always out chasing rainbows...

 was starting to blog and then a rainbow called.  was talking to a friend when she mentioned there was suddenly a huge rainbow out there. just had to go outside and enjoy it.

 these are more from the road.

 finished my first 3 nights.  tired today and have had a headache much of day so that always bites.

 this week i worked as a sitter up on the floors, then ICU, then CICU.  kept myself fairly busy the last two nights. 

 when you float you don't always know the skill level/work ethics of your co-workers.  lets just say i wasn't all that impressed.  there are a few times where i have just asked the charge to have a look....soon the patient was intubated and lined.  all fine in the end, but some times you just wonder what people are thinking. 

 had a sheath pull the next night.  with all the fancy new cath lab procedures we hardly ever do these anymore.  thankfully it went fine.  cath labs have come a long ways, it's pretty amazing. holding pressure for 20 minutes can really cramp up the hands though.

 i'm in the middle of a sneeze event.  i get those, i can go 20-30 sneezes before it finally abates.

 in between shifts we did a lot of tennis ball/cat toy time.

 today i hit the dog park.  i ended up taking those back trails and after a few side trails i was a bit lost.  amazing how you can get so turned around on those trails in the middle of town.  a few wrong directions, remain calm and eventually i found my way back to familiar territory.  had a vague idea, but on those back trails i was wishing i at least had bear spray on me.  you never know what you will run into out there...more concerning is the two legged predators.  all is well however.

 tested out a new way to wear the old surgical mask, which worked out really well. the area behind my ears was getting sore so i wore a headband i bought with buttons to loop the headband on.  texting with my niece who is a Dr and she is doing the same thing.

 love how enterprising folks are who adapt to the changing world of covid and make such things for sale or donation. 

 our states daily covid counts are still up higher than they should be, mostly because we have a segment of the population who are being defiant trump cult fools. there are even nurses in that category.  i overheard one nurse telling another nurse that someone had just said, "oh you are one of those people".  had to laugh because later my friend said this nurse was saying she never wears a mask outside of work and refused to...to which she had responded/reacted to.  it does seem silly.

 i love that folks say, oh the CDC first said masks were useless. i really do not ever recall hearing this. i know they were trying to keep people from hoarding masks, they were concerned that there wouldn't be enough for healthcare workers. maybe they were down playing the need for regular citizens to wear masks.  they later have said folks should wear them.  funny that so many are hanging on to this one message from months ago.  oddly, they don't seem to have any issue with the changing views from this administration otherwise.  i mean trump said those first few cases would be it, then he said the heat and humidity would end it, now they seem to all be saying it's just being over dramatized by science and the media and it will magically go away after the election...it's all just a plot to take down trump.

 with a new form of this old virus there are bound to be things that change.  why dwell on one thing said months ago?  they would rather listen to reality tv star turned idiotic potus than to science or medicine.

 so many crazy things out there.  those folks absolutely refuse to listen to any form of logic regarding masks and mask wearing anyway.  it's a pointless endeavor.  sadly, that means this will drag on longer.

 i laugh as many of them believe this is a big plot by China, hatched up in a lab...so the funny thing is that if they really believe that, why do they now insist on  helping China destroy us...by not doing the basic things that even China did to protect it's citizens...masking and distancing.

 hate to watch polls but despite trumps talk of how great he is doing, it doesn't look like his numbers are all that great.  they no longer have the hatred of Hillary on their side.  they also now have two groups of GOP members who are actively campaigning against him.  the Lincoln Project and now a another group who used to work in the Bush administration mostly i think. 

 part of me wonders if he will ditch Pence at the last minute in a desperate attempt to recover the covid lost ground. i mean he put pence "in charge" of covid task force so seems fitting he would lay all the blame on pence...i mean he never takes any personal responsibility and always blames everyone else for his failings.  could pence be made the fall guy and he selects one of his beauty queen aides to be his running mate..or Ivanka or Jared?

 i really do feel if this administration gets in again it could be the end of our nation.  they have done severe damage to our government/nation already. he had no respect for this nation or the government created years ago.  he only sees things in how he can use/twist them to his own personal advantage. he does all he can to game the system. 

 i will have to knock out tonight not sure what i will be up to tomorrow.  will look at the weather and tides in various areas and see what i can figure out for a road trip.

 the end of the Matanuska Glacier...i soon headed down to walk it. 

 always love a good drive...the process begins to find a new vehicle....hate that process.  i tend to think at this point i'll try to hang on  to the element for local dog transport.  i'd get next to nothing for it anyway. it is a "classic" car now.  still a great dog car.  not the most comfy car though.  at this point any car would be much more comfortable.  would be good to find one that would get the dogs in the back.

 i am leaning towards truck with eventual slide in camper option.  that could make road trips really great.

 have snacked but haven't really eaten anything real since breakfast.  so me...forgetting to eat. i just get distracted.  after the longer than expected walk...though pleasant my headache was worse and i was tired so i ended up napping a bit. 

 you don't always want to fully get off night shift when you only have a few nights off.

 deep creek.

 do tend to find yourself becoming a bit weak, and then you realize, oh i haven't really eaten anything.

