Fur Rondy time...

 

last stretch with 3 shifts in a row, hopefully anyway. i suppose it could happen again. i'm officially .6 part time so 2 shifts/week required. will be great.  i'm just slowly backing out of the current job.  hoping this makes things much better. if not...then it will just push me closer to straight up retiring. it is nice to have the option really. 

had my evaluation this last week.  i'm average...at least that is how the upper management would see me according to my files. i'm sure they prefer all their employees to be average..then it makes it easier for them to ditch us anytime they want. 

when i first became a nurse i bought in to all the fluff about us being professionals.  we are blue collar workers.  we clock in and out and our time all must be accounted for. i have loved working 12 hour shifts for years.  in that whole life/work balance thing, i have been way ahead. overall it's been a good career.  able to take care of myself. met great people and every 12 hours you do seem to manage to make some ones life a little better. happy i wasn't some corporate drone, lost in the money loop.  more money just leads to more trouble in many cases. not that any of us wouldn't always love more money...it's just that it's not all it's cracked up to be.  

simplicity is probably a more manageable, fulfilling life. it works for me.  my work can be frustrating, especially if i think of the big picture..and post covid i have thought more of how little we are respected by administration.  that is frustrating to me. we should have gotten more recognition and appreciation for what we did for our community and for our hospital. that will never happen though. 

you can only dwell on those things for so long until you just know you have to let it go. 

it's what we do for each other and what we do for our patients that counts.  it's part of why i have stayed on nights.  cuts the bull and at night you are just a crew of people taking care of sick and injured as a team.  days...it's just too many reminders of how little you are valued by admin.  luckily, i have a pretty nice middle management team...the other reason i have stayed.  i'm really not that difficult to please in many ways. i work to live not live to work...

i'm sure on the outside, my life is pretty basic, but that has been a very great life. 

suspect covid pushed us all farther faster toward burn out. many of the younger nurses are already in burn out mode. with aging i find it's easy to imagine yourself having all sorts of medical issues. i can imagine myself into a frenzy.  overall, i'm doing pretty well for the age i am compared to many and probably not as well compared to others. 

got my echocardiogram. just mild leaking in a few valves. of course, this sort of caused me some stress and anxiety.  you want there to be nothing wrong with you but that isn't how aging works. we are all classic cars at a certain point. in need of special care and constant attention. 

last week i worked ER-Renal Care-ER.  i got to escape an hour or two early for both of those ER nights. got to walk a dog one night.  made me want to work with dogs and cats again...maybe i'll look for a vet tech/front office gig at a clinic. even just for a bit for a break from what i do. 

this week was PCU-ICU.  i was cranky last night in ICU just because they gave me the triple but it always feels like they just downgrade too fast sometimes. in the end it wasn't a bad night. i got over whining. 

the fur rondy is in full swing.  i worked through the dog sprint races but have hit a few of my favorite events.  the snow sculptures were up so i headed down town Sunday.  there are some good ones. my most favorite this year depicted the salmon life cycle.  very detailed, impressive. 

today i headed over to the Dimond Mall where natives gather with their arts and crafts for sale.  always just some amazing stuff.  ended up buying a few pairs of earrings and a painted piece of baleen. it was a little pricey but i was able to barter her down a bit so that helped. i have a few things to hang up on the walls so perhaps i'll do a bit of that tomorrow. today was bills and litter and stuff

changed out the back seat dog cover. the other one had gotten worn out over these past few years.  it was time. there was a hole in it and worried Ivy would fall through the hole. 

this pretty puppy below had her 8th Birthday last week. i am aware that dogs are not aware of their Birthdays but i still like to make it special. it's still a little tough each year knowing Tusker isn't here to celebrate with us.  i got her some toys treats and then we had a great walk followed by pool time.  was able to get Ivy Rose pool time on her special day.  we attempted to convince Sunny Boy to swim but he wasn't interested. he had a great time running around the pool and wading in to steal Ivy's tennis ball as soon as she came out of the water.  both dogs were exhausted that evening. 

otherwise just the usual walks and activities that happen in my life. there are a few books on my reading list so perhaps i can get some chill reading time in.  

this weekend is Iditarod.  the winter seems to speed up as these events happen and the light lengthens. 

