needed a break from writing...

 

finished my three day run of work and then woke to the news that RBG has passed away.  it hit me hard.  so many things these days hit hard. 

it felt a bit like that horrible election day when trump won.  a sense of impending doom. 

before her last heart beat the asses on the right were already giddy and planning on replacing her with yet another conservative judge.  they have been very busy putting in conservatives judges these past few years....life time appointments.  many totally religious nut jobs who will alter our way of life for years to come.

they want their morals and values imposed on all.  

RBG was a huge womens rights advocate.  she helped bring on change through the cases she took on.  it wasn't that long ago that women had to have a male co-sign any loan.  couldn't have credit in their own name. she battled for equal pay, gay rights.....she wrote many dissents which may be read in later years and continue to impact our laws. 

they want to fill her seat despite the hypocrisy of it all.  they could care less about fairness or what is right, they are so power hungry at this time they will do anything to get it and keep it. when Obama was POTUS there was an opening in the court in his last year...11 months before the election i believe, but Moscow Mitch wasn't having it.  he refused to allow Obama's pick to even be looked at.  he made claims that the people must decide in the election and only then could someone be selected. 

did he know then Hillary would lose? 

anyway, with his party being in power he has laughed that this was the greatest thing he pulled off...preventing Obama his rightful selection at that time. now he smirks and says who cares how close it is to an election, who cares about the people's choice in an election year. he will do everything in his power to rush through a nominee and take full control of the court.  

why? gay rights, abortion and with an election coming up and a risk that it will be contested and brought to the highest court, he must make sure the court is stacked to keep them in power. 

i immediately dropped into a fog of depression and anxiety Friday. 

i headed for the hills.  nature and the pets are the only things keeping me going these days in many ways.  when life closes in on me, they pull me out.

i got incredibly lucky with the light these past two days.  Friday it was a late afternoon/evening run up Arctic Valley. Saturday i headed to Hatchers Pass and Independence Mine.  the fall colors are so beautiful. 

it's been an unusual year.  the good thing about covid i guess is it shakes up what is normal and forces you to alter your routines.  

there is more bad than good though and  i would have preferred to have skipped covid all together. we are at over 200,000 deaths attributed to covid.  the real count may be more.  our average deaths per year numbers are much higher than usual....no matter how much many on the right try to pretend the deaths are over stated and this virus is fake news.

they have chosen to be ignorant of it all.  it doesn't prevent the truth even if you refuse to believe it.  

if your partner is having an affair, you not believing it doesn't mean it's not true.  truth has a sticky way of making itself known eventually.  

i speak up to people and it pisses them off.  am i a hateful person or does it just piss them off because it makes them have to think about what is true for even just a minute.  they quickly return to their denial, but for a brief moment their denial is laid bare and it makes them uncomfortable.  i make people uncomfortable. 

there are those who, i suppose, unknowingly wish me failure...i mean if i have left what was safe and known from my childhood and nothing really bad happened to me then what is the truth? lightning should have struck me by now...and it hasn't.  i have some depression and anxiety, especially now but so do others who stayed.  i imagine if i'd carried on the path that was laid out for me, my depression and anxiety would be far worse.  

to have walked away and found a peace in the things i believe is a great bonus in my life.  there is peace in living your truth even if there are consequences to that truth. 

we must carry on and power forward...that is the lesson of RBG.  we must take this moment to become empowered, not feel defeated.  

we must vote, we must speak out. we must not be silent and conformist.  women are supposed to please and keep the peace.  we must be willing to annoy and rock the peace. 

my job was recently referred to as "easy" and "simple".  now i know an apology happened and the intention behind this wasn't nastiness...but i think it's women's work vs mans work.  i mean if women for generations have been doing nursing it can't be all that difficult.  if it were difficult then it would have had to have been a man's job.  

women have quietly been doing the difficult jobs for all time no doubt.  staying home and raising kids is not an easy thing to do.  i don't have kids but i can see that from even my limited experience.  their jobs were 24 hours a day/7 days a week with no breaks...ever.  

in this time of covid comments like this are even more demeaning. 

