the days are getting longer, lovely warm weather...! 30's

 

i'm really behind now in these blog posts.  it's okay. that generally means my brain is calm. calm is good.  

these are still from July last summer with my nieces.  Matanuska glacier, Orca Island, walk to Gwenich Glacier. it was a real Alaskan holiday. 

this lake, like all others, is frozen.  we have had warmer weather.  it started the day after we paid to have the roof shoveled off. that is how it goes. today the road crew came and widened the street, hauling off tons of snow. it was mostly a one lane road. this has happened so many times this winter.  neighbors are great at taking turns passing.

we are all enjoying these warm temperatures though. 20's-40's F. 

i thought i'd get at least 24 hours notice on the roof crew.  instead i found out they were coming just as i was leaving for work.  ended up in the ER. it was such a crazy and strange night. we started with 23 holds, people just kept getting rooms but the waiting room was packed. oddly, the place cleared out and by around 4 am we only had like 5 holds left? anyway.  i got to come home early.  so between 5am and 6 am i was charging up the Element and digging it out. had to have the cars out of the driveway.  

sleeping was impossible. i slept a few hours before the crew was supposed to arrive.  woke up as the dogs were not going to just allow a crew to walk around the roof and not let everyone know about it.  they finished by afternoon.  i think i slept another hour or two. then went outside to try and make it so i could put both cars side by side again.  no go.  too much snow.  got cars back in the driveway though. Element battery is dead again.  oh well. 

at that time i also discovered that so much snow had been shoveled in to my side yard that i had two dogs looking down at me from over the fence.  i started to dig a moat and lower the level of snow on the other side of the fence. i needed to get ready for work so i had decided i'd just shut the dog door rather than risk having the dogs escape. 

i think for maybe the first time i called work and requested an on call. some request on calls all the time.  i just take them when they come my way, which is not usually very often.  glory...they gave me one and again the next night.  lots of digging and no call back either night. i was sore from the digging anyway by the next night. 

my next week was a split of peds/picu and icu. not bad nights...i mean other than one small patient attempting to code at one point. i was quite happy to switch assignments at 1 am and hand that kid off.  the kid did get worse again the next day so happy to have missed that. 

haven't worked ICU for some time and i got to do a road trip to the MRI...currently outside the facility in a trailer.  a bit tricky with ICU patients. at least it was warmer than last time i had to go out there.  remove all metal and then put a coat and hat on...it was well below zero last time. i think the noises have kept the moose away...but in truth you could have a moose cruise through as you are trying to load a patient into the trailer. there is a lift outside for stretcher patients. a bit crazy.  we still have months to go before the new MRI facility is all up and running. 

getting my walks in mostly. good with the step counts.  mentally doing pretty well.  minimal anxiety.  no real need for prn's of late. just taking the magnesium and so far it seems to be helping. 

dogs had to put up with mildly cranky me today.  not sure why...just woke on the wrong side of the bed i guess. think we all have those days. we all took two walks.  Sunny Boy had a vet appointment.  got medicine in his ears.  hope it's not toxic since i had to keep stopping Ivy Rose from cleaning his ears. he was a hit at the Vets.  he charmed them all and got loads of compliments.  he really is a great puppy. 

we hit the dog park first. did a nice run out there.  a few moose. one sleeping on the lake, easy to avoid and another surprise one back in the woods. Sunny did make a run over to meet the moose.  thankfully, he returned after i called "leave it" and "here puppy".  whew!

after the Vet appointment we headed to Ruth Arcand.  the rocks are starting to show up again.  i'd cared for a patient that i know i've met out there so i was kind of avoiding the area for a bit for the patients comfort.  eventually, we may run into each other. it's a pretty small state human wise for how big it is. 

i had forgotten to grab any rocks but i had a pretty snail shell in the car so i exchanged a rock for that and then that gave me a rock to trade with.  came home with a kitty rock.  :-) always love a kitty rock. we didn't see the patient, any moose or horses so a good day. 

the moose have been busy out there.  as winter moves along they appreciate our plowed streets and trails more and more. saves them from having to trudge through the deep stuff.  they are getting tired and cranky though. there was a great video of a woman at the costco i frequent.  she had the trunk open and a few carts filled with goods.  there was a moose that walked up and was "shopping" in her carts.  you can here here talking to the moose, requesting he leave...promising him some food if he leaves and then scolding him for putting his ears down...a sign of irritation in moose. 

