enjoying my days off...except the dentist part.

 

at this moment i am hungry and the dogs are hungry and i have a little headache.  lots of little headaches.  addiction to excedrin at times i'm sure. the caffeine thing.  i'm not a coffee drinker at all. i figure the occasional aspirin is not a bad thing at this age. 

recovery from work is longer than it was a few years ago. i've always heard of people hitting the wall when it comes to nightshift. until the past year or so the wall didn't exist for me really. the walks between shifts get missed more than they used to and that day after my stretch i'm more beat than i once was. 

makes me lean more towards retiring from Prov before next summer seem more appealing. find some other job to get insurance for a few years. i don't really want to work a full 12 hour day shift though.  what to find that will be less stressful, provide insurance and still allow me the freedom i've grown used to? i have some time this winter to plan so i will enjoy this summer as it is. 

so far it's been a cloudy and breezy summer.  May is often the little Alaskan secret.  we tend to have great weather and lower tourist numbers.  the tourist season is coming sooner and ending later though. people are discovering our secret. 

i am finding post covid i have to plan more and can't be as spontaneous as i was in the past.  things fill up super fast.  hotels are just not as available. bummer as i do like to just look at weather and take off. 

my plan for today is blog then head to Seward for a day trip.  i've done a few day trips this stretch off so far. 

there is a little sea star inside the above shell...so cute. 

on Saturday i ended up in Portage Valley.  was debating a Seward run that day but there was a window in Portage where the weather wasn't bad and i'd gotten a late start. so i walked part of the trail of blue ice with the dogs.  trails closer to Anchorage are getting more and more packed.  i ran into fewer people there.  the weather probably also helped that. fair weather walkers. 

after that we headed to Byron Glacier walk. there are big snow piles down low that make for nice photo ops and the dogs love any and all snow. the actual glacier has receded back super far from when i first got to Alaska. still quite a few tourists made the short trek and several were climbing far up the pretty unstable snow pack. not the wisest. i tend to not stay too long for fear my services may be required. 

Sunday i headed to the Matanuska Glacier. always a favorite with the dogs as well. the owner of the access knows me at this point and i just text them early in the day to see if they are cool with me coming. 

they have been nice so far. the weather cleared as we got closer and the light was like above, right on the glacier. they have altered the route they take the tours as the glacier has receded and this part is more open.  i guess the area to the left, where they used to go, has gotten pretty muddy and more difficult for the tourists to walk on. 

there were still some nice kettle ponds for the dogs to play in and they are now stained with glacial silt. 

both nights i ended the day having dinner with friends so that was nice. 

yesterday i woke early. needed to as it was the day to put our schedules in. they allow those of us that have been there 10+ years to go a day early. i still kind of panic about it all. i can manage icu patients but krono's is always a challenge for me. i'm pretty much of the opinion that these corporations like krono's because it makes it impossible for us to know if we are getting paid accurately. i'm sure i've lost money due to the complicated system. 

now they have us clocking in/out for lunches. it all makes me feel like i work at McDonalds and not like i'm a professional at all.  so it's really annoying.  i just try to remind myself that it's not that much longer before i can walk away from all of it. all the annoying stuff. 

work my last week was CSU and the ICU. not bad nights really. kept steady. 

today i trimmed my hair a bit.  really should make an appointment. need to make a Dr appointment as well and i want to get in the old colonoscopy this fall.  all so exciting. 

the lupine are popping out all over.  love the lupine.  it feels like everything is just a bit delayed this year.  lots of snow and a slow spring. 

my nieces should get some great flowers though, so that is always good. 

haven't seen any critters really these past few weeks.  i'd seen enough the first part of spring. don't really enjoy running into them on the trails...from the car is fine though. 

these knots are bad today.  no idea what caused that. 

yesterday was a lazy day.  could have gotten out, probably should have. after the schedule crap i had the dentist appointment for a cleaning. that is always stressful as well. some ptsd from previous years of dental stuff i suspect. always waiting during a cleaning for some instant pain.  none happened.  the one dentist felt that an old filling should be changed to a crown as that tooth is getting some cracking. 

part of you feels like, do what you can.  i don't think the dental/vision stuff is the greatest after you retire. it's extra charge i think. just as peoples teeth and vision and hearing get worse, there is no coverage. our system is archaic and cruel really. have no idea why the GOP is so against basic care for our citizens.  they don't want to spend money, fear it's socialism.  the rest of the free world has these as basic.  why shouldn't you want a citizenry that is both healthy and educated.  that is the question for those who support the GOP....why don't you want this for your fellow citizens. 

