embrace fear...

 

it must be done on occasion. too often we avoid fear and thus we avoid any and all conflicts or anything that makes us the least bit uncomfortable. 

yesterday i had my massage and then had decided to hike out at Eagle River Nature Center without the dogs. i generally walk with my dogs, which i forget adds some feeling of safety to my walks.  they make added noise.  just me, it was too quiet. that area is known for bear activity.  so i did start to get a bit anxious.  

i pondered turning back several times but i decided it was best to embrace the fear of it all, make noise and carry on.  i cheered myself as i arrived at the river, my turn around point. 

it's good to use common sense but it's also important to not let fear be the thing that prevents you from doing things you want to do. 

i remember having this thought when i was younger and living in the big city.  big city life can come with its own dangers but ultimately you can't let those dangers and your fears totally limit you.  if you do then the bad elements of life and society will control and dictate you, which in my mind is a win for them. 

you take the precautions, you stay alert and aware and you move forward.  so much in my life would never have happened if i let fear dictate which way i went. 

i would have stayed in a religion i didn't believe in because it's easier to stay with what is known even if what is known doesn't bring you happiness.  this is why they believe many repeat the lives of abuse they survived as children.  

i had taken the dogs on a nice 3+ mile loop in North Bivouac before heading to my massage so i got a good 7-8 miles of walking in yesterday.

no bears were spotted, just one bear scat.  i did find it easy to call out "here puppies" as i often do when i have the dogs with me.  i turned a corner and there was a woman holding her dog...i had to explain that i did not have any dogs with me but was just saying that as a way to make noise.  she no doubt thought i was crazy.  i'm sure that is something i am called under folks breath from time to time. 

a niece today felt the need to defend her friend against a comment i made today even though the comment wasn't at all offensive or even really said in any form of attack.  clearly she believes i am her crazy aunt who must be defended against.  be careful who you call crazy...it may be that you are the one who is crazy and reactive.  

the massage felt great.  a little painful at times as i have 15 months of knots built up. i'll need to reschedule and keep more on top of the knots.  they are still there but i can turn my head and move and breath.  sore from where she had to dig in but that is external and much better than the sore from the knots. 

of course, i head back to work tonight so the knots will no doubt build back up pretty quickly. 

the start of the stretch.  always a bit daunting. 

i think having embraced fear at times, i mean i do it pretty much every day i work, helps me to negate the fear of fear.  when a pilot said we needed to prepare to crash, everyone was calm.  i mean you could feel extreme anxiety of course, but our bodies have a way of taking us out of the situation in order to help us think levelly.  it was after i was safe that my body released the true anxiety of it.  i've been in other situations like this and that is how my body has reacted.  bear trying to join you in a car, you stay fairly calm and able to deal, but days later your body releases that fear and anxiety. 

once you start to understand this you see fear a little differently.  that doesn't mean i will embrace fear to the point of jumping out of planes.  that just isn't something that sounds fun to me. 

every day the nut job says more crazy shit and his followers ignore and excuse it.  don't listen to what he says.  what he says matters though.  when he repeats that he may not accept the results of this election that is important to listen to.  he's not hiding what his desires are, they are out there in the open for anyone who is willing to pay attention.  many do not though. 

this causes fear and anxiety as well.  in many ways these things are beyond our power, we have lived in a state of anxiety the entire time he's been in.  it's a matter of finding some way to center yourself, some way to find hope that this madness is needed in order to end up in a much better place.  sometimes you have to get to the edge before you can pull back from it. 

this idiot and his sycophants are taking us to the edge. all we can do is hang on and hope....and vote. 

he's working very hard to make the election appear to be not legit.  there is even talk that they will try to ignore the voters and instead get the electorate fixed to return trump to office no matter what the voters want.  we shall see.  you can't always control all the people you want to and despite the madness, there are still people who will do the right thing when faced with it. 

we have to be careful to not given him more power than he actually has.  he wants us to believe that he holds all the power, but he is just a man.  a weak man at that.  a man with a fragile ego.  