still need to book some time in Homer. looks like a good low tide coming up in April. always need escapes to look forward to. we also have Tonsina cabin lined up for late April

other than the internal drama my brain puts me through life has been pretty calm.  

i mean there is the usual drama of politics and all that but there really isn't much i can do. people are going to have to make their own choices and live with the consequences. i'm disturbed by it all and by the support that this idiot still garnishes.  these fools just keep sending him money. as they say a fool and their money...

we should be lined up for our event at REI. always scary planning public events. 

i made some little flyers and put some up at the hospital in a few units. i also took one down to REI for them to put up.  need to look on their web page and see what they put in there...maybe send them a few photos to add in to their listings for our lecture. with covid, the crew at REI and Fish and Game have both changed up. so that makes it a bit more stressful. 

these are of our night at Orca Island.  a little spendy but worth it i think.  still not a place i will head to over and over. so happy i had a willing guest so i could go check it out.  so fun and so beautiful.

below is not Orca Island as it rained the full 24 hours we were there. 

we shall see what this summer brings. hopefully, lots of our door time. i will need to repair the little free library.  it's not surviving the winter.  the main box is okay but it's falling off the post. 

the Skelly's are falling apart as well. may put them out with free signs at some point and replace them.  got them into St Patricks Day attire tonight. 

this bridge out at Orca Island is so picturesque. if i was out there more i would just take photo after photo with different light/tides. i imagine sunset/sunrise shots as well. 

as the light returns i feel more like getting out further from my home base.  

we will have a late spring again this next year as we have so much snow to melt.  it is always surprising how fast this place changes up. i should start more intense spring cleaning projects.  i also really should get some projects going at the house. 

these memories from this summer trip will for sure last a life time. 

me and the sisters. Homer. these must be the wonderful photos that were taken by SH.  she is an amazing photographer.  i suspect like me, she is often more comfortable behind the camera than in front of the camera. it was such a perfect group, all 6 of us. reminds me of the Chilkoot hike...just the perfect group to be traveling with.  so much positive energy and support. 

and back to Orca Island. we saw a humpback while we were out there, no orca's. 

the yurts were very comfortable. 

mushrooms!!

below is a nice shot of those kayak holders that you slide the kayak into. not as stable as i assumed and i looked like an old lady trying to get myself out of the boat.  pretty embarrassing actually. haha. 

a stop to enjoy the lupine 

sunset at Bishops Beach

more from the Matanuska Glacier tour.  another treat 

lost my internet for a bit last night. thankfully,  this draft, though incomplete remains.  so it's just like when you are on the phone talking away but the connection was lost and you are speaking to nobody. 

not sure of my plans yet today.  it's 3 degrees out there and the tide is going out so perhaps a little beach walk will happen. 

the other day there was a tiktok, a girl dressed head to toe in Maga crap.  she was talking about swifties not knowing they were in a cult.  i suspect that she was being ironic and wasn't a maga rat at all. i was laughing though. i'd much rather join a happy, loving, hugging, singing, dancing, bracelet sharing cult than the cult of hatred, division, guns, rights removal and an orange turd leader. sign me up. 

Swift finished in Australia and now heads to Singapore next.  that place is already decked out and prepped for their Swift invasion.  special added trains just to get to and from the show.  selfie ops through out. not sure how she ever tops what she has done this past year, career wise. she is sure taking advantage of this moment she is having. i don't think she will go quietly into the night after this though.  some stars remain relevant their entire lives...folks like Dolly and Betty White. for some their talent isn't really appreciated for decades. i always say artists are unique and unlike most of us, they aren't quite as replaceable as we are. 

i am now the oldest, aside from some Dr's, when i work.  most nurses have left the bedside entirely by this age or have moved to days.  no idea how old M in ICu is or EP in ER..older than me and still kicking butt as nurses.  many of the younger ones are ready to book after a year or two. no idea how these places are going to keep staff once the old guard leaves. right now it feels like constant turn over.  was talking with my younger co-workers the other night. it often comes up...they want to know what things are different from when i started...i also mentioned how one day they will be thinking about all the things that have changed since they entered nursing. it is another thing many of us like in medicine.  

