Curiosity....

 

thought i would blog before i head out for the daily dog walk. 

we are slowly headed toward spring...or at least i am telling myself that.  so much snow this year.  each winter is unique.  this year it's been snow, tons of it. hoping the roof holds for a few more snows. it's a risk. 

was thinking about intellectual curiosity.  its important to have this.  otherwise it's easy to just accept things.  just accepting things stunts people intellectually. i know some very intelligent folks who have allowed their curiosity to be idle, to be pushed back so far as to rarely ever find the light. it's a sad thing to see really.  humans who are just willing to accept what they are told and do as they are asked.  safer i guess. outspoken, curious people are often rebuffed. this was, for sure, not a wanted trait in a young female in a high demand religion. 

being curious....we all have this trait.  many though as a curious thought passes through them reject it and go back to the standards they have been programmed to believe. pushing that curiosity back where it belongs and maintaining their status quo.  being curious leads to asking questions. debating. pondering.  soon, those things that seemed so ingrained in your belief system get questioned and many of those things do not hold up to questioning. so you are taught to not question.  

if you question things it may weaken your faith. i always found that odd.  seems like if your faith was based on truth, a little questioning should only increase that faith not destroy it. in the end the answers to the questions that are faith based often do destroy that faith.  reality, facts. you can have differing opinions but living in a different reality with different facts...a whole other thing. 

a good percentage of those that leave these high demand religions as is happening now...leave after months or years of anguish and research.  they mostly wanted the belief system they were raised with to be reality and truth.  the more you know about these religions the more you realize the truth of them.  many will still now walk away.  i always heard growing up, "even if i found out the church wasn't true i would still not leave". the thought being it was the best way to raise your kids, the only way to happiness. 

you don't know what you are missing out on until you dare to walk away.  most do not dare to walk away.  even when confronted with the reality of the lack of truth. change is scary.  most do not change from the basics they were raised with.  we do have some major shifts in any given society which lends itself to a segment of the population bravely shirking all they were told and venturing off to other worlds and ways of thinking. generally, i think this ends well for those misfit adventurers. 

i am a misfit adventurer. life is never perfect. it's full of ups and downs.  i have never regretted making these dramatic life changes.  i've never looked back and wondered if i was wrong and the church was right.  it wasn't. i've only had the path i've taken reaffirmed repeatedly as being the right path.  the one that led me to the most growth and happiness. 

the further i am away from the "truths" i was taught the more ridiculous they all seem.  

there was social injustices, financial fraud, faked revelation. also misogyny and homophobia, and racism. 

many who stay now, refer to themselves as nuanced members. i'm sorry but to me this is just, i don't believe in all the crap this church has done and continues to do but i do not have the strength or courage to just walk away.  i get it though. fear is incredibly motivating.  these religious organizations depend on fear.  without fear, where would they be.  they thrive on fear and use it to manipulate their members. 

mostly fear of some afterlife of fire and hell for eternity. it's all so nuts really. a God that is so hate filled and cruel.  

as one said, which is more likely....a god came down and impregnated a teenager or that teenager had sex, got pregnant and lied about it. why would an all powerful god need to send a son to die and be resurrected so that we can be saved? couldn't that god just decide to save us? blasphemy, right? even for years after i left i wouldn't speak openly about the things that felt so nuts to me. 

how there was a war in heaven where Jesus wanted us to have free agency and Satan wanted us to just come here, live in a way that was restricted but would guarantee us a spot back in heaven.  we chose Jesus plan of free agency but then came to earth and joined a religion that demanded we give up that agency and hold fast to the iron rod.  you have agency but don't you dare use it. pay your tithing or give up your place in the highest level of heaven. of course, you have agency to not pay your tithing but if you don't, you won't get any blessings, you won't get a temple recommend and without those things you won't get to the highest level of heaven and will be therefore, cut off from all your loved ones.  that isn't a choice, that is a threat and manipulation. people choose tithing over food and rent out of the fear. 

the church has literally billions of dollars but they give very little back to struggling members. 

we were always told that our tax dollars shouldn't go to government social services because that is what charities and churches do...well they are not doing it enough. they are failing...mostly because so many are corrupt and hoard money over helping others.

this trans stuff has been really on my mind lately and i'm very bothered by it. for generations these people, like the rest of the lgqbt population, were made to just hide. it made the general population uncomfortable and for that reason alone, they were to hide out and pretend to fit in. 

i can't say i have or will ever understand what it is like to have feelings that are opposed to my outward experience.  the thing is. we are not required to understand it all, we are only required to love one another and to show respect and acceptance to others as we can. we each have a unique experience on this earth and we each have a valid reason to be here. 