i suspect many of them dream of being those top earners and the American Dream scenario has convinced them that they will rise above all the others and when they do they want all the protections that have gone to the wealthy to apply to them.  silly as most of them will never rise to the level they aspire to.

i suspect their religious views set them up for this as well. this belief that you were purposely born to the right religion.  that somehow your religion/church is the correct one.  that all the other humans on earth were not as worthy as you since they ended up in those other churches, other religions. our ego wants us to be right, to be better than others. 

it's all pretty silly really. where we end up as far as religion has more to do with where we are born rather than some predetermined plan. like most things.....there are always more ways to get to the same place. i've seen this in medicine.  there are many different treatment plans/options.  these are also often determined by where you physician went to school, what experiences they had in training...what papers they have read. 

our morals/values and ethics come from many places and can alter depending on where you live, religions, parents, school. you do not require a religion to have these things, as a matter of fact, i think i trust those who do not have religion forced down their throat with fear tactics to have a more solid base at times. you shouldn't not kill people are rape people just because a religion tells you not to.  you should not do those things because you are decent and those things are just indecent. that isn't to say you can't get morals/values and ethics through religion, but i'm just tired of this attitude that the religous right has the corner on these things.  they also claim to have the corner on all things patriotic.  

the GOP has convinced many people that you can't be moral if you do not vote for them. that somehow, to vote for a Democrat or Independent is proof of evil. this blending of their religious fears and politics is really destructive to our society.  it is currently the downfall of our society. we must find a way to break these religious/political ties. 

the orange fool has been indicted. he is headed to court again.  somehow anything he does is okay as anything the GOP does is okay. if the Dems do it, it's a sin, satanic. they are acting like it's horrific for anyone to go after a former potus, like it's disrespectful and damaging to society. they always forget that for probably most of my life, they have been trying to arrest Dems.  somehow it's always their side that ends up on the wrong side of the law...or mostly their side. 

the witch hunt they like to say this all is...well they have been doing witch hunts on Dems for generations now.  sadly for them, theirs have been true witch hunts as they have never really had any facts to back up their accusations. so nothing comes of their goals to lock up their presumed enemies on the other side. the facts do rain down on their side.  it leaves me to think that either they are the most incompetent investigators that exist, they are wrong and the left isn't as evil as they say, or the left is incredibly brilliant and well connected so as to be able to exist in these insane conspiracies that the right creates.  the most logical is that the left isn't as evil....that it's really the right that is perpetrating all these crazy and illegal things they accuse the left of. 

i think we are just scaping the top of the hellscape  that the orange fool is involved with.  i suspect, like so many others, that these documents were meant to benefit him financially.  he was in deep with some of these leaders from rus and saudi.  he is a fool and it seems obvious that he would do illegal things to get in good with these leaders. a lot of money trails seem to lead that direction. we may not know for years how extensive the corruption in this administration was....we may never know all the details. 

they continue to defend him. they continue to spew insane and unprovable conspiracy theories on their "news" sites. many on the right only "trust" those "news" sources so they don't have a clue what is going on. 

they have been groomed by fundamentalist beliefs and the GOP to only listen and trust certain sources and to believe that all else are of Satan and lying. they have peacefully gone done a rabbit hole of insane conspiracies that if they really just looked at sensibly they would see how stupid these theories are.  they won't though.  they will just devour the meat that is delivered to them.  victimhood has become a way of life.  they are the last fighters in the run to the second coming...which has been coming for a few thousand years now. prophecies that never seem to come true. 

the orange fool had reams of government papers stored in a place that wasn't secure...he bathroom for one.  he had these boxes moved about to avoid them being taken away from him. he knew he couldn't actually just decide in his head to declassify things.  he lied to everyone, as he always does. he lied to his lawyers.  he just seems to use people for their complete loyalty to him and then he just as easily tosses them under the bus and moves onto the next victim.  it's all, always about him and what he can get out of things. 

it's kind of shocking that someone hasn't gotten pissed off enough with him to have killed him outright. he surrounds himself with fawning fools though who would be willing to die for him.  he's a cult leader and he has brainwashed a large percentage of our populance to buy into his bull.  sadly, many of those people have made their way into positions of power in our nation. it will be decades clearing this out and getting us back to some semblance of normalcy. will we ever? will i see it in my life time? 

