risking my life for a super cool rock....

 

this artist is named Kevin Hagensieke so a couple of the rock pictures are his. he carves these super cool rocks and hides them.  i've seen them for ages and either can't figure where he's hid them or knew they would be found almost immedicately upon him posting them on the Anchorage Rocks fb page. 

today this rock popped up and it was at the bear tree...that was all he said. i know the bear tree though! it's just a few miles from my house.  tricky part...the bears den up in the tree.  as it turns out the bear does have cubs and they have been spotted there as recently as yesterday now i hear. well.  this rock was worth the risk. 

above is the artists photo. that got me up and out of the house. i did text my friend LS to see if she wanted to join me for a walk and if she was willing to meet me first at the bear tree in case someone needed to call 911 or rescue me. i got there early though and as there were a few cars and no bears in sight...i went for it.  you really can't hesitate in these situations. you must commit!

i was rewarded for my speedy response and am now the proud owner of one super cool rock! i may slip it into this table. 

we then had a lovely slushy walk. it wasn't too bad though.  the dog park yesterday was much worse. 

this is the best view of it that i've taken i think above. below is another by the artist.  so that was a happy and exciting day scoring this cool rock. i left one of mine behind. as i was in my car posting that i'd gotten the rock on the fb rock page, a guy went to the tree and found my rock.  no idea if he took that one or not.  he was too late and i'm happy i went for it or he probably would have walked away with this rock. i'm sure the other cars there were waiting for the bears to appear and probably thought i was nuts.  i had to move around the tree a bit. there is a hole and i told LS that i feared seeing a bear eye ball looking back at me.  i was brave and i was rewarded for my bravery. 

it's good to get yourself a bit nervous from time to time. 

the northern lights were really good again last night. since i'd worked 3 nights i opted to lay down for a nap and set the alarm..except i forgot to actually set the alarm. i woke up at 1:30 am.  so i went out on the back deck and they were dancing around and it was fairly warm.  i was really too tired to bother trying to get decent photos adn deal with all that. so i just sat in the camp chair on the back deck and watched the lights dance around for about an hour.  the dogs were confused by were thrilled to have this middle of the night tennis ball throwing session. 

a coworker stopped by and purchased the drum set for her daughter last evening. always sad to say goodbye to certain items in life, but i'm thrilled it's going to a kid who will have fun playing on the kit. i got what i asked for and then tossed in the cymbals and stands since i know her.  if it had been someone else i would have sold those separately.  i had decided that if fall came and nobody that i was willing to sell to came up, i'd donate them to the school system.  better than then some scam artist gets the kit. 

my only professional gig as a drummer was an illegal lesbian wedding back in the '80's in Malibu Canyon. my life has always been strange and interesting.  haha. 

i just bought some rainbow clothing for the Skelly's.  feels like i'm defending lgqbt+ rights lately so may as well get them dressed up in support

my work stretch went pretty well.  this week i was in ICU, PCU and then IMCU.  in ICU i was break nurse so that was fun. minimal charting. they are making us actually clock out for our lunch break now. feel like i work fast food. hardly seems a way to treat professionals.  if i'm clocked out though i am not doing a dang thing. if i can't break my patients completely without someone they can pay me. others are clocking out but staying at the desk.  seems more of a liabilty.  before if i had down time i'd just count it as my break.  now that they are forcing us into a specific time frame....we aren't going to be covered for that time at all, before with it being more fluid, we had more of a chance of being covered liability wise. 

the Pcu night was interesting.  me against two in mildly heated discussions about gun control and abortion.  light topics at 3 am. they both own assault rifles.  at this point i feel like folks like this believe their rights are more valuable than the lives lost.  the one was trying to argue that these statistics about guns being #1 killer of kids are inaccurate because they take it to age 19 according to him to make it look worse.  of course, taken back to age 18 made it the second biggest killer of kids...i told him that was much better. i just kept having him look up how these things  compare to Canada and Australia.  we didn't come off very good in comparison. not sure why these people are so daft at seeing the obvious stats.  we are the only nation that has this sort of death numbers amoungst our peer nations. 

at one point i'd gone into my patients room and returned and was charting and they were looking into one the recent shootings where a kid came to the wrong house and the old man used his assault rifle to shoot at the kid through the door. they were jumping through hoops trying to victim blame the kid.  saying the media doesn't cover it all and the kid was probably cursing or scaring the old guy. i just kept quiet for that part. so ridiculous. then the whole we gotta treat mental health.  i'm like, it was Reagan and the GOP that opened up all the mental health facilities and released those people and we do not have more crazy people than other peer nations...no explanation for that.  

