the Iditarod is over for the season.

 

out at Gwenich Glacier last summer. 

still July...how behind i am at posting. 

this stretch off we have our lecture out at REI.  Fish and Game will take the lead. hopefully, better than the first time i had fish and game take the lead.  the guy was so nice but he literally put the application on the screen and then went line by line how to fill it out. people still came back the next year.  haha. 

hopefully, it will go off okay. i have goodie bags and i'll make some walrus cupcakes. they probably won't be the best as i'm no perfectionist but the goodies were always fun. one thing i did learn about my days as a mormon.  food always helps. 

fell right down on my knee yesterday at the start of the walk. it's still a bit sore. we did manage a walk though so really shouldn't be an excuse for today.  Ivy has also been limping on her non-surgical knee these past few days. she will go, go, go though.  pay later. 

we got out late yesterday as i was sucked into a book, "the women".  Kristin Hannah. she'd also written a book i read recently and really liked, "the great alone" so clearly she has some great story telling skills. love books that make immerse you completely.  this book was about a woman who signs up for Vietnam war as a nurse and how that goes for her, before, during and after her time in country. 

it gets into how the veterans and women especially were treated.  

i did see some small correlation to how nurses were treated here with the pandemic. just so say, some of it was mildly relatable. dismissed, forgotten. anyway, really great read.  

got a few new recommendations for the next reads. it's almost hard to start a new book after you finish a really good read. need to live in that read for a bit after you finish.  

on todays docket is painting some walrus rocks.  i'll make the cupcakes tomorrow evening. it's the first gathering since before covid and the staff at fish and game and rei have changed out. so hopefully all goes well. keep it simple.  we will have our drawing after the lecture and questions. 

this week i worked RCU and PCU.  i am the oldest one there most nights.  strange.  some of them want to hear stories of the old days of nursing.  not much has changed and a lot has changed. i got started later than some though so my stories in nursing don't go as far back as they think. i'm also not as old as they may think...i mean i wasn't a nurse in the times of nightengale.  time is so relative though. so much changes in this world in such a short time. 

i was born in the time of rotary phones and black and white tv.  now it's streaming and internet and cell phones. 

my memories of the Vietnam war. i do recall there were draft cards and concern about the guys number, low or high. can't remember which was bad, low i think. none of my immediate family served. i was a kid when the war ended. was pretty isolated in many ways. i do recall the song "tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree" being popular and people tying ribbons around trees to remember the pow's left behind. much of it was lost on me due to my young age. 

i do recall becoming a bit obsessed with the war.  i was reading all i could get my hands on.  Pow's, Hanoi Hilton, McCain, torture, Lieutenant Calley and the massacre at My Lai. it was not one of our nations finest moments.  we treated those who served horribly, no welcome home at all because the war was so controversial. they were shamed because we were all ashamed i suppose.  what were we doing? what was the point?

the war ended in '75, when i was 10-11 years old i think. it is how modern wars are being fought. off our land but involving a lot of people who aren't really in the game. just trying to live their lives. wars by proxy now i think they call them.  keeps the wars off our land and keeps our nation safe from the horrors.  we just supply bombs and war equipment, training.  try to avoid deaths as there were so many US soldiers that died in Vietnam. over 300,000 US  wounded. not to mention all the ptsd and drug and alcohol issues for those who "survived" the war itself. over 58,000 of our own killed.

people lost any trust they had in our government.  the situation and statistics were covered up.  the cause of the start was covered up.  that distrust has continued. it didn't help that we later invaded Iraq being told they had weapons of mass destruction only to discover that was not true. the world was changing. 

that distrust continues on all sides now. one half seems to want to return to the time when they were lied to and life was simpler.  that life never really existed.  watching Openheimer and the dropping of the nuclear bombs...how much were those Americans told.  what was the truth.  i suspect they had just spent a lot of time and effort on these huge and destructive bombs and needed to test them out. like so many other things in our history...we were taught that dropping those bombs saved US lives and stopped the war from dragging on.  maybe it did but at what moral cost.  

there are no good wars. i am only lucky that i have, so far, never had to live directly in the hell that is a war zone.  we tend to fight our wars on the soil others call home.  we are not required to participate.  we can live our lives where we are in relative peace while other lives are completely destroyed. 

life is a little luck. we were taught growing up that we had gotten lucky because we'd been so great in the pre-life. this never sat well with me.  plenty have had horrific lives despite being born under the covenant as it were. abuses, assault.  nobody is safe, bad things can happen to any of us. i am grateful that i have been spared many of the most horrific things that others have had to cope with...or not cope with. 

scheduling again tomorrow morning. i had requested two days off, then i opted for just one, now i've signed up for the cruise for a cause in May and i'd like that second day off. oh well. if i work it, i work it. i can work the night before the cruise i guess. i have Homer that week. 

it's St Patricks Day. St Patrick was an Irish Saint. he was kidnapped and brought to Ireland as a slave.  he escaped but later returned to convert them to Christianity. it seems like often in times past conversion could be less than kind. the US has altered the religious holiday into a secular, party. 

are we Irish.  our grandparents/great grandparents came over from Ireland. at least on my Mom's side. they had moved to Ireland from Germany? at some point they had joined the Joseph Smith cult of Mormonism and these connections got them from Ireland to the US.  i believe during the time they came, the Irish were not welcomed with open arms. i do recall being told my Grandmother quickly got rid of her Irish accent as the kids teased her..perhaps that teasing was really more of a bullying. 

we never ate cabbage at our place and we certainly never drank green beer, but we did wear green.  that was really the extent of our Irish celebrations.  Irish dance classes were not the rage so i was pushed to ballet.  i did not excel. 