Super Bowl sunday has come and gone.  i watched the puppy bowl for a bit before heading out.  there seemed to be a lot of drama.  the conservatives are angry with Taylor Swift for encouraging her fans to sign up to vote. they are also mad because her latest boyfriend was playing in the super bowl and her going to games has been difficult for the right to deal with.  that makes me happy...haha. the boyfriend bought her and his/her families a box...cost of a million for one game.  the cheapest seats for the game are apparently $10,000 each seat. omg...that is just insane to me. 

so much drama about her being there at all. guess she's brought new fans and more money to the sport so the right should just shut up but they hate everything and everyone they are told to hate and faux news is spewing taylor hate at this moment. they just always have some one new to hate or some group to hate. it's all hate with the evangelicals.  they wonder why people are leaving christianity. it's the lack of Christ in Christianity. if Jesus walked in to faux news station they would totally trash him and easily convince all their evangelical viewers to hate him and call him anti christian, or the devil, a communist, a socialist, tree hugger, libtard....you name it. 

got my first look at her new boyfriend through the million tiktoks out there.  seem like a real football player/frat boy.  you never get to have everything in life so she is in love and getting love bombed for sure...he has a bit of a short fuse.  there is a clip of him bumping his over 60 coach and screaming in the guys face to put him in. then right after they win he gets the mike and just starts screaming viva las vegas.  ironic since the girl he's dating is magical with lyrics and all he can do is scream viva las vegas.  

then there is a parade in Kansas City...which is in Missouri not Kansas (like the orange idiot believes). anyway. the boyfriend was totally drunk and sang a garth brooks song.  falling over. i think this was pretty early in the day....then there was a shooting.  the place was swimming in cops but a few bystanders that weren't armed took down one of the shooters.  one dead, i think 20 injured, many kids. thoughts and prayers i'm sure from the right. i guess Missouri has some of the least strict gun laws.  the team did not change their dinner celebration plans after the shooting. seems like a family friendly parade should be a place to tamp down the drunk celebrations but football players i guess are given every excuse to be drunk in public and scream at their coaches.  so many excuses out there.  Taylor had flown off to Australia to perform to more sold our crowds.  she is rocking life right now so she seems happy with her football player.  not sure that guy will be the one but you never know. people and relationships are not that easy to predict, love makes people do unpredictable things. 

it's been lots of swift drama as the grammy's were right before all this and she got the album of the year award.  once again, there was someone who believed the award should go to  Beyonce. years ago i think with one of her first awards, Kanye came up on stage as she was accepting the award and literally grabbed the mike from her and said Beyonce deserved it. this time Beyonce's cheating husband used some random award he was given to just say that she needed to be respected and be giving the award.  i think she already has a crazy number of grammy wins...just hasn't gotten the album of the year. a bunch of rich spoiled fools from my view point.  

whining and carrying on about not getting awards, screaming and getting drunk when they win a game. the rest of us just go in and do our jobs and don't get any big awards or wins.  we just show up day in and day out. get paid much less, scrap by and these wealthy spoiled brats are never satisfied or just act the fools. 

guess that is my rant for the week.  i actually did watch the ERA's tour on Amazon.  the cost was nearly $20.  no crowds though.  so a perfect way to enjoy it.  she did put on a great show and i do like that she gives back...way more than any of these churches do from what i have seen.  she donated $100,000 to the family of the woman lost to gun violence at the parade her boyfriend attended. that was kind of her. 

the politics and election run is bonkers.  as the orange idiot battles to delay all these court cases, he's had a few losses of late. he won't go to the supreme court to argue that he should have total immunity because he was potus. he got fined $355 million+interest i think in the fraud case in NY. he also got fined in the repeat case over smearing the name of the women he raped. 