work is far more stressful because of this.  Thursday night i read work emails...apparently i had a covid exposure on Sept 11th in the ER.  now honestly, i feel like i am quite possibly exposed every day, but i'm guessing someone i worked closely with turned out to be positive.  i am wearing a mask and face shield so i'm not overly worried at this moment but it's this constant counting of time.  i am now 9 days out from that exposure. 

this stretch i worked all ICU.  i had a pretty safe pair of patients.  i felt like i had the calm in the storm.  Covid Cove has been pretty busy with Vented patients, the hospital is packed and we've had a lot of sick patients...my job is not easy or simple at all  by the way.  being in float pool does feel a bit like i have less insane assignments overall though.  i'm okay with that.  i think we've had a post labor day bump of late. 

hopefully, things calm a bit with our small tourist season coming to an end...of course, on the other hand as it gets colder people will be inside more.  will we have a worse flu season or will people tend to keep separated more and we actually have a better one overall...i suspect things will get a bit worse before it gets better. i had hoped that with each passing month we will have a better feel for covid and better treatment plans and i think this is true overall. 

there is still much we don't know but i think we know better how to protect ourselves and others.  

got some walks in between shifts.

my favorite tiny blue mushrooms...always an exciting find. 

not sure what i will do today or where i will go. guess i could have headed some place for overnights.  it's getting cold at night so i wasn't too keen on sleeping in the car or a tent.  

this can also be the time of year that he bears get a bit dicey.  they are trying to fill up before they sleep, can make them desperate and cranky. 

thankful i have survived this far.  who knows, i may have already had a mild case of covid....i suspect with my respiratory history mild won't be how i go though. 

i think getting out and walking and staying healthy is my best defense. i have felt good that the walks of late, like Spencer and Arctic Valley seemed fairly easy compared to even last year so perhaps Covid has benefitted my health overall.  

puff balls all puffed out.  i do run across a few here and there that are new.  the mushrooms time seems to be moving past us.  

fall is my favorite but it is super short.  i took a lot of photos these past few days. i've mostly just taken iphone photo's.  too lazy for the bigger camera. i still have pictures in there to look at from the past month. 

i did pull it out yesterday at Hatchers.   there was a fairly good sized group of ptarmigan at the mine.  the iphone is no good at zoom shots.  so i pulled it out.  it was a mixture of sun, rain and snow up there yesterday.  

it was pretty wet out at the time the ptarmigan showed up.  they are changing colors already as well. 

huge shelf fungi

Covid Cat has continued his adventures outside.  seems to be inside a bit more but still heads out. the other day i woke to little feathers all over downstairs.  not sure what became of the bird...eaten, taken back outside, dead in the house? 

perhaps he needs the occasional  bird in his diet.  

hunting  is in their nature. i'd prefer he not do this nor bring live things into the house.  there must have been a bit of a commotion when this happened. i can't imagine the dogs just lay there silent as he chased a bird around the house.  i slept through it all though. 

i try to be hopeful that right will win out and that the "religious right" will be found to be neither religious or right. 

Christianity in many cases...such as these crazy evangelicals, has lost it's way.  

slime fungi...

this administration is a dark time in our history.  the truth is seeping out but many just refuse to believe any of it.  they just demonize anyone who speaks out. i doubt any of them will ever believe just what a terrible jerk this potus is.  tear it down, destroy all....because they want their way to win, no matter what permanent damage is done.  hypocrisy be damned.  

they have been convinced they are victims even though they are in reality, many of the most priviledged. once people are convinced they are victims they cling on to it...especially if life hasn't turned out as rosy as they hoped it would.  easier to blame those people than to accept your own choices in life. 

well, it's now 7 am. i woke up super early...as can happen.  i will eat something i think and then head back for a few more hours sleep hopefully.  i just wasn't ready to write...i felt too distressed over the loss of RBG and the implications of the loss. 

thankful for A.  powerful women like RBG, who are not silent, who do not behave and who will be remembered for years for the strength and wisdom. B.  that things have improved as far as women's rights and gay rights and racial equality...there is still much of a battle to go though. C.  the beauty of nature and my ability to access it to improve my mental state.