 Covi Kitten is stretched out in the hallway.  he's so cute.  happy he's been hanging fairly close to home. i do worry but i have been leaving the dog door open so he could be anywhere while i'm at work.  do not want anything bad to happen to my sweet kitty cat.

 the number of in patient covid cases has increased  we are still able to do electives at this point and we still have open beds. i haven't done holds in the ER since before this all started to go nuts.  the hall beds have been removed as well and have stayed removed. 

 flowers from my time in Homer.

 i did hit the grocery store the other day.  only one person not with a mask and one lady who had a mask on, but it was only covering her chin...such a rebel.

 one common thing against masks is the virus can get through...these same folks will also tell you that if you wear masks you won't be able to get oxygen and your co2 levels will rise. these things put all together are just silly really.  so the virus can get through but not oxygen and co2?  it's a constant eye roll.

 the mask doesn't protect you 100% but it decreases the risk a great deal.  many say if we could just get folks to wear masks for the next 6-8 weeks we would probably get this under control.

 that same idiot co-worker is planning her move out of Alaska.  she was irritated by all the restrictions put on travel by Canada.  i just said something about the US having so many Covid cases and that Canada has their covid under control at this time it seems.  she used that stupid trump line that we need to stop testing ...we only have positive cases because we are testing.  she stated that Canada isn't doing tests so they don't have as many positives...this person is a nurse!! you can't take the politics out of anything these days and people have lost their minds at this point.

 cute sandhill crane babies in Homer

 just noticed in today's paper, well Sunday's paper..they have pictures from the bike trails that loop around Anchorage, there is a photo of a bike trail sign.  there is a WARIS sticker on there...gosh i wonder how that got there.  hehe.

 the trump administration led by the idiot trump want to take funding away from the CDC.  he really believes that if we don't test anyone we can just pretend this virus doesn't exist and his poll numbers will improve. testing/tracing, these are on the chopping block.  they also have decided that hospitals are to give their numbers on covid to the administration directly, not to the CDC...how many believe they will give us true stats on what is going on...all but those 30% that seem to worship all trump does.

 i have a ton of newspapers to take to the animal shelter. i really should put that on the list for tomorrow.

 love these birds.  watching these babies was really a treat

 the GOP are such jerks.  they refused to allow Obama to fill a supreme court seat because Moscow Mitch said in the last year before an election the voters should decide...a full year before the election.  they were such asses to Obama and yet now they act like the dems are so mean to trump.  the biggest whiners. of course, if RBG were to pass away...and she is back on chemo, they have made it clear they would fill that spot asap before the election.  the right cheers the unfairness of that and how they cheat the system but since they seem to believe that their party is the party God would be in they don't care how they get their agenda through.  lie, cheat, steal...it's all fine as long as it gets them what they want.

 i loves a meme i saw.  it was response to black lives matter. many on the right like to then say all lives matter.  so then the meme reminds us all of all the people that the right don't believe matter.  you know immigrants, refugees, LGBTQ folks, poor....

 this administration is also going after the postal service...is there nothing they won't try to destroy?  it's shocking really how much damage they have done is such a short time. 

 it's been frustrating and depressing watching them dismantle and disrespect science and education. 

 it will take years to recover our nation.  many are dying at this point due to their complete failure in handling this pandemic. the party seems to believe that the punishment for illegal border crossing is loss of children and this is a fair punishment to them.  they seem to be willing to accept and look the other way as this fool refuses to speak out against governments who would entrap, torture, chop up and kill a journalist, put bounties on our soldiers...it's just shocking what so many usually decent people have been willing to look the other way on. 

 i do hope kindness and decency one day return to this land.  we may be in for worse before it gets better...if this 30% get their way and he is re-elected. of course, he's free at this point to accept help from other nations or coerce help from them if needed. 

 that is the republican way.  it's their way no mater the cost. they believe themselves to be so right on everything that they really do not care what is done to get them their agenda.

 i am off to bed.  sleep will feel great. 

thankful for A. getting unlost.  B.  rainbows C. mindless tv

on call last night...

 never called in.  worked the door the night before.

 these are mostly Homer.  a few from that Powerline Pass hike and a few at the end of sandhill cranes from my last Homer trip.

 have seen several folks post a thing about how nurses/docs subdue patients all the time without killing them.  some false equivalencies but some things to ponder.  first off, we have drugs and we can intubate our patients...we have, at times, had to drug folks in order to control them...even to the point of having to intubate.  i've seen this when we've needed to do scans like ct's and mri's. even kids are sedated for these things because they can't/won't lay still enough for good results.  we just have that option.

