still working on first run through of the Swift album...do we still call them albums?

 

so far much of the album songs like one long song.  with her you really do have to focus on the lyrics.  her real "swiftie" fans seem to see all the twists and inner meanings more than i ever will. she has dated the time it covers. i suspect after all the years writing with an intent to please others in some way...this one is cathartic.  it's her raw emotion laid out for her own purpose.  i mean she's a billionaire.  who does she need to please really. she sold so many albums on day one.  

there are a few stand outs already for me. will listen again. was listening at work the other night. my first night was in the cardiac unit. not my favorite. just not a fan of hearts at this point.  funny, for all that time i was off i never needed anything for anxiety or heartburn...says something really.  i know it's time to pull the trigger sooner than later. at this point i'm thinking after the fall starts make my decisions. 

i wouldn't mind getting into some writing again myself.  i'm not a poet like Swift but i have quite a few pretty good ones. have always wanted to combine my poems and some favorite photos in a book, even if it is just for me ultimately. i also have a book idea, but due to content i'd need to use a pen name. Hippa stuff. 

years of working as a nurse has given me a lot to work with. 

i worked regular ER last night and i worked my butt off. that place is nuts sometimes. my rooms were just turning over and over and over. discharge 3/4, get 3 new patients. then the last several hours was almost all homeless. not sure what happened.  the place was filled with the homeless.  like it was below zero and they just wanted out of the cold but it really isn't that cold out there. perhaps just warm enough that they feel freer to escape beyond their encampments...so come to the ER. 

lucky for me i'm not as familiar with the regulars. who knew people went to the ER on a near daily basis.  it's pretty nuts. 

exciting week coming up.  picked up my prep for the colonoscopy. can't wait for that to start!

then i have Tonsina cabin out of Seward with friends next weekend. hopefully my gut is returned to normal by then. we have the boat arranged. it's a short hike, 2+ miles but with gear it's just easier and more fun to hop on a boat. 

went to the eye doctor. i was due and since i'm still having some symptoms post pink eye i figured it was time.  eyes are still dry with some floaties in the right side of the right eye.  the eyes got the all clear. eye doc thinks i had both bacterial and viral infections.  she gave me loads of free moisturizing eye drops. 

left work this morning at 6 am so one hour short, which is always great...i was getting pretty tired of dealing with drunks and drug addicts.  it's a sad thing but as a nurse working with them you do get pretty jaded. lots of attitude and at times uncomfortable situations.  some pretty foul smells.  do not remove shoes on the homeless is a lesson i've learned.  that Jesus washing of the feet is more of kindness than i am capable most days...of course, in the land of Jesus they were wearing open toed sandals i think...up here we have layers of wet socks and shoes that have been worn for weeks.  trench foot...it's truly disgusting.  

always collecting pens.  do other nurses do this? pens can be hard to find so anytime you find one you cling to it.  i wonder how long after i do retire i'll hoard pens. 

so far i think this is one of my favorite songs so far, "i can do it with a broken heart". many nurses are seeing this as a nursing anthem, taking away the spirit of it...how often we carry on with our jobs despite our hearts being broken at what we deal with.  other peoples trauma and drama.  for her it's more akin to relationships. it sounds different from the others.  as i said, many start to blend together on this one. will have to listen and focus more next time through. read the lyrics more. as i said i don't know enough about her and her relationships to guess which guy or situation this is about for her. 

when i write i end up taking the emotion and taking off with it.  it's not always some exact replication of true life. life is just the base. 

winter and Iditarod are what these pictures are about. 

trails here remain pretty dicey. snow packed but slushy. easy to twist the knees and back. Sunny chased another moose off this week.  that boy.  gonna give me  breakdown. driving home today a moose booked out in front of me, a few hundred feet in front of me.  crossed the street and then started booking down the sidewalk. not sure what spooked the poor moose.  they just have a little  bit to go before the green starts to show up again. 

saw a few sprouts at work as i walked in the last few nights. 