his friend F-ER Carlson went to Russia and gave put a long platform. put even mocked him. right after that aired. Navolny ( the guy who put jailed for trying to run against him, after the guy survived put poisoning him) he died suddenly in prison in some remote and brutal prison.  he'd actually been in a court room the day before looking pretty good so hmm.  put kills people all the time. they need to send all puts held money to Ukraine. it's sitting in banks in Germany i think.  they also need to pass the damn bill to send money/supplies to Ukraine. it passed the Senate but the new idiot in charge on the house refuses to even vote on things. they just want to waste time trying to impeach people.  their star witness was just found to be lying. of course, they followers are so in the bubble that they never hear any actual news. 

it's just all sorts of insane. you can't possibly keep up. 

as for Israel and Palestine...omg. it's just brutal.  what happened on Oct 7 was horrific...also a lot of the crap happening in Palestine is horrific. it's all just bad. Hamas still has hostages, many of those hostages have now been reported as dead. i think like 30 of them.  the people of Gaza just seem to be pushed from area to area.  none of the surrounding nations want them or hamas. they say it's because those refugees would never be allowed to return...so i guess they are okay with them just being slaughtered as well. that seems fairly telling.  it's a huge disaster that we are sucked in to. of course, biden gets trashed for helping Israel but you better believe the orange fool and his followers would happily drop a nuclear bomb on gaza.  something about the second coming and zion...i don't know.  it's all way too out of my brains ability to comprehend it, but it's all horrific and brutal. death all over. so much hatred out there.  

from my viewpoint all religions cause so much hatred.  ours is better than yours attitude...when all along it's just about money and power. where ever you are born, to whom you are born...that is the religion you mostly stick with. they can't all be right but for sure they can all be wrong. 

should hit the beach tomorrow.  haven't been for a bit.  this is a snow crust heart i made.  

frost...now all melted

i have one more 3 day run then i'm down to 2 shifts/week.  may try to pick up one shift randomly or eventually just find a second job to pick up some hours in a much less stressful environment. wanting less coding kids

i'd rather have less drama in my life and enjoy the drama of others...let them have drama. 

they make more money so they can have the drama that comes with fame and fortune. 

a little tidbit from an old prophets journal.  Wilford Woodruff.  he apparently would have dead single women sealed to him for time and eternity on his Birthday each year.  "single women" could include children who had died. 267 ? total number of brides to be enjoyed in the next life. the upper leadership have been gifted a second annointing so they can do no wrong as their place in heaven is assured before they die...that is the doctrine and practive.  the second annointing stuff is pretty hush hush.  can you imagine gifting yourself with dead wives.  sick perverts is all i can say to that. 

also ran across an interesting quote...lots of truth in it though.  "if your absence doesn't bother them, your presence never meant anything to them". 

bill paying, laundry and dishes...just doing the stuff that always needs to be done. 

i try to always tuck in silly stuff though. 

i should book some homer fun and start to really look at summer stuff. i also want to get some rocks painted.  that is the goals for this stretch off. 

my niece has graciously offered to help get the web page up.  thank you J and S H.  so grateful for the help. 

communicating with my REI and fish and game contacts, make sure we are getting set up for our walrus lecture. didn't see it up at REI so hopefully that goes up soon.  if you live in the area. it's March 19th, 5:30-7:30 pm at REI. they have a lecture room and they allow us to do this at no charge. 

cute shot of Sunny Boy. the dogs are tuckered out.  had a few signs of visits from Rio Catalina (i turned off the tv and went to leave, as i was shutting the door the tv turned back on) also found a tennis ball, which i always view as Blossom stopping by.  not sure what Tusker would do if he visited.  i like to think the dogs stop by. i'd like to discover that after i die a bunch of animals would be there to greet me. saw a cartoon years ago.  it was a guy at the pearly gates. the guy managing the gate tells him if he doesn't mind throwing tennis balls for eternity they had an opening in dog heaven.  i'd take that job for sure.  haha. 

i'm sure i have rambled on tonight, my apologies. 

my brain can't pull up images but it does have a constant dialogue. 

oh, i went to see hockey with the H's. that was fun. haven't been to hockey for ages.  it was super bowl sunday...so instead of hockey i met friends from ketchikan for dinner and then hockey.  the aces are long gone but we enjoyed the local university's team.  we had front row seats. pretty cheap. i think $8 as opposed to the $8,000+ for a super bowl seat. way more fun.  i'm still shocked by that level of spending.  

with Snowzilla and more snow hearts below

i'll crash fairly soon.  

grateful for: warmer temperatures, a plowed road and finding rocks at Ruth Arcand today. always fun. 

two winter camp trips and another work run done...