 police have different tools.  we use the tools we have.  i suspect that sometimes some in both rely on the tools we have over the more rudimentary tools we all have.  tone, distance, words. it's easier sometimes to just sedate or shoot sadly.  sometimes you have no choice but to use the harshest tool in your tool box.

 i don't hate cops, i do not think most people hate cops. we don't like bad cops.  we also don't like bad pilots or bad doctors or bad air control officers...basically, there are some jobs where when you screw up the costs are too high. one problem i see is that we do not pay the officers themselves enough or put the money we have into the right training.  for many the bulk of the money goes to bigger and bigger weaponry.  is this really wise?  when you have a nuclear bomb you risk using a nuclear bomb.  this is the thinking of many who say, we just probably shouldn't have nuclear bombs.  perhaps the way we arm our officers should be addressed.  does everyone need guns?

 this has led to a nation that has more and more guns everywhere. the folks on the right like to say they need their weapons in order to take on a corrupt government.  these same folks on the right are often the ones who want much of our tax dollars used to build up the weaponry of the same government they hope will not become corrupt.  seems a bit odd to me. they have built up a military so large there is no way they could arm themselves and win.

 of course, these same folks will say that the proof of that effectiveness is in the Ammon Bundy take over of the Malheur wildlife refuge. yes, initially, the BLM were outnumbered.  if you think for one minute that the US military could not win that battle you are wrong. in this case, it no doubt wasn't worth it for another Waco situation.  this was not because the US was out gunned...of course, one does have to wonder...had this been a group of black guys who took over the refuge would things have gone differently. the law often works differently for different folks in this nation.

 many who cheered the Bundy actions of holding off the big bad federal government are the same cheering the governments actions of tear gassing the peaceful protesters in DC so that trump could get his photo shoot.  the white guys were seen as heroes, the blacks as thugs. hmm....

 just made some coffee cake for breakfast...so good!!

 it's easy to lose your cool when you work with the public.  i know, i work with the public all the time. people can be asses.  people on drugs can be terrible.  people in the throws of a psych issue can be stronger than you can imagine. little old ladies with dementia and alzheimers will surprise you with their strength and nastiness.  it's easy to get sucked in and it can be easy to get angry yourself as you get amp'd up. 

 you have to use the tools you have wisely. i've gotten pissed on many occasions especially if someone is swinging at you.  or even as a vet tech in my 20's a dog bites you and your instinct wants to take over and you want to pummel the animal.  no matter how much you love humans or dogs or whatever...when something attacks you, your instinct tends to be to attack back.  sometimes it takes everything you have to stop yourself.  you have to work as a team.  when you are getting frustrated you have to find a way to step back and let another take over.  fresh eyes. you need to change up the tactics.

 nurses and staff in the hospital work as a team...this helps keep folks safer.  cops need to do this as well no doubt. the team failed the other day  just like the team failed with George Floyd. the other day an elderly man in a video during a rally appears to hostilly approach the officers. the one officer shoved him back with some force. the guy lost his balance and fell hitting his head. i can have some sympathy for the first action, though it wasn't the best action..but the next action i have zero sympathy for. the one officer began to bend down to check on the old man...another officer prevented him from doing that and pushed him forward. they all walked on...

 we all have to rely on those around us to help us keep our cool when it gets intense. we have to recognize when someone is getting too amp'd up or angry...we need to try and find a way to take them out of the situation.  find a way to resolve the situation. 

 i recall i had a patient years ago who could not breath.  i was able to calmly sit with her and talk her through this.  an observer came to me later, impressed, and said my actions had prevented her from being intubated. when you stay calm you can often help others become calmer.  when you get amp'd up, the situation can get worse quickly. some of that is inate, some is taught and some of that we just have to help each other with.  officers who can't keep cool under pressure perhaps should find another way to serve, or need to learn how to put that emotion in check. 

 Murkowski is "struggling" to decide whether to support trump or not.  really shouldn't be that tough of a struggle. he's now build a tall fence around the white house.  he's not a strong leader, he's a scared man who is in over his head.  trying to look tough and using the tools around him to do so...he is like the bad cops. the ones who do not know how to calm the waters so instead they use anger and violence and misuse the tools that are at their disposal.  he cowered in the bunker instead of standing and speaking and attempting to use calm to cause calm. i hope they had a few cases of attends down there....

 in this life, often the most bad ass out there are actually the most terrified out there. the bully's are the often the ones who are suffering, feeling unloved, they lash out at others. his favorite tool is twitter, but frighteningly he has the tools of the US military at his disposal, which is very dangerous indeed.  it's a terrible combination. 

