forced wellness...

time has come to head back to work and give wellness a try. i know i'll be sleepy and i'm still coughing but i have dog food to buy, a morgage to pay and more dog food to buy. i can't let that face go hungry. they will miss me terribly. it seems like ages since i've been at work. so strange. they called tonight, but i think my usual 4 day stretch will already be pushing my body. i'm better though. the bronchitis is just that and you get used to living with some things. i think most people do at some point. well either you get used to a certain amount of aches and health issues as you age or you let them roll you over. when my body needs extra support, i try to give in to the body's demands. my lungs were at thier healthiest after i'd lived in south dakota for 6 months. i remember i was at work and a secretary made the comment that i had finally stopped coughing. when i lived in los angeles i never stopped coughing. in south dakota i totally stopped and in alaska it's now a once or twice a year thing. so i have times where i don't really cough at all. i know it sounds nuts coming from one living in alaska, but it's too cold in south dakota so i'll stay here. winters are much longer here i know, but the wind in south dakota goes right through to your bones and you really can't enjoy winter like you can here. not sure how a place further north would compare, like fairbanks, but anchorage is very livable.
rio above obviously. she joined us for a nice walk of rovers run to moose meadow. i was actually awake at a decent hour, but then got sleepy after my morning cough routine and the grey skies probably didn't help. i started reading and then fell asleep again. the girls and i didn't get on the trail til after 2pm. it was another "warm" day out there. warm is relative i know. i was able to finally get my shovel out of the driveway. it was frozen in due to roof melt in these warm temperatures. i tried the kettle and hot water, but today i found just pulling really hard did the trick. a glove is salvaged. no wild animal sightings besides birds today. i again removed snow from the bird feeders and refilled them. not sure what other people do in the winter. put feeders under eaves so they don't fill with snow perhaps? anyway, the birds must have been watching as they made a run at that feeder pretty fast. i'm sure my resident squirrel will be thrilled as well. supposed to get more snow over the next few days.i think blossom enjoyed her day of frisbee chasing. no interruptions from large alaskan malemutes. not that she doesn't enjoy other dogs, but she is part retriever and she needs her fetch times.a woman took her life in dec. she stopped eating because she decided life as a quad was no longer bearable or tolerable. they had a link to her blog where she had written about her life as a quad and about quality vs quantity of life issues. i can totally understand why she did what she did. always sad though. life can change in an instant. for her it was a swimming accident. she was in her mid twenties when it happened. i think it would become intolerable to live completely dependant on others. she talked about the day to day embarrassments and the total lack of any privacy in life as a quad. i believe her writings will come out in book form at some point. sounds like that was her intention. education. my heart goes out to her and her loved ones. medicine now puts people in situations where these decisions become necessary and are made even more difficult by others who would judge her and disallow her the right to die with dignity. my career does put me in the position to see these life altering events up close and personal. often being at the bedside i can see the future where families can't or won't. when your loved one is in a hospital you are usually just hoping they survive and it's hard to look past that gut emotional response and make decisions. who wants to cut off the life of a loved one, we put people in impossible positions and expect rational decisions. it's insane and cruel.blossom looks all chill here. she was rolling in the snow. such a happy dog. isn't she adorable!?! watched a net flix rental last night, "it's kinda a funny story". a teen is totally stressed with life, overwhelmed and feeling suicidal. his parents don't seem to be taking him seriously. he gets himself admitted to a psych ward, the teen unit is closed and he's put in with more serious, long term adult patients. it is kinda a funny story. not the best movie, but interesting. at some point you have to just look a your parents and thank them for raising you, but you will now be living life the way you choose. i think most people overestimate their parents negative response to this. i'm sure in some ways my parents were disappointed in my choices, but i think also they eventually respected me for living my life my way. well, this should be it for a few days. hopefully, i muddle through my stretch of work and continue to improve. time for the nearly healthy to get living again. also time for the still very sleepy to get to bed.

