winter is coming soon...

 

the best revenge is a life well lived or eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we may die. in the end, it's probably less about revenge or whatnot. it's more about just living. living for what brings you happiness. focusing less on what I should think or feel. concerning myself less with what others think or feel. i just go and live. enjoying each day. not worrying so much about what gets done or doesn't get done. eventually, i have those days where i do get the chores done. if not totally, at least enough. 

there will always be more to do. things to clean and today, more leaves to rake. do some of it then get out there and enjoy the beauty. with all the crap happening in this nation, the end could always be near. 

Mass shootings are a daily occurrence. can't even report on all that has happened since i last wrote a blog. a big right-wing guy was killed and has now become their poster child. his racist, misogynistic and homophobic comments are there, but the right keeps saying all are taken out of context. this is their way of attempting to whitewash the truth of who he really was, but more who they are for revering him. Robert Redford died; his quotes don't need to be watered down or need context to attempt to have a different meaning. he was just a kind person so kind words were spoken. 

as many have said, if you want kind things to be said of you after you die be kind in life. this podcaster doesn't really have that history. he was killed in Utah by a gunman raised Mormon. this has caused backlash, perhaps. the other day, another gunman drove into a Mormon church and started shooting and lit the car on fire. most of these killers lean right, but the right tries to say it's all radical left folks or trans folks. in truth, it's access to guns coupled with lax gun laws and hate-fueled rhetoric. 

the other truth is that many evangelicals who are pushing for white Christian nationalism are using other Christian groups as tools until they gain all the power. The various Christian groups will never agree with each other, so once they do gain power, they will start to fight each other. many do not see Mormons as Christians. this event that happened in Utah just put in the wedge that was already there

religion has a long history of brutality. even after this event. many on the right will say that what everyone needs is more Christianity. sadly for them, this is starting to fall on deaf ears as the younger generations see the many flaws in religion. The extreme views and judgment towards others, coupled with hatred, are not very appealing to a generation raised knowing people of all colors, sexual orientations and religions. these same folks who call for more religion and more following or Jesus are also calling for the end of left-leaning humans, the end of undocumented immigrants, the end of Palestinians...you get the idea.

they are making a saint out of a jerk, though. Flags flown at half staff, he was flown in Air Force 2. They had moments of silence, plan a day of remembrance, they had a memorial service that looked very much like the party/show that is the usual Sunday service for the evangelicals, including pyrotechnics. the grieving widow seems more celebratory than, sad. people grieve differently but this seems very odd. 

my dog door is repaired, thanks MT. today, i do need to tackle the leaves in the yard. they do come down fast. still lots in the trees. they say it's good to leave the leaves down but i need to find the dog poops. i'm also putting up halloween decorations. 

done several day trips since returning from Gustavus. we had a great visit. I flew to Gustavus and we went for a paddle and a boat trip out into Glacier Bay. good weather and nice mushroom-filled walks. 

i skipped a fall drive to Denali as i was pretty beat after the trip. so lots of day trips. chasing fall a bit. also did an overnight at a new cabin with friends. Goetz cabin is beautiful. it's up at Arctic Valley. comfy and cozy, and the fall colors were amazing.  it's been hit and miss. Yesterday I drove to Hope. haven't been there is a bit so that was nice.

was looking for swans a bit too but they were all pretty far off. debating walking up at Powerline today. not sure if there will be extra moose. we are getting closer to rut season and being there with extra moose and Sunny Boy could be tough. He is 4 i guess now. basically skipped his celebrations. these dogs are pretty spoiled so every day is a celebration for them. 

the animals survived me being away. a friend from the dog park watched them. 

i did name the two remaining kittens. Otter and Abbyloni. sadly, before I left for Gustavus, Otter caught the mom's cold, and I had to let him go. I did get the mom and Abby back after I returned, and the baby is now 7 weeks and weighs 1 pound 6.1 ounces. they will return to the shelter on Thursday in search of a new home. she is a bit shy, like her mom. I still can't hold Rosie, though she loves play therapy sessions now. Abby loves to play as well. The little girl just hissed at my friend who visited while her husband fixed the dog door.

