babbling because that is my brain

 

It's grey out there right now. I'll head out for a walk in a bit, but delay for a bit. The dogs don't really care when, just that we go. 

We warmed up a bit, 20's-low 30's F. so ice hearts were on hold. melting fast. the temps are cooler, but the days are longer so the hearts start to melt by the afternoon.

still great for photo ops. brightens up the winter days.

this stretch off has been dedicated to Olympic watching. it started with some coverage of the fools from DC with their ICE thugs. there were protests in Italy. thank you. now it's mostly just Olympic coverage. the orange fool trashes any athlete that even hints at being kind to neighbors or speaking out about what is happening. he's the biggest wimp. the males around him are also wimpy and subservient to him, which is ironic since these same men want women to be subservient. they don't see how it looks on them. i have no intention of being subservient. 

there are claims that they have pulled back in Minnesota on their ICE activities. mostly, it appears they have just changed some tactics. for people who want to bypass laws to export people they are now working hard to create more and more concentration camps. they drop people out of detention in the middle of the night at times without their phones or warm clothing. a group works to collect them. there are people looking into woods as well since these asses have been known to drop people out there.

i have backed away more and more from any of his supporters. it's just hard to respect the views that are so destructive and cruel. a guy at work started to talk about how Pretti somehow deserved what he got. i just said, that is just an argument here so i'm walking away.

between covid and the orange fools shenanigans i have backed way off of many in my life.   there was also the cruel and hateful message for me. it was just one of those eye opening moments in life. a very specific apology was fine but it spoke truths. once i left the church, the worse would be assumed of me. no matter who i became i would always be seen as less. after years of killing myself trying to prove my worth,i accepted that my worth is never going to be proven because i simply have no worth after leaving. there are certain things in life where people can apologize but really, they have demonstrated who they really are. you should never allow them back in.

the "forgiveness" is going to be more for your sanity than for any sort of rebuilding.the old forgive and forget is really something pushed by those who need you to forgive and forget so they can keep repeating the bad behaviour. it puts it on the wronged to be the better person over and over, while allowing the one who puts out the negative to just move on. you can't make yourself suffer long so you have to just let it go to a degree but then put up boundaries and make decisions about how much contact you will allow. 

some rough days in these past years but i am grateful because i feel like i'm not in a more happy and peaceful place. 

just need to start planning for this coming summer. road trips mostly. my work weekends fall mostly on the good low tides. may need to expand my vacation ideas.  we shall see. i do enjoy Homer with the dogs.

bear in the  bear tree this last summer

lost this whole litter. fear i'm getting a reputation as a kitten killer.i hope not. no new kittens for a bit. 

fur rondy and iditorod are coming up. break up comes pretty fast after that. the light is lasting longer each day.

mom was ill and babys underweight.

i am getting better prepared and learning more and more about attempting to help these tiny kittens. reading a book about fostering kittens. 

have been enjoying the kitten time despite my failings.  i will always remember Poppers. the things i should have had.  mostly, just being more confident in my gut feelings about their issues.

still want to spend some time in Yakutat. repeats of other places always good too. things different every time you visit a place

things change here so fast you could visit the same place different weeks and the change would be dramatic.

the Epstein/trump files are showing more and more depravity. our rouge leaders are doing all they can to hide and lie about what may be in there.nothing to see here...look at the dow. it would be more ridiculous if there wasn't a percentage of the population who can't be bothered to actually research anything and simply accept what these idiots tell them.

on the plus side, even though our country is refusing to do anything about these pedophile/possible murderers, the rest of the world is starting to step up and do their own investigations.  

justice moves frustratingly slow but you have to have some faith and hope that many will eventually have to pay a price for their behavior and association. in other nations some have lost positions. 

my sweet puppies!

many of these are from a drive to Valdez. always a great road trip

often with a stop at Matanuska Glacier. never get bored of these views.

most of my walks have been in N biv and at the dog park.  a few beach treks though. 

