Sunday, November 23, 2014

a few from a beautiful flight this summer!!

 lots of glacier watching from the skies that day! pretty amazing to see them from up there on a mostly clear day.  love flights like this.  not too bouncy either which was even better!
 another week of work down.  ER, CCU then PICU.  nothing too horrible.  was there a few minutes overtime as i was holding/feeding a baby...not a bad thing to do at work.  can't wait to write that down on the Krono's sheet that asks you why you were late leaving work that day.
 headed to Cheney Lake before i started work.  in the end there is so much ice out there, not much of a walk week.  i pulled in and was chatting with my brother on the phone.  there was an older lady in front of the car at one point attempting to pick up her dogs poop.  suddenly she just disappeared down this hill, face first.  took her a bit to get back up.  her friend was there and came over.  i did take a break from the call and check on her.  she had some cuts and scrapes but overall looked ok.  poor girl.  that night in the ER it seems that falling and crashing were the themes of the day.
 had some crazy and loud old folks that night and i kept taking them up to those poor nurses on 5th floor...the one old gal i think i cheered a bit to myself once i had handed her off.  saw her nurse later and she was wanting me to take the old gal back...i told her no take backs.  haha.
 these are around Juneau.
 my MRI report finally showed up Friday so i'll call Monday and it looks like i will be scheduling a surgery. i will try and meet the guy first again just to get an idea of what i may be looking at so i can tell work.  walking on level ground this week wasn't bad, but anytime i stepped up or down i was reminded that an issue exists. hopefully the after care is manageable for a single girl and doesn't keep me out of work too long. in chatting with nurse it depends on what they do.
 apparently, i have a tear of the anterior horn of the lateral meniscus with a probable fragment in the lateral intercondylar notch.  i think that means that some little bit is causing a great deal of annoyance and if that is the case and they can just snip that bit off, i shall heal fairly quickly. if they need to do more repair and suturing it could be more like 3  weeks.  i have a large joint effusion and synovitis which i'm sure is causing that full feeling and adding to the discomfort.
 Mendenhall Glacier.
 i shall keep you posted on the plans.  fingers crossed.
 will hope to get this one scheduled out first before i take care of my vein issue.  my deductible is paid up for the year so i'd really like to get this stuff in before the year flips over.
 there is finally some snow in the forecast.  remaining hopeful.  just cause it's in the forecast doesn't mean it will come.  i really need to start my morning doing a dog poop run out in the yard.
 Willow is dog mushing territory.  i guess there is some guy that moved there a few years  back and has made it his mission to harass the teams.  why do people move places and then want to totally change them.  don't move to Alaska if you don't want to be bothered with wildlife, don't like cold or don't like dogs.  don't move to Willow or other known mushing communities if you don't want to hear dogs barking and deal with dog teams.  they have been passing laws to protect the community and keep it dog/musher friendly.
 was looking for a good email to send a note the the governor-elect and let him know we are out here and want our walrus and round island watched over.  He is starting to get started on planning and i need the walrus to be part of that plan.
 the glaciers look so cool from way up there.
 didn't take too many pictures these past few days.  today i slept until nearly sunset.  i had set the time on the alarm, but not the alarm itself.  i do this on a regular basis.  probably some subliminal thing that really just means i want more sleep.  yesterdays sleep was interrupted by Blossom several times so that, when all was said and done, it was a late sleep.  hopefully i can get a nice hike in tomorrow.  get a few painful but decent hikes in before my activity is restricted.
 Delta is going to be flying to Sitka and Ketchikan....that should help lower costs a bit through those regions.  i still like those Alaksa Air pilots. there are some tough airports down there and they know how to work them.
 A mine in Alaska is facing criminal charges for violating the federal clear water act.  these corporations seem to always be trying to get around the protections that have been put in place.  they don't seem to realize that if they were trustworthy the need for the protections may not have been placed there to begin with but they aren't trust worthy. they will try and get away with whatever they can, especially in remote Alaska.  we will be left with the damage they cause for decades to come and they will leave and take our resources and money with them.  the situation was noted by a biologist doing a salmon count back in 2011.  the company is based out of Australia and was apparently mining platinum.
can't believe that Thanksgiving is next week.  if i had planned better i could have sent a large box to Texas and taken care of a large chunk of my families Christmas gifts...oh well.  tonight i'll work on the grand list of what i have to do.  thinking of doing a raffle for the leftover calendars to benefit WARIS.  probably be about 5 calendars.  next year we can perhaps make mugs and calendars to sell on our website.  my friend in NY is working on our page.
 some guy went a bit nuts the other day.  he was wielding a knife and at some point was doing so totally naked.  we have been unseasonably warm this year....but not that warm.  he was threatening people and i think a stand off occurred for a bit.  he was eventually caught.  people go nuts this time of year, more so when we don't have the snow cover.  the darkness + cold = cabin fever.  
 a few folks were banned on Kodiak island when the accidentally stoked their steam bath fire with fuel oil instead of water. place blew up.  they are lucky to be alive.

