domestic supply of infants....

this is in their draft. these words are in the draft. it's what they want...a domestic supply of infants. women are just incubators to some of these folks.  a video of a NYFD firefighter screaming that our bodies are not ours, that men own them. that men own our bodies.  it's crazy really. so many from the GOP saying things that are so insane, unthinkable. if you are getting raped just lay back and enjoy it? if a baby comes of it, well it's Gods will and a gift. or if you get pregnant from it getting an abortion won't take away the trauma of the abortion so why have the abortion. there is really no coming back from the insensitive and ridiculous comments coming from these so called right to lifers. 

again, they do not care what happens to these babies once they take a breath. the right will certainly do nothing for them at any level really. if they are white and not addicted to drugs, well they may find homes, otherwise...who knows really. they certainly could care less. they vote against these babies and their parents at every turn. the sins of the parents are thrown in their face and they do not deserve help. mostly it is women who bear the brunt. should have kept those legs together. shouldn't have gotten drunk, shouldn't have worn such provacative clothing. 

life begins at concept, only both the bible and the constitution give taking breaths and being born as the times life starts. the bible says, the bible says....well, not everyone believes in the same things they believe in and yet that doesn't stop them from demanding that everyone in our nation and on the earth live by their religious doctrines/beliefs. they don't want the government to pay....well you all seem to support sending billions to israel and yet they allow abortions and their government pays for it. 

these states bills make even spontaneous miscarriages up for possible prosecution. they are trying to say life begins at fertilization, not even just at implantation. they have lost their collective minds. the female has absolutely no say in their bodies. they want to get rid of the option of birth control. the laws they are trying to make normal go so far beyond any sort of kindness, common sense or rationality. it's absolute control.  the Roe Vs Wade was built on privacy.  once you destroy a persons rights to privacy and their freedoms in their own homes.  we may lose the right to have interracial marriage, gay marriage, birth control...say goodbye to the right to privacy while hospitalized.  these bills are trying to make any medical persons liable in the event any female comes in with a miscarriage or post abortion...things that are the same.  women will die without getting medical abortions as they end up septic from an incomplete abortion...whether spontaneous or induced. they demand that medical staff report these things. 

it's just one thing after another with these lunatics on the right. freedom of religion needs to also include freedom from religion. your beliefs are not everyones believes. you follow your own crazy beliefs and leave the rest to us. Gods will...so if there is no return from Gods will  then perhaps you should never enter and ER yourself. i mean if getting pregnant and dying from that pregnancy is Gods will then so is dying from diabetes or cancer is also Gods will and you should refuse all and any forms of medical treatment because that would be cancelling Gods will. 

why do you believe you should have this control over women.  

back to work tonight. i woke too early, my brain was ruminating and must have woken me up. i'm swinging back and forth between these abortion issues and some bizarre, irrational concern that Tusker is out there somewhere and one day i will run into him out on the trails and he will run to me looking to be protected and rescued and we will be together again.

last week i worked ICU, Peds and then ER. not a bad week really. did get news that i will be able to drop that one shift every other week and go part time.  i can pick up that shift but i can also drop a shift and have that mental day of recovery which feels needed after so many years at the bedside. just to have that option. as you look at the craziness of what may come, what may be required of healthcare staff in regards to reporting women who are having spontaneous abortions or had abortions or have ectopic pregnancies...work may become dangerous and unbearable. 

for most of us, the patients and their rights come first.  there will always be those who put their religious and political views ahead of their commitment to patients and patient safety and confidentiality. there was one in Texas that turned in a woman who had complications post an abortion i think it was and she was taken arrested? 

as marijuana gets legalized...will that change due to the dropping of privacy laws? anyway....prisons will empty out of marijuana offenders and fill up with women who have had spontaneous abortions or abortions. morgues will find themselves with women dying of sepsis and ectopic pregnancies. more children will become orphans as their mothers die from these complications. more children will be born into homes that do not want them.  more children will be victims of violence, abuse and neglect.  more children will be born addicted to drugs or impacted by alcohol. more victims of rape and incest will be further traumatized by having to carry and possibly raise the children born of that violence. more women will be forced to deal with their rapists and the rapist relatives after giving birth to the child of that rapist. more babies will be abandoned or killed after they are born from mothers who are distraught, depressed and incapable of coping.  more suicides....more unsafe, illegal abortions. 

Ukraine...sickened by all the rape victims...the ones that have survived to report how they were gang raped.  many are pregnant.  many can't get abortions. many are further traumatized by the fact that they saw loved ones murdered.  this isn't just an issue here, this is a global issue. 

as long as women are seen as nothing more than receptacles of babies and our value is only in our ability to reproduce true freedom will not have a chance. 

have hit the dunes and the dog park and campbell airstrip. friends were in town so i got to visit with them.  met with friends for dinner the last few nights. now back to work for three.  Resource pool office moved so i found that and it will feel more like home once we are really in and put our own little homey touches on it 

i'm getting mentally ready for his next groom.  will need to acclimate him to the table. 

had to take a cab yesterday.  he went wrong direction so that cost me extra money. when i went to pay the thing didn't put in request for tipping so not sure what happened. probably hit a button wrong.  felt bad, but also i had to pay more on the meter because he went wrong way and then forgot to stop the meter when we arrived causing more money to go on the meter as i couldn't begin to pay until he stopped meter. the tip thing can be ridiculous at times. 