mostly, i tell myself this is all the last stand for many who yearn for the old life that benefitted the few over the many.  they don't realize that many of them would have never benefitted in that life and will never if it returned. people like the orange fool see most of their voters as idiots that they can easily manipulate.  they are a used subgroup of people that would be kicked to the curb if needed. 

one poster was talking about how these NRA fools believe the founding fathers wanted well regulated militias that would protect against a corrupt government.  the founders were the ones who would be the corrupt government.  only land owning white males had power at that time. the last thing they would have wanted was a bunch of non-land owning, non white people having guns and to be able to take them out. the state militias were originally to quell slave uprisings. this amendment really lost it's original meaning when those in power decided we did need a standing military in this nation.  before that our military was very small. states did not want to send their milita members away from their states to fight for the larger nation because it would leave them vulnerable to slave uprisings and the other non land owners. 

it's nearly 11. i still need to feed the dogs and myself.  still trying to do the 12 hour fasts. don't think i've lost weight but i don't really ever weigh myself. need to do more exercises besides just walking. 

better get this day started.  i do enjoy a drive. Ivy is no fan of the seat belt. i like that they are more under control in the car though. even just when i have to brake hard.  they no longer go flying. 

when i got home from the dentist yesterday i just went back to bed.  it was a pretty lazy day after that.  some tennis ball time in the yard and computer games/reading. watching reruns. i have to turn off my brain some days i think. 

like this leaping shot of the sea lions.  

i have a few photo's to look through but i'll try to do that tonight perhaps.  paint some rocks. i need more rocks for hiding. i did hide one out at the glacier. 

another Birthday is in the rear view.  not really looking forward to 60.  seems crazy how fast it all really goes.  it's a gift though, each day.  so many never get this far.  i think being around all the death and loss has taken a toll on me as well.  just another reason to get away from the bedside. 

sometimes i think urgent care or infusion center.  day surgery, except they have to get there really early.  i'm no fan of really early. a lot of factors. 

it's all about winding down.  some have said, oh you will be bored in an urgent care...i'm ready to be bored i think. it is exciting and i think sometimes the reason i keep doing holds is that it's like some sick challenge for me.  i've mostly mastered some of the other units over the years so these holds are a less critical way for me to still get the challenge that i seem to need. i think many of us like/need that adrenal rush and do well under that pressure.  so strange really, that i can be so calm in absolute madness at work and yet, i can have so much anxiety in my day to day life.  i suspect it's just that in the day to day i am safe to feel the things i do not allow myself to feel at work in the constant crisis/stress of that world. 

thankful for A. the Alaskan beauty that never ceases to mesmorize me. B.  adventure days and lazy days and the absolute privilege i've had to enjoy both. C. the furs that keep me together and keep me sane and give me a reason to get out of bed on those days when i want to just do nothing.  

2000

 so much to be infuriated about at this time in our nation.  this is embarrassing though.  over 2000 children have been taken from parents crossing the border.  this has been done with the goal to be so cruel that it will work as a deterrent to other parents thinking of crossing our border.  these pics are from today's walk in the rain.  after days of sun, the rain has arrived.  the flowers are coming out like magic as well though.

 our nation doesn't even take care of the kids we have here, now we are going to take children from loving families, who are just attempting to make a better life for their kids. you want to take your anger out at these border crossings take it up with the government of Mexico.  work with them to make their nation a more successful and safe place.  these folks trying to come into the US are from other nations south of our border as well, not just Mexico.  i can't fault the parents who are just trying to escape the violence.  they come here and in general they work, they work hard.  often doing the jobs that most Americans will not do.  they are a major part of what keeps our economy afloat.  it's time to just admit it.  we are dependent on them. society's have always had systems where people come from other regions in order to work the jobs that are lower waged and harder to do.  we all like to pretend that this is not how it works but we depend on the migrant workers.  our society depends on those who immigrate here.  we depend on them at all levels of society.

 despite what Sessions spoke, this is not what the Bible would have us do.  this is a gross and disgusting misinterpretation of the words of the Bible. iitoo knows it's horrible what they are doing so instead of altering and admitting they went to far, he simply does the usual GOP move that has been working for them for years now.  blame the Democrats. they are in power now.  it's time to float that boat on off into the sea and take responsibility for their own screw ups...and this is a major one.