they were both saying if you use your gun you should always shoot to kill. i was all shouldn't you really be shooting to disable if you can...nope, not according to them. these people will do anything to protect their beloved guns.  far more valuable than any life, children included.  

the guy made the mistake of saying a lot of women fake being raped.  i was all, that, right there.  that is why people like you should never make decisions about women and their healthcare.  a hell of a lot more women do not report rapes and assaults than the small number who "fake" a rape. the girl at least backed off on the abortion stuff.  their arguments were the usual weak bull. they just prove over and over that they really have no clue what abortion is, or all the nuance involved with that. 

the dogs and i were wiped after our little adventure to Seward.  it was really a perfect getaway though. 

it was a bit of an interesting drive out to Seward. at one point i looked up and there was a cop car behind me, lights and sirens. i pulled over and into a pull out. the cop pulled in right in front of me.  i couldn't figure what i could have possibly done. i looked down to get my license and registration, proof of insurance and all that. when i looked up he was out of his car and behind it with his gun drawn facing forward. 

i was all freaking out, omg, i'm going to be involved in some shooting.  i did catch his eye and was all, am i free to go. i think he may have tried to direct me back towards Anchorage, but i pulled out and headed toward Seward.  there was a truck that i guess was the object.  i could see him pull out after me, headed towards Anchorage. i hope i didn't screw up their capture but i was just wanting to get the hell out of there. 

we got to Seward in plenty of time.  loaded on to the boat and headed out to the cabin.  

it's a beautiful location. expansive beach to explore at low tide.  i would for sure go out there again. i'd take the water taxi even if the switchbacks weren't covered in ice just to take the comforts of home to the cabin. it was pretty cheap. 

we had wildlife all over the place.  right from the cabin you could see the seals, otters and sea lions swimming around. we also got lucky and there was a humpback cruising around that first night.  seemed it was out there for hours. going back and forth and feeding. 

our weather was perfect and i walked nearly 9 miles/day so the dogs no doubt did double that.  they hardly moved the day after we got home. i still need to get Sunny Boy a good grooming.  after the drums left i moved the grooming table to that spot out there. will have to train him to that.  lots of high power treats will be involved. 

these pictures are in Homer but we did see some jelly's and stars out there.  also quite a few urchin shells along with other shells.  lots of snail shells too. 

there was a dead bear several hundred feet from the cabin.  thin bear. i wonder if it was sick and weak and fell down the cliffs above.  

we did hike backwards to the switchback part.  i didn't really want to have the dogs on icy switchbacks so i just turned back.  my friends went and said it really was very icy so i think we were all happy we'd brought the boat

i would for sure get Tonsina cabin again.  late April is perfect.  Millers Landing just starting taking water taxi's the day before we went. 

always love this boat on the spit.  the light was super pretty for this. above is clam gultch. 

so beautiful weather and safe travels.  great wildlife sightings.  just nice to be on the water, even if it was super short. 

one of the big name hosts got canned at faux. he was and is a horrible person.  spreading lies, racism.  just a jerk. i'm sure he will crop up elsewhere. his brand of hate and big mouth will go on. part of me wonders if the lawsuit they just lost had something to do with it . perhaps all those big "news" shows are on notice.  one can hope.  CNN also fired one of their hosts. 

brightly colored stars. 

i have been sleeping pretty solid this week.  love me some sleep time.  

sea urchin above. below you can see the line of anemones curled up at low tide

finished reading "Remarkably Bright Creatures" by Shelby Pelt and have been reading another book where everyone gets a package and it contains a string that tells you the amount of time you have left to live.the Pelt book was really enjoyable.  we shall see about the other one. 

the snow is melting pretty fast so the little free library is seeing action again. it got kind of buried this winter. 

as i waited for my friend to come get the drum set i  took stuff out of the garage to leave out front with the old free sign.  most of it is gone already.  just a few things left. maybe people have missed the freebies at my place.  way too much snow this year to attempt that. 

i'll have to find some fun stuff to do on my next stretch off.  maybe a few road trips/day trips. roads are clear now. i do need to get the tires changed over on the cr-v. won't bother with the element.  it occurs to me that i am still waiting for the tires to get unburied.  will need to replace fence this summer.  will take some time before we can do that.  snow again and frozen ground below that. 

project time. 

then late may will be garden time.  

will for sure need to make a few runs down to Homer. the dogs just love running on these beaches. 

now i'll need to plan for that walk to the beach we were at this last weekend.  how is it i never checked out that walk before now? i have done just the first section but it's a great beach and less traveled so could be really fun. 

star above, anemone's below. 

guess i should turn in.  doesn't look like much hope of lights tonight. i'll just sleep.  then i have two more nights of work. 

thankful for A. safe and fun travels to Tonsina with the dogs and friends. B. finding a cool rock and not getting eaten by a mama bear in the process. C. brand new bear spray canisters.  thank you costco!

the downside of becoming "woke"....