 

so very busy and exhausting. just getting my stuff cleaned up again.  above is Orca Island.  i'd wanted to go here but it's not cheap so it was great to have family up...always a perfect time to try stuff you have wanted to do but haven't done yet. we splurged. it was CB's last night up here.  she came early and left a few days late. our yurt was out on that outer island....which is not an island at low tide. love this picturesque bridge. we were able to paddle under it right after we arrived. 

tide out further in this shot so no paddling can happen at this time. 

other shots of the group.  fun sending them winter pics and videos from where they were in the summer. above is Gwenwich Glacier and below is Matanuska Glacier

this is boardwalk at Orca Island to other yurts

us approaching the bridge as we returned from our little paddle trek.  we started and ended the week with a paddle. wish i could have gotten everyone on kayaks but i was so happy to be out on the water.  at the creek we saw lots of salmon and sea lions fishing for those salmon. very action packed. 

we also were gifted with a humpback whale sighting from our yurt in the morning and then we watched in meander around and swim feet from us.  you never tire of these sightings. 

my work week went much better. i did the entire 5 days, but will very soon just be doing the 2 shifts/week.  that will be a huge burden off of me. the 3 shifts just takes it's toll on me. as i monitor myself on the fitbit more, i see that i am not getting the sleep i used to get. 

the therapy session was less therapy and more life coach.  seems kind of silly. i'll do one more session but i'll bow out.  don't think it's helpful. i probably needed some serious psychotherapy at some point.  with the life i have left i feel like it's time to accept what is and what isn't and just enjoy each day. 

it's a process accepting what is truth about relationships at times. i have pulled back from instigating contact with family...surprise, they don't seem to notice my absence.  it was as one sided as it felt for decades. i do occasionally reach out and i usually get a pretty instant reminder why that is just pointless. they have their lives to live and it's time i just move forward and live mine. looking back with hope has caused more pain than was needed.  it was mostly my own fault for contriving relationships with people who either don't want a relationship or are so wrapped up in their own lives/religion that they aren't capable of more than the most basic of relationships. 

that process has been ongoing for a few years now.  it's been very freeing overall letting go of relationships or the hope of relationships with some people. that doesn't mean be mean or completely cut them off. it's more just finally comprehending what they are and are not capable of.  reminding myself that it is me that was hoping for more and it's me who needs to let go of that hope. the people who want to be in your life and space, find a way to be in your life and space.  the others...well, they were just there for a time and now they are elsewhere. 

my anxiety is way down.  not needing prn meds hardly at all, like i was at baseline. i've walked almost every day since the ectopy happened. i've been making ice hearts and delivering those. i've been reading and trying to get to bed at a more decent hour most nights and wake and get up and out.  i've been doing more mindfulness exercises, just relaxing, getting out of my head. play therapy, art, reading.  getting back to things that made me happy. i'd gotten myself too anxious to enjoy. the magnesium may be doing an amazing job at getting me back to me. 

i've had few intrusive negative thoughts. i was getting a lot.  perhaps it was winter and the large amount of snow and the dark.  usually, i will suffer some melancholy for a weekend here and there, this just seemed more constant with more negative intrusive thoughts. i've never thought of suicide. i have often, since i was young had these negative intrusive thoughts.  things like my dogs deserve better, not being loved, it would be easier for others if i was gone. our brains can really play tricks on us.  so it's been really great to have those negative thoughts almost completely go away once again.  as i said, usually, it's a weekend/2-3 day period.  this just seemed extended.  i'm reading that anxiety and depression often go hand in hand. 

the first camp out was out to Manitoba.  i had the main cabin as MT ended up with sick dogs.  that was me a few years ago.  so thanks MT for the cabin.  still was having a lot of heartburn, that is improving as well.  activity does make it worse.  mostly, i suspect, because i bend over repeatedly to pick up the tennis ball for Ivy Rose. 