today he dared show up as RBG lay in state and he was booed out.  he has done nothing but disrespect her, especially since she passed and here he was trying to play some game.  the people knew it.  he walked away as his fear does rule him.  he lets others tell him what to do and think.  his people like him because they think he speaks his mind, because he says crazy crap, but really it's all just crazy crap he's heard on fox or qanon or whatever place he goes to for information.  he doesn't listen to those who have actual knowledge.  he doesn't want those people around him....they make him feel small and stupid.  they show him who he really is, so instead he does whatever he can to please the base that worships him. 

people from the right keep coming out against trump.  the latest is the late McCains wife. there has also been a large contingency of military leaders who have come out against him.  there are two organized groups of Republicans out there that support Biden at this point.  they don't support the Democrats ways but they know that trump is destroying what we are as a nation and they do not want him to have continued power of a second term. 

bake cookies, walk dogs, or just play outside today in the rain.  the dogs just like to chase the toy.  i did rake a few leaves...i need to in order to attempt to keep up on the dog poop. 

i feel i have made a good run of chasing the fall this week.  next week off, perhaps i'll head to the Kenai for the fall colors there.  soon there will be no fall colors to chase at all. 

so i've been out and about.  

these are local walks but we have a good show of local color right now

been watching a few episodes of "Anne of Green Gables" in the evening.  she is actually a bit annoying at times since she manages to screw things up so often.  i'm probably annoying that way as well though.  it's the risk of being so different from the usual social norms.  still, i wouldn't ever be comfortable being normal. i don't have it in me...i guess neither did this character.  there are more of us out there than is known.  many just live their lives quietly being different in whatever way they can find.  

embrace fear, embrace your crazy self as well.  speak out, even if it pisses people off.  many need to be pissed off.  many need to have their normal questioned.  normal is not always the what is best or right, it's just what is safe.  living safe rarely leads to progress.  it's the innovators that lead us forward.  those who are quirky and independent and wild.  who embrace fear instead of being restricted by it. 

Tusker at the end of a hollow log.  

me, just chilling with the best friends a girl could have.

it's been wet off and on out there. i'm fine walking in the rain...as are they.  the Covid Cat seems to be fairly okay with the rain as well. i think he's finding places to hide outside to stay dry-ish. 

he still demands extra food and i give in pretty much every time....

he's a big, sweet cat.  here he is with Miss Breezy Chatterbug.  she is pretty sweet too, despite her shyness. 

he occasionally has shown an interest in the running water.  i'm loving the new bathroom cabinet/counters/sink set up.  i've slowly been working on adding the shelves.  takes time to build confidence in these home projects. 

i did take measurements on the floors in the bathrooms so those will be next i guess.  one at a time. 

then the main room and stairs.  it's all such a bother though. 

gotta move everything out.  i can't even more the washing machine. 

a grizzly bear broke into the llama enclosure at the local little zoo.  one llama had to be put down and the grizzly bear was found and killed as well. felt so bad for those llama's trapped with no place to run.  the other llama will no doubt be pretty traumatized.  

above is at the dunes.  below is just one of the local trails either N. Biv or the airstrip.  my usual haunts.

the mushrooms are mostly rotting but i still find some.  a few out at the nature center. the drive out was really pretty. 

Eric Trump must meet with NY attorney generals regarding the Trump organizations financial practices.  there is no doubt trump would toss even his kids under the bus if the end result would make him look bad.  

his kids have no impressed with their intellect or actions as far as i can see. 

the reds were for sure decreased yesterday but the yellows were busting out

well, i better get off this computer and hit the shower.  at least i don't spend my time on the computer at crazy conspiracy sites. there is a cyber cult out there regurgitating all those conspiracies.  they have lost contact with truth and reality.  hopefully, one day they wake up or get deprogrammed but i don't hold out much hope at this point. 

i fear there may be a rash of suicides in those higher offices of people who have prostrated themselves before trump and will wake up to discover how much of themselves they lost because of it.  many were actually no doubt decent humans before he brought them to the dark side of ethics/morals and values.  regret can be devastating when one realizes their errors. 

end with the happy kitten.  he's probably 11 months old now.  so cute. 

thankful for  A.  the fall colors, the changing seasons B. the fabulous furs  C.  fear and anxiety and what can be learned by embracing rather than avoiding these emotions.