headaches and protests...

looks like blogger is set up again for photo's...so whew!  how dare any of these companies make any changes when this year has had far too many changes for any of us to cope with more.  at least that is how i see it.

have had a few bad headaches this week. today i woke up with one and it was a bit of a doozy again.  i finally got the dogs out walking at the dog park in time for sunset.  hopefully tomorrow is much better. 

i also had a headache the other night at work.  was nauseated, like today, for much of the shift. some co-workers kindly tried to work out my knots in my shoulders.  they are always impressive. i know everyone thinks they have big knots, but i have impressed many with the size of my knots.one co-worker had one of those massage guns at work so i used that and it totally helped break up the worst of the knots.  my whole demeanor feels like it changed and of course, then i was starving. same today. 

i just ordered a massage gun on Amazon so hopefully that will be a great addition to my massage cache. 

one of the security guys has said for months he has one to give me but the hand off just never happens so i just ordered one.  

had a bit of a rough patch right before work started.  i have had days of what i call melancholy, but is probably depression for decades. thankfully, these bouts last hours to just a few days.  it does give me some glimpse into what it must be like to have to deal with depression daily.  for me, it feels like my brain is attacking my ego. it's like this voice in your head telling you that you are not worthy, not liked, just worthless and unloved.  i'm always thankful i have the dogs and cats in those moments as they seem to always find a way to be totally present for you. they lift me up.  

i posted a comment, not to get attention but more because i always feel like if i have these feelings others do as well.  i often feel alone in my feelings such as this but i know others have them as well. i have never been suicidal or made a plan, but ever since i was about 10 or 11 i have had these short bouts and in these bouts the thought of dying and nobody really caring about it do cross your mind. those are the tricks your brain plays. 

before i started back to work that night i began to have increased anxiety...something else that i never really have dealt with except for when i'm flying really. Covid is the gift that keeps giving.  so there i was preparing for work and feeling waves of anxiety/panic.  i noticed that my heart was skipping beats so not sure if it was really skipping beats or if i was actually having pvc's that weren't perfusing.  i suspect that is what it was. makes me want to get one of those phone apps.  a co-worker has one and she said it was worth the money since one night she ended up in Afib with rvr and she was able to see it on her phone. i took a low dose of my anti-anxiety med and it really did help and the missed beats stopped and off i went to work. 

i had actually gotten an anti-anxiety last year to be used just for flying.  it's come in handy for covid though a few times.  mostly, it is comfort knowing the medication is available.  i had spoken to my Dr soon after all this covid crap started and she had gotten me another rx since the one i had was just for like 10 pills. i have still rarely needed them but there is no shame in needing them and if you are out there having anxiety or depression related to all this covid crap please do reach out to someone.  know you are not alone.

slime fungi. 

my first night was in the ER. worked as regular ER, then gave breaks, then became a sitter, then i was going to go home early for about a minute before i was moved out to the door duty for the last few hours of work. 

my next night was the headache night.  managed to keep my head about me despite the headache and nausea, which was good since i was working the icu all night. got one out and one in. 

my last night was in PCU.  as i got report on my third patient i realized it was the same patient i had saved a month or two back and then who had totally not been very appreciative a month later when i got her as my own patient in ICU.  last night again she was in the crapper and i just called peat and charge and had her and her 40's over nothing blood pressures moved to a higher level of care in no time. my little section was busy and another patient was later moved as well to a higher level of care.  at least in PCU you always have another place to go. 

in the ICU you either get better or die...those are pretty much your only options.  occasionally you can be medivac'd out to a bigger hospital in Seattle.

i did manage a dog park trek between shifts yesterday but not the day before. the dogs are pretty forgiving and i always do manage to get some good tennis ball time in outside.  

we are getting frost in the mornings.  it's that time of year again.  i haven't gotten out to enjoy the fall colors as much as i'd like and i'm hoping my next stretch off i can do that. 

the hospital was a buzz as there have been some families that have taken up residence outside the hospital in protest of the covid visitor restrictions. i am not without sympathy....but at the same time, it's just a frustrating situation for all.  there is still a pandemic.  our numbers have been fairly stable i guess. more hospitalized than a month or so ago. more on vents....this is just how it will be. i do feel better overall as it doesn't seem to be as bad at this point.  hopefully, it's weakening over time rather than building strength and morphing into something worse.  it seems controllable here....will it still be when we have families coming and going.  

the word is that limited visitors will be allowed starting this week in the ICU during the day anyway. they are allowed in peds and nicu and mother baby in a limited way as well so just adding ICU.  

admittedly, the staff overall feel sympathy but we have enjoyed not having so many around. things have gotten so far out of control over the past years when it comes to visitors. people and kids of all ages there at all hours of the day and night.  drugs/alcohol coming and going in rooms....people shooting up in their rooms.  i get having dedicated visitors but people do need to rest in order to recover. i honestly think that for some patients it's been kind of nice.  they just rest more. there are all sorts of ways to communicate with the other humans in the world. 