of course, all this immigration bashing, can only be bad for this profession.  when i look around, i know these hospitals would fail completely without staff at all levels that have come from elsewhere. stats say that the vast number of advanced degrees being earned in our nations universities are from other countries.  those people are bringing to much to our nation and this negativity and hatred will drive the brain power out of this nation and take it to others. it's not just brain power though.  workers at all levels are needed. the drug addicts and alcoholics i see on a regular basis...i gotta say, they are not first or second generation immigrants. just saying. with out immigration in all forms...our nation fails. 

better get the day going.  shower, walk, hang photos...

thankful for A. shorter work weeks. B. dogs, they are just so amazing. C. the artistic gifts all around us. 

two winter camp trips and another work run done...

 

so very busy and exhausting. just getting my stuff cleaned up again.  above is Orca Island.  i'd wanted to go here but it's not cheap so it was great to have family up...always a perfect time to try stuff you have wanted to do but haven't done yet. we splurged. it was CB's last night up here.  she came early and left a few days late. our yurt was out on that outer island....which is not an island at low tide. love this picturesque bridge. we were able to paddle under it right after we arrived. 

tide out further in this shot so no paddling can happen at this time. 

other shots of the group.  fun sending them winter pics and videos from where they were in the summer. above is Gwenwich Glacier and below is Matanuska Glacier

this is boardwalk at Orca Island to other yurts

us approaching the bridge as we returned from our little paddle trek.  we started and ended the week with a paddle. wish i could have gotten everyone on kayaks but i was so happy to be out on the water.  at the creek we saw lots of salmon and sea lions fishing for those salmon. very action packed. 

we also were gifted with a humpback whale sighting from our yurt in the morning and then we watched in meander around and swim feet from us.  you never tire of these sightings. 

my work week went much better. i did the entire 5 days, but will very soon just be doing the 2 shifts/week.  that will be a huge burden off of me. the 3 shifts just takes it's toll on me. as i monitor myself on the fitbit more, i see that i am not getting the sleep i used to get. 

the therapy session was less therapy and more life coach.  seems kind of silly. i'll do one more session but i'll bow out.  don't think it's helpful. i probably needed some serious psychotherapy at some point.  with the life i have left i feel like it's time to accept what is and what isn't and just enjoy each day. 

it's a process accepting what is truth about relationships at times. i have pulled back from instigating contact with family...surprise, they don't seem to notice my absence.  it was as one sided as it felt for decades. i do occasionally reach out and i usually get a pretty instant reminder why that is just pointless. they have their lives to live and it's time i just move forward and live mine. looking back with hope has caused more pain than was needed.  it was mostly my own fault for contriving relationships with people who either don't want a relationship or are so wrapped up in their own lives/religion that they aren't capable of more than the most basic of relationships. 

that process has been ongoing for a few years now.  it's been very freeing overall letting go of relationships or the hope of relationships with some people. that doesn't mean be mean or completely cut them off. it's more just finally comprehending what they are and are not capable of.  reminding myself that it is me that was hoping for more and it's me who needs to let go of that hope. the people who want to be in your life and space, find a way to be in your life and space.  the others...well, they were just there for a time and now they are elsewhere. 

my anxiety is way down.  not needing prn meds hardly at all, like i was at baseline. i've walked almost every day since the ectopy happened. i've been making ice hearts and delivering those. i've been reading and trying to get to bed at a more decent hour most nights and wake and get up and out.  i've been doing more mindfulness exercises, just relaxing, getting out of my head. play therapy, art, reading.  getting back to things that made me happy. i'd gotten myself too anxious to enjoy. the magnesium may be doing an amazing job at getting me back to me. 

i've had few intrusive negative thoughts. i was getting a lot.  perhaps it was winter and the large amount of snow and the dark.  usually, i will suffer some melancholy for a weekend here and there, this just seemed more constant with more negative intrusive thoughts. i've never thought of suicide. i have often, since i was young had these negative intrusive thoughts.  things like my dogs deserve better, not being loved, it would be easier for others if i was gone. our brains can really play tricks on us.  so it's been really great to have those negative thoughts almost completely go away once again.  as i said, usually, it's a weekend/2-3 day period.  this just seemed extended.  i'm reading that anxiety and depression often go hand in hand. 