during the warm spell the roads to Manitoba got to be slush/ponds and glare ice. in the end, i opted out of the Manitoba night.  i'm not the best winter road driver. i mean, i have done some scary drives very safely, but it's very anxiety inducing.  you have to decide if the overnight is worth the anxiety and the risk. really just wasn't. i was watching the road conditions and getting myself more and more worked up.semi's were chaining up.if you drive safe and slow, it frustrates other drivers and they can do stupid things. if you don't go for it, you can be viewed as a wimp.  it's like a no win. why can't you drive on bad roads vs why are you driving on bad roads if you aren't skilled enough. in truth, i have driven many hazards and done well. it's honestly, more the anxiety than the skill.

work.  haven't had to work icu or csu lately despite being told it wouldn't be taken off my list. they haven't really set up for me to orient other places. i just work 2 shifts/week.  tried to just alter my attitude. it's just for the insurance. have done a lot of hold days, which is fine.  also pulled a pcu shift with the 5 patients. not a safe staffing ratio. i think i feel like i have told them i don't feel like my skills are at optimal in csu/icu so in my mind, that is documented. it gives me a cushion really. unless you work icu continuously it can be tough to keep up those skills 

forget me not. love these beautiful little flowers.

how Sunny Boy often sleeps in the car at the end of a long drive. doesn't look that comfy but it's what he does.

this below is the top of Thompson Pass.

these dogs have a pretty good life. Ivy Rose turns 10 this week. crazy. i have made an appointment for a swim day Sunday.she always loves that.  her knee has been pretty sore. the one that didn't have surgery i think. 

have been a bit of a hermit of late. it's all overwhelming at times. our government madness and those that support this. it really just makes it tough to get motivated. it's just always there, wearing you down.  something you can't control.  

i will hop in shower after this and get out with the dogs. supposed to snow today. a few flakes have come down. head back to work in a few days. 

my patients seem to appreciate me overall and most of my co-workers as well. the joy of holds is often the annoying patients get rooms and leave. was happy with one very entitled guy who got a room last week. whew! would have been a long night with him. just complaining from the moment i arrived.

was thinking today, watching Olympics, that making the people of different nations not like each other is harder and harder. social media, more access to travel and information.  people have mixed and mingled, married, had kids. those kids are now choosing which nation to do their sport in. previously, you just had no idea who those people were in other nations.  it's just harder to trash others now. unless, of course,  you have put yourself in a bubble.even those people are usually introduced to various people from different walks of life. there are less people who have never met someone a different hue than them or a different sexuality or religion or culture. to still be hateful, takes more work now i think...which is maybe why those that remain hate filled are super hate filled.it takes work and dedication at this point.

this is Valdez as well. so beautiful. 

love the art in the various communities.

Miss Breezy Chatterbug. thin but seems to be doing well. active and happy.

flowers in Valdez near the old community site.a nice place to walk i find

our new favorite place to stay. this cabin in the campground.

also love walking the pipeline to/from Valdez. often loads of wildflowers out there, if you hit it right.

the dogs and i love many breaks on a long drive, and that drive is a long drive.

great views

below is sheep mountains, almost home

out of order, but below is part of the old Valdez community.

sweet sleeping Covid Cat

grateful for: A. peace B. all the adventures,big and small C. the olympics and all the nations coming together to play sports and compete in peace.

another day, another murder

 

ICE murdered an ICU nurse. like the last woman, Good, they immediately talked shit about him. Pretti, called a domestic terrorist. the videos from other observers, like he was, are very clear. he had a legal weapon holstered. they removed it, pistol whipped him and then shot him multiple times as he lay on his back. he was just filming. they pepper sprayed a woman and shoved her. he was trying to help her when they came after him.

once again, like with Good, the ICE thugs refused to allow local police to get to crime scene. who knows where Alex Pretti's phone went. suspect he dropped it as they attacked him, it was probably still filming the entire event. suspect it's been scrubbed. they again, did not allow medical to come in and instead appeared to check bullet wounds, pick his pockets and one was seeing clapping after up to 10 bullets were shot into him as he lay face down on the ground. 

a white male, a VA ICU nurse. a lot harder for their smear campaign. Minnesota had just had a state wide strike/protest the day before as they have been terrorized by these thugs for weeks and weeks. clearly under Miller and Noem the cruelty and terrorizing is the plan. this time the more local guy running it appears to be getting let go. they won't stop though i suspect.