 

you have to deal with those who are left behind. who refuse to examine the worlds realities. who refuse to question. who refuse to be curious. 

woke just means to be socially aware. it's been made into a sort of swear word of late by the right.

if woke means that i am trying to accept others in the place that they are, then i accept that task. 

when it comes to racism. i really had no idea initially how racism has impacted so many aspects of our culture.  there was very little we were taught in school about the truths of those times of slavery and after slavery.  it was washed away.  we were learning at a young age i think in school that we were being taught a very watered down version of history.  at least i seem to recall getting that impression

i spent quite a lot of time in the library selecting books to read that i'm sure good Christian parents would refuse to allow.  my parents were pretty hands off in many ways.  parents are much more hovering these days, or have been. my parents had very little impact on what i read outside of the bible and book of mormon. my Mom was just happy we read.  she was a big reader...though much of her reading was romance novels.  she was reading. that was all that mattered. she had an amazing vocabulary

you can be exposed to and read a variety of things, you can travel to nations far and wide and still remain in a box of your choosing though. we choose these things.  

it makes me both sad for and angry at times for those who seem to remain entrenched in a thought process that many are leaving behind. 

it's just so hard to imagine intelligent people choosing to stay in a box of ideas that were standard when we were kids.  never really breaking from the beliefs about gays, race, religion, the world order. 

the people they support in office are doing some really horrendous things and yet, they choose to really just look the other way.  they have their things that they want to have happen, gun rights and abortion restrictions.  in truth abortions are less under dems because they encouraged and made available birth control and other supportive things that decrease abortions. 

i'd still say that the gop needed and depended on those fetuses being aborted more than the dems got from them.  they needed those fetuses to be taken in order to motivate their base to vote.  now with that gone, they are going after others. sadly, no battle will be as easy a win for them than fetuses.  the fetus is totally dependent on the person carrying it so no money needed to be spent by the gop. proof of this is that the gop votes over and over not to support pregnant women. they don't support the fetus financially in any way.  those nuts at abortion clinics aren't paid, they volunteer. 

a post on fb by a niece this week through me in to a bit of a rage. it was a supposed "study" with mice.  the mice were given everything they needed...in the end they extrapolated that the results of this "study" is what is happening in society with humans.  the last paragraph..."we are currently witnessing direct parallels in todays society, weak, feminized men with little to no skills and no protective instincts and overly agitated and aggressive females with no maternal instincts" who then destroy society by killing off the others. i was just about to leave for work and it just enraged me really. 

as i tend to fly off on these ridiculous things i just hit block so that i wouldn't comment and get into an online battle with yet another family member. right after i did that, her mom called me. i said i was feeling pretty angry and explained why.  she started to defend this "research" and that just angered me more.  i wasn't calm, i was over reactive so in the end i did send a text apologizing, saying in the state i was in i should not have answered the phone. also that i shouldn't have taken my anger out on her on something she didn't post. 

in the heated discussion i did mention that the Jesus i had learned about would have been kind to people, whether they were gay/trans...whatever.  then she had said, Jesus would say, "go and sin no more". 

so being more "woke" you have to find some way to accept those who think being "woke" is a scary and bad thing. then the next day yet another school shooting happens.  a reminder that the non woke vote in people who support the nra and guns rights so completely that death by gun is now the most common way to die as a child here. so they see the news about a shooting, send their thoughts and prayers and then go back to attacking the lgbqt+ folks, drag queens, books, actual history...stuff that isn't killing kids. 

that they espouse to be prolife and yet look away at all the death, is an irony they are incapable of grasping. 

these state governments would rather these transgenders and all others just disappear. i do not know what they want of them really.  they do not want to believe or admit they exist.  what are their choices at that point...if a whole segment of society wants them to pretend to not exist.  i have heard many times that there is just xx and xy.  this is simply not true. 

there are a lot of chromosome variations to this.  xxy, xyy, xxyy, xxxy....

if anomaly's can happen on all the chromosomes. i'm baffled why many can accept this on all the other chromosomes but not on those that determine sex characteristics and sexuality.it just doesn't seem too far out there that if you can be born with a penis and uterus than there is a wide variety of things that can happen. 

so i haven't called to talk because then the shooting happened and i can't promise i won't become angry at a discussion that can't possibly go anywhere useful. 

