Happy September!

 

of course half of these photos are from July this year and May last year. great visit with the people i belong with.  so wonderful to experience total acceptance for me. to belong is a great feeling. i have not always felt a part of much of things.  in church and in my family i often felt like the odd ball. spent way too many years working to try and fit in. fitting in is the opposite of belonging i read. belonging is acceptance, fitting in is trying to be accepted. in the end, fitting in is just too stressful and honestly not really worth the effort. when you have to try that hard you have to accept the cold truth. nobody is right or wrong, just sometimes not right with each other. 

finished my two nights of work.  it's so dry in the hospital and talking irritates the coughing so i was beat and coughing but i got through it well.  had decent nights. just wore a mask all night. worked IMCU and then ICU with patients waiting to go to lower care units. no room though.  we have consistently had holds all over the place. 

briefly pondered a trek to Homer yesterday as the tide this morning was pretty low. -4.4 i think. would be great.  weather...not so great though.  super windy yesterday. fairly windy today still. spitting at times. branches came down here so i still have to clean that up and lost power for a bit yesterday.  just felt tired all day. no room at the Driftwood where i often stay. i'm sure i could have found something for the dogs and i.  too tired to search and really...it's a long drive.  may head north tomorrow. see what i can find.  talkeetna one night, Healy the next?  will look later i think. do some walks/mushroom hunts up north, see if there are any fall colors popping out.  love those fall colors. 

not 100% yet but much improved. when you don't feel totally well, it's nice to just be home and comfy really. 

made it out finally to the dog park yesterday.  the dogs were thrilled. Sunny Boy found a few dog buddies to play chase with, he loves that.  Ivy got to chase her ball. had to wait for the wind to settle down.  the dog park filled up pretty fast at that point as i think many were waiting out the wind. 

last night i watched a bit of a limited series about aging and folks that make it to 90's-100's.  everyone seems to always be chasing this.  what makes some live longer than others?  always trying to find the magic answers.  i don't think there are any really.  some of it is luck and good genetics. 

i think we can do things to help. diet, exercise, low stress. belonging probably also helps. having people we connect to.  our philosophies.  where you live may alter things...but in truth any one of us could be the victim of natural disasters, wars, famines, pandemics, random violence or accidents.  

there are those who do everything right and die young and others who do nothing right and are assholes but live long. 

of course, for a program like this they aren't going to interview the assholes who are 100 years old or close.  what fun would that be.  so no, not all the folks who make it that age have had perfectly lovely lives.  also they make it out like people who live this long in these specific villages never go to nursing homes, none exist there...i suspect those that need nursing homes are just moved to bigger communities that have more of these options.  so those are also not highlighted in these programs. 

i'm not saying you can't have a positive or negative impact...well we all know you can for sure have a negative impact. 

of course, having worked in medicine i can tell you that there are people who get super old who have terrible personal habits. drink, smoke, don't exercise really. i would have thought that all these folks would have died young.  genes do seem to play a big role in this. i've met coke addicts that are in their mid to late 60's.  i really would have figured they would have overdosed or quit by their 60's. some old smokers and alcoholics out there. there are some truly unhealthy old folks.  here we can help keep people going much longer despite their bad choices.  

i was clearly sensitive to the smog growing up in Los Angeles area.  i don't think anyone else in my sibling group have any respiratory issues, don't use inhalers.  we all grew up in the same place really.  if i'd been a smoker or near second hand smoke i'd probably be gone by now. 

i've had patients in their late 20's-30's who are already having major health issues with their life choices of smoking and alcohol.  i've said to a few of them that some drink/smoke for ages with very little issues but they are not those people.  they should really ponder their choices.  

it's like trying to get an 80's year to stop smoking because he is finally dying of lung cancer.  who cares at that point. they have lived a long ass life doing bad crap and so if they want to go out doing it...what does it really matter. 

i see some sun coming out.  yard work/dog walk...these are the plans for today.  

trying to get a few things done.  haven't gotten much accomplished the last 12+ days with the cold bug. 