she's a miracle kitten, but she is chunky and happy. thriving. so that is great. hopefully, they find good homes. you have to assume the best for them, or you would drive yourself nuts.  

these are spring photos from last year. No more trips to Homer.  i find it gets dark so early. If I lived there, I would love cruising around this time of year. now, though, you end up holed up in the hotel room with nothing to do. 

took some day trips to Matanuska Glacier, Hatchers Pass and to Seward. debating another Seward run this week. i did Portage Valley and then Hope as i said.  it's a lot of driving. between those outings i do local hikes and hunt for mushrooms. 

as usual, if I don't initiate walks with others, it's just me. it does become frustrating to always feel like the main one initiating stuff. I try not to be a bother to people. i just go alone. it could very well be that i am the toxic person. I'm sure I am to some out there. my views are so counter to theirs that i know i am the odd one out and therefore the one seen as toxic, whether i really am or not. i can accept that to some in my life i will always be viewed as toxic. toxic can just mean you say things they do not wish to hear or admit. i can live with that. 

I am who I am. I've changed a lot because I examined my beliefs a lot and questioned things. it's something that I still do. in my view, questioning what feels right and normal is healthy. it's far too easy to just believe what you were told at a young age. it's not possible for any of us to be right about everything, nor were our parents. there are many who do live that lie though. believing that all they think and believe is the absolute and correct truth/reality. it's just not possible. it's also very arrogant and elitist thinking. 

always ironic to me that I have gone 180 on almost all I was taught, but I'm called close-minded. how is that possible? 

I found the mushroom I was hoping to see while I was in Gustavus. also, the amanita there were white and brown, not orange/red like here. I have seen some cool mushrooms again this year. you see nothing if you don't leave your house. the adventures change, but still capable of some adventures in this life. enjoy them while I can.

work. my last two weeks i was in ICU. i do find with my work-related anxiety, often i start to imagine symptoms of things that my patients suffer from. it's been a busy few weeks. try to catch up on education stuff as well. there is one 90-minute video that i've avoided. it's overdue. woke early to get my schedule in. 

constantly on the fence about when to retire. earlier if health care was not a factor. we shall see.

i'll go do yard work after i finish this and then what? where to walk. it's nice outside today. 

lots of play time with the mom and kitten. these days will go fast. great to have these cute kittens. will be nice to send them back and clear out the room again. kittens can be a mess. 

i'm sure another litter will turn up shortly. 

it's almost time for the pumpkin massacre. october 26 if anyone wants to join that reads this. does anyone read this? it's more personal therapy, i guess. I've done my own therapy over the years. probably took much longer and caused more personal angst and pain. i suspect there are more therapists now that understand religious trauma and deconstruction than there were when i would have needed it. 

our country is screwed. sadly, i suspect it will be more and more violent before it improves. the idiot taco at the top continues to serve himself and use the office to enrich himself and his friends and go after his enemies. this is not a productive way to run a country but this is where we are. lives will continue to be lost. it's gonna take something pretty horrific to wake up enough of his cult followers. this death just enraged them further and prepared them mentally to be able to snuff out people on the left guilt-free. i had one person comment to me that i wasn't human. that is what is required. dehumanize as many as possible so their loss isn't a loss at all but justified. they have already accomplished that goal with the undocumented and the trans. 

at my age and skill level leaving the country is not a likely scenario. It would be nice in many ways. i'll just have to live through what hell gets us to the next place. i believe, in the end, the pendulum will swing to a far more positive and progressive place. Will I survive? will the country survive intact or be split up? I have no crystal ball for that.

hate tends to need to explode before it implodes. the hate is in Christianity. so many claim to be patriots who love this country, but so many of us are struggling to understand what they actually love about this country since they seem to hate so much of it. they love being able to call themselves Christians and so the so-called chosen ones. They love having guns and they love owning the libs. beyond that? who knows. 