took a walk on the coastal trail the other day. i was silly and thought there would be clear trails. nope, still snow packed. did see canadian geese and sandhill cranes.  always great having the birds return for the season.  everything moves so quickly up here.  it's pretty nuts really.  i love the drama of nature. 

much of this album is like a poetry slam except she sings her poems instead of just reading them.  not that this is unpleasant. 

wonder what the next album will be. at this time she appears to be in a new and exciting relationship so perhaps there will be some up beat songs...or she will just get engaged married and have some kids.  she never needs to write another thing, she is set financially for life.  she seems to really like to push herself and stay busy.  she's at that age to though where if she wants to have kids, it's gotta be on the mind. after this long international tour a big long break is not unheard of. 

have another escape to Homer in May for another low tide. i think i have vacation for that week.  

haven't seen the bear in the bear tree.  there are sightings of bears. perhaps a charge on the Potter to McHuge trail. that area gets the early bear sightings.  

you have to walk away from the person you had to become to get through the things you had to get through in life. can't be stuck being that person who was hurt and angry. you may have needed to be that person and personality to get through things.  it's a funny thought but probably some truth to it. 

have to allow your soft side to return.  would be easier to get sucked into the painful/hurt/angry stuff. i suspect this album, like my writings/blog is just how Swift is doing just that. just get all that out of your head and then live each day free of it all. 

these are from a summer hike out Powerline Pass. this area is always a great place for wildflowers once you hit it.  everything was delayed last year. the flowers.  like this year, so much snow. 

LS came by and helped do step one prep at fixing the little free library.  i picked up some stuff at Home Depot today for the repair.  it was funny. this worker started helping me, next thing i knew i had my own personal shopper. lol. much needed on my part.  

so many projects, all you can do is one at a time.  

love the purple pinecones up here.  so pretty

no gun shots leaving early this morning.  still parking in the same area.  probably won't have another situation like that. 

what to do if i retire from here. that is the big question.  do i pay separate for insurance? do i find a job where i get insurance? do i stick with current job but look for less stressful position within the hospital? 

slight distracted as i listen to the album and try to read lyrics. mostly, they blend together. she seems like a dreamer. often dreamers end up finding life tough. always looking for magic and often finding that path disappointing. so in love with love that they only seem to thrive in the infatuation stage. 

there was a country song about Mr Right vs Mr Right Now. i do think women are often kind of set up to dream of the big picture instead of just enjoying a relationship for what it is. wanting to make it the relationships to end all relationships.  many of us live with a series of Mr Right Now sorts. 

my adult years were a bit of a fun wild ride. lots of short and fun relationships. not many that stuck around.  one friend once said i dated super fun and cute guys but none that would match my intellect so after a bit i'd get bored. really had a lot of deconstruction and personal exploration in those years. i was a bit of a mess but it was some great times. no regrets. 

a few other stand outs.  Fortnight and Who's afraid of little old me. 

you learn and become more you with each person you gain in this life. best to be open to all sorts of personalities.  your potential grows exponentially with the experiences you allow yourself. people do come and go. it's sad at times accepting people moving out of your life but then you have to focus on all the experiences and growth that came from being with them.

in the end your world is filled with love.  some of that love sticks it out longer and some is more brief.  regret just is a waste of time. the joyous times and the times of trial all combine to create the best you. so it's best to ride the waves in this life, the ups and the downs. 

about time to crash.  2 shifts is so much less daunting than 3. 0 is the sweet spot though.  haha. 

the animals are chilling. love to watch the pets sleep.  they always have such peace. 

was going to look at a pictures from the big camera. don't think i've even looked at the ones on there from the iditarod. 

broke down and got an i watch.  my fit bits seem to break every year so i am hoping this lasts a bit longer. the fit bit just counted steps so this one is a bit more complicated.  still figuring it out. 

glaciers...soon will be out on that water again.  never know what you will see out there.  love the ocean.  some are ocean people some are lake people.  i'm an ocean person. 

grateful for A. recovery from pink eye, that wasn't fun. B. that i can work 2 shifts a week and survive. C. the people in my life who accept me and want me in their lives.