boxed in...

 

so my neighbors getting their counters installed and the truck has my driveway blocked...has all day.  i'm sure i could get them to move but it's raining so it's just been another excuse to get the day started slowly. i did sit on hold for a bit so that took some time and was always going to.  my pet insurance was auto deducted from my paycheck and that is going away so i had to get that transitioned back to auto deduct from my regular account. so i had time.

still enjoying the fall colors. had debated a quick run to Talkeetna today but i was up late last night.  

many of these are from the colorful run up Arctic Valley. 

thank you Great British Baking Show for making the next season happen.  the first episode was available so i watched that. they had the contestants just quarantine to be on the show. 

i then finished watching the Anne of Green Gables series. don't know if there will be more of that.  it's fun though she really can be annoying at times since she constanting acts before she thinks.  way too emotionally liable for my liking..haha. 

i finished another 3 nights in ICU with the same two patients all three nights.  that is not usual. staff is down.  

i suspect staff is down across the nation as people get tired of dealing with all this covid crap

i'm getting acne from the mask wearing.  haven't had acne for years...so that is annoying

did manage little walks between shifts.  Cheney Lake and Baxter Bog.  yesterday i was beat.  i finally did manage a dog park walk. 

my two patients kept me very busy...very tasky as we would say.

now i laugh to myself about what an easy job i have...some would even say simple...haha!! yes apologies were made after that conversation. it's just a sign of how little people actually know about what we do. a little disrespect as well of course. 

i suspect some of that thinking is it's "women's work" or was seen as such for years. so if women can do it, it must not be too difficult. if it was then it would have been man's work all along. the same could be said for other jobs that were mostly viewed as female jobs...even being stay at home parents.  must be easy, right?  haha. 

i laugh as well because i work in the intensive care units and ER...not units known for being easy or simple but the perception is what it is i guess. until you are a patient you may never really get what your nurse, male or female, does for you. 

we have a steady group of Covid admits on any given day.  what i've seen is that patients with covid, especially the really ill ones take up a bed/vent for weeks and weeks.  for those places that get inundated with covid patients they fill up and can't empty out to take in new cases.  it stops up the entire system.

wearing the masks and face shields is a bother to say the least. 

i had bruising from my massage.  she really had to dig in on those knots.  i've also probably taken a bit more exedrin than usual with the headaches i had.  

there is a study that we were offered to be a part in.  it was to get antigen testing for covid.  i signed up and got that done after i'd worked the night.  i think they had over 1500 signed on when i arrived. the results came back the same day and i am negative. i wonder if they will re-test us at intervals and see if we change. perhaps a testament to the masks and shields.  

nobody i spoke to had tested positive yet...but that was just a small number.  everyone had commented they kind of hoped they would have.  just so we can be like, oh good we already were exposed and we are ok. no such luck

our nation should have been doing wide scale testing months ago.  this administration has screwed this pandemic up so badly and the right just keeps making excuses for them.  they keep moving the goal post as to how many deaths is acceptable and their followers just repeat whatever crap they say.  we are now at over 200,000 deaths and counting. 

since they feel a bit uncomfortable with that number the next move is to victim blame basically....all that died somehow deserve it because they had pre-existing conditions. or they just say fake news...which to me now just equals saying i'm an idiot trump cult member.  they also try to act like the deaths are not real, are something else, are over counted, part of a conspiracy...anything to not put any blame on trump and his sycophants. 

so not only is my job not easy or simple on a regular day it's been made more difficult by this virus and then even more difficult by the constant denial on the right about this virus. not just difficult but disheartening as you struggle with this pandemic reality while others think it's no big deal. 

the latest out there is the New York Times has another big report about the trump financial quagmire.  it sounds like it is worse than we knew.  he owes over 400 million or was it billion to who knows who.  he hasn't paid but like $1400 in taxes over the last many years and has instead gotten millions in tax breaks and refunds.

all these Republicans that support this while claiming they support fire/police/military/infrastructure...we pay for these things with taxes. yes we all like to pay as little as possible but that is very different from doing all you can to use fraud to steal money from your fellow citizens who depend on these services. we all depend on these services. he has not only paid but he's grabbed what he could and continues to use his current position to get even more.

the next thing those on the right like to say is he donates his salary...well, he can't legally not accept a salary in this position so this is another lie.  he takes the salary, now he's made great show of donating one or two, but i bet not all of them and i know one of those he gave to the national park system at the same time he took millions from them so that is like cleaning out my bank accounts and then handing me a few pennies in return. 

this is the second big report on his finances that has come out from them.  they have multiple fact checkers and sources. still trumps followers won't give an inch.  they are beyond reach of sanity at this point for the most part...those cyber trump cult followers.  how do we deprogram 30+ % of the population. 

views from the top. 

not sure where i'll take these pups.  

i think the sun may be coming out so the delay may have been beneficial. 

powerline pass will start to be good moose viewing in the next weeks.

i really can't believe that September is almost over!!

raked up a few bags of leaves yesterday.  as a two dog owner it helps to get those leaves raked up so i can find the dog poops and avoid poop soup. 