i do hope one day there are trials and these asses do time. they continue to smear this man and many on the right blame him for bringing a gun. the hypocrisy is baffling and annoying. they are fine with people on the right carrying guns open, out and loaded to any and all protests/events. someone on the left does and suddenly they do not care about their precious second ammendment rights. look up Kyle Rittenhouse. many examples. he brought a semi i think and killed and got off.

i have been very proud of Minnesota for how they are coping with this reign of terror. also angry at the bull that is happening. 

trump is an out of control mad man. total idiot, demented. not to mention criminal, conman and rapist/pedo.

so that is the state of the union. it's not good. there are some horrific people in power and  have no idea how we get out of this.

the remaining kittens did great. i suspect part of the reason they returned to me to gain weight was to give me some positive kitten time. i returned them this past week and it appears they found new homes on Saturday

the puppies got in to the kittens little packets of probiotics.  must be tasty. they got extra but seem to be doing okay.

found some packet remnants in the poop yesterday.

got a gi bug and ended up calling off this week. also had a little headache. had gotten my tetanus shot. those always are a pain.

snowed again today a bit.

watching a little DAily show while i write. comedians are the only way we survive

the tetanus shot actually was less of a bother than the last few times i've gotten it.

did not do very much this stretch off. a few walks. topped off with diarrhea.

they think we should feel badly for the ICE goons. people are being mean to them. cry babies, all of these fools on the right

it seems these untrained idiots are just white supremacists groups rebranded as legal agents.

a few pretty sunsets are always great.

Jon Stewart, OMG. so funny. the right is all you can't carry guns around. for decades they have defended their second ammendment rights. saying it's okay for kids to die in schools. the right is giving up all their rights. the don't tread on me people are no longer fighting for the 2nd ammendment???? nuts

saw a meme. the right assumed the left didn't own guns. the meme said. we have guns, we just don't talk about it. just like republicans get abortions, they just don't talk about it.

there is also more slipping out about  the pedophile stuff. release is held up. must be bad. another victim has done an interview. Sascha Riley. has some pretty brutal memories of things done to people, and Sascha as well. claims there are snuff films. claims trump participated in the snuffing and abuse. claims an incident happened where trump got rammed with a wooden stake, may explain his chronic loose bowels. worth a listen but be prepared. it's bad.

these pups look so cute in their outfits with Santa.

i keep putting out hearts. mostly remains fairly cold.

supposed to get into the 30's this week. we have an overnight camp trip coming up

many of the hearts have lost color. oddly, as they melt the color drips out quickly. must be a physics thing that i don't understand

always love to get his hair in shots. he gets  so many compliments on his hair cut. 

10 shots at close range with a man on his back. actually seems like that was irresponsible and put others at risk. not to mention, 100% unneccessary  since they had all piled on this poor man and there was zero risk to them at the time that they decided to start shooting

yes, i'm pissed. many are pissed. 

also pissed at all who continue to excuse this behavior and convince themselves this was deserved and lawful.

i do not know how we come back together as a nation.  those who keep supporting these buffoons are responsible for all of this. looking the other direction is not a get out of jail free card

my brain is jumbled today. i think most of us feel incredibly upset by this current situation, except those who blissfully ignore facts. ignorance is bliss but like i said, it's not an excuse. they voted for this and they will all always be held accountable for the vote and support they gave.  

probably crash soon. life goes on for most of us. that is privilege. we have to set aside that and get uncomfortable if we have any hope of surviving this bull

my to do list, failure this week for the most part. Sunny got seen and i got the vaccine i guess. time to make more appointments. the kittens also were taken care of and returned so i guess i didn't do nothing. feels like it.  the last few days were a total loss due to feeling crappy. gotta be gentler with myself. 

i also got my eval, average. there is really no way to be better than average. currently nursing is this expectation of behaving like a professional while really being treated like you work fast food. 

i have avoided so many things of late. it's easier. making appointments is a bother. can't stand having to be scheduled.  

it's depression and anxiety. it's not wanting to watch the world collapse around us but not being able to totally look away

i have rambled enough. will crash soon.

take care of yourselves and those around you. it's this constant stress. i can't imagine how those in bigger cities in blue states are coping. my heart breaks for the shit they have to endure. i am proud of their strength and courage.

grateful for: A. the beauty around us that allows us to escape mentally a bit. B. any good news that comes C. comedians who help us cope