in my 60's now....crazy

 

seems like my entries are more on the monthly basis. i think that is a reflection of a calmer brain. much less craziness. growth, maturity. who knows. some days i keep fairly busy and other days i get less done. i try to just allow my brain/body to guide me. 

this month i did get to Denali National Park and back down to Homer for my Birthday week. both trips went well  and i had great views and the dogs and i were all exhausted after.  Denali, the big mountain made a showing. in Homer, i found a new spot on the spit to explore during a nice low tide. 

i'd heard that there were sand dollars there.  i had nice -5.2 low tides. i spent the first morning at Bishops Beach and the second morning at the new spot behind the pier one theater on the spit. not disappointed either day.  there were thousands of sand dollars, especially once you got into the more sandy section below the tide zone. picked up a few shells as well. i have bleached those and put the nicest ones in the coffee table.

other finds, a nudibranch, stars, cucumber. always fun. weather was supposed to rain the whole time but really it was great.

my only complaint was that the hotel in Homer had tv set again to revert to faux news. i mentioned it again and they seem to be attempted to fix this. it used to revert to music. i like to leave the tv on when i fall asleep. the noise muffles any sounds outside the room which may make Sunny or Ivy bark. i tend to leave it on a station that plays friends or big bang or some other inane tv program. wake up to faux though, ick. they do actually seem concerned and baffled why it is doing this. 

my hotel in Healy called on my full day there and asked if  i was  staying, saying that when they went to clean the room was empty. odd as i was in the room taking a rest between drives into Denali and all my stuff was there. happy i was there when i got that call or i may have been very anxious about it. 

there are stars at the end of the spit but less than previous years and you really need a good low tide to see them.  

did not see any big animals in Denali, at least not close up.  there were loads of ptarmigan that the dogs wanted to chase. maybe the fact that they were still changing colors they were easy to spot. the road was open to mile 30 for all. 

that is always a fun time to go and you never know what you will see. still pretty and the big mountain was out. the drive out and back is long but we had a good time.  i always make lots of stops. 

now i have an overnight with friends at Dolly Varden cabin for June and also just booked that cute cabin at the KOA for June. no great low tides the rest of the summer anywhere it seems. was looking at Yakutat. maybe just find a low tide in general. it's been on the explore this place list for awhile. 

the painting on the shed is nearly done.  i painted it non-mellow yellow with brown trim.  still have a little trim to complete. painted some birds and birdhouses on there. 

got the railing on the back deck repaired and he will come back and put some sort of awning up over the back door and repair that wall where water and dogs damaged it. i also want to get sand and pavers in the area next to the shed and perhaps a planter on the other side. 

this keyboard is sticky, kind of annoying.

i have planted some flowers, which always perks up the place. 

look at the pretty sun star!

i also had a company come out to look at replacing upstairs windows. way too spendy for me. he mentioned a 40 year warranty. laughed as at 60, a 40 year warranty feels like overkill. i'll be dead. it's not that you are planning your death but you do realize that some things are really not going to matter. 

i think dropping eternity from your constant thoughts also makes some things matter less. 

i always thought the idea of my dead relatives or God watching my every move was strange. i mean how would they know when to look away or do they view every odd human thing i do. taking a shit, having sex....so many things in life we really don't want any other humans to see let alone those in the afterlife. 

my Birthday is always an awkward thing. i mean i want and crave the attention and acknowledgement while also being very uncomfortable with any attention. in the end this year, i had a few lovely meals out with friends and took a beautiful drive back from Homer after a perfect day in the tide pools. i hung out with my dogs that day. 

a friend called while i was on a stop to stretch with the dogs. of course, i dropped the chuck it out there i suspect. it was gone.  i walked back but never ran across it. tried to find a new short chuck it in town and then ordered one online. hopefully it's the right one. 

it is funny that Ivy loses tennis balls constantly, hundreds really. i lose one chuck it though and that is a disaster for us. 

in between trips i've mostly walked at the dog park or Campbell airstrip. 

the dogs are happy with this. i have walked Sunny on leash at the airstrip since the bears area out and the moose are popping out babies all over the place. he actually does great on leash and it's just me that needs to adjust to having a dog on leash. will meet friends in a bit for a walk today. 