we were taught in grade school that this nation was a melting pot and i have always loved that. not everyone is on board, even when they are part of the melting pot. they want to hand-select who they include in that melting pot and who doesn't belong. 

nature and the animals couldn't care less about any of the politics. they just try to adapt to whatever Mother Nature or humans toss their way. 

woke early to do my schedule. Finally getting a blog post in. took forever to catch up on the photos. shouldn't let it go so long.. Winter is coming and life slows down. 

i love all the seasons. you just adapt to that as well.  winter causes a slowdown with the darkness and the quiet. the snow just covers the world with a forced peace and silence. 

off to get stuff done. 

thankful for A. safe trips and beautiful sights. B. that i'm still plugging along. C.  the fall colors and the mushrooms that i find. the drama of this place always amazes me.

it's getting too peoplely out there again...

 i have embraced the hermit life.  just chilling with my pets. it's very comfortable.

 today it looked a bit cloudy out by Powerline Pass but i went anyway.  it was nice to be out of the full sun.  that also meant less humans...at least for awhile.

 the sun came out eventually so as i returned back the trail became more crowded...that last mile was actually annoying full of people. some large group of tweens/below tween age kids and the adults supervising them.  they were spread out over about a quarter mile at least in little subgroups...there had to have been 50+ people. they slowly passed by me.  i kept pulling the dogs off the trail but it was steady and constant. 

 when the last of them finally passed by us i felt a moment of relief.  only a few had masks...which i'm not that insane about masks in open space, i just give space but i think it was just that i haven't seen that many people out since before this all started.

 within moments of my relief of them passing i heard one call out, "we're turning around now"!!  so now i had to deal with the same huge group in reverse.  with adults running between sub groups and when they all finally passed me by near the parking area another sub group opted to again turn around and do a bit longer walk the other direction.  my peaceful walk had been about ruined by this large group who forced me to be in their realm.  they had taken over the trail.

 as i said, otherwise it was nice and pretty.  the sun came out with the clouds to cover at times so it stayed cool. there was still quite a lot of patches of snow which the dogs loved to stop on.

 there was a dad and his son that i met out at the bridge.  i'd seen them running down a patch of snow from the top of the mountains around us.  they had apparently gone up from the parking lot 2 miles in and crossed over, hitting all those peaks before coming down the mountain on a patch of snow.  it would have killed my knees.  always great to see parents who get out in nature with their kids. it was so sweet.

 i had managed to get part of the deck painted...just a big touch up...before i left.  i finished inside the dog run touch up when i got home.  of course, there were a few wet spots awhile later when i allowed the dogs back through.  there are some painted paws at this time.

 i'd hit the grocery yesterday and pet store. i'm happy i did that yesterday because it seemed like everyone was out today.  the grocery and pet store were high density mask wearing, which is still smart i think. our numbers remain low.  not sure how things will go when they start flying. there is still a request for 14 day quarantine but it seems like a very loose request.  our governor is a GOP and i think he has begun to return to his base thinking.  getting back in line with the other trumpers. 

 i'd thought of hitting Lowes for some plants for the garden, maybe some flowers.  but it was packed with cars and people so i just drove home.  i'd had enough live  human interactions for the day.  will i be forever changed.  cling to my home time, my alone time?  will i return to the meager social activities of my past?

 not really sure how things will go with the virus over the next 6 months. i think i will lay a bit lower than baseline through some of this, watching.

 stretched out covi kitten.  i bought some treats so that i can give him treats when he comes inside when called.  training time. am missing a collar...those quick release collars quick release too quickly.  i keep looking around for it but haven't found it yet.

 the color between Willow area below and Denali above is pretty impressive.

 this is the yard work trying to make the yard a cat enclosed area. the gutters are in upside down now and the fencing in between the deck and the back fence.

 will it work? time will tell.  i suspect it will be a work in progress. has he already left and returned?  is that why i can't find that collar or is it under the deck.  so far he keeps returning so hopefully, we are an appealing household for him. 

 he doesn't seem as interested in going out when it's cooler so maybe his days as a stray will be enough to help him see how good he has it here.

