babbling because that is my brain

 

It's grey out there right now. I'll head out for a walk in a bit, but delay for a bit. The dogs don't really care when, just that we go. 

We warmed up a bit, 20's-low 30's F. so ice hearts were on hold. melting fast. the temps are cooler, but the days are longer so the hearts start to melt by the afternoon.

still great for photo ops. brightens up the winter days.

this stretch off has been dedicated to Olympic watching. it started with some coverage of the fools from DC with their ICE thugs. there were protests in Italy. thank you. now it's mostly just Olympic coverage. the orange fool trashes any athlete that even hints at being kind to neighbors or speaking out about what is happening. he's the biggest wimp. the males around him are also wimpy and subservient to him, which is ironic since these same men want women to be subservient. they don't see how it looks on them. i have no intention of being subservient. 

there are claims that they have pulled back in Minnesota on their ICE activities. mostly, it appears they have just changed some tactics. for people who want to bypass laws to export people they are now working hard to create more and more concentration camps. they drop people out of detention in the middle of the night at times without their phones or warm clothing. a group works to collect them. there are people looking into woods as well since these asses have been known to drop people out there.

i have backed away more and more from any of his supporters. it's just hard to respect the views that are so destructive and cruel. a guy at work started to talk about how Pretti somehow deserved what he got. i just said, that is just an argument here so i'm walking away.

between covid and the orange fools shenanigans i have backed way off of many in my life.   there was also the cruel and hateful message for me. it was just one of those eye opening moments in life. a very specific apology was fine but it spoke truths. once i left the church, the worse would be assumed of me. no matter who i became i would always be seen as less. after years of killing myself trying to prove my worth,i accepted that my worth is never going to be proven because i simply have no worth after leaving. there are certain things in life where people can apologize but really, they have demonstrated who they really are. you should never allow them back in.

the "forgiveness" is going to be more for your sanity than for any sort of rebuilding.the old forgive and forget is really something pushed by those who need you to forgive and forget so they can keep repeating the bad behaviour. it puts it on the wronged to be the better person over and over, while allowing the one who puts out the negative to just move on. you can't make yourself suffer long so you have to just let it go to a degree but then put up boundaries and make decisions about how much contact you will allow. 

some rough days in these past years but i am grateful because i feel like i'm not in a more happy and peaceful place. 

just need to start planning for this coming summer. road trips mostly. my work weekends fall mostly on the good low tides. may need to expand my vacation ideas.  we shall see. i do enjoy Homer with the dogs.

bear in the  bear tree this last summer

lost this whole litter. fear i'm getting a reputation as a kitten killer.i hope not. no new kittens for a bit. 

fur rondy and iditorod are coming up. break up comes pretty fast after that. the light is lasting longer each day.

mom was ill and babys underweight.

i am getting better prepared and learning more and more about attempting to help these tiny kittens. reading a book about fostering kittens. 

have been enjoying the kitten time despite my failings.  i will always remember Poppers. the things i should have had.  mostly, just being more confident in my gut feelings about their issues.

still want to spend some time in Yakutat. repeats of other places always good too. things different every time you visit a place

things change here so fast you could visit the same place different weeks and the change would be dramatic.

the Epstein/trump files are showing more and more depravity. our rouge leaders are doing all they can to hide and lie about what may be in there.nothing to see here...look at the dow. it would be more ridiculous if there wasn't a percentage of the population who can't be bothered to actually research anything and simply accept what these idiots tell them.

on the plus side, even though our country is refusing to do anything about these pedophile/possible murderers, the rest of the world is starting to step up and do their own investigations.  

justice moves frustratingly slow but you have to have some faith and hope that many will eventually have to pay a price for their behavior and association. in other nations some have lost positions. 

my sweet puppies!

many of these are from a drive to Valdez. always a great road trip

often with a stop at Matanuska Glacier. never get bored of these views.

most of my walks have been in N biv and at the dog park.  a few beach treks though. 

during the warm spell the roads to Manitoba got to be slush/ponds and glare ice. in the end, i opted out of the Manitoba night.  i'm not the best winter road driver. i mean, i have done some scary drives very safely, but it's very anxiety inducing.  you have to decide if the overnight is worth the anxiety and the risk. really just wasn't. i was watching the road conditions and getting myself more and more worked up.semi's were chaining up.if you drive safe and slow, it frustrates other drivers and they can do stupid things. if you don't go for it, you can be viewed as a wimp.  it's like a no win. why can't you drive on bad roads vs why are you driving on bad roads if you aren't skilled enough. in truth, i have driven many hazards and done well. it's honestly, more the anxiety than the skill.