so it's really odd to me that the Christians have chosen this battle for themselves. these are the people who out of one side of their mouths say that all life matters and that every fetus conceived should be brought into this world. they then turn around and despise and hate the child born trans.  so many just say we are either male or female and that is all there is to that discussion.  considering that some are born with both male and female body parts...well, i guess the best in their minds is to just push back any curiousity of the science of this and to just deny it.  since it makes them uncomfortable, it must not exist. 

these same people will look at a birth that has many genetic "failings" and see this as some gift from God and yet if it's a genetic "failing" related to sexuality or sex characteristics it's of satan i guess. they can accept and even glorify a severely handicapped child but one born intersex.  we just hide the truth and hope that all just works out. 

so while the right celebrates the birth of the intersex, they demonize the life. would they support abortion of a fetus that was known to be intersex? 

so basically there are acceptable birth "defects" and unacceptable ones. anything related to sexuality...well that is uncomfortable and therefore they are destined to just feign a clear sexuality. 

being in the closet is a painful existence i would imagine. the trans population is one of the last that is still forced to remain closeted, because their existence makes people uncomfortable.  they are just humans and they just want to live a human existence. you do not have to out and out support their rights i'd guess, but all these bills that are making their way through communities and passing are going far beyond a lack of support. they want these lives hidden. they want these lives to not exist. 

this is how the beginnings of fascism have started in the past. the marginalized are the easiest to destroy. they are the testers for how easy it will be to control the general population. who will stand up for trans people? hitler found not many. not many will stand up for those who are mentally ill either. the marginalized segments are demonized and begin to disappear.  people get numb to the disappearance of others. believe the bull, that they are being cared for in other places.  that these fascists are really taking them away for their own good and safety. 

the general population believes the bull because that is what they want to believe.  also because many of them are uncomfortable with these populations anyway so nobody really minds when they are gone.  life will look/feel better when the drug addicts and homeless people are gone, right? they will be next i'd guess. so rather than find solutions to social issues, just destroy those populations.  it is the easy way out really.  helping and supporting these populations takes curiosity, it takes money, it takes time and efforts and it will make us all feel uncomfortable. 

we do not like to feel uncomfortable. 

it's lightly snowing out there. i'll head out soon to walk these dogs. have done the dog park a lot this winter. with the deep snow it gets annoying to post hole on the trails anytime you step off the thin trail. the dogs could care less. 

this week i worked ER holds and then Cardiac Surgery Unit.  my least favorite is the cardiac unit.  partly because they are just high strung and annoying patients some times. the Dr's tend to also be jerks and for some reason, the float staff always seem to get the worst assignments. i was given all the worst personality patients...so that does track. 

the one guy was the epitome of the ugly american.  horrible human really.  yammered on and on about himself. we were convinced he had feelings of grandeur as well as narcissistic tendencies.  he droned on and on about himself all night to anyone who came in his space.  he was also nasty about everyone else. condescending jerk really.  makes for a long 12 hours, trying to play nice.  at one point he was speaking loudly on the phone about how the trans population being allowed in the military has destroyed our military. 

like sports, it's so nuts.  it's such a small segment of the population.  nobody makes this change without decades of pain and suffering. they aren't all interested in being olympiads or navy seals either.  they comprise, from what i've read, 1-2% of any population. we seem to care more about fairness in sports in this culture that anything.  it's nuts. 

people get mowed down by guns on a near daily basis and yet there is apparently not a thing we can do to prevent these deaths...but one trans kid wants to play softball and the world is ending, laws must be written. 

Sunny has grown taller. working on his hair cut this week. 

this hang glider was flying by. 

this will happen here in the not too distant future. it will take time for the snow to melt. with long days coming it will melt faster and faster. 

anyway...there was also a train derailment that happened. ohio. it was toxic chemicals that they decided to burn off.  so now that whole area is toxic. the ohio governor hasn't declared an emergency. this means the feds haven't come and so the right is blaming. nothing new there. 

have to do my schedule again on Monday. 

sorry, was on the phone so got distracted. it's harder for me to even desire conversations with people who are sucked into the conservative thinking/lack of curiosity really. i find that i am disturbed by this lack of curiosity and simple thinking on so many of these issues. 

our lives diverged at the time that i walked away from the church and that divide has only gotten deeper. i'm woke i guess and they are not.  of course, they see being woke as a negative thing, a thing to be mocked. to be woke just means to be aware. mostly to be socially aware...so to not be woke would be to not be socially aware. haha. 

