feeling useless because i am...

 i think i have more understanding how patients families feel.  first as he works on kitchen there is only so much i can do.  i will hopefully help with some painting between shifts. that i can do...not neatly....like staying in the lines, but i can at least do it. he will no doubt be rolling his eyes when he sees my handiwork, haha.

 today i also feel useless because my niece and her family had to evacuate in response to a horrible fire that seems to be moving very fast and no doubt taking many homes and other buildings in Paradise.  she fears their home is lost. they are safe so that is the most important thing, but fires are just so painful and devastating.  you do feel useless being at a distance and not being able to even offer a hug...how do you lighten a load that is that heavy?  you can't really, but wanting to and not being able to are tough.  i can't imagine how emotional a day like today is for her and her family. 

 just took the dogs to the dog park.  ran into dog park friends, always good for lifting the spirits and and the dogs love seeing their dog park dog buddies...great danes in many cases.

 our lives are fragile.  always those reminders that stuff is stuff and it can all be taken from us in an instant.  what is truly valued is brought home in an instant.  they are all alive and they got their pets out as well.

 my SIL on a group text said something about the second coming.  found my eyes spontaneously rolling...i did not return the text as my brain wanted to...see i do have some restraint. not a lot but i do have it at times.  there was also yet another shooting, this time in CA.  this time i think 11 or 12 souls lost including a police officer.  i wanted to say, it's not the second coming it's lack of adequate control of guns, failure to listen and act on the science of warming on our planet and a complete ass in the white house...but i guess the other is much easier for some to believe.

 i think the iitoo is on a tirade and lashing out at all.  yesterday it was a reporter for CNN...big surprise.  he goes after them all the time, "Fake News".  the common response to all that those on the right do not care to delve into.  of course, then the word is they doctored the video of this particular journalist and a staffer who was trying to remove his microphone.  they then use the doctored video to "prove" that he attacked the aide and revoked his press pass.  probably all just another distraction...

 it wasn't a loss in the election that it could have been, that many of us would have wished for, but it was a loss and he is seeing that there is a check on him and it will be used.  he immediately got rid of Sessions yesterday within hours of the election results and put in a loyalist he hopes will end the Mueller investigation.  I've no doubt that Mueller and his team were ahead of this, knowing this is just what he would do. i suspect they have some alternative means of getting the indictments to go forward.  as they did with some make them state cases instead of federal cases.

 it remains to be seen, but if this guy and his lot had nothing to hide they would not be working so hard to obstruct the investigation.  all the bitching about how long it has taken or that it hasn't proven enough is moot...i mean considering how many millions has been spent by the GOP in an attempt to take down members of the Dem party...in the case of HRC...so far she has been indicted on zero so if they are keen on tossing more money into more investigations of her, which have so far brought zero charges then they shouldn't be flipping out at the Dems investigating the current GOP crew.  it's what they started....if you can dish it out you had better be prepared when it comes back at ya.

 as they say, there is no free ride, though it seems to have been happening with this administration for a few years.  they have spent money like nobody's business while giving the wealthiest the tax breaks they promised them.  screw the middle class, while convincing the middle class that you are all about them and their interests.  screw the deficit while convincing everyone you are fiscally responsible...they aren't by the way.  not in the least.

 he apparently went pretty nuts in this rare press conference that he decided to hold....why?  he even went after GOP members who lost seats. will any of the members of the GOP finally wake up and stand up to this guy who thinks only of himself.  he is loyal to nobody but himself.  they have become like a scared person in an abusive relationship, beat down and rendered completely moot due to fear.

 the iitoo has done permanent damage to our nation but he has done far worse to the GOP.  not sure how they ever really recover.  they brought it on themselves.  greed for power and control.  absolute inability to reach across the tables and attempt to find a compromise. they got so used to controlling by fear and hate that it may be a tough job getting back from that.  how do they remove that element.  once you have unleashed fear and hate it can be tough to bring it back to normal levels...this they have done to themselves and to the rest of us.  one wonders if they will ever take any sort of responsibility. 

 moose on the side of the roads in town. 

 it's getting dark earlier and earlier....it's that time of year. i think i have mostly stayed on this side of town so that i get to enjoy the snow...it makes it feel lighter.

 the iitoo is lashing out because he knows his free reign is ending...yesterday it was Sessions and Acosta, today it was innocent migrants hoping for hope for their families.  i think we can expect him to use what power remains over the next few weeks before the house is no longer under his control.

 thankfully, they were so divided themselves and so dysfunctional that i can hope they haven't done as much damage as they could have.  if they had a potus who wasn't so chaotic.  he burned his own people over and over.  it all goes on a whim for him. 

 one of the local lakes at sunset...loved the pink.  the lakes are all freezing but they don't have snow covering them which is a cool time.  people are walking out on them and ice skating, still weird for me to be able to see through and feel safe...i don't.  i did not grow up walking on frozen water so i think you always have that touch of anxiety.

 texting with my niece.  doesn't look for for her home...they were only able to take very little when they left.  that is always the thing, what do you grab?  what really matters in the end? 

 i head back to work tonight.  this is weighing on me.  not much i can do at this moment. offer support.  often in life that is all that we can do for others, at least initially.  they will need to process this...i really can't imagine how painful this day is for them.  how painful it will be for years as from what i hear you will always think of this item or that item and remember that it was lost in the fire....

 doesn't sound like they have the fire at all contained at this time.  how many others will lose their homes and work places before this is all done.

 these were at the Campbell creek estuary.

 there is another place to get out there but I'll have to look for it.  not sure how these folks got on the other side of this body of water otherwise.  always looking for new places to explore...still a lot even locally that i have never seen.

 be grateful for what you have, you never know when it can be gone. 

 we do all get attached to our stuff.  I'm no different than anyone else.

 should go attempt a short nap before heading to work for the night.  will be tough to put this out of my mind and focus on the task at hand.  don't want to turn off volume so that i am available if she needs to text and be heard.

 Redoubt in the background. always so pretty at sunset

 quick walk around the estuary grounds before i rejoined the dogs and headed home.  they aren't allowed here.

 my mind is wandering already...have been texting her this afternoon.  they are safe and about an hour and a half south at a friends.  they had to purchase a new aquarium for the lizard...looks pretty sad in the big aquarium, which I'm sure was all decorated before.

 did take the time to  prep Skelly and friends for Thanksgiving. 

 not sure if i will have a kitchen to cook in by then, maybe part of one anyway.

 much to be thankful for this year as every year.

 things are not easy and there is much that needs to be improved in our nation but overall, we still have it pretty dang good. 

 better go close my eyes.

thankful A.  my niece and her family are safe and well  B. for those who risk their lives to fight fires such as these C. officers who run into buildings of active shooters to save others lives...we lost an officer in this shooting last night.