 sitting on each other in order to attempt to obtain the cherished front seat is not uncommon.  it cracks me up though.

 work is often quite the adventure.  for me that often means i move from unit to unit.  first night i started in ER as a regular ER staff member then morphed into a hold nurse with a few other really cool nurses.  none of us love doing holds but we all work together and we get by.  the next night i was sent to the CICU, but it turned out a staff member had been left out of the staffing calculations so they had enough staff after all.  amazingly i was given an on call. 

 i did not believe for a second that i would not be called back in within minutes.  i had been told that a few units had been fighting over getting me through the day...this happens pretty regular.  i do admit that i love, love, love that the units fight over getting me on their unit! it's great to be in demand.  this does mean that being on call or staying on call are not very common. 

 the Resource Pool was having a BBQ close to the hospital so i headed over there, figuring I'd stay close for when i was needed.  they didn't call...well eventually i did get the call.  i came home from the picnic and decided to sleep...as with the weather being so beautiful i hadn't slept much.  i crashed...then the phone rang at 3:30 am.  i headed in to take a few patients from the ER into the ICU. in the end i only got one patient, the other had been taken to OR and probably got back within minutes of me getting off my shift. 

 the next night i started out in ICU.  i transferred that patient out and then i ended up going down to the ER again to do holds. one of their staff members ended up doing holds with me.  I've known the guy a long time.  clearly doing holds was beneath him though.  i held my tongue...most of you know me and realize that this is not an easy thing for me to do.  he was pissed that he was assigned to "babysit" patients and then did as little as possible for the patients in his care. there were movies to watch i guess.  i was livid...first off, nurses that work on the floor are not simply "baby sitting" people.  they have a vital role in the care of people who are trying to heal.  i was not "baby sitting" my patients, i was caring for them. no matter the assignment i try to give my best.  some nights I'm tired, some patients are incredibly difficult. i am not perfect.  i would never just opt out...if you do, it really is time to consider another job or line of work. 

 being a nurse is hard as hell some days.  each person deserves your care, respect and focus.  so i was super annoyed when he said that and then proceeded to watch crap on his phone.  to boot there was this girl sitting around and most of the time i was there i assumed she had been assigned to a patient over in the section where she seemed to be sitting.  my patients were in another part of the section so i think i just figured that in my head and i had no reason not to believe it.  the girl rarely got up, never introduced herself to me or checked in to see if my patients needed anything.  somewhere around 4 am i must have walked over that direction and realized that she wasn't a sitter, there was actually another person sitting in the room I'd thought she was sitting outside of. 

 the charge happened to be walking past so i motioned to him and as i walked over towards him i discreetly pointed towards this girl and mouthed, "who is this?".  turns out she was the tech for our area...!! WHAT?!? she had literally done nothing for me all night as i moved around taking care of patients, putting them on hospital beds....i still find it baffling. what did she do all night?  she did look like she felt like crap, cold bug.  i mentioned something to her at some point about her cold and how miserable she looked...she gave no indication that she was doing anything other than sitting . i did not rush to get near her 

 I'm still dealing with the after effects of Influenza A so i do not want some cold virus to hit me again....she was really to sick to be working.  that was soon after I'd arrived. I'd almost gone to the charge to see if he could check with house sup and see if there was another sitter available as she really seemed like she should go home...at least if i had i would have figured out she was not a sitter at all.

 so i did go see my MD the other day before my shifts started up. that first night i attempted to take only 2 ibuprofen...that did not work.  trying to avoid too many ibuprofen for obvious reasons.  she believes i have costrochondritis.  I'm sure that is spelled all wrong.  basically. the cartilage that attaches the ribs to the sternum are inflamed.  could take weeks/months to heal.  if it gets bad they could give me an injection.

 closer to the time i was actually sick i probably did pull a muscle coughing....that pain was more in my back and the side of my chest. after this beautiful paddle in these photo's from Homer, the pain that came on strong started at a distinct area on the front of my chest. the tips of the hanging ribs in the front of my chest hurt constantly...getting worse with breathing/coughing and increased activity.  all of these things i do need to do though.  heat and ibuprofen do help though.

 what is also helping is not wearing a bra with an under wire...I'm sorry but that thing became the enemy....so sports bras for a bit..