Happy Valentines Day...(to those who celebrate and thrive on it)

as i am currently extremely single it's not on my list of celebratory holidays. always a date of stress it seems for those who are involved. i had thought of doing a girls night for those who had no partners, but some years i really just don't bother with it. probably the coughing and being sleepy aided my whatever attitude over the holiday. i was pleasantly surprised by a knock on my door after 9pm tonight. a guy was out there in a very fancy suit/tux. thought perhaps i was getting a stripogram, but he came bearing flowers. i was talking to my friend, gnat, in california at the time. not easy accepting flowers, talking on phone and keeping 2 dogs at bay while talking to well dressed stranger at the door. very sweet of my friend tanya and family to think of me and send some flowers off! it's a rare thing when a single gal gets flowers. :-)
above is the big mountain of denali (or mckinley to those in the lower 48). looks like the mountain is floating.met amy and her pups up at prospect heights. in retrospect we should have gone for the snowshoes. the snow at my house was about 4 inches of very wet, heavy stuff. up there it was pretty nice snow. oh well. we survived. had some lovely views of anchorage. the clouds started rolling in when we were nearly done, so we had blue skies!laika rosemore of my fair city. mailboxes on the way to the trailhead. always love these long rows of post boxes. no valentines in my box today, but i believe my brother jeff sent one so something to look forward to. he's very good at keeping up on the holidays and all. i feel bad as i've really slacked off. don't know how he finds the time with two small kids at home. jeff, you rock!! not that any of my siblings visit my blog. he still rocks!another shot of anchorage with mt susitna in the background. woke much earlier and more alert today. great to slowly see improvements. still a bit short of breath on the walk and slow but each day better. not looking forward to work in a few days. it's coming up fast. yikes. mostly, i think i'll just be super tired. i came home from the walk and took a nice hour long nap. maybe more, not sure. i have an electric throw blanket and that thing knocks me out.the dogs enjoy the views. the benches are a bit buried and as you can see if you step off the thin packed down trail you will find yourself postholing up to your thighs. amy and i each did this at least once. this is where the snowshoes may have been helpful.the dogs didn't seem to have any issues. laika again takes in the view. ekko poses, which he's not generally fond of doing. loved amy's sunglasses out there today. so hollywood!!chilled at home this evening. i keep saying i'll try and do some laps and then i get settled in and it's hard to get motivated. maybe tomorrow....for sure tomorrow!!couldn't decide which picture i liked better and it's getting late so easier to just put in both than decide.rio stayed home today. the deep snow out there would have been tough for her to work with. she does sink into the deep stuff. blossom was mildly disappointed that the toy didn't get utilized. she gets pretty obsessed. did bring it out, but ekko immediately took control and wasn't about to give it up. we finally just put the toy away. poor blossom. those malemutes just have different ideas as to what toys are for. they are more into keep away and destroy than fetch. hard to explain that to a dog though. she just looks baffled at thier lack of understanding at the game.ekko plays keep away with laika close by.suppose i should have some comment on valentines day, but i really don't have much to say. lots of postings on facebook. it's now the new requirement for valentines. not only must you gift appropriately you must say something publicly about your love on facebook. the trend is kinda silly. does everyone really need to know how fabulous your spouse is? just gets boring celebrating everyones undying love for each other. love is great, but does it have to be a community event. just another day here at the Zoo. dogs don't care for valentines day. they don't expect and i have no added expectations from them due to the day. they give every day. the cats were thrilled today because i had grabbed an extra straw at subway. i ate a foot long...something i have never done. what a huge pig i was today! the cats played with the straw for an hour or more. why do i spend money on pet toys...? beyond the straw and a rawhide for the dogs, that was the valentines excitement...until the flowers came. i do love the unexpected!! ekko again poses for a rare shot!a little sundog action out there today!all over town the streets get plowed over and over again. i love that you can see the layers like sedimentary rocks in the snow. that was the reason for the next picture taken out my car window as i drove home from the walk today.and the lovely flowers!!! will definitely add some life to the house. thanks again tanya and family!! so sweet of you to think of me!!this last picture shows that even the neighborhood children are now able to walk along the 6 foot fence line. just so funny to look outside to see what blossom is barking at and see a toddler standing on the snow in thier yard looking right at us. blossom is obviously a bit perplexed as well. guess i should hit my inhalers and turn in for the night. hope you are all loved and have love in your hearts, whether for family, spouse, friends or pets. love is a good thing and is meant to be shared. i always say, in a world with so much hatred any form of love should be celebrated!

snow is falling, bed is calling...