the Irish dance wasn't something i ever heard of. maybe in places were there were larger populations of Irish immigrants? maybe it's a newer fad. happy i never had to wear those horrible wigs. 

so reading the first part of this stretch off. my paycheck was shorted since one of my swipes didn't go through or was removed. no clue. there was a strange incident where my vacation that had been approved, disappeared. turned out a manager in another unit went into my Kronos and deleted it.  there are not a lot of Betsy's in the world but there is one that works in PCU. the mix up was corrected but it does make me wonder if the other thing happened when this person was in my Krono's.  will be picked up next paycheck.  my paychecks will be less now since i'm cutting out another shift. 

at some point i'll need to take up another job, pick up extra shifts with bonus pay or just retire and find another job. saw a house in Homer on the market.  makes another part of me ponder packing up and making a move again.  bottom line...i'm still in a state of flux and confusion about my next move

we've had warmer weather.  even if a bit chilly in the morning by the afternoon it's up in the 30's again. 

no further moose encounters. i've stuck to N. Biv quite a bit.  not that there are never moose there, but there does tend to be less moose there, why, who knows.  also now it's the weekend and the trails can be pretty crazy.  

pets are good. lots of nice snuggle time with me reading. 

no sunsets until 8 pm now.  crazy! summer is fast approaching . well first break up and then spring but summer is coming. 

the Iditarod, it's over.  Dallas won.  some controversy, as always.  had he stayed long enough harvesting the moose he'd killed on the trail.  it was left on the trail. was he docked enough time.  why didn't he go back to another, closer check point since he had an injured dog...the controversy seems to have died off.  there were a few dog deaths out there though.  not moose related.  it's always disturbing. gives me a bit of a love/hate relationship with the race.  overall, those dogs are bred to run and they love running but it's also stressful on the dogs. over the years the race had been changed repeatedly to improve life for the dogs. still deaths happen. 

there weren't as many teams either.  more rookies though.  was their lack of experience a factor.  were they dozing off on the sled...my feeling is if you are caught sleeping you should be taken out of the competition.  when you are too tired you could easily miss signs of an issue with a dog.  dogs mostly pass from gastric bleeds and/or pneumonia.  they do necropsies but the cause of death is generally vague and not prominently displayed in the news. 

there are many who wish to stop the race. change it more.  make it safer for all.  of course, that will take away from the original feel of the race, but i've already seen that happen many times over. the more you control it the more watered down it gets.  at some point it just becomes something everyone can do. comfort and safety are great but they are also not a challenge.  the spirit of the race is getting chipped away at. it's kind of a losing battle as any time you tame something and make it safe....you will ultimately destroy it.  we haven't cracked 40 participants in the last few years. 

if you want to witness the Iditarod better come sooner than later. 

i should get outside.  i do have a few things to do today.  dog walk is always the most important event of every day. i've done really good since the anxiety peak at getting the walks in. even on days like today,when it takes more personal prompting to get my arse moving. 

i have not needed medications very often to keep the anxiety at bay.  i have a homeopathic spray for breakthrough that i use first and i also have been taking the magnesium every day. 

still feel like i'm in recovery mode.  family, religion, politics, covid.  we've all had a lot of turmoil in the past few years. we've all felt a bit anxious. i feel like there's been some global anxiety these past years.  we are not out of it yet for sure.  some things do seem to have cleared up for me. covid and work are getting less anxiety inducing, family, i've just backed away, which can bring on anxiety on it's own.  that realization that you stopping calling was all it took.  knowing that you were the relationship.  

"everything you've ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear", saw this quote last week. a lot of truth to this. we stop ourselves more than any one else stops us. 

another quote that has hit hard these past months because of it's truth,"if your absence doesn't bother them, your presence never meant anything to them". 

you want to try but i'm understanding more how one sided it was and has been for decades. i was still bought into the family forever crap. lol.  some are too focused on preserving family in the next life and ignore those same folks in this life. i always joked it was "family first, after the church".  it is a truth that i knew and yet convinced myself i could change.  they make covenants in their temples promising all to the church.  no blood oath to blood, just to a religion.  should be a sign. these last years more and more is out there. i never did that next level temple stuff, never wore the garments...now all of those silly ceremonies and clothing are out there on the internet. i know it offends them when that it's out there but purely as an outsider. it would have creeped me out if i had gone through it all. the strange outfits the chanting, the secret handshakes and names (which are actually only on a revolving chart, i guess you can look up the secret name if you know the date/year you went through). 

inspiration butts up to insane in my mind.  the creepier things are the more special you feel? i'm not really sure. many relate going through and being too freaked out for a repeat. i suspect i would have been in that category.  the baptisms for dead people was creepy enough for me.  the interview with the invasive, culty, perverted questions to prove yourself worthy of this honor...ick. all of it ick. 

should get off the computer and get the dogs walked or some rocks painted with walrus...want to put painted rocks in the goodie bags for the giveaway Tuesday night. 

i think it's a good sign that i am writing less. it means there is less crap bogging up my brain. the pictures are way behind but i'll take a more clear head over the scrambled mess it could be some days. 

pulling the ice balls off the feet. we stop often for this on the trails. they do not like booties. 

sunsets are later, sunrise, earlier.  the spring forward night was great. love the 11 hour night.  i started in RCU that night and was shifted by 10 pm to PICU. it happens.  i was pretty busy so the rest of the shift went pretty quickly. 

thankful for a. improved anxiety b. clarity, even though it can be painful c. sunsets