the first camp out was out to Manitoba.  i had the main cabin as MT ended up with sick dogs.  that was me a few years ago.  so thanks MT for the cabin.  still was having a lot of heartburn, that is improving as well.  activity does make it worse.  mostly, i suspect, because i bend over repeatedly to pick up the tennis ball for Ivy Rose. 

my sled, which is how we get our stuff into the cabin, was falling apart as we walked in.  bits of it breaking off.  the parts that connect to the ropes that i pull, eventually fell off.  i attached the leashes to the bungee cords.  for the route back i had took the metal fire poker and got it hot. i put holes in the other end of the sled and was able to thread the rope in there.  that worked for the return on that trip and for both routes in to Dolly Varden cabin the next week. 

we were only at Manitoba for one night.  it was cold. we are in a bit of a cold snap with temperatures down well below zero. i made ice hearts and left some out there for others to enjoy but we actually had a slight warming of temperatures for that first trip. the roads weren't too bad either. 

the next trip was in the middle of my run.  i worked 3 nights then headed up to Eklutna. it was starting to snow but i went for it.  i guess it really snowed in Anchorage.  we missed that. the main roads were mostly clear. there is a 10 mile trek up to the cabin in Eklutna and that was dicey both ways. i just took it super slow.  probably too slow for my friends but i'd rather be safe. when i got to my driveway i discovered another nearly 2 feet of snow. i had to work that night so i had to shovel, unload gear and head to work. 

Anchorage is at over 100 inches of snow this winter so far.  it's been nuts the past two years. no place to put it.  my new mini, hand held snow blower arrived this morning. i charged up the battery and did just a bit. the poor element is still buried. seemed no point getting it unburied and charged since the temperatures have been dropping to -25F at nights. i have worked with my attached neighbor and we have arranged to get the roof cleared.  that should happen in a few weeks. if you have a zll and you have a neighbor you work well with, the cost is the same as an individual house so you just split it.  so a good deal.  

it warmed a bit today but there was a bit of wind chill so it felt super cold.  a little snow is falling and more tomorrow.  it was fun out at both little winter retreats.  we played a lot of nertz and jenga.  at Eklutna the cabin started to shake in the middle of our nertz game.  i guessed the earthquake was a 4.2. it was a 4.1 out of Sutton. that little cabin got a nice shake going though.  lasted a bit. the dogs both picked up on the coming quake before we noticed it.  they must have felt it or heard it. 

the temperatures leaving Eklutna were -5F. so my face was super red hiking out and numb.  you always start to panic. am i having a stroke...no it's -5F and that is cold. we only got 3-4 inches snow in the mountains.  Anchorage got a lot more. 

both trips were really fun breaks in the winter.  i have a lot of good friends and for that i am forever grateful.  Sunny seems to get a bit nervous. he gets on the sleeping bag and just panics and is immovable.  the second night i got in before he did so i was able to get my space better. i woke with him on one side and Ivy settled in at my feet.  it was so sweet and snuggly.  we brought a lot of wood to keep the fire going for Eklutna and LS brought a space heater.  we made at least 2 trips for that one. had to bring more out there.  Manitoba is more stocked up.  wood and mattresses.  we were warm in both cabins though. 

we left the wood we didn't need at the cabin. that is what you do in Alaska.  just in case the next folks are less prepared or have colder visits out there. there is a ranger out at Eklutna.  my friends brought cross country ski's.  i just chilled and read. got through a few books these past few weeks. time to start another one. 

the poor moose this winter.  it's rough out there for them.  this guy looks annoyed. 

these are from this year. 

this is Oceanview Bluff Park.  i went to Pt Woronzof with ice hearts yesterday but there was a wind chill out there and it was cold!!  been fun leaving a few hearts scattered.  that big snow buried most of them and the little earthquake dumped a few others into the deep snow. 

it was -15 the other morning so i was doing bubbles and taking that outside.  they immediately start to crystalize and then the bubble just bursts.  

it was fun though. 

this month i really need to get a new web page up and running the goal is before our lecture in March for WARIS.  there was a group of nurses/Docs out at manitoba, they seem interested in the lecture/a visit. always spreading the word. 

i don't think it will actually be that difficult to get the web page together once i get out of my own way and just do it. we may have an artist willing to make us a sticker. thanks RC. 