tried to be a bit artsy with the snowflakes tonight. we had a light snow starting up on the monday walk today. of course, only lena and i showed up. i was happy lena showed up though. this was the longest walk since i got sick. i would have shortened it had lena not come. i was tired and short of breath at times, but i'm happy we did the big loop. the snow always looks so amazing coming down. so peaceful! i noticed this morning though that my shovel is frozen onto my driveway. i can't get it detached. may have to buy a new one to shovel. guess i could pour some hot water on this one to try and release it. the drippings from the melt on the roof have encased it. looks like i'll need it tomorrow. this snow is super heavy though. very wet. not good for snowshoeing.blossom spent some time on the deck enjoying the cool air and snow. it's still super warm though, 30's and 40's F. i was a bit overheated on the walk today. i came home and promptly took a nap. tanya skipped walk as her dogs ran off this morning as she tried to get them loaded for the walk. amy also missed it as her dogs got into her perscription meds last night and got charcoalized at the local emergency vet. those malamutes are a different breed of dog. very pretty, but i think i'll stick to less head strong breeds. amy takes it in stride, tanya is stressed. i was going through the dog book today, looking at breeds i may be interested in down the road. only have so many dogs left in my life. the ones i got right now are perfect for me though. the mastiff as a surprise. i never knew much about them before i got this girl.
some breeds i like are spinone italiano, otter hounds, borzoi, pyrenes, coonhounds, collies, bernese, neopolitan mastiff, st bernards, newfies, great danes, swiss mountain dogs...mostly big dogs. those norfolk terriers are cute too! lots of cool dogs out there. will just have to see if there are any cool rescues out there when that day comes. hopefully, it's many years off though. lots of snow across the globe. kosovo had a big avalanche. just saw on the news that they rescued a 5 year old alive after being buried for 10 hours. sadly, her family all perished. she was under 33 feet of snow. pretty amazing to find her alive though. the snow we are getting seems like it would be prone to avalanche as well. enjoyed an article in the local paper the other day. an island on the aleutians has been called rat island for years, since 1937 actually. apparently as long back as 1780 a japanese ship went aground out there and the rats on board took over the island. it totally descimated the local bird population. in 2008 the fish and wildlife service decided to take out the rats. poison pellets were dropped on the island and it is now rat free. the birds are actually starting to return. alaska is pretty much rat free. much is done to try and keep it that way. rats come in via boats mostly. we also don't have a cockroach issue or fleas or heartworm for that matter. the old name for the island given to it by the aleut population at the time was Hawadax. just means "over there" i guess. not sure that is a worthy name, but i guess it is time to rid the poor island of it's rat stigma!a european musher came over to run the iditarod, one of his dogs went missing, but has been found. that must have been a long and stressful flight for those dogs. i've never flown a dog anywhere and i'm thinking i'd prefer not to. manny had fun engaging blossom in wrestling. of course, blossom was only really interested in catching her frisbee. lena and i were laughing as blossom was like a football player escaping her opponent to get free and catch the toy. manny didn't notice that the toy was more important in the game than wrestling with him was. she's very focused and she was able to get clear for the pass over and over again. she looks ferocious here. rio joined us. i think she wasn't happy that the walk was much longer than expected. i did medicate her this morning. when they took her belly xrays in december it showed alot of arthritis in her back. she did great though. manny has a way of getting twisted up in her leash. poor rio. she is happiliy snoring by me here in the office. i'm listening to Heart. strange to just two of us out there today, but i'm so happy lena showed up. not looking forward to returning to work and it's still a few days off. i'm still sleepy and coughing, my nose is still running like crazy. i'll cough for weeks i know that, but i do wish i felt more energetic. debating getting back in the pool. maybe tomorrow i'll try doing a few laps.

hanging at the dog park always makes me smile!