 some generals are speaking out a bit post the use of military on civilians.  may be too little too late really,but still happy they are starting to find their voices on this maniac in the white house.  many used to respect Mattis on the right, but like anyone who speaks out against trump they soon find themselves the object of a hate campaign.  accused of being never trumpers and deep state members...they find themselves quagmired in conspiracy theories created by extremists and spread across the internet. everyone around him loses their dignity. i am really quite shocked that there haven't been more suicides in people who have worked for this tool.

the DC Mayor renamed the street, ceremonially anyway, black lives matter and has it written in huge yellow letters across the street. the street is near the white house.  the street sign is seen infront of the St John's church where Trump used the military force to dispatch protesters for his photo op holding up a bible.

 a brother had a post of Clinton holding up a bible as some sort of equal comparison.  several differences...Clinton had actually just attended a service.  many take bibles into service, my siblings included.  also he had not used military force in order to attend the church service. he did not use the bible as a political prop...it more looks like he just waved to the gathered crowd and happened to wave using the hand that held the bible.

 the evangelicals must have to twist themselves up trying to make trump out to be the Christian they claim he is. some seem to have put him at the level of God himself...seems like they may be coming close to breaking the first commandment....Thou shalt have no other Gods before me.  trump may push this too far in his glorification of self...it may one day be a bridge too far for even the evanglelicals. 

 it's nearly dog walking time...then another night of work.

 hopefully a few good hikes, debating seeing if i can find a place in Seward for a few days, or Valdez? will check tides,weather and places to stay and see what sounds interesting.

 this picture below epitomizes life at Deep Creek, bald eagle feather and dead halibut bits.

 as a female you also spend your life watching your back to some degree. you do not just walk to your car after work. you have to always be on the look out for danger and dangerous situations.  we do not have the same situation as say, black males have, but we can't just take a pull over for granted either. women have been raped in custody, in jails. i have been harassed by officers.  it's not the same, but it does help me to understand the messaging.

 i recall waiting at the apple repair place with several others.  a conversation had started up...can't recall why, but a lady who was walking with a cane and elderly stated that she won't park in parking garages because it's too high risk.  the white guys around us thought that was nuts...i mean who is going to rape an elderly lady.  the discussion became about how as white men they just walk where they want without a care in the world whereas as women we must be hypervigilant.  aware of our surroundings. aware of who is near us.  aware of possible escape routes, aware of what we may use to protect ourselves.  age doesn't protect you. the elderly lady knew being older made her more of a victim potentially.  maybe not for rape as much as even for robbery and assault.

 white males often just have no idea what it is like for others because they simply have never had a care when it comes to these things. they just walk to their cars, without fear. without a thought for whether it will be safe for them.  in all likelihood it will be safe for them. 

 beach flowers.  so pretty

 the colors at night kind of looked like a painting.

 it's always so pretty out there.

 cool designs in the pollen as the tide went out

 another from the powerline pass.  no doubt way more green out there already.  it's amazing how quickly everything changes up here.

 you really have to get out often and catch it as it will be gone just as fast.

 the rest are of the sand hill cranes. i have heard them flying over here as well. they are all over. looks like a swan pair has made a nest at potters so that is fun. 

 there are already baby geese out at the dog park .

 these are probably some mating rituals. they have such a cool and unique call.

 the stranded grey whale was able to get out of the twentymile river and back in Turnigan arm.  hopefully, he makes it back out to sea. 

 the scenery is always pretty sweet.

 perhaps we will get to Sitka one day in better weather. it was pretty wet and rainy when we went last summer. so many beautiful places up here.

 i ponder calling family...feel more and more disconnected. it's strange to see the world so different and to know that will probably never change.

 it all feels more and more pointless.

 my self esteem was never very good at base. i mean even when i get the rare compliment, there is a large part of me that doesn't believe it.  feels they must just be saying it to be nice.  not sure how you change that.  how do you feel good about you when you never were really made to feel good about you growing up?  how do you accept love when you aren't sure you are lovable?  i absolutely do not say that to get the pity comments.  i honestly wouldn't believe it anyway.  it's just that it does cross my mind sometimes. the dogs and cats...i always know, i always believe.

 the winner of this years Iditarod, Norways, Waerner, is finally back home.  he stayed here and extra 11 weeks, due to the Covid pandemic. the plane that he and his dogs ended up flying is an old DC-6, which will now be put on display in a museum there.

 a pipeline worker was apparently attached while out jogging by a black bear.  bad injuries per report, but not life threatening. missing winter.  :-) 

 there is still a census going on...so if you haven't done your census please go online and get it done. 

 perhaps a bit more coffee cake before i head out for my walk. 

 blogging is sanity for me, whether it's read or not. i have to get things out of my little brain.

thankful for A. being able to read and write  B. the beauty that surrounds us all C. the animals, as they accept me for who i am, free from judgement.