long and windy night...

 

not sure if anyone else's sleep was interrupted by the wind.  i opened and closed dog door a few times. 

the last time i shut it was because the outdoor run had flipped over. when i woke again the winds had calmed again...it was nearly 7 am so i went ahead and flipped it back. not the easiest task but it's done.  

single life has always had it's ups and downs.  i'm sure married life does as well.  doing things on my own is great and other times doing things on my own sucks.  making my own decisions is great and other times it can be painful or stressful...as in selecting a house or deciding on whether to let your dog go. 

i would still rather be single than be unhappy in a bad or mediocre  marriage.  that seems to be a good chunk of marriages so i focus on the misery of others some days to buoy me up when i have misery.  i'm always in awe of those rare marriages/relationships that do seem to be strong and truly a partnership. it always felt like do it that way or not at all. i'm sure it takes a lot of work to maintain a relationship over the years with everything life throws at you.

it's been dreary days these past few days.  so a bit down in the dumps, attempting to get motivated to get outside.  the dogs are good motivators though, especially the puppy.  having the older pups did allow some complacency.  it is always such a great place after you have trained the dogs and have adults that are chill with you skipping a walk here and there....with a puppy that is not as doable.  

pups do have a great deal of energy and if you don't expend some of that energy it may be taken out on your shoes or your furniture. yesterday we did the airstrip and around the big loop there.  the day before we hit Ruth Arcand. it felt like the days of fall there with the rocks.  not sure if there were just some exposed with the melting snow or if the rock grabbers have moved on to other places. enjoyed the day out there.

have given him some off leash time and done some training...remembering to take the training treats with me.  

neuter is tomorrow.  will be able to get him licensed after that and get Tusker's license removed.  also they were super nice there and scanned the other pups microchips and put their photo's in with their record just in case they ever end up there. the crew there was so nice.  you never know what will happen.  car accidents, wind storms like last night.  dogs get loose.  it always scares me, especially when i'm at work.  the plus side to the dog door is they can get outside.  the minus side is they can get outside. 

i shut the dog door on days like last night because i fear a fence will come down. it has happened before.  oddly, at the time Tusker and Ivy never made a move to go to the neighbors yard.  i put up a barrier fence until the repair was done but they never made any attempt to break it down.

conversations at work these past weeks...it is funny to me that when i started my career as a nurse we were in the middle of the whole Aids thing.  now at the end of my career we are in the time of Covid. 

before Aids nurses did not always wear gloves like we do now and after Covid i suspect staff will be wearing masks on a much more regular basis....i doubt that will go away post covid. 

i could be wrong. i am wrong more times than i am right i'm sure.  we can all be wrong.  i can be headstrong but i do try to back off more than i used to. no matter how right we feel we are often not right.  dang it there goes the wind again. according to weather report i saw it's supposed to calm down after 10 am...that feels pretty exact so we shall see.  for sure the weather forecast is often wrong

Aids wasn't as transmissible as first reports seemed to assume. there was also the whole concept that it was only happening to the gay community...and that somehow it was Gods punishment....so many didn't want to help those afflicted.  sounds a bit like the old days with the lepers i guess. 

there was one student in my nursing class that was failed out because she refused to take care of any Aids patients and that just isn't how this career works. 

as annoyed as we can be with the current situation, we go in day after day and take care of the patients that are assigned to us. we treat them with respect even when they do not treat us with respect. we use the latest information out there to try and help them heal even if they believe all the science is crap and instead believe random fools on the internet. 

at least in the time of Aids we didn't have rampant conspiracy theories.  

Aids also didn't impact the economy with all the folks taking sick days. 

 Covid is more transmissible so we continue to use precautions at work. at least we do seem to have the gear available. it's a free for all really.  everyone protects themselves how they feel safe.  

in the beginning we were told so many different things on how to be safe and how long masks maybe could last.  it changed constantly.  in the ER it's tougher.  the covid can much more easily run amok. how have i gotten through all those days there without getting it? we still seem to wear mostly the same n95 the whole shift. previous to this those were one time use. 

at this point we feel like we are the survivors, those of us who are still showing up to work. it's us and a constantly changing mix of travel staff. 

i know i am on edge at times.  i know i have more stress than what we usually dealt with. it's tougher to be compassionate.  you have flares of irritation because you are just more on edge. 

we all just want this to be over. we want to have a stable core staff.  we want to feel safe. 

it's easy to be a hermit on my days off.  focus on the dogs. be lazy.   i accomplish so little on most days.  recovery.  

you just try to muster the will on your days off to start again.  feel a bit numb returning to work.  you just never know what you will be facing and who you will be facing it with.  still, it's the job you signed up for.  you go to help those who need help.  you try to be kind.  you try to be patient.  i'm sure all of the energy for me is focused on keeping it together at work...probably makes me a less pleasant friend these days. most days it's just the dogs and i.  

thankfully, i live in a beautiful place.  winter is a bit more difficult some days.  in the summer, my days off I'm off exploring more.  in the winter we tend towards hermitage anyway.  covid has made us more hermits.  we are in our own little worlds mostly. 

will we ever return to any normalcy?  probably going to be tougher for us old single folks.  we were often already isolated. as you get older making and keeping friends can be more of a challenge. 

as the sun begins to return so does the sliver of adventures...it grows as the days grow longer. 

weather and light dictate it.  good training time.  need to get the books out and add to Sunny's skills. ran into a person on the trail. he used to have poodles and said they are smart and like clowns...always entertaining. maybe we can teach Sunny a few tricks. i have my usual stuff. things to teach a pup for day to day life, walking and all the basics, but it's always fun to add in some cute stuff too 

i hear trash cans moving down the street....i should probably go catch mine.  

hoping the dog run hasn't flipped over again.  

these are from Homer of course.  i have spent a lot of time there these past few years.  it's a great escape.  

i'm sure little sunny will love it as well.

mentally, it kept me sane. i'm thankful as well that i have so many things that distract me.  

i see many who really have zero coping skills.  they turn to drugs and alcohol.  i always advocate for schools to have art and music and athletics because those are things that we can all lean into when times are stressful. some times i just put on classical music and enjoy that escape. 

will always cherish the sweet times with these two.  

the critters are fed for the morning.  perhaps another nap before i start the day for real. 

less anxiety these past few weeks. i think the puppy has helped with that. just trying to move forward the best i know how

i need to put in for vacation days this summer. 

it was funny, chatting with my friend CR yesterday. i mentioned the family reunion this summer...as with many of my friends she immediately said do not attend. 

well, i guess i should check and see if the run is still standing and try to grab those trash cans. 

snuggly time with the pups and cats is always a good time...time not wasted as it's therapeutic. 

perhaps i can get a few things accomplished today.  i say that every day though.  :-)  

thankful for A. friends who tolerate me B.  family who tolerate me C. pets who adore me