like i stopped for a loaf of bread at Great Harvest Bread.  i go to the counter and they turn around and grab a loaf and i pay for that loaf...why am i being asked to tip people for turning around and grabbing a loaf off a shelf and handing it to me?  i can see when people do a service...but then again.  i'm performing a service every day at work but we don't get tips. i'm doing a hell of a lot more than reaching behind me and grabbing a loaf.  the whole tipping thing is pretty stupid.  pay them a living wage and lets stop this madness. 

the elements appointment is cancelled. have been driving the dogs around in the element for walks this past week.  nice to have the car back in business. Ivy still seems to respect Tuskers spot.  if, for some insane reason, my bizarre instincts prover right and we run into him out there again one day. he can easily rejoin our family and sit in his rightful spot. not sure if these thoughts mean i am losing my mind or not. i suppose a "fantasy" about the return of a loved one is not all that uncommon.  

the trees are turning green rapidly. love this time of year.  it's a mess but the new life is popping out all over.  

still many areas of snow.  

we did hit the powerline pass trail last week.  still a lot of snow.  some post holing and slush.  makes for a bit of a treacherous walk.  

with the return of all this daylight there is always a bit of increased stress and anxiety. you feel this massive obligation to be outside and going and doing.  there is guilt for every minute you waste not being outside, not doing things. not exploring. 

need to make an appointment to see if i can get some sort of injection in this knee to make it more comfortable.  also need to get another skin check.  with my family history i need to be better at getting this checked annually 

baby formula shortages...and they want more babies. we can't feed the ones we have. 

covid cat enjoys a nap while being watched. 

writing is clearing my head so hopefully soon i will return to bed and try for another few hours of sleep. want to have good rest before i start back to work. 

i do feel like i've done quite a lot with my two days off. need to look at various yard clean up crews.  find one that will get the yard up and running post winter. it is nice to just hire folks to clean up all the old leaves and such.  at this point the bulk of the winters old dog poops have been picked up. 

these are from a road trek last summer. these are June.

lazy cat.

what things will i see out there this summer. you never know up here.

my mental state....i'm in a much better place than i was a year or so ago. more acceptance of the limits of certain relationships.  when it comes to some i have realized that they just aren't that into me.  they do not see me as worthy of the effort.  it has been very sad and depressing but ultimately very freeing. once you let go of relationships that were really only in your mind.  all they really want of you is some obligatory call once every 6 months or once every few years or really never again. 

the family reunion this summer may be the last i see or hear from many of those people. i feel like i will put myself there once more and those who actually want a relationship can make that clear through their words and actions, those that don't....well screw them really. 

that sounds harsh i'm sure. the truth is at some point you need to walk away from people who have very little interest in being a part of your life. who have very little, if any respect for you, who are not and have not been there for you, who have not returned the many attempts to keep or maintained actual, real world relationships. some spend their entire lives prepping for the mystical next life.  i suspect they miss out on a lot of real life experiences in their obsession with getting into some higher level in the next life. 

the God idea seems less and less realistic and more fantasy.  spirits....i think that there is an existence beyond this. i just doubt it's some organized, hierarchy.  i suspect there is no judgement day or all powerful God in charge or in any sort of control.  the bible seems like a blend of blurred history and fantasy.  in that book, or those books, the God that is there is pretty brutal at times.  there is infanticide, mass murder, incest...rape.  if that God exists, this idea of that god being some loving and kind deity seems a bit far fetched. i mean a flood that wipes out everyone except one family that builds an ark and manages to collect two of each type of animal in some floating zoo. the death/killing of all first born children.  the impregnation of a virgin by a spirit. 

i'll take reality and common sense over a faith in absurdities. all the stories in all of this fall apart the more you ask the questions and analyze the responses. 

live a good life and be a good person because that is what you should do and how you should act, not because of some fear of where your acts will land you after you die. 

enjoy the beauty that surrounds us.  be kind, but also be rational.  do not demand of others things that are not in their faith but are instead of your own faith. be willing to live with the consequences of your actions and choices. 

walk away from those who judge you or those who will always see you as a person of lesser quality.  life is too short to try to please people who have low expectations of you as a person.  who will only judge you for the box they put you in instead of the person you really are.

walk away from those who bully you or demand you live by their morals or values while dismissing your morals and values.  realize that many are not happy with where they are and who they are and they will attempt to diminish you in order to feel better about who they are. you are not responsible for the happiness of others, you are responsible first to yourself. 

get your own house in order.  judge not, nor accept the judgement of others.  

enjoy all the beauty of this life and this earth.  whether there is a heaven or not, today is the day to live and enjoy the beauty we have before us. this is what we have. do not get bogged down by all the what ifs.  do not live in fear of a deity or hell that simply may not exist or a judgement day that may not be as harsh as you have made yourself fear. be kind, be inclusive, do not judge.  we can't possibly walk in all the paths so we must only walk in ours and hold out a hand to help others who have to struggle with much more painful lives.  be grateful for the many things that make your life easy. 

why complicate all of these things more than they need to be. the sun came up, you woke up.  you have people and/or furs in your life that love you, support you, accept you.  lean in to the good stuff and walk away from the negative or bad stuff.  heal yourself and help others heal. 

explore, create, be brave, be free. 

beauty is found in the grand and the tiny.  look for it all with eyes open and ready to receive. 

the bounty is there.  we just have to be open to it all. we have to be willing to walk away from negative and toxic situations and people and embrace all that brings us peace and joy. 

i miss this guy....off to snuggle and nap with some sweet furs.  

grateful for A. the people who accept and respect B. the furs who are the best, being adored. C. calm, peace, joy, beauty. we will all get by, with a little help from our friends.