anchorage is quite lucky as we have 6 dog parks in the city. that is a city of less than 300,000 people. i know much larger communities with no dog parks at all. university lake is a favorite. the one i walked yesterday is also an official off leash park. i've gone to u-lake since moving here in 2001. subsequently, i know alot of the old regulars that go there and indeed i guess that makes me an old regular. i caught the right time today and ran into several of my favorites. i remember a friend happened upon me one day out there and was shocked by how many people i knew. dog people are generally cool. rio loves it as she gets loads of attention and lots of treats. feeling less melancholy today. still sleepy and coughing alot but overall better each day. took a little nap this afternoon after i got back from the walk.
above is a moose chilling at the dog park. she was off trail enough for me to pass her twice. when i cruised past a second time a black lab was racing towards her. her owners were aware but made no attempts to stop the dog. i heard them saying something like, there he goes again. the dog got within 10 feet of the moose and barked. that poor moose was trying to move, but that deep snow is a bitch for those big beasts to cope with. when i got to the owners i asked if it was thier dog barking at the moose. they said "yes", i mentioned they might want to call the dog off the moose and thier response was, "it wouldn't do any good anyway". at which i stated, then you should have put the dog on a leash before getting anywhere near the moose. i hate to be the old crank at the park, but people are such idiots. it's not okay for your dog to harrass the moose. it's a finable offense, though there isn't anyone around to fine people most of the time. the worst part of it though is that an agitated moose is a danger to all who come after. hate that people these days feel so entitled and above all laws. so other than this irritation the dog park was relaxing and good for me mentally. i was amongst my peers. nice people who like dogs.the sun was in hiding much of the day but patches of blue sky did appear from time to time. tonight i settled in and watched the westminster kennel clubs dog show. the labs and goldens have never won and always seem to be overlooked which is a bummer. the mastiffs and big dogs in general are also overlooked. the final winner was a scottish deerhound so i was happy that at least a large dog won finally! it's about time. i was surprised that a cocker hasn't won since 1940. they have added a cane corso, a type of mastiff. no fila yet. perhaps one day. the portuguese water dog won in the working dog category. they don't do anything for me. i love the spinone's. it's just fun seeing all the different dogs. i briefly thought about watching the grammies, but i get sick of all the hollywood crowd and thier need for all these awards ceremonies. ego stroking in music and acting is out of control. dogs, kids and musicians all do "acting" now so it is an easily trainable job. not that i don't think there are actually some good actors out there, just that it seems more of a popularity thing than an award for actual talent. as for music, there are some great musicians out there as well, but there is also many who are not really talented. a studio can make nearly anyone come off well on a cd or in a video. so much of that is getting lost as well and real talent isn't always a requirement for stardom. the dogs are just cuter!

my life as an unintentional hermit...