my schedule will change in March. so i just have a few more 3 night stretches left. not sleeping with two nights is much easier to cope with than not sleeping much over 3 nights.  my last night this last stretch i was a sitter in ICU.  pretty easy gig really.  mostly i was in picu/peds again this stretch. 

this was before ice hearts. i often make snow hearts out of  the crust of snow i find.  i also make snow cairns. 

i like to leave my "art" work out there for others to enjoy. the hearts have been fun.  i've made lots of them. i usually make 8 hearts/night. today was a bit lazy for me.  it was chilly and a slight breeze so i did linger in bed reading this morning. no ice hearts today. 

i am not the only person taking advantage of the colder temperatures. many have done beautiful, colorful igloo's with family.  maybe another time. need better gloves for that. 

love that Alaskans get out there no matter what the weather and temperatures are doing.  i'm not the only one out on the trails.  Portage lake has been frozen these past few weeks.  tons of ice skaters out there. it's usually a short window that you can get out there.  i know the snow dumped on top of it.  i may have missed the window for this year. i'm sure people are snow shoeing/skiing and fat tire bike riding this weekend. the wind chill can be really bad on that lake on a good day.  with these cold temps it may have been pretty miserable out there today. 

i am just happy that i get out there each day.  i have been so much better at getting motivated...well, less so today. next...web page.  then the taxes.  it's that time of year. 

below is one of those little cairns i make

tired today.  i've been watching my sleep more closely.  makes a big difference the amount of sleep i get.  it wasn't something i really had to worry about in the past.  we do need sleep. 

love this thought that we all had different parents growing up.  we all had different experiences.  it's because we forget that our parents are learning and growing up as we are.  we have this false narrative that you get out of your teens, get a degree or career and then you are grown.  you are never grown.  so my family of 7 kids, it's just mind blowing to me how different our experiences were.  we had different parents despite there only being that 10 year gap. some kids are just more sensitive or artistic, more intuitive. 

need to start looking at summer adventures.  get some Homer dates lined up to catch my beloved low tides. :-) 

trying to think what else has happened of late.  i had my CT exam.  haven't looked at the results yet.  probably good that they haven't called to say i must come in to the cath lab.  i have the echo coming up later this month.  Sunny Boy also has his check up coming up.  will have them check his ears.  wax. poor guy. he let me do a good cleaning recently . such good patients. 

i have cut back on excedrin and ibuprofen.  my neck is in knots right now.  i'll do some of the massage thing in a bit. the gastritis is improving for sure.  watched a few good things on netflix and as i said read a few good books.  time to dig into the next book. anyone have a few must reads?

next planned trip is in April so i'm sure we will look for some other cabins, Bore Tide is always a good spring trek.  need to look at tides and maybe plan a spring Homer/Seward trek. 

winter is going to linger.  we have so much snow!! it is always amazing to me how fast it melts.  this place is so dramatic. it changes so fast spring to fall. wonder if the lupine will be totally late again this year.  all the wildflowers were late last year.  we had a lot of snow last year too.  i think this year may be more. as i arrived at my driveway to nearly 2 feet of snow i felt a bit defeated. it's just hard to get that snow up over the berm anymore.  the little snow blower was able to get up and over.  have some piles to work out still...but we may get more snow tonight. 

Covid Cat has been inside a lot this winter.  he's not a fan of the snow.  i'm sure he will make up for it this summer. Miss Breezy Chatterbug, my other cat has never shown any interest in being outside. she knows how good she has it inside. 

it's only 9:30 and i'm ready to crash for the night. lol. 

we shall see what tomorrow brings. a dog walk for sure. it looks like a light snow and warmer temperatures. i can handle that. i think we can all handle a slight warming trend.  in the teens. the rest of the week is supposed to be 20's-30's. not enough to melt all the snow we have. my street is mostly single lane. people are very nice and pull over where the can to let others pass by. my driveway is probably a good 10 feet longer than it usually is. wonder if/when the street crew will come and haul off more snow. 

looking forward to a nice massage and sleep.  

from my snowzilla time. 

grateful for A. less negative intrusive thoughts.  B. more happy days, play time and regular walks.  C. my new mini snow blower.