 check out this glacier...these things are massive!
 some amazing designs.
 ginormous!!  that is all that one can say about that.  happy i had the window seat for this flight.
 some crazy 26 year old girl is marrying Charles Manson...who is 80 years old.  her parents must be so proud.  what possesses these people to do this?  not sure how they perform a wedding for inmates on death row. one report did say that people on death row are not allowed conjugal visits...of course, i feel that people in prison in general should not be allowed conjugal visits.  sex is not a human right in my opinion and unless your hands are tied 24 hours/day/7 days a week you always have that option so that should be enough for anybody serving time.
 so at least she shouldn't be able to bear children for the aging cult leader/killer.
 sea stars are dying off by the millions on the west coast.  they are now thinking it's a virus that turns the beautiful stars into goo. from what i can tell it hasn't impacted our stars in Alaska.  hopefully they will be spared.
 this may be Columbia glacier,not sure...below.  i have heard that it is nearly split into 2 glacier faces now due to retreat.
 just some pretty cool Glacier sightings i thought.
 some days you just get lucky out there. i'm always hoping this is the view that my relatives and friends see on their visits up here.
 from my paper readings Murkowski is taking a hit with the moderates who helped get her in office.  it's not just me that has  seen her actions as annoying.  doubt it will prevent her from returning to the office in the next election but one never knows.  Alaskan's don't generally appreciate  feeling like they've been given the bait and switch routine.  her ad that came out against Begich will be remembered.  from what i've read this is generally seen as unacceptable...i also found her act of raising a chair over her head in victory as quite distasteful and disrespectful.

 the underwear thief of Kodiak has been captured.  everyone can unlock their panty drawers again.  such a relief!! some 18 year old....what an idiot!
 Rio is snoring again behind me.  i'm sure i will soon follow her.  ready for a nap for the night!

 thought these were cool. looking right over the terminus.
 no idea which glacier this is.

 i believe these are of Harriman Fjord. i've paddle that Fjord.  farthest to right you can see 3 different glaciers, Barry, Cascade and Cox coming into the bay.  in the middle there is Surprise and at the left end you can see Harriman Glacier. such an amazing clear day that was.  we had a wonderful paddle out there!!

 Home. Anchorage.
thankful for: A.  long hair and the ability to change the style multiple times in one shift! B.  hope C.  that not all news is bad.  good night.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

forget the the chocolate!!