my sled, which is how we get our stuff into the cabin, was falling apart as we walked in.  bits of it breaking off.  the parts that connect to the ropes that i pull, eventually fell off.  i attached the leashes to the bungee cords.  for the route back i had took the metal fire poker and got it hot. i put holes in the other end of the sled and was able to thread the rope in there.  that worked for the return on that trip and for both routes in to Dolly Varden cabin the next week. 

we were only at Manitoba for one night.  it was cold. we are in a bit of a cold snap with temperatures down well below zero. i made ice hearts and left some out there for others to enjoy but we actually had a slight warming of temperatures for that first trip. the roads weren't too bad either. 

the next trip was in the middle of my run.  i worked 3 nights then headed up to Eklutna. it was starting to snow but i went for it.  i guess it really snowed in Anchorage.  we missed that. the main roads were mostly clear. there is a 10 mile trek up to the cabin in Eklutna and that was dicey both ways. i just took it super slow.  probably too slow for my friends but i'd rather be safe. when i got to my driveway i discovered another nearly 2 feet of snow. i had to work that night so i had to shovel, unload gear and head to work. 

Anchorage is at over 100 inches of snow this winter so far.  it's been nuts the past two years. no place to put it.  my new mini, hand held snow blower arrived this morning. i charged up the battery and did just a bit. the poor element is still buried. seemed no point getting it unburied and charged since the temperatures have been dropping to -25F at nights. i have worked with my attached neighbor and we have arranged to get the roof cleared.  that should happen in a few weeks. if you have a zll and you have a neighbor you work well with, the cost is the same as an individual house so you just split it.  so a good deal.  

it warmed a bit today but there was a bit of wind chill so it felt super cold.  a little snow is falling and more tomorrow.  it was fun out at both little winter retreats.  we played a lot of nertz and jenga.  at Eklutna the cabin started to shake in the middle of our nertz game.  i guessed the earthquake was a 4.2. it was a 4.1 out of Sutton. that little cabin got a nice shake going though.  lasted a bit. the dogs both picked up on the coming quake before we noticed it.  they must have felt it or heard it. 

the temperatures leaving Eklutna were -5F. so my face was super red hiking out and numb.  you always start to panic. am i having a stroke...no it's -5F and that is cold. we only got 3-4 inches snow in the mountains.  Anchorage got a lot more. 

both trips were really fun breaks in the winter.  i have a lot of good friends and for that i am forever grateful.  Sunny seems to get a bit nervous. he gets on the sleeping bag and just panics and is immovable.  the second night i got in before he did so i was able to get my space better. i woke with him on one side and Ivy settled in at my feet.  it was so sweet and snuggly.  we brought a lot of wood to keep the fire going for Eklutna and LS brought a space heater.  we made at least 2 trips for that one. had to bring more out there.  Manitoba is more stocked up.  wood and mattresses.  we were warm in both cabins though. 

we left the wood we didn't need at the cabin. that is what you do in Alaska.  just in case the next folks are less prepared or have colder visits out there. there is a ranger out at Eklutna.  my friends brought cross country ski's.  i just chilled and read. got through a few books these past few weeks. time to start another one. 

the poor moose this winter.  it's rough out there for them.  this guy looks annoyed. 

these are from this year. 

this is Oceanview Bluff Park.  i went to Pt Woronzof with ice hearts yesterday but there was a wind chill out there and it was cold!!  been fun leaving a few hearts scattered.  that big snow buried most of them and the little earthquake dumped a few others into the deep snow. 

it was -15 the other morning so i was doing bubbles and taking that outside.  they immediately start to crystalize and then the bubble just bursts.  

it was fun though. 

this month i really need to get a new web page up and running the goal is before our lecture in March for WARIS.  there was a group of nurses/Docs out at manitoba, they seem interested in the lecture/a visit. always spreading the word. 

i don't think it will actually be that difficult to get the web page together once i get out of my own way and just do it. we may have an artist willing to make us a sticker. thanks RC. 