these are the ones from last year, May.  another trek to Homer.  i still have some pictures on the big camera to check out.  

also on my wish list for today is fixing the little free library. the door is no longer attached.  picked up a new hinge. we will see if i can figure out how to get it on there.  

no matter how long you live, i think you can do a lot to make the time you have here better or worse. 

one thing we were taught that i do tend to agree with is moderation in all things.  do not do anything to excess. i think what they missed was that they cut out a lot of things all together.  this is bad, never do this or that.  it's so restrictive really.  some times you just want to eat a sugary treat.  sometimes you just want a drink with dinner or friends. obviously i think you probably should totally avoid things like meth but i think putting too many limits and restrictions on ourselves can actually add to stress.

i think burdening ourselves with excessive stress is probably not good. the more you can do to live fulfilled the better.  walks, hobbies, reading, garden, enjoying good food, getting out in nature, music. there are tons of things that are good for our souls as it were. 

if your religion helps you get to this than great.  if that is just a spirituality that you live individually, great. if it's just life philosophy that works for you, great.  too often people have to be right.  my church, my religion, my way of thinking.  you are all wrong and need to fix yourselves...just not really helpful.  none of those religions work for all the people who exist so for me that was always proof that none of them could be the only right one. why would a God make a religion be the one and only truth when it so clearly doesn't work for many at all. 

to me that is or should always be a red flag about any religion/philosophy or cult like thing.  trying to make you think you are all knowing like the God you supposedly follow.  we can't be right about everything just like i doubt we are wrong about everything either. 

this idea that i was born into the right country, right religion, right family, right color...i mean really...it's ridiculous. a God that creates all these humans but plops them down in different societies and therefore predetermines if they get the right church/philosophy....?  it's really egotistical. we were told we were born under the covenant which put us in a better position for life before we'd taken our first breath.  i mean how arrogant is that.  we were so valiant in the prelife that we got perks granted to us. 

we were taught there was a war in heaven over how we should live on earth.  Satan wanted us to all just do exactly as we were told and return to heaven i think it was and Jesus wanted us to have free will.  of course, the irony to me in this teaching is that they then come to earth and are in a religion that tells them they have free agency while at the same time telling them to not use that free agency. especially not to question the things we are told to believe. 

we were told we had free agency but also drilled to hold fast to the iron rod...do not use that free agency.  it felt nuts to me. 

i'm more like this happy star above.  let me be free.  

still windy out there. nothing like yesterday.  i thought i was going to have to eat all the ice cream in the house when i got home from the dog park. the power was back on

as i drove to the dog park a light on Tudor was out.  i stopped like you are supposed to in a power outage...treat lights like a stop sign...clearly not everyone comprehends this though...so as i was stopping the person in the lane next to me went flying past without making any attempt to stop.

loved the mist this day. 

i was super patient with one patient the other night...only to have him be all irritable with me. we can be the punching bags for the stress in others at times.  just have to roll with it.  

we aren't allowed to accept any tips or gifts as nurses, teachers as well have big limits as to what they can and cannot accept.  like a limit of $25 gift card...so it's really annoying learning all the "bribes" the justices in the high court feel authorized to accept.  how is that okay?  

we will slide into winter fairly rapidly here no doubt.  will hope to get some fall photos. the wind always makes it feel like fall. 

it's almost 1 pm so i should get off this computer. had bills to pay. 

out to pick up dog poop i guess.  mow lawns, chop up twigs/branches and work on the library...also the dogs need to be walked.  lots of trees and branches down on the trails today.  gotta be careful on windy days and right after...stuff flying, animals tweaking. 

the dogs love to get out though. 

strange tingling all over at times. i'm learning/discovering that anxiety can cause paresthesia.  had a patient my second night with that.  like me, anti anxiety meds, and it generally goes away. mine moves around lips, various parts of my tongue/face.  very strange. it's bilateral so it's not felt to be too worrisome at this point.  just watch. our bodies are odd, especially as we get older. 

off to do other things.  enjoy your September!

thankful for A. improving symptoms, B, no real damage from the wind C. the annual slowing down of life as the weather and light changes