this guy is real pretty too

i'm a fan of big clouds and sunsets

i return to work tomorrow night. i took this week off to enjoy my Birthday.  i have always tried to avoid my Birthday being at work. i do recall one Birthday at work. had to call a code strong as my patient flipped out. i was dropping a foley cath when my coworkers stood at the doorway singing happy birthday. nurses and medical folks in general develop a very twisted sense of humor. love my co-workers.

the trees are all green again. i love that fresh and beautiful pop of green.

now the flowers are coming out. this place is just a constant barrage of change.

love all the drama. i don't like drama in day-to-day life but i love it in nature

beautiful sunset in Homer at Bishops Beach. there are horses in the horse paddocks now. tours being given. 

i should have asked if they had any tours for low tide, because the next day the horses were in the paddock while we were on the beach. that night a woman was on a horse and Sunny kept barking.  he seems better with just the horses. not the horses with riders.

these boots were added to the mix of planters as you can see the big cracks. i do wear these a lot up here in the summers. guess Ketchikan has had loads of rain this past month. over 20+ inches in May alone. 

more of the greens

our nation remains a mess. love that a reporter called the idiot out. apparently, he's being called taco over these tariffs. he's so thin skinned, as are his followers so this has really upset them so of course, it's going wild. so many great memes. taco stands for trump always chickens out. perfect. so that has become his new name...among so many others. 

they have to crash and burn on their own. we have to mostly just sit back and allow the final meltdown of these idiots.  sadly, this is going to cause suffering in many. i just hope that once their extinction burst is over things can be made better for everyone. all the things they have fought against will be codified as rights. healthcare situation will improve as will workers' rights, gay rights, women's rights, education, racial inequalities...there is much wrong with this place. believe me no God will fix any of it. 

praying hasn't shown to work to fix actual issues in any society. that requires laws. 

this is the new spot for tide pooling

a little double rainbow action. I'm seeing some sunshine out there right now. hopefully a good walk 

i have a few things on my to do list. a few appointments to make. i tend to group those and tackle those at one time. i'm starting to think my anxiety is also wrapped up in some adhd. wasn't something we were aware of when i was younger. just ordered a book to do more research. claims to help you get your life more organized and productive, which would be helpful.

should eat something before i head out. just snacks

Sunny may be on leash for the walk. my knee has been a wee bit sore. suspect all that slipping around in the low tide zone. i did one slow backwards fall.  caught myself and was just in a bridge position. 

there was still some ice on lakes when i headed north last month. sure, that is all gone

love those trails in Talkeetna for a break in driving 

may add a night in Tok after Valdez, take a drive to Chicken?  it's been a while since i've done that drive.

grateful for A. another year on this beautiful planet B. pretty good health for my age C. the people and pets that make my life more full.  

one week out....

 

so far all seems to be going well with recovery. they had said the overall healing should be smooth, it will just be weight restrictions that will keep me off work. my job isn't normal and they require i be at 100% to work. no light duty for this old gal.  the universe must have believed i needed a break. i did apply for a desk job and didn't get it, part of that was knowing i'd have to be off longer if i wasn't on a desk job if i did get this surgery. things happen the way they should so here we are. 

i only took the day after surgery off from walking.  the walks are slow for sure. i've done mostly rather flat walks, slow. a bit sore out there but nothing that wasn't manageable. have taken half of one pill of stronger pain pill at night, but have just used tylenol/ibuprofen for the days. i'm a belly sleeper so i've been able to flop over the past several nights so that helps with sleep.

back to my baseline of walking alone mostly.  that is life as a single person. who wants to beg people to walk with you.  i either take the Element or i put Ivy one foot after another on door jam, then up to seat and then one slight lift with her helping these past few days. i think the dogs get that i'm not 100%. they are happy to be out walking though.  spoiled puppies. 

i've tried to add some other thing in so that i'm not just sitting around at home...which is not good for anyone's mental health, especially mine.  walking is how i can gauge how i'm doing. i've walked 2-5 miles nearly every day for probably 30 years now. it's a good tell how fast/slow i go, if i get short of breath, how and where i'm sore. luckily Ivy is older now and mostly just carries her tennis ball. slow bends for the times she really wants a toss. the little incisions are healing and the glue is falling off. just a bit itchy now. 

we did do a drive out to see the sunset and see a plane at Lake Hood decorated with lights one day.  i also took the dogs for photos with Santa the other day.  mostly, