rain as motivation...

 

although at this moment i am not moving very rapidly. the rain does motivate me more than sunny days. here is Sunny above.  love when the light goes through his tail. 

i looked at places in Talkeetna and Homer. there is a cabin in Talkeetna. i think if there was a place at the driftwood in Homer i would have gone for it.  it is a second home really. 

i think the trip away has made me yearn to just be home.  so Homer is home but anyplace else is not. strange i know. tempting as it is to get out and stay out. i am going to just be happy with day trips i think this round. some times you really just have to listen to what your head and heart are telling you. going away is stressful so i think my mind and heart need the comfort of home for a bit. 

thinking of things to do with my brother.  much is weather dependent i think so it may be several day treks with him as well. we shall see as i get closer. the overnight cabins in Talkeetna would be cool too as would Homer as always. so i will check out the options and just make decisions.  the only think he keeps saying is he wants to see whales. i think we will do the long trek so we have the most chances of seeing whales...hope the weather cooperates. 

people can be made to believe anything.  if we want something hard enough, we can make ourselves believe it. we see this over and over again.  cults, religions, politics, mediums. 

was watching a series on Netflix about after life. the first was about out of body/death/near death experiences. as a nurse working critical care i have often looked in to the eyes of a patient and felt the soul( or whatever the entity inside of us is) is there or not there. i have seen this life force, as it were, come and go. there are many who have seemingly began to cross over only to be pulled back. there are things that science and medicine can not always explain. overall it does seem to bring people comfort. 

i have also seen a few people in the process of dying that are terrified.  that seem to be fearful of the next step. is it hell? are there demons near? i have no idea...i have found myself wondering what horrible things this person may have done in their life that would bring them to such a terrifying place awaiting death. most seem to report a light, super senses and peace.  often they are told to return but are not really keen on returning because the draw forward is so inviting.  

what lies ahead in the next life is an unknown entity.  no matter how many people try to convince you they know the future, they do not really. we can only guess, hope really.  

it is a scary prospect and i think many want to believe they have some answers.  death is painful and when we lose someone we want to believe they are in a better place filled with love and comfort.  we want to believe we will go to a place of love and comfort.  

for many their idea of what comes next comes from their religious beliefs. for a few it comes from these near death experiences...though i have never heard of any of these near death experiences directing anyone to any particular religion. i suspect they all may have some truths in them and a lot of crap really. we have a need to be right, to know.  i believe that is why so many find some religious belief that works for them here that gives them that peace of a more clear future. more predictable. 

across the board, no matter the belief set, you will find people in those belief sets who believe beyond a doubt that their beliefs are the true and correct ones.  this is obviously not possible. everyone can't be right, nor can they all be totally wrong...though i suspect many have really gone off the rails due to their belief that their belief path is the absolute correct one. common sense should be proof enough of that i think. 

for me the church i was raised in did come with some level of arrogance. elitism. we were taught that we had been pre-selected to our families. that due to our good behavior in a previous life we were brought to the earth and placed in the only correct church.  that we were born under the covenant due to our valiance in the pre-life. there always just seemed to be a little too much luck in all of it. we were born in the right church, the right nation, the right family, the right color....you get the idea. it was a bit too on the nose for my mind. seems all a bit more random than all that.  plus some were born "under the covenant" into absolute horrible families, abusive even. i guess as long as you are born into the one and only true church that is all that is required. seemed too good to be true for my mind though.  it always bothered me that we had it better than others

it also bothered me that i was  being held to some higher standard in some ways as well.  that we were part of some big test but others could live complete lives on earth and then get the get out of jail free card post life by accepting a baptism for the dead.  

this program also was getting into mediums and then seances. that gets a bit more sketch.  more room for fraud and trickery.  are they playing on peoples pain and emotions? for some, it seems more like they are providing a comfort for people.  vague guesses, watching for reactions, given those left behind some closure/comfort.  i think for most of this stuff, religions and mediums, whether true or not, it's a matter of intention. do they mean well? are they taking advantage of those in pain and bilking them out of funds. the seances seemed more sketchy than just dry reads but both can be manipulated. the person talking with other voices, being strapped to a chair in a dark room, having "ectoplasm" spew from their orifices. i don't think i will be participating in that any time soon.  i'm not that driven to meet spirit. 

if spirit comes to me i can be open to that idea. the only times i have felt this, outside of work...

once when life was very stressful i rolled over and my Dad was sitting by my bed and just let me know it was all going to be okay. was i awake or in a semi-dream state? you can never really know. we drift in and out of dream state in sleep, in anesthesia in many circumstances. 

also when my blind mastiff Rio Catalina passed there have been some strange things. the first thing i noticed was within a week Blossom, my other dog, was staring oddly into a corner.  so oddly, that it made me ask her if Rio was there.  of course, i can never have any idea if a dog was seeing the spirit of another dog. many don't even believe dogs/animals have spirits. i like to think they do. 

later and even now at times, the television will turn itself off or on. glitch in system? a pet sitter told me my place was haunted.  i asked her why she thought that.  she told me the tv had turned itself off/on and had changed channels. i asked what channel and she said it changed to the Disney channel. i told her it was probably Rio Catalina. i used to leave the tv on the Disney channel or some other station that had a happy vibe to it. i also joked that if it had turned to fox news i would have called in an exorcist. 

i have changed televisions thinking this would stop this, that it is the tv itself. it hasn't, though it has slowed over the years.  why Rio? she was a rescue. she was blind and a large mastiff and had little chance of getting adopted. she was only 2 but she ended up here.  Blossom and her bonded and she bonded with me.  of all my dogs, i think Rio would have been the only one who would have given her life and attempted to fight off a bear. the others were bonded and i was close to all of the dogs i've had but i suspect the rest would have booked, stayed in the area and then returned to me after the attack was over. Rio was bonded and grateful i think. the tv incidents have probably slowed because the years have passed and Blossom is with her now. they were super close.  this was also the only time i have had a fellow dog attend a euthanasia.  

perhaps tonight i will be visited after having thought about this so much today. haha. 

so these are in Talkeetna. i really should just pack up the car and make a road trip.  it is rainy out and it looks like it may be for several days. that shouldn't stop me from doing some road trips though. the gas prices seem to be improving a bit as well. 

the construction shots are on the Richardson highway.

wildflowers on the side of the road

so believe what makes things comfortable to you.  in truth, your beliefs do not mean they are true or even real. as i said, i think much is about intention in this life. as long as your beliefs do not interfere or damage others ability to believe the way they do and as long as your beliefs do not cause harm to others. of course, i have no idea what the consequences would be if they do.  we all want there to be consequences for the terrible behavior we see manifested in others.  to think these people would just go on without consequences in this life or the next life is difficult to accept. 

i have seen a sort of syndrome in some parents of very ill children.  they are controlling and difficult to staff.  i've decided that for some, who have totally had to sacrifice their day to day lives, they must prove to themselves the value of their sacrifice. if they can just come to hospital and the staff can just do what they do at home with a great deal of  efficiency then what is the point of their sacrifice?

i see religion the same, leaving it.  if i can just leave the religion my family is bought into and live a happy, decent and productive life...what is the point of all their sacrifice for their religion.  it is why there can never be complete harmony between those who leave and those who stay. those who leave have to not be happy or not be successful or not be decent? how could you leave and still have those things. 

the skelly's decked out last year. this summer they are still in Ukraine support mode. 

i suppose that is enough ramblings.  have been introspective this week.  writing more posts than lately. avoidance technique no doubt. 

i always do a lot of thinking in the shower for some reason...is it a portal to the other side.  there are many times when we are not keen on having visits from those who have passed on....mostly, i'd say when we are naked, having sex or crapping. they say your loved ones are always with you...but i would hope that there are times that they are not with us. 

so many pretty flowers. i'm so ready for the mushrooms.  it was so dry the first part of the summer, will this rain be enough to bring those mushrooms out.  

the flowers are getting past time.  this place moves so quickly through all of the seasons but winter.  good thing i love the peace winter brings.  

figure i'll skip the airstrip today...those bears are wandering around there.  there could also be bears in other locations. we have no shortage of bears, but our brains always will tell us to avoid areas that we have recently seen or heard of bears no matter how much we also know bears are constantly moving and the chance is they have already moved on. 

i for sure miss my boy Tusker still.  like Blossom, it was too sudden and therefore painful. i have less thoughts of him having actually survived and the possibility he will show up in my life again.  it's just denial and hope that makes my brain think that. he is gone.  he will always be missed. 

every so often you hear of a reading where a beloved pet comes through.  gives me the hope.  we all hang on to hope, no matter what we believe. 

i do hope he is near, for me and for Ivy Rose.  i know she misses him too. 

grateful for A.  hope B. rain C. the many possibilities out there for what may be...it can take a life time to disprove them all so you can revel in the hope of any new possibility for a bit. 

new take on not fitting in..

saw a tiktok and it was on not fitting in. the quote i guess was basically. you aren't meant to fit in.  not everyone is meant to fit in. some are meant to be different, make noise and make changes happen. 

for some reason it hit me right.  i've seen myself as a misfit my whole life and so it was a lovely thought that being a misfit is actually a sign of some strength. that not fitting in is the opposite of dull really. 

those that do fit in can make the misfits feel like they are wrong because they are out of place. in truth we are not out of place just in a different place. a place that is strong, powerful, altering. 

it made me happy. haven't written since the 13th. much has happened and little has happened. i was still tired. i'd worked the last two shifts and then gotten an on call. i did manage a few longer walks and have been pushing myself out more. 

it's almost solstice!  how does that happen? 

this week of work i was in ICU-PICU-ICU. not bad nights.  actually got some education stuff done.  always a bother so nice to have it out of the way.  some like to do that at home and then get paid...i tend to just want to get as much done at work and be able to just not "work" when i am at home.  i was the same with homework.  wanted to get it done before i got home.

yesterday i was tired after my 3 nights. the coughing is much better but i suppose it is still tiring.  also, i suspect after a certain age, working night shift can be a bit more exhausting. for sure feel those shifts more now than i did 10 years ago. i try not to be too hard on myself. accept that i'm tired and just rest. 

have been rewatching the Downton Abby series.  my second go through.

if you haven't watched it and still plan to, skip this paragraph.  i do like the series, the second time through i'm seeing a few plot/writing failings. too many deaths written in. seems unlikely...they have 3 grandkids and all three have lost one of their parents at or near birth. not sure why they write people off the show so often.  do these people want different jobs/roles? are they difficult? are the writers just into over the top drama and feel the urge to kill off characters. there is supposedly a new movie out so i figured it was a good time to watch before i watch the new movie. 

always love the wildflowers this time of year.  the dogs and i headed slowly to Seward for the day.  really it was more about the drive with several hours chilling in Seward enjoying the beach before returning home. 

we walked at Ruth's, Portage, Lowell Point and at the end of the runway in Seward. 

there were quite a few mosquitos in Ruths.  if i stopped i got eaten...i was getting eaten moving as well, but stopping proved to be torturous. so no rocks looked for/found really.  some old ones seen that kids appear to have made. i needed to pee but wasn't going to give those mosquito's the satisfaction of attacking my ass.

i stopped at the conservation center and renewed my annual membership. it was pretty crowded so i just did a quick loop. 

haven't made it out on the water yet.  i think i must have gave away the old flotation device...i do that sometimes. haven't used stuff so i just put it out for free.  so i've ordered another one.  a more comfy one i hope. i am looking forward to getting out there.  should be able to enjoy it into the fall anyway. 

valdez lake...a place that would be fun to tool around in with my little boat. 

some of these are from Valdez and others are from a cross over of the Denali Highway last summer.  not the greatest weather for that crossing but there is still always stuff to see out there.

a rock i left out there last year.  one of my original kayakers.  i still make these at times. i like both of my kayak styles. i took a different one today and left it on a kayak that a worker was pulling up from the beach.  he was pulling up several on his own so i thought it might be a nice find for him.  i think he found it. i cruised by a few minutes after all the kayaks were up and didn't see it on the ground. 

didn't get a photo of that one though. he was working pretty quickly.  like the paddlers to go to paddlers.

last week i also ventured out to Eklutna for a stretch with the dogs.  after we did a loop out at Reflections Lake.  

another day we hit the beach at a nice low tide. a few days after we were there a body was apparently found.  happy i missed that 

i did find a tiny body in the house the other morning. thank you Covid Cat for leaving me a little dead shrew. 

stayed in this cabin out there on the Denali Highway. 

i did cause a death today on the road. a rabbit got bumped...more like totally run over. i feel badly.  the rabbit was hopping along on the side of the road, totally safe, when suddenly the rabbit turned and bolted right across the road.  there was no time to react really. thump, thump and thumper was gone. i'm sure a bald eagle or some other animal made a nice meal of it.  i've never hit anything though.  it was a bit unnerving. 

Tusker on the beach where we were the other day.  

i keep stopping to watch the sunset, which is quite nice today.  beautiful light. 

i'll be back to work tomorrow night for two.  my first time dropping a shift.  will see what the paycheck does with that. i've always been more of a work to live not live to work person. 

too many do not make it to retirement and many who do don't make it to that age healthy enough to enjoy it.  best to not work your ass off hoping for some day to retire and do the stuff you were too busy to do...you may never get that chance. 

such a cutie.  we do a lot of brushing.  he gets tiny mats so i have to keep up on his coat.  Covid Cat also gets a few little mats with his adventures. luckily they both seem to enjoy the grooming time. 

some art from the native craft fair. 

this is Ruths in March....so much changes. can't wait to explore the mushrooms of Ruths...well i can wait. i mean it's almost solstice and i want summer to last a wee bit longer.

baleen boat

i clearly had fun with this hat. 

i'm sure the critters had less fun with it.  my pets aren't really into the being dressed up stuff

snow balls. 

furs at the fair. i do always enjoy the native craft fair. i don't always buy anything.  fun to look though. 

one artist even paints rocks..she said she actually started out on rocks and now she's braving other projects for sale. 

a few more at Ruths. 

put them on leash today.  there were tons of kids and i think the horses are more active when school is out. 

also there was quite a bit horse poop and i didn't really want the dogs eating it all up. 

like this tree.  i tend to have my favorites in the various parks

another of one of my rocks.  it is fun to paint these rocks.  need to sit down and paint some more. 

fur rondy fun. 

puppy shenanigans

no snowballs right now. we will see how bad it gets next winter. 

dogs of rondy

more baskets from the craft fair. loved the colors. i think she uses hemp.

grateful for: A. not fitting in. B. this beautiful place C. sweet critters.