i saw the comments on the articles about the protesting families and i knew the days of no visitors were about over.  as i said i do hope we have more restrictions in the future and screening...we should have a metal detector to go through.  there was a surprising number of weapons that were brought in and out of the hospital over the years....more than any of us really knew.  

with the level of hate and anger in our nation it's really only a matter of time before we have more violence in hospitals.  

covid seems to be making it's run through certain populations. i am hearing it's hit the homeless, which could get complicated considering many of the homeless have drug/alcohol and psych issues.  raises our risks in the hospitals. 

i am starting to see less mushroom growth, but i have spotted more of my favorite bright blue wood color changing mushrooms. they are like the flowers and everythings else...each week different ones show up and others fade away.

nature never ceases to amaze me. 

Ivy has her appointment tomorrow and then i'll meed a friend for a walk after. haven't seen this friend for a bit so that will be good mentally. 

covid does highlight aloneness.  i'm cool being alone most of the time but it has been a lot more alone time for me. it's easy for the singles to be forgotten i think on a regular year but even more so with a pandemic.  we are here so don't forget to check in with each other more.  i did get a walk in with my friend LS that day i was feeling blue so that really helped. 

some things are starting to attempt some normalcy in Anchorage. not sure anything will ever be back to the old normal. i think some of that will be good...as i said hopefully the visitor rules will never get back to what they were. i suspect many will embrace more work from home flexibility and i also suspect that some kids will do better in some combo of home/school situations. we needed to embrace the modern era in our societies and i think covid is forcing that in some ways...i try to find the positive in the negative.

i get anxious going to work but once i'm there i just get my assignment and i settle in.  what we imagine is always so much worse than the reality....not going to say that is always the case, there are some pretty terrifying tales from medical professionals in those areas that were very hard hit with this and other epidemics/pandemics over the decades. some of those ebola tales or horrific.

at least i can and do get outside.  we have clear air, which many across the US do not at this time.  fires are raging across the west making for terrible air quality.  i am always grateful for the beauty and peace of nature and that i have reasonable health to be able to enjoy it. 

crack up when i see these no on ballot measure one ads....they are all bought and paid for by every oil company known to man...which seems like proof that the box i check should be yes.  it's funny, the commercials show normal people against increasing tax on oil companies because billions of dollars in oil tax couldn't possibly help our economy...paid for by every oil company !  hmm....

lotta love in the fur family

Covid Kitty continues to spend increased time inside.  he still goes out and likes to play, but as he approaches 11 months he is settling in a bit.  he still likes his meals.

Antarctica has remained covid free...but soon new arrivals will get there for the new season...summer there.  it's been winter over time.  will covid show up down there?  it is possible and there is not many icu beds down there for sure.

now that my gut is feeling better again i'll soon load up a snack tray and lots of water and head to bed. 

i really need to load up on water. 

i should try to get a few shelves put up in the down stairs bathroom and then i need to focus on flooring.  dreading flooring.  it's such a hassle when you actually live in a house.

puffing out some puffballs. always fun

more critter time

my old home South Dakota went through with the annual Sturgis Rally....the cases in the Dakotas and the surrounding area have had a hefty bump since that.  very little, if any, social distancing or masking. very red states, they aren't even mandating masking in urban areas.  they will just become yet another land of trump lab rats in the covid experiment. 

animals have been getting adopted through all this covid stuff, another bright spot.  i think with folks being home more it has been a great time to get new fur family.  also i suspect mentally it's been a good thing for many, not just myself.

still some big mushrooms out there.

cup fungi...always a favorite.  no idea why i'm so obsessed with all things mushroom but they are fascinating.  the earth as so much diversity in it.  it always astounds me

more puff ball play

the state is being sued over new rule that mandates a co-sign on absentee ballots.  seen as just another way to attempt to prevent voters from getting to vote.  out democracy is really being tested over and over these past years...i just hope it holds out and becomes stronger as a result of this madness.

all you can do sometimes is hope for the best and try to find the silver lining.  much of this life is out of our control. 

need to figure out what to do with the old tv..must be a place to recycle it.  old crap like that tends to just collect.  hate to just ditch it in the trash.  

hopefully, i sleep peacefully tonight and wake well rested, hydrated and headache free. 

many in my family get headaches.  such a bother.

well, i guess i should get ready to crash...though truth be told i've been in my pj's all day...even went to the dog park in them....was just too lazy to act totally awake all day. 

the dogs always look so cute in the fall colors.

 thankful for A.  patient and helpful co-workers B. release of headache and nausea....feels so much better when that happens.  C. the furs and all they bring to my little life.