 my doc did order a chest xray and that was clear. i got it taken after my shift the other morning. i figured it would be clear, but for peace of mind it seemed like a good idea.

 the iitoo met with the NK dictator, praised him for being a great leader. saluted one of the guys generals...iitoo really loves dictators.  today he even said how impressed he was that the NK dictators subjects sat up at attention and wished Americans would do the same for him.  he later tried to play it off as some joke... doubtful.  he despises our allies and adores our enemies. 

 campaign manager to iitoo Manafort is sitting in jail tonight.  that is not a common occurrence....it will have been quickly turned into a ploy of the deep state no doubt by the cult of don.  accept no responsibility, deflect, blame others, lie.  the party that has spent years trying to convince folks that they alone are the party of Christians, that they alone have the moral authority, that they alone abide by ethics and Christian values...have proven they have no value or ethics.  they are proving to be worse than the Dems.

 T in her happy place

 seems to be a summer of trauma's.  little plane crashes, boat crashes...and last week snow fell on the road heading to Glenallen.   not just a dusting...8-10 inches.

 the first family is raking in cash during their stay in the white house...fleecing their positions for their own benefit.  iitoo and his kids also made news as the "non-profit" they ran appears to have been using donations to pay personal loans and any number of other illegal uses of the "non-profit" under their names.  just another court case directed at the slimiest people to ever sit in the Oval office...to think how much they complained about Obama eating grey poupon mustard and wearing a tan suit.  bitching about Michelle wearing outfits that showed her arms.  yet they still chase conspiracy theories fed them, these cult of don conservatives.  refusing to just admit that perhaps, just perhaps it's a bit over the top. 

 so many conspiracy theories so little facts, so few indictments...there was even a 500 page document released about the investigation into the investigation.  Comey was irresponsible in some of his decisions, but the gist is that politics did not play a role.  the couple the conservatives love to trash, were let go and despite their not wanting iitoo to win, they did nothing to change the outcome.  if HRC had info on iitoo connections to Rus through the dossier why did she and her campaign not use them...?  Steel took the information to the FBI/CIA and folks like McCain...

 it's all common sense.  believe the lies or wait for the truth.  it's tough though as you watch the conservative media spin like crazy. 

 lousy sockeye run in the Copper River means a shutdown.  devastating for many in the area who depend on the run. the state has never had to shut down fishing here before

 Anchorage locals traveled to the top of Denali together.  it was a Mom, who had peaked Denali twice before her self and her son, who is a pretty serious cross country skier.  one of those fit families.  they spent over a week, pretty much roped together.  they said they had some snippy moments, but then he'd remind her he was literally carrying her shit off the mountain.  when you are up on the mountain, you take basically a bear bin to shit in.  they figured there was too much shit down in those crevasse's. 

 a huge bald eagle nest.

 i still have some shed painting to do.  also working on the area beside the shed.  it's just been dead space.  now I'll make it usable.  put my re-made table out there.  the dogs are already enjoying the random tennis ball toss into that area.  twists. 

 not many out on the trails today.  the wind was blowing a bit as well. 

 we cut through these islands and headed for a lunch spot. 

 chilling in a raft of kayaks....

 together alone out there some times. 

 there are all sorts of cool rock formations out there.  Hawaii is still busy making their own new rock formations

 landing for lunch.

 it wasn't a large beach but it had lots of cool sea life.

 muscles of course.

 turned out to be a great little spot to lunch and celebrate RO's Birthday.  we'd stopped in Soldotna and gotten several large cookies and some champagne frosting to build a cake with out there.  we carefully carried it out to the yurt and in the kayaks for this day.

 JM takes a little nap in the sunshine. 

 the rest of us were off exploring the tide zone surprises.

 lots of decent sized chitin's.

 BO heads off for a moment, taking it all in.

 limpets.

 the bounty

 always amazing what you can find in the nooks and crannies.  so much life, so much diversity.

 an anemone waits for the water levels to rise again.  these intertidal species really have a lot of changes to contend with each day.  changes from wet to dry, warm to cold and back again.  salinity changes...

 barnacles and a large chitin.

 then i started finding these little baby sea stars tucked in between the barnacles.

 good to see as we head the population had taken a hit.  well i really should head to bed.  should try to rent a place in Homer for a few nights.  it's time to drive and see what is out there. 

thankful for:  a.  making a difference for my patients, being engaged.  b. walking in the rain  c. days off