of course, like so many things in our culture, be woke started in post slave times. blacks would use this as they walked away from each other. they would say "be woke", which for them meant keep alert and stay alive really.  saw that some place. i'm sure i'm not saying it totally right.  interesting how many things from that era have silently influenced our lives now and how so many now still want to deny our past and make sure the history is silent. 

our nation was built on the backs of others. we must own up to it and be aware/woke to it in order to try and prevent such things from happening again.  we must be aware of all the people in this world and how we are the same and how we are different.  work together to make the world a more perfect place for more. that isn't the base mentality though.  many just want everyone to live in the box they created for themselves.  it's okay to live in a box, but it's not okay to force others to live in your box. 

i enjoy the diversity, the drama of this world that combines us all. it is a fascinating experience.  people from all over being tossed together. we can do this. we can make this work. we can raise each other up instead of tearing each other down.  we can all exist on the same planet.  it takes effort to allow others to rise up and to be willing to sit down for others to have their time in the sun. we all deserve our little slice of the heaven on earth we create.  we certainly do not need fear of post earth existence to dictate everything we do on this earth. we most certainly do not need to use our views of our post earth existence to influence others lives on earth. 

sunny watches the glider. of course, i was worried he's try to chase it off the cliff there.  

the snow is falling harder now. so far not a huge dump i think will happen.  that can change.  my roof is full of snow.  i do worry about the weight of it all. hoping for a little bit of a warm up and a melt off.  once we hit March, it is shocking really how quickly the winter gives way to spring.  so hoping the roof lasts a few more weeks!

where to walk...dog park again? it's possible. the other trails just get more packed on the weekends since covid.  so many discovered the great outdoors with covid restrictions...dang it!

grateful for: A. sleep, deep and peaceful B. sweets and treats C. the snuggly puppies in my care that do not have any mental health issues. whew! dodged a bullet not being a human parent i think often.  haha. dogs are so much easier! 

on a day that celebrates love, there is still so much hate...

 

so i'm here to clear my head of all the hate i see around me so i can return to a peace filled sleep and restart the day. 

truth be told years ago i would have joined in the jokes about trans population.  it's reported that 1.7% of the population is intersex...meaning they have both male and female sex characteristics.  if people do the math on that, this is a very large chunk of the earths population.  still a small fraction but a larger number than many want to realize.

the hate is directed at this people.  laws are being written in mass to basically eliminate them from existence.  put them into hiding because it makes the religious right uncomfortable.  truth be told this is something that many are uncomfortable with, confused about.  that doesn't mean we can just eliminate them. they are here. they deserve as much as anyone to be here. 

if you claim to be prolife but vote against these people and support the current hatred.  if you do not stand up to protect you are promoting the other.  silence is allowance.  many who claim to be prolife would probably be just fine if this segment of the population wasn't born. they will fight for their right to live until the second they are born and then their hatred will put that life at risk.  

a trans female in the UK i believe, was stabbed to death.  she was only 16. silence and fear of this population encouraged the hate that led to her death.  that is how it works.  if you speak out against this population and vote to make laws banning their existence you are responsible indirectly for their loss. 

the truth is the Jesus they support was a woke liberal.  that Jesus would not have wasted 20 million on a super bowl ad when thousands upon thousands are suffering in Ukraine from a war they did not start and in Turkey and Syria from an earthquake they didn't cause. it's absolutely disgusting to me. 

that Jesus would not have mocked and trashed a population of people because they do not fit inside a tight little box of who you will support. the least of these...you are supposed to support and protect the least of these...who are the least of these? if that isn't people like those in this populations then i don't know what is. 

if you support these hate bills and those who enact these hate bills, you are more aligned with the work of Hitler than that of Jesus. he went after the disabled, the gays, the trans, the maligned. there is nothing new historically here. 

the truth is many of those who claim to be pro-life would actually be happy to look the other way if an intersex fetus was aborted.  

the rights grip on the prolife/anti abortion movement was mostly an easy convenient target. those fetuses required nothing of them financially.  the burden of them was on the female. they were free of anything and fully able to just use these fetuses free for their  political messaging.  in truth, getting their way will benefit them less than anyone else.  this was the big fight they were able to gain money and support for. now they have to find other boogiemen to go after.  easy, low hanging fruit.  they target them, use false religious claims and their followers are lead in easily to the hatred. 

if they really wanted less abortions the answers have been there all along and they have fought these every time in every way possible. sex education, financial support for pregnant women and young families, day care, birth control.  all of these decreased the need for abortion. there are less abortions under Democrats because they support these things...oddly, they haven't embraced any of it, they have fought against it. they need the abortions as propaganda. ending abortions hurts them and the children they "save" often the most. they want more white babies...that is the truth of it.  