the dogs just barked....the crew is packed up and my driveway will be clear in a minute.  

making the most of the delay. 

the local reds are fading fast.  

i can chase fall for a few more weeks perhaps but soon we will be covered in snow.  there was a little termination dust on the local mountains this week. 

this place is always amazing to me.  it's constantly changing.  i can hit the same trails week after week and see very different things. 

i have three more nights of work starting tomorrow night, will i be in ICU for a third week.  always strange to have the same patients three nights in a row. that is just rare these days.

there have been holds in the Er pretty regularly again.  we shall see what the flu season holds. if people mask and distance at least some we may have a lighter flu season which will make it a bit less crazy with the covid.  still hoping we can avoid the worst of it up here.  

the tourist season is over, what little we had this year so now we can hunker down hopefully.  of course, on the flip side we are inside more, which is what happened during the pandemic of 1918 ( i think i have the year/time right).  in winter people are in close quarters which can lead to increased transmission. we shall see. the numbers in the villages has already shown an increase.

some of these are from a dunes walk.  

these leaves are probably down by now.

much sad cases in the ICU this week.  i had two of them.  

off to walk and then hit the grocery store i guess. 

in between shifts i don't always get much done...the Skelly crew has been ignored as well.  time to get them redone...maybe a Halloween theme...not sure if the massacre will be able to happen.  boo.  i already have a few pumpkins here so a massacre will happen just not sure if i can have friends over.  

there are still a lot more leaves to come down out there.  love the smell of fall.  decomposing never smelled so good. haha.

as long as Covid Cat doesn't bring anything inside to decompose!!

thankful for A.  fall and all it's glory  B. to not be a Republican ( laughing as at one Thanksgiving we went around the room saying what we were thankful for and my Mom said she was "thankful to be a Republican)  C. having a job, despite the stress involved some days. may we all get through this and come out more decent and kind on the other side.

embrace fear...

 

it must be done on occasion. too often we avoid fear and thus we avoid any and all conflicts or anything that makes us the least bit uncomfortable. 

yesterday i had my massage and then had decided to hike out at Eagle River Nature Center without the dogs. i generally walk with my dogs, which i forget adds some feeling of safety to my walks.  they make added noise.  just me, it was too quiet. that area is known for bear activity.  so i did start to get a bit anxious.  

i pondered turning back several times but i decided it was best to embrace the fear of it all, make noise and carry on.  i cheered myself as i arrived at the river, my turn around point. 

it's good to use common sense but it's also important to not let fear be the thing that prevents you from doing things you want to do. 

i remember having this thought when i was younger and living in the big city.  big city life can come with its own dangers but ultimately you can't let those dangers and your fears totally limit you.  if you do then the bad elements of life and society will control and dictate you, which in my mind is a win for them. 

you take the precautions, you stay alert and aware and you move forward.  so much in my life would never have happened if i let fear dictate which way i went. 

i would have stayed in a religion i didn't believe in because it's easier to stay with what is known even if what is known doesn't bring you happiness.  this is why they believe many repeat the lives of abuse they survived as children.  

i had taken the dogs on a nice 3+ mile loop in North Bivouac before heading to my massage so i got a good 7-8 miles of walking in yesterday.

no bears were spotted, just one bear scat.  i did find it easy to call out "here puppies" as i often do when i have the dogs with me.  i turned a corner and there was a woman holding her dog...i had to explain that i did not have any dogs with me but was just saying that as a way to make noise.  she no doubt thought i was crazy.  i'm sure that is something i am called under folks breath from time to time. 

a niece today felt the need to defend her friend against a comment i made today even though the comment wasn't at all offensive or even really said in any form of attack.  clearly she believes i am her crazy aunt who must be defended against.  be careful who you call crazy...it may be that you are the one who is crazy and reactive.  

the massage felt great.  a little painful at times as i have 15 months of knots built up. i'll need to reschedule and keep more on top of the knots.  they are still there but i can turn my head and move and breath.  sore from where she had to dig in but that is external and much better than the sore from the knots. 

of course, i head back to work tonight so the knots will no doubt build back up pretty quickly. 

the start of the stretch.  always a bit daunting. 

i think having embraced fear at times, i mean i do it pretty much every day i work, helps me to negate the fear of fear.  when a pilot said we needed to prepare to crash, everyone was calm.  i mean you could feel extreme anxiety of course, but our bodies have a way of taking us out of the situation in order to help us think levelly.  it was after i was safe that my body released the true anxiety of it.  i've been in other situations like this and that is how my body has reacted.  bear trying to join you in a car, you stay fairly calm and able to deal, but days later your body releases that fear and anxiety. 

once you start to understand this you see fear a little differently.  that doesn't mean i will embrace fear to the point of jumping out of planes.  that just isn't something that sounds fun to me. 

every day the nut job says more crazy shit and his followers ignore and excuse it.  don't listen to what he says.  what he says matters though.  when he repeats that he may not accept the results of this election that is important to listen to.  he's not hiding what his desires are, they are out there in the open for anyone who is willing to pay attention.  many do not though. 