work.  haven't had to work icu or csu lately despite being told it wouldn't be taken off my list. they haven't really set up for me to orient other places. i just work 2 shifts/week.  tried to just alter my attitude. it's just for the insurance. have done a lot of hold days, which is fine.  also pulled a pcu shift with the 5 patients. not a safe staffing ratio. i think i feel like i have told them i don't feel like my skills are at optimal in csu/icu so in my mind, that is documented. it gives me a cushion really. unless you work icu continuously it can be tough to keep up those skills 

forget me not. love these beautiful little flowers.

how Sunny Boy often sleeps in the car at the end of a long drive. doesn't look that comfy but it's what he does.

this below is the top of Thompson Pass.

these dogs have a pretty good life. Ivy Rose turns 10 this week. crazy. i have made an appointment for a swim day Sunday.she always loves that.  her knee has been pretty sore. the one that didn't have surgery i think. 

have been a bit of a hermit of late. it's all overwhelming at times. our government madness and those that support this. it really just makes it tough to get motivated. it's just always there, wearing you down.  something you can't control.  

i will hop in shower after this and get out with the dogs. supposed to snow today. a few flakes have come down. head back to work in a few days. 

my patients seem to appreciate me overall and most of my co-workers as well. the joy of holds is often the annoying patients get rooms and leave. was happy with one very entitled guy who got a room last week. whew! would have been a long night with him. just complaining from the moment i arrived.

was thinking today, watching Olympics, that making the people of different nations not like each other is harder and harder. social media, more access to travel and information.  people have mixed and mingled, married, had kids. those kids are now choosing which nation to do their sport in. previously, you just had no idea who those people were in other nations.  it's just harder to trash others now. unless, of course,  you have put yourself in a bubble.even those people are usually introduced to various people from different walks of life. there are less people who have never met someone a different hue than them or a different sexuality or religion or culture. to still be hateful, takes more work now i think...which is maybe why those that remain hate filled are super hate filled.it takes work and dedication at this point.

this is Valdez as well. so beautiful. 

love the art in the various communities.

Miss Breezy Chatterbug. thin but seems to be doing well. active and happy.

flowers in Valdez near the old community site.a nice place to walk i find

our new favorite place to stay. this cabin in the campground.

also love walking the pipeline to/from Valdez. often loads of wildflowers out there, if you hit it right.

the dogs and i love many breaks on a long drive, and that drive is a long drive.

great views

below is sheep mountains, almost home

out of order, but below is part of the old Valdez community.

sweet sleeping Covid Cat

grateful for: A. peace B. all the adventures,big and small C. the olympics and all the nations coming together to play sports and compete in peace.

new take on not fitting in..

saw a tiktok and it was on not fitting in. the quote i guess was basically. you aren't meant to fit in.  not everyone is meant to fit in. some are meant to be different, make noise and make changes happen. 

for some reason it hit me right.  i've seen myself as a misfit my whole life and so it was a lovely thought that being a misfit is actually a sign of some strength. that not fitting in is the opposite of dull really. 

those that do fit in can make the misfits feel like they are wrong because they are out of place. in truth we are not out of place just in a different place. a place that is strong, powerful, altering. 

it made me happy. haven't written since the 13th. much has happened and little has happened. i was still tired. i'd worked the last two shifts and then gotten an on call. i did manage a few longer walks and have been pushing myself out more. 

it's almost solstice!  how does that happen? 

this week of work i was in ICU-PICU-ICU. not bad nights.  actually got some education stuff done.  always a bother so nice to have it out of the way.  some like to do that at home and then get paid...i tend to just want to get as much done at work and be able to just not "work" when i am at home.  i was the same with homework.  wanted to get it done before i got home.

yesterday i was tired after my 3 nights. the coughing is much better but i suppose it is still tiring.  also, i suspect after a certain age, working night shift can be a bit more exhausting. for sure feel those shifts more now than i did 10 years ago. i try not to be too hard on myself. accept that i'm tired and just rest. 

have been rewatching the Downton Abby series.  my second go through.