my schedule will change in March. so i just have a few more 3 night stretches left. not sleeping with two nights is much easier to cope with than not sleeping much over 3 nights.  my last night this last stretch i was a sitter in ICU.  pretty easy gig really.  mostly i was in picu/peds again this stretch. 

this was before ice hearts. i often make snow hearts out of  the crust of snow i find.  i also make snow cairns. 

i like to leave my "art" work out there for others to enjoy. the hearts have been fun.  i've made lots of them. i usually make 8 hearts/night. today was a bit lazy for me.  it was chilly and a slight breeze so i did linger in bed reading this morning. no ice hearts today. 

i am not the only person taking advantage of the colder temperatures. many have done beautiful, colorful igloo's with family.  maybe another time. need better gloves for that. 

love that Alaskans get out there no matter what the weather and temperatures are doing.  i'm not the only one out on the trails.  Portage lake has been frozen these past few weeks.  tons of ice skaters out there. it's usually a short window that you can get out there.  i know the snow dumped on top of it.  i may have missed the window for this year. i'm sure people are snow shoeing/skiing and fat tire bike riding this weekend. the wind chill can be really bad on that lake on a good day.  with these cold temps it may have been pretty miserable out there today. 

i am just happy that i get out there each day.  i have been so much better at getting motivated...well, less so today. next...web page.  then the taxes.  it's that time of year. 

below is one of those little cairns i make

tired today.  i've been watching my sleep more closely.  makes a big difference the amount of sleep i get.  it wasn't something i really had to worry about in the past.  we do need sleep. 

love this thought that we all had different parents growing up.  we all had different experiences.  it's because we forget that our parents are learning and growing up as we are.  we have this false narrative that you get out of your teens, get a degree or career and then you are grown.  you are never grown.  so my family of 7 kids, it's just mind blowing to me how different our experiences were.  we had different parents despite there only being that 10 year gap. some kids are just more sensitive or artistic, more intuitive. 

need to start looking at summer adventures.  get some Homer dates lined up to catch my beloved low tides. :-) 

trying to think what else has happened of late.  i had my CT exam.  haven't looked at the results yet.  probably good that they haven't called to say i must come in to the cath lab.  i have the echo coming up later this month.  Sunny Boy also has his check up coming up.  will have them check his ears.  wax. poor guy. he let me do a good cleaning recently . such good patients. 

i have cut back on excedrin and ibuprofen.  my neck is in knots right now.  i'll do some of the massage thing in a bit. the gastritis is improving for sure.  watched a few good things on netflix and as i said read a few good books.  time to dig into the next book. anyone have a few must reads?

next planned trip is in April so i'm sure we will look for some other cabins, Bore Tide is always a good spring trek.  need to look at tides and maybe plan a spring Homer/Seward trek. 

winter is going to linger.  we have so much snow!! it is always amazing to me how fast it melts.  this place is so dramatic. it changes so fast spring to fall. wonder if the lupine will be totally late again this year.  all the wildflowers were late last year.  we had a lot of snow last year too.  i think this year may be more. as i arrived at my driveway to nearly 2 feet of snow i felt a bit defeated. it's just hard to get that snow up over the berm anymore.  the little snow blower was able to get up and over.  have some piles to work out still...but we may get more snow tonight. 

Covid Cat has been inside a lot this winter.  he's not a fan of the snow.  i'm sure he will make up for it this summer. Miss Breezy Chatterbug, my other cat has never shown any interest in being outside. she knows how good she has it inside. 

it's only 9:30 and i'm ready to crash for the night. lol. 

we shall see what tomorrow brings. a dog walk for sure. it looks like a light snow and warmer temperatures. i can handle that. i think we can all handle a slight warming trend.  in the teens. the rest of the week is supposed to be 20's-30's. not enough to melt all the snow we have. my street is mostly single lane. people are very nice and pull over where the can to let others pass by. my driveway is probably a good 10 feet longer than it usually is. wonder if/when the street crew will come and haul off more snow. 

looking forward to a nice massage and sleep.  

from my snowzilla time. 

grateful for A. less negative intrusive thoughts.  B. more happy days, play time and regular walks.  C. my new mini snow blower.