this causes fear and anxiety as well.  in many ways these things are beyond our power, we have lived in a state of anxiety the entire time he's been in.  it's a matter of finding some way to center yourself, some way to find hope that this madness is needed in order to end up in a much better place.  sometimes you have to get to the edge before you can pull back from it. 

this idiot and his sycophants are taking us to the edge. all we can do is hang on and hope....and vote. 

he's working very hard to make the election appear to be not legit.  there is even talk that they will try to ignore the voters and instead get the electorate fixed to return trump to office no matter what the voters want.  we shall see.  you can't always control all the people you want to and despite the madness, there are still people who will do the right thing when faced with it. 

we have to be careful to not given him more power than he actually has.  he wants us to believe that he holds all the power, but he is just a man.  a weak man at that.  a man with a fragile ego.  

today he dared show up as RBG lay in state and he was booed out.  he has done nothing but disrespect her, especially since she passed and here he was trying to play some game.  the people knew it.  he walked away as his fear does rule him.  he lets others tell him what to do and think.  his people like him because they think he speaks his mind, because he says crazy crap, but really it's all just crazy crap he's heard on fox or qanon or whatever place he goes to for information.  he doesn't listen to those who have actual knowledge.  he doesn't want those people around him....they make him feel small and stupid.  they show him who he really is, so instead he does whatever he can to please the base that worships him. 

people from the right keep coming out against trump.  the latest is the late McCains wife. there has also been a large contingency of military leaders who have come out against him.  there are two organized groups of Republicans out there that support Biden at this point.  they don't support the Democrats ways but they know that trump is destroying what we are as a nation and they do not want him to have continued power of a second term. 

bake cookies, walk dogs, or just play outside today in the rain.  the dogs just like to chase the toy.  i did rake a few leaves...i need to in order to attempt to keep up on the dog poop. 

i feel i have made a good run of chasing the fall this week.  next week off, perhaps i'll head to the Kenai for the fall colors there.  soon there will be no fall colors to chase at all. 

so i've been out and about.  

these are local walks but we have a good show of local color right now

been watching a few episodes of "Anne of Green Gables" in the evening.  she is actually a bit annoying at times since she manages to screw things up so often.  i'm probably annoying that way as well though.  it's the risk of being so different from the usual social norms.  still, i wouldn't ever be comfortable being normal. i don't have it in me...i guess neither did this character.  there are more of us out there than is known.  many just live their lives quietly being different in whatever way they can find.  

embrace fear, embrace your crazy self as well.  speak out, even if it pisses people off.  many need to be pissed off.  many need to have their normal questioned.  normal is not always the what is best or right, it's just what is safe.  living safe rarely leads to progress.  it's the innovators that lead us forward.  those who are quirky and independent and wild.  who embrace fear instead of being restricted by it. 

Tusker at the end of a hollow log.  

me, just chilling with the best friends a girl could have.

it's been wet off and on out there. i'm fine walking in the rain...as are they.  the Covid Cat seems to be fairly okay with the rain as well. i think he's finding places to hide outside to stay dry-ish. 

he still demands extra food and i give in pretty much every time....

he's a big, sweet cat.  here he is with Miss Breezy Chatterbug.  she is pretty sweet too, despite her shyness. 

he occasionally has shown an interest in the running water.  i'm loving the new bathroom cabinet/counters/sink set up.  i've slowly been working on adding the shelves.  takes time to build confidence in these home projects. 

i did take measurements on the floors in the bathrooms so those will be next i guess.  one at a time. 

then the main room and stairs.  it's all such a bother though. 

gotta move everything out.  i can't even more the washing machine. 

a grizzly bear broke into the llama enclosure at the local little zoo.  one llama had to be put down and the grizzly bear was found and killed as well. felt so bad for those llama's trapped with no place to run.  the other llama will no doubt be pretty traumatized.  

above is at the dunes.  below is just one of the local trails either N. Biv or the airstrip.  my usual haunts.

the mushrooms are mostly rotting but i still find some.  a few out at the nature center. the drive out was really pretty. 

Eric Trump must meet with NY attorney generals regarding the Trump organizations financial practices.  there is no doubt trump would toss even his kids under the bus if the end result would make him look bad.  

his kids have no impressed with their intellect or actions as far as i can see. 

the reds were for sure decreased yesterday but the yellows were busting out

well, i better get off this computer and hit the shower.  at least i don't spend my time on the computer at crazy conspiracy sites. there is a cyber cult out there regurgitating all those conspiracies.  they have lost contact with truth and reality.  hopefully, one day they wake up or get deprogrammed but i don't hold out much hope at this point. 

i fear there may be a rash of suicides in those higher offices of people who have prostrated themselves before trump and will wake up to discover how much of themselves they lost because of it.  many were actually no doubt decent humans before he brought them to the dark side of ethics/morals and values.  regret can be devastating when one realizes their errors. 

end with the happy kitten.  he's probably 11 months old now.  so cute. 

thankful for  A.  the fall colors, the changing seasons B. the fabulous furs  C.  fear and anxiety and what can be learned by embracing rather than avoiding these emotions.