty.

we also do many of the usual walks through the summer

loved these from below shots of the flowers.  always trying new angles.

one may have made it in to the calendar.  we shall see. it's usually not too bad, the calendar. 

my photography is better than my rock painting but i have artistic skills in me so i just have to be more patient.  the painting is very relaxing and i try to make up for my lack of artistic skills out there by adding some volume of rocks. many of mine just stick around there or get moved around the circle, never finding a new home.  

it is interesting to see what goes and what stays.  the paw prints do seem to go.  i think because they are small and interesting rocks at baseline so that makes them easy to carry around in a pocket. 

i'll have to layer up once more this evening to go check the mail.  with temps so low you can't just pop outside without being prepared. 

i for sure took advantage of many of the popular mines out here.  each season is different and each summer i hit different things.  need to plan another Alaska outing for next summer. i've still never gone to see bears out at Brooks so always a possibility.  i think i may have a few visitors.  though i don't really plan around that until it sounds more solid.  many want to come but often they do not actually come. 

we checked a few winter trails in N. Biv today.  this one is usually the last one frozen. there were some foot prints going a ways out and then they had stopped and returned.  we laughed. 

not yet.  

watched some netflix and did some baking.  that is it for these days off.  felt good i got those few projects done though.  perhaps i'll get the poetry blog started tonight and get signed on to AAA. was thinking of getting the Skelly's changed over to Christmas...not sure i'll feel that ambitious tonight though.  

they were looking for on call for tonight so maybe that will be an option the next few days. chill while i can and be rested for what comes in December.

i had gotten this new dental hygienist because mine wasn't available once and so now it seems i have him all the time.  he's nice enough but i wasn't too sure if he could tell the difference between gums and teeth.  ouch! took some ibuprofen after my visit on Monday. 

below is from Eagle River Nature Center.  dogs on leash there so not always my favorite spot with them. they are not the greatest on leash and now that Ivy is feeling better she seems to be jumping more and more again.  was hoping that the knee issues would have meant that was done for good. such an annoying habit. 

they aren't perfect but i sure love these pups.  they put up with me and even seem to like me.  dogs are just that way.  they think the world of you.  they adore you and they don't know to be any different.  

when you are single you are not adored for sure...i do realize that many who aren't single live without adoration as well. perhaps that is just part of aging.  you are no longer called beautiful. you are just a face in the crowd, an old face. 

my self esteem was never the greatest to begin with.  aging does not always improve that.  it can be odd.  i will find a rock and then debate even taking it...do i deserve to have a pretty rock? can feel pretty pathetic that you are convincing yourself that you are worthy of a pretty rock in life. 

i felt a bit of the melancholy monday and Tuesday but today it seemed to have passed. always something i guess. 

thankful that i have outlets.  walking, photography, poetry, painting and of course, the pets.  you really just have to find ways to distract yourself from your own negative feelings some days. 

plug along and eventually you will find there are more good days than bad in life.  

bear poop....no bear sightings on the trails so i'm always good with that. hoping this cold snap is putting those bears to bed. 

more painting tonight perhaps.  it seems that many of the painters out there use very fine tipped brushes or their hands, which i did a little finger painting the other day.  worked pretty good. messy but messy can be perfect. 

me with some himalayan blue poppies and fireweed above

lots of flowers in June/July, then it gives way to mushrooms and then...back to snow and ice.

i do love it up here though.  don't really feel a need to leave really.  

i'm a bit of a home body, and i get into my comfort zone at times.  i don't mind being other places but it's always so stressful planning and getting to/from them. 

i'm not a keen airplane traveler either. 

maybe i like the small planes because they are always just shorter hops.

november is halfway over, time really does fly, whether you are having a good time or not.  

i used the crock pot for a turkey breast yesterday. fun to change it up a bit with some comfort foods from time to time.  may just eat a salad here in a bit. 

family photo time.  thanks SH, pretty sure she took these.

lupine. another favorite. well, i better get some other stuff done.  top it off with some painting i guess. 

thankful for. A. distractions, hobbies and the pups who get me outside when it's super cold, them and the rocks. B. brainless tv shows that i use to drift off and veg out C. the art skills of others, i'm always amazing at what folks come up with.