so weird to go entire days with not one call, or text. also strange to go days with no human touch. i know there are others out there that live like this, seperated from the rest of the humans. it wasn't my plan to be a hermit, some days it just feels that way. thank god for my dogs and cats. i often wonder how lonely life would be for people who live alone and have no pets. i'd go mad with loneliness i think. does help having the internet, and sites like facebook. in truth often it's just more ways to demonstrate how alone you really are in this world.
did get moving a bit faster today, despite taking the cough meds in the wee hours. i already took a partial dose this evening, just to take the edge off the cough. got out with the dogs. it was a bit of a dark day, but i followed the sun a bit. after our walk i drove down to turnigan arm to have a look see and take some pictures. good for my sanity. take my mind off the fact that my phone hadn't rung for a few days. it was windy as hell out there, but i like the trains and the icebergs. funny that i was thinking that i should have switched to black and white out there, but then looking at the pictures many of them look like they were shot in black and white. i don't believe i have true depression, but i do believe we all can lapse into short term episodes of depression. guess we just refer to it as a funk. it's like you get sucked in. usually when i get sucked into what i call my melancholy, it lasts a few days to a week. not surprising that i am feeling melancholy after being sick for over a week and feeling disconnected from the people around me. i have friends, but i don't have that best friend in my life. i'm a person who likes having that one person to chat with almost daily and who really likes you for who you are and vice versa. a person who gets you. i have those people in my life, but most of them live further away so we have less contact than we did at another point in life. you get that "it's a wonderful life" feeling some days...if i were gone would i be missed, have i made any difference or impact on those around me? i suppose before my mom passed that near daily phone call was her. she would have been calling each day to see how i was doing or i'd be calling her to check in. miss my mom on weeks like this i guess. that person who loves you for you and truely cares how you are. like i said, the dogs and cats have really helped these past days. they are a constant in my life. they are also in need of my care and attention. it's good to be needed. someone at work had said they could come pick them up for a walk, but i said no. as long as i can walk them, no matter how slowly, i think it's good for me to do so. mentally and physically. the dogs always make me smile and nature is my religion. it's healing for me. the camera just helps me capture all the amazing sights i see each time i'm out there. so lots of pictures again today.despite the fact that if you looked outside you would say it wasn't really a pretty day out. no matter, there is always beauty to be found if you just get out there and seek it out. God never disappoints.i just followed the little patch of sun all day.
it was low tide in the arm. those aren't boulders they are ice bergs. i love the different currents out there. it's pretty amazing how fast it all changes.just watched "marley and me". such a great book/movie. always a reminder of how much i cherish these beasts that share my world with me. they are both my friends and my family. i have lots of family, but they live far away and have thier own lives which keep them too busy to involve themselves much with each others lives. i used to think it was just me, but they really don't interact much with each other either. since i'm usually the one who initiates the interactions i probably keep in the loop more than many of my siblings. it's too bad, i know my mom always hoped we'd be a big support for each other. it is a bummer to have 6 siblings and still feel like i have minimal family. the fact is, if you don't work at things, make them a priority, they drift away...like these bergs do with the tides. eventually they just melt and are lost forever. too windy to stay out on the arm for too long and i didn't drive too far as the clouds and wind were worsening. it was good for my soul though to get out on the road for a few minutes. i don't venture too far on my own in the car in the winters. you can get into trouble fast. that element can get blown around pretty good out there. quite a few people on the trails today. that was my human interaction for the days. i can chat with anyone. feeling a bit better so more able to chat a bit. we did the gasline to powerline to tank trail loop. the parking lot was near full when i arrived so lots of people out. temperatures are in the 30's though. people come outside to enjoy that across the city. i was actually sweating heading up those little hills out there. a bit short of breath at times, coughed a bit extra with the effort, but again...worth it.last night i watched, "the other boleyn sister". it's a period movie. i like historical movies, though they tend to take liberties with the facts. i think the time period was 1600's ish. i did look up the family and history on wikipedia today. womens lives were just so different. the whole king thing too. they just got what they wanted and if they didn't, well, they had no problem getting people killed. it was interesting though despite some historical inaccuracies. daughters were used as bartering tools to increase family power through marriage, or in this case through affairs. the one sister refuses to just be a mistress and have any child from the encounters be bastards and not recognized as her sisters child had been. actually her sister, mary, from what history states actually bore two children to king henry vIII i believe. he broke with the catholic church in order to disolve his first marriage and marry anne. his first wife had briefly been wed to his brother before his brother died. it's all rather complicated. the sisters father and uncle were instrumental in putting the daughters in the kings sights so that they could become his mistresses and increase the families wealth and standing. the sisters mother had spent enough time among the wealthy to know it was probably better to just keep away from the king and all the drama near the throne. i tend to agree with her thinking, even in my day to day work. i just prefer it if those in the ivory towers at work even have no clue who i am. since two of her 3 children ended up being beheaded, she had a point. money and power will always be sought after, but it frequently comes with other problems and complicates life and even endangers it. a singer passed away today at age 48. probably substance abuse related. with money and power and fame comes challenges that people can't always control. if you don't give a king an hier, you are screwed. in the end, it was his daughter that took over the ruling of england after him, not a son. he eventually had 6-7 wives. not sure if any of them gave him a son though a few mistresses did.couldn't stand history when i was young. seemed so tedious with all the dates and names they wanted you to memorize and i wasn't good at memorizing anything.when i don't have to take a test or write a paper about it, i find it all quite interesting. especially interesting how the female role is through the years. there are still many who have a goal of marrying well. many women can support themselves now though and so don't feel that need to tolerate some of the behaviour women in the past had to tolerate. it may have been better in those days to be born simple and live a simple life. those men were probably happy they had gotten any wife at all. the sky was beautiful. i wonder how the sunset was tonight or if the clouds just came back over. i took a little nap at some point.for some reason i had a hankering for kentucky fried chicken. it's a rare hankering, but i figured i'd stop by today. it's just not as good as i remember it being when we'd get it as kids. just not used to eating greasy food like that anymore. should have gotten a subway sandwich.felt too lazy to cook. may go down and make a late night salad after i finish this. the blog is my contact with the outside world. my readership is up a bit this week. not sure what the reason is behind that. didn't get too close to the train as i keep meaning too. no close place to park and too much wind to want to walk very far. they are cool though. i know sheldon on "the big bang" really likes trains. still watching reruns of that show. still cracks me up. also have played way too much bejeweled. zen so i'm up to level 121. not sure why they even make levels, but i guess it gives me a break point.had to take this picture. the rumor always was that you could guestimate the years snowfall by looking at how tall these plants are. well they are still totally out there and not buried despite our record snowfall...so i think that wives tale is busted. it's a myth. they probably grow just as tall each year.liked the trunks today. you can see how dark much of the sky was out there.then there was the patch of sunshine and blue skies that seemed to follow me today. no need to be melancholy. actually feel less melancholy already just writing. writing has always been very theraputic for me.the sun was really hitting these tree's.blossom in sunshine with dark skies behind her. when i first arrived today there was a good wind starting to kick up. that seemed to die down by the time i got started on the hills though.powerline above, below, susitna mountain in the background. no denali today.more trees with dark back ground.i obviously thought that was pretty cool today...took enough pictures of it. could have headed out to my spot and watched dog races, they have had them this weekend. last picture is looking back down gasline trail before hitting powerline section. i'm still a hermit, we'll see what tomorrow brings. perhaps i'll find a human to interact with. if not...i guess that is what the dogs are for.