 got the dogs in to the vet for their rabies, they were due for their new licenses so that is all done.  they are still doing drive up service.  you drive up and call in.  the tech came out to get the pups.  they were good dogs. Ivy is just over 68 pounds and Tusker nearly 74 pounds...so i think good weights for their size.

 i have an orange kitten in my lap now. 

 i think he's pretty happy here.

 he's off to curl up with Miss Breezy. they've slept near each other but so far they haven't actually been caught snuggling.  perhaps one day.

 so i did a few things, was lazy a bit as well.  nothing new.  i always feel good when i at least get something accomplished.

 i have another work stretch coming up. i switched it up a little bit so i am not working the night of my birthday next week...though i will be working the night before so technically on my Birthday i guess.

 just another year....at some point celebrating seems pointless. happy to still be enjoying this life though.  i hope for a long healthy life if i can have it. i love the critters, this earth and my simple life. i have very few needs really.  i've learned to take it as it comes.  i'm learning to accept things i can't change as the saying goes.

 still wearing the knee support if i'm not in the shower or in bed.

 i still get my steps in though.  it's a wee bit uncomfortable at times but not bad. overall does seem a smidge better with the occasional twinge. i have made little forays around in the mornings without support on and survived thus far so fingers crossed.

 just watched "Spanglish"...a fun movie.

 the other night i binged watched the second season of "Dead to Me" i think it's called. i'd watched the first season...like it.  i know i should be reading more. i think concentrating hasn't been that easy for me through all of this.  a blend of mild anxiety and depression no doubt. i do not think i am alone on any of that.

 it seems like too much effort to leave the house more than once in a day unless i am going to work. 

 who would have thought we'd all have our lives altered so much by this.

the Spanish Flu outbreak went on for nearly 3 years.  hoping we have more opportunities to get on top of this with improved treatments and a vaccine sooner than later. 

 the rights dream of herd immunity kills off a lot of people to get to that. i suspect there were fools back in that time as there are now.  this too shall pass eventually. 

 just hope for a change in November.  this fool has no clue what he is doing.  he's a wreck...and he's surrounded himself with fools as well.  we have little hope if he is elected again. 

 they are doing all they can to seize absolute power though.  this administration and this party do not care about the regular folks of this nation except in how they can use them to their advantage. 

 that is me with my little neck bandana for outdoor wear.  mostly i pull it up if there is someone with masks and/or not much room to pass outside. i use a regular mask for store stuff. you just never know if the persons around you have a medical condition or someone at home with medical conditions that they are trying to protect. 

 these fools that have turned not wearing a mask into some sort of sign of patriotism are just plain selfish really.  it's 30 minutes of my day in and out of a store.  not much of an infringement on my rights...more of a mark of kindness and community.  actually, my last trek to the grocery most were wearing masks and those that didn't kind of looked odd.

 my other point of cat proofing.

 the days fly by really.  great walk today....dog park yesterday.  at some point i did start to imagine symptoms...was it covid?  a heart attack?  in the end i figured i was just super hungry.  stopped for mexican food. i'm for sure not ready to eat in a restaurant yet. 

 mostly, i think working in the hospital i figure i am more likely to be an asymptomatic carrier. i'd feel terrible if i passed it alone unknowingly.

 look at that sweet face. 

 the rest are from the big camera over the month. this eagle was sitting on a thawing lake....when i got it on the computer i saw all the little bones...some poor critter.  hopefully, not some ones pet!!

 moose chilling at the curve

 they looked to be mostly males.  they are out there some times when i drive home from work. 

 the rest are from Homer.  these are white faced geese and snow geese.

 and of course, sea stars.

 should sleep well tonight. i have been waking earlier than normal. strange.  i just get up feed the critters and crawl back in bed.  they are used to eating when i get home from work so i guess that really isn't that odd.

 burrowing in

 this star looks wiped out....i shall go crash like he seems to be doing.  :-)

thankful for A.  a pleasant walk...at least most of it B. peace C quiet