i saw a clip that was talking about trauma and trauma response. i didn't have any specific trauma's as a kid.  we had a pretty protected and fun existence. i have had some experiences later...and i often feel like my entire career is a trauma. dealing with others traumas and deaths over and over has to have an impact on us care givers. covid was an added trauma on top of it all. sexual assaults, bear close encounter, close calls in boats and planes...it all adds up. 

working in critical care you learn to remain calm.  so big things are happening and you just stay calm.  the clip was saying that often we are calm when these big things happen but as a response we tend to over react to smaller injustices/situations.  i guess because we have the space and freedom to react.  when the shit is hitting the fan you have to deal with it and you can't let emotions run wild. makes some sense i think. 

these are the last from sept 21.  the last fall with Tusk.  i will always feel badly for how his life ended but i try to focus on all the fun times we all had together.  my dogs have great lives overall. still so hard to let them go. 

my work week last week was one night of on call and two nights in pcu. not bad nights really. 

the most annoying was the second night the tech i had was pretty busy with some study work.  mostly just sat there on her ipad, not doing tech work.  i'm pretty good at doing much of my own tech work, we had no tech the first night, but it is frustrating having a tech who isn't doing much to actually help you. watching someone sit around getting paid to not do work.  irritating. 

these trees are at the kincaid park.  i'm feeling a lazy day here before i head back to work tonight. 

the dogs would prefer a nice walk. we did put in over 5 miles yesterday.  it was really nice.  the trails are still great and the weather is perfect. warm. into the 30's. 

there was a pretty great aurora the other night.  i was on call so i was sticking close to home.  should have gotten out there i guess. i fell asleep and never got called in. 

watching a series called "Manifest". so far it's pretty good. their flight hits some turbulence and after they get through that they land but apparently 5+ years have passed and they are trying to leap back into a life that left them behind. 

two nights of work ahead though. 

the post has been taken down.  my bil was much calmer and more capable of having a discussion.  apologies by the niece to him. i'll just stay unfriend for now.  i unblocked there have been other questionable posts.  better to just slide away from that stuff to prevent over reactions in the future. no social media info/battle will change views on those who ardently do not want their views to change. 

it will sadden me and frustrate me until my last day though.  

sad that they won't accept things that others do, sad that they refuse to look into the truths that others live with and try to find some way to at least be more accepting and at least less demanding that those people hide from their own existence.  what are they to do? live a life in the closet, in shame and self loathing just so the people on the right don't have to feel uncomfortable or see the reality. 

acceptance.  it's really what any of us want.  i think i gave up on much of that need through covid and the other circumstances i've dealt with.  i know others still hope for that full acceptance and it will never be granted. 

never...because full acceptance, even basic acceptance at many levels just isn't something they are capable or or choose to do....i'd say choose more than capable though, which is why it makes me angry.  

clinging on to the old ways of thinking.  not being able to evolve...it's a choice

living in a box. some comfort for the individual but that comfort will surely be rocked.  someone will marry the wrong color or the wrong sex.  someone will come out as a member of the lgbqt+ community....then what happens? do they change? some do, some don't.  what happens when they don't...? even more family/friends walk away, some will commit suicide, some will bend to the will of their families and live a made up, unhappy life, while quietly loathing themselves because they can't find a way to make that life work for who they are.  it's a mismatch of epic proportions

sadly, you can't make people walk the road and see what is happening across the street from their protected lives. if they don't want to they will not.  

occasionally, i will release the rage, no matter how futile it is when directed at those who are so deeply in their box. i'm a human. imperfect. i love, but i also can rage at times. 

i apologize for the times i rage and am grateful for those who accept me for who i am.  

i guess, in the end, a little rage outburst is needed.  you have to try to get through the box.  you hope that one of those efforts will be successful, if just for a moment. guess it's like the sperms and the egg...those little suckers ram like crazy and every so often, by some miracle one gets through.  it may be a totally screwed up sperm though, which causes havoc and creates a genetically flawed human.  

we are all flawed. is it the battle to exist?  that battle takes its toll on us all. whether we hide in a box or walk out into the wild. none of us can protect ourselves, whether we are woke or not.  nobody is shielded by prayers, bad stuff happens to all. if God was going to protect kids from these school shootings, God would have already done it.  this is on us.  so knock off the thoughts and prayers and get make changes. 

well, these dogs are being very patient and i'm getting thirsty. should get off this computer. 

hoping these two nights are not too rough. 

a bear print out there. none spotted yet this year. 

love these big trees, especially in the fall. 

beach down below. 

more snuggle time with the dogs then off to work.  

grateful for: A. becoming woke.  despite the negative aspects, i have a long ways to go. B. spring temperatures C. calmer heads than mine.