if you haven't watched it and still plan to, skip this paragraph.  i do like the series, the second time through i'm seeing a few plot/writing failings. too many deaths written in. seems unlikely...they have 3 grandkids and all three have lost one of their parents at or near birth. not sure why they write people off the show so often.  do these people want different jobs/roles? are they difficult? are the writers just into over the top drama and feel the urge to kill off characters. there is supposedly a new movie out so i figured it was a good time to watch before i watch the new movie. 

always love the wildflowers this time of year.  the dogs and i headed slowly to Seward for the day.  really it was more about the drive with several hours chilling in Seward enjoying the beach before returning home. 

we walked at Ruth's, Portage, Lowell Point and at the end of the runway in Seward. 

there were quite a few mosquitos in Ruths.  if i stopped i got eaten...i was getting eaten moving as well, but stopping proved to be torturous. so no rocks looked for/found really.  some old ones seen that kids appear to have made. i needed to pee but wasn't going to give those mosquito's the satisfaction of attacking my ass.

i stopped at the conservation center and renewed my annual membership. it was pretty crowded so i just did a quick loop. 

haven't made it out on the water yet.  i think i must have gave away the old flotation device...i do that sometimes. haven't used stuff so i just put it out for free.  so i've ordered another one.  a more comfy one i hope. i am looking forward to getting out there.  should be able to enjoy it into the fall anyway. 

valdez lake...a place that would be fun to tool around in with my little boat. 

some of these are from Valdez and others are from a cross over of the Denali Highway last summer.  not the greatest weather for that crossing but there is still always stuff to see out there.

a rock i left out there last year.  one of my original kayakers.  i still make these at times. i like both of my kayak styles. i took a different one today and left it on a kayak that a worker was pulling up from the beach.  he was pulling up several on his own so i thought it might be a nice find for him.  i think he found it. i cruised by a few minutes after all the kayaks were up and didn't see it on the ground. 

didn't get a photo of that one though. he was working pretty quickly.  like the paddlers to go to paddlers.

last week i also ventured out to Eklutna for a stretch with the dogs.  after we did a loop out at Reflections Lake.  

another day we hit the beach at a nice low tide. a few days after we were there a body was apparently found.  happy i missed that 

i did find a tiny body in the house the other morning. thank you Covid Cat for leaving me a little dead shrew. 

stayed in this cabin out there on the Denali Highway. 

i did cause a death today on the road. a rabbit got bumped...more like totally run over. i feel badly.  the rabbit was hopping along on the side of the road, totally safe, when suddenly the rabbit turned and bolted right across the road.  there was no time to react really. thump, thump and thumper was gone. i'm sure a bald eagle or some other animal made a nice meal of it.  i've never hit anything though.  it was a bit unnerving. 

Tusker on the beach where we were the other day.  

i keep stopping to watch the sunset, which is quite nice today.  beautiful light. 

i'll be back to work tomorrow night for two.  my first time dropping a shift.  will see what the paycheck does with that. i've always been more of a work to live not live to work person. 

too many do not make it to retirement and many who do don't make it to that age healthy enough to enjoy it.  best to not work your ass off hoping for some day to retire and do the stuff you were too busy to do...you may never get that chance. 

such a cutie.  we do a lot of brushing.  he gets tiny mats so i have to keep up on his coat.  Covid Cat also gets a few little mats with his adventures. luckily they both seem to enjoy the grooming time. 

some art from the native craft fair. 

this is Ruths in March....so much changes. can't wait to explore the mushrooms of Ruths...well i can wait. i mean it's almost solstice and i want summer to last a wee bit longer.

baleen boat

i clearly had fun with this hat. 

i'm sure the critters had less fun with it.  my pets aren't really into the being dressed up stuff

snow balls. 

furs at the fair. i do always enjoy the native craft fair. i don't always buy anything.  fun to look though. 

one artist even paints rocks..she said she actually started out on rocks and now she's braving other projects for sale. 

a few more at Ruths. 

put them on leash today.  there were tons of kids and i think the horses are more active when school is out. 

also there was quite a bit horse poop and i didn't really want the dogs eating it all up. 

like this tree.  i tend to have my favorites in the various parks

another of one of my rocks.  it is fun to paint these rocks.  need to sit down and paint some more. 

fur rondy fun. 

puppy shenanigans

no snowballs right now. we will see how bad it gets next winter. 

dogs of rondy

more baskets from the craft fair. loved the colors. i think she uses hemp.

grateful for: A. not fitting in. B. this beautiful place C. sweet critters.