that fight was always about control over women than the "life". everything they support/vote for doesn't promote life. 

another shooting last night.  at a university.  some of these young people are becoming second time victims/survivors of these now.  that is the world the right is creating.  they love guns far more than they will ever support life.  

they will always toss their arms up after each of these shootings and scream about their gun rights and that there just is nothing to be done.  God forbid one trans kid play in a softball game...that wouldn't be fair and winning at sports is far more vital than surviving a shooting. the idiocy is run amuck and yet, here we are. 

last week i worked Cardiac Unit, then PICU for two nights.  always interesting at my work

refusing blood products because there might possibly be a fraction of the covid vaccine in there? how do these people come to their logic on this foolishness? easily, it's spoon fed to people who have allowed ignorance and fear of the unknown to make them hate.  fear and hate is so easy to manipulate.  they buy into the most stupid conspiracies. 

i just am not sure how we get past the idiocy that has transformed our nation.  the even crazier thing is the stupid want to make sure the next generation is even more stupid by attempting to trash any and all education and learning because they have found that intelligence means walking away from religion. that can't happen.  

so many are leaving Christianity in droves. the further away i am from my childhood roots in a high demand religion the more crazy and ludicrous it all is.  they will lose this next generation to critical thinking if they do not act now to destroy their ability to think critically.  

faith is not knowledge. they always said, i know. they don't.  they believe. you may believe strongly but you can't know.  believe is just that, a strong feeling without knowledge. 

nature is the peace for me.  all these talk of an all knowing all loving god. one that allows entire populations to be wiped out.  not selecting horrific people to be killed off, but instead looking the other way while good and decent humans, children, babies, pregnant people get killed off. 

these idiots who literally believe that their prayers to help find their lost keys are answered while the prayers of thousands buried under buildings following a quake go ignored....i mean what kind of elitist arrogance does that take?

there is so much happening right now.  

i experience both the beauty of this beautiful earth and the hatred of the inhabitants. 

valentines day.  a capitalist day of love. there will be no valentines for this girl.  it's been the cause of much pain in years past.  now, it's just another day.  

am i jaded? a bit i suppose. i see many who will celebrate love while embracing the hatred towards others.  they will never see the irony of their hate. how they worship a God of love and kindness and generosity while embracing a society supporting hate. 

they have been still finding the random life under the rubble.  they will scream praise to a God...a God that will save one while allowing the loss of thousands. 

still i pray myself at times.  an unfounded hope that there is some all powerful being out there that will make sense of the madness of it all.  all while suspecting there is no existence of one such God and instead we are just living a life of complete randomness.  me, having hit the jackpot of safety and security in a world that is so horrific to so many. knowing my tide could change at any moment.  

for it just takes one event to change our lives from peaceful and comfortable to disastrous and terrifying. 

none of us are immune, though frankly, it does feel like the truly terrible people seem to get a pass while we watch good and decent people get the short end of the stick over and over.

so Happy Valentines Day.  

check your hate at the door. you never know when you or someone you love will become the victim of the hate that you now support. 

how much will it take before you abandon your line of hate to protect someone you claim to love?

or will you just do like so many in the times of Hitler did and just look the other way.  make excuses for that and glide along, happy that it's not happening to you. 

the religious will have some answering to this God they claim is supreme or perhaps they would have just wasted a life living in a sheltered box.  stunting themselves in every possible way because stepping out of that comfortable box is way too scary for them. 

if you are making excuses for your views that support hatred, you are not the one on the right side of history.  

read the messages of the Jesus you claim to support. i would venture that many of you will be faced with how far away your political views are from that message. try as you may, there just will never be a way to bring the message of Jesus and the messages of hate together.  your Jesus was woke and liberal and a messenger of love, hope, support, kindness....all of those things. love one another, treat others as you would wish to be treated, do not judge. 

and yet, Christians do not represent this at all unless those others are also in their accepted box. 

it's time for the anti-woke to be woke. 

but will they wake up? i do not see it happening on any grand scale. it's individual by individual, who is then booted out as a heretic. 

made the enemy because they finally found a way to be rational. 

hoping this has cleared my head and i can take a morning nap now

ready to battle another night of work.  will i have the mormon theme song of I am a child of god screamed out as i am taking down a patient? nursing is strange. 

i hope you find love and acceptance in this world.  i hope the best of humanity is victorious and those filled with ignorance, fear and hatred find a way to fight that off and return to a place of love and acceptance.  

but hope feels fleeting and intangible some days. 

thankful for A.  every life that is birthed from under the rubble B. each person who wakes up to the reality of this religious madness.  C. the beautiful snow...though i am a bit sore from shoveling and snowshoeing again. haha.