work again....

 

looking back on this week off i see that i didn't need any tums or anti-anxiety medications.  very telling about how stressful work can be for the staff and myself of course. all good things must come to an end though.  i suspect when i do retire there will be a transition back down from the stress we all feel. i only have two nights of work and then i have another stretch off.  my next stretch will include some fun events so fun stuff to look forward to. 

will check weather but hoping i can maybe do a road trip with my brother as well as the whale watch cruise. 

i was more tired than i realized after my trip south. these things just take more out of us.  i hadn't traveled on a plane for a bit and that is always anxiety inducing. we do not recover as quickly as we age as when we did when we were young. it's the truth.  happy to have each day of this life. i wandered around close to home. walked the dogs every day and relaxed a lot. binge watching tv and reading a bit. playing games/solitaire. all of these are relaxing for me. 

the lady who plans this clearly is the same who used to work out on Round Island as a ranger.  she lives in Talkeetna. these are from a trip last year to Talkeetna and then across the Denali Highway. 

i may do a repeat of this with my brother if i can get the rooms

i watched a series about death and possible life after death theme. can't recall the name of the series, sorry. each one focused on something different. the best, imho, were the ones on near death/death experiences, reincarnation and visions before death

one does not have to believe in a God to believe in an after life or spirit world. i feel as a nurse i have been around death a lot and have felt like i could see the light that is a "soul" in the eyes and have seen it come and go. i think there can be insight and messages of sorts from beyond. 

ghosts/spirits....i think they can cross in and out of this world as they desire. that doesn't mean that have any sort of absolute power or can change things/outcomes really.  who knows. i suspect things would be much better for many if they could. we are in charge of our own experience. we make our own choices and sometimes the world/other humans impact our choices for the good and bad. 

room 16 in the ICU has always been a room i've had the feeling of not being alone. i recall one night i'd go in the room to care for my vented patient. i could hear steady breathing behind me.  enough that i kept turning around to look for who had entered the room.  nobody there each time.  was spirit with me.  i can't know but there is enough of that. sometimes, nurses will ask for someone to come cleanse a room...and i don't mean housekeeping. i mean chaplains/priests. 

i had experiences with both my parents deaths that were unusual. with my Mom, a surprise party was being planned.  i spoke to her a few weeks before her death and i just got the strong sense that she was not going to make it to the surprise party that was planned. i recall a few days later driving and saying a little prayer.  when i spoke i said. i love my Mom and i'd love to see her again, but if it meant her lingering and suffering, i was okay with her passing before the visit. she did pass before this party was held. i was at peace with her death because i felt like i knew it was coming and that she was at peace with it.  i think part of that was just that i've been around a lot of deaths and the words she spoke to me in the conversation made me see that she was done being here and mentally ready to move to the next realm, whatever that was. 

with my Dad. the day he passed i had worked the night before and i was sleeping when he passed. he coded.  i woke at the time he would have been passing and i had this strong sense of someone coding. i figured it was related to the patient i was caring for in the ICU.  i actually got out of bed and began going over ACLS, then the call came that my Dad had passed. 

i woke another time between shifts and i had had a dream where my patients heart rate rapidly began to slow and then stop. i called work to check on the patient. as i was checking on the patient, the nurse had to hang up because the patients heart had begun to rapidly slow. strange i know.  these are the things that happen in hospitals though. 

the show about near death and death experiences.  they can't really find any definitive causes but the experiences reported have many similarities. 

leaving the church often comes with a threat of families being separated. the church holds families hostage a bit with this promise of eternal family but with a threat of losing those connections if you leave the church. these near death experiences and visitations while people are in the process of dying seems to potentially disprove this. the people with these experiences are not necessarily mormon but they do see their loved ones.  trick of the brain or visits from beyond. seems to refute the mormon line that these connections are only based on membership in the church. 

many in hospice care and who are on the verge of dying will report having visits from relatives, who have passed. these visits generally seem to comfort them that there are loved ones waiting on the other side. 

no big treks on this stretch off. 

i pondered road trips. but i think rain, cost of gas + housing.  mostly, just  a desire to be home and be surrounded by those comforts of home. 

this was my little cabin in Talkeetna.

i think this was from the cabin at Bird Creek campground.

sunsets from our walks at Birdcreek

my friend is under the Ivy, who was determined to give some love.  she is very loving puppy.

this guy was right by the road one day. they do that more in at certain times of year i think. 

the boy has really grown.  thinking i need to schedule him for an actual grooming.  maybe i'll take some bacon for the groomer to use. 

it is becoming my go to grooming tool. 

here you can see my friend getting unwanted love from Ivy. 

the family

watching a overly dramatic series now. Virgin River.  Netflix is now the liberal Hallmark.  happy endings with drama set up. new person comes to town with no intention to find love. the netflix version has more violence and drama and sex but it's really just Hallmark on steroids.  

this series has more drama in one "day" in the life of these people than is humanly possible. based on this small town...but of course, there is a huge illegal pot/drug production going on close by which makes the seemingly safe town totally dangerous. medical issues, pregnancies, violence. everything happens daily.  it's a bit too crazy. also funny that these people are constantly on their phones getting bad news...texting the way people talk but i guess with all the illegal activity going on and the anger issues leaving things in text would probably be bad idea. 

i am officially sucked in but now i laugh as after every happy moment there is the predictable phone call that rains down mayhem and drama.  i lived in LA and don't think i knew of people i knew getting shot and stabbed and threatened with such regularity.  these people should just move away from this crime infested small town. who gets shot next or stabbed or had cancer or an unwanted pregnancy next. casual phone calls to assist with dead bodies. law suits.  it's exhausting, these peoples fictitious lives. 

my happy times are just chilling with these animals between shifts or in the case of the past week, just chilling with out work. 

have avoided news sources as well.  it's always good to take a mental break from it all. 

did have some nice walks with friends. the bear sightings.  there was a bear on my block yesterday reported as i was getting ready to head out to meet a friend for a walk. i used some extra precautions getting outside with the dogs.  all was fine. no spottings.  

winter comes and i will welcome it.  less pressure to go, go, go and the bears and bugs will disappear and a peace will come

the battle. 

the sweetness

i better get these dogs out before the shift starts. i did make it to the tile store. got an estimate for tile that looks like wood. not as spendy as i feared..now wait for the estimate on the install. 

thankful for A. time off to do nothing much B. the company of furs. C. brainless days of peace.