 hear chocolate could come to be in short supply!!  eek!!  that could be disastrous!
 today i woke and the cloud had again lifted.  that in no way means i am some happy perky person all the time and have amazing confidence and no longer need anyone.  i still do.  i know i upset people when i write posts like i did the other day.  my life is happy, my life has joy...but not every day and every minute.  does any ones?  i'm sure we all long for something different than we have or for some time that has passed.  that in no way means that i can't love the life i have...almost every other day.
 i have very early memories of bouts of melancholy...depression.  i've never actually been to a therapist or anything about it but the first i remember it was back when i was 10-11 years old.  this is not a new thing in my life.  i speak about it for a few reasons. mostly just to get those negative thoughts out of my head and blogging is a good place for those thoughts. i also know that there is a lot of pressure in this world to be perfect and we aren't.  i think it's a good thing to put our imperfections out there so that others can also accept imperfection in themselves.
 my poor mother took the brunt of my melancholy as a child. i recall crying myself to sleep many nights in those pre-teen, teen years.  i often would write my mom notes the gist of which was that i knew they didn't love me, or loved the other kids more. i knew that the world would be a better place without me.  on the nights i wrote the notes and left them on my mom's bed, she would eventually come in, give me a kiss and tell me she loved me.  that was as far as my therapy was to ever go.
 i had no idea what suicide meant in those days and i have never contemplated actual suicide.  i have at times felt like the world would carry on without me if i were gone and that i would not be missed much in the least.  (and lets face it, that is really the truth for us all, we'll be missed, we'll be thought of on occasion, but life moves on without us)
 these pictures are of todays sunset by the way, mostly it was a cloudy, and somewhat dreary day, but the sunset came through in the end.
 while my mom was alive we spoke nearly every day.  i called her or she called me.  she has been gone for many years and i do miss those calls.  maybe we were each others therapy.  maybe she always felt a need to protect me or watch over me more than the others after all those tears i'd shed.   i also miss having  the closeness of a friend or boyfriend or both that were in near constant contact.  now i could go days and have little to no interaction, that can be tough. i have many friends but they all have many other people in their lives that will always come first.   there is facebook which helps keep you up to date with others but i really don't see that as actual interaction.  texting doesn't really cut it either, though i do continue to make that effort.  talking with friends/family seems the most optimal way...on a regular basis i think is key.  i have some siblings that i may hear from 2x a year and that is usually in response to a call i've made or several calls. i have a few others who have become much better at the contact, but it's still not as frequent as i would like.  it's always seemed so odd to me that so many of us have no idea what is going on in each others lives yet there seems to be this thought that we are a really close knit family.  
family gatherings are fun and i will miss seeing the crew at Thanksgiving.  several will be meeting down in Texas.
 the end result of what i'm saying is that there are always going to be some days when the loneliness will be more palpable.  those times do seem to happen more at this time of year, when the darkness settles in and it's for sure worse when there is little snow to reflect what light we do have.
 as i alluded to yesterday, there is no quick fix.  one can't just write a note on craigs list asking for a new best friend or hop on a match site and immediately find someone.  these things just aren't the same as when you were younger.  opportunities are less and availability is less.  dating at this age is ripe with baggage..alcoholism, drug addicts, sex addicts,'s just a different world with less options.  i will admit that there is much less that i am willing to tolerate at this age as well.  you go places, you do things, you meet people but those things don't flip around and become more than just that as often as it did when you were college age.
 i do appreciate that people do care and i apologize if i caused worry.  depression or as i call it melancholy is a real thing in my life and in many others lives.  if i found my bouts to last longer than they do or i felt they were totally out of control or that i was leaning towards some sort of suicide ideation, i would make an appointment and get on some meds.  most of the time i try to just roll with it.  it's a strange thing though, having your brain turn on you.  it makes sense and sounds so believable the things your brain tries to convince you of.  i can see how the negative thoughts over time could be devastating for those who suffer with more than the few days i seem to deal with.
 nobody out ice skating today.  warmed slightly so i think there is probably some water over the top, in the morning if it's chilly as it may be the surface will be perfect for skating.
 few appointments today.  my first one got cancelled but though they said they called me i never heard the phone ring and there were no messages before i left or when i returned.  so that was a bit annoying as i woke early.  just walked Blossom in Russian Jack park after that. then i loaded both dogs and headed for my next appointment.  it was to check my veins.  they fixed the inner left leg veins  but the veins on the outside of that leg have become a problem since that first ablation and now i have that heaviness and discomfort again.  so part of the repair had reopened enough to cause a twisted now i'll have to go back and get that repaired again.  no word on the MRI yet.  don't you just love getting older!!
 December could be a fun month of procedures and surgeries.
 Alaska does have a high rate of suicide and i deal with plenty of folks who attempt suicide and/or are successful.  just the other day a man hanged himself in a tree in Anchorage.  they are now connecting him to some dogs that were picked up by animal control in Girdwood, the dogs were malnourished and being neglected.  this person apparently ran the Iditarod once.  it is always sad, i remember reading about one of my high school classmates who jumped off what was always called suicide bridge in Pasadena, CA.  i remember him as being one of the more popular kids in school.  depression impacts so many, the disease is no stranger to successful people, rich or poor.  it also takes people surrounded by many as well as those who seem to have little support.  the negative energy the brain spews out can only be fought back for so long.  so for me, when i have bouts, i just try to put it out there.
 took a nap this evening.  not sure how long i'll stay up tonight.  i'm back to work tomorrow night though.
 sunset at potters.
 the dark clouds were rolling past fast. i just enjoyed watching the clouds floating and churning about.  a bit chilly but as long as i can get out and enjoy the beauty of this place i will.
 it also makes me happy to share this place with others through the pictures and the blog.
 dang...i totally forgot that class at work about donning and doffing...oops!!  when i leave that place i am gone.  i'm terrible.  i'm so not ready for ebola!! instead i stopped in at Ling and Louis and picked up some Lo Mein for dinner.
 brain overload i guess.  i will have to see what i can do to make that up.  also need to figure out how to use the new epidural pump.  somehow i missed the memo's about these things and it was put off until last minute.  hopefully there is a makeup.  still curious about the news reports of a potential ebola patient that supposedly came in friday.  oddly thursday night as i worked ER the scuttle was that there would be an ebola drill sometime friday.  so was it really just a drill?  we will never know.
 well, i guess that is enough for one day.  i work the next three so i will save you from my postings for a few days.  drama out!!
grateful for.. A.  a surprise sunset after a cloudy day  B.  well behaved dogs that i can take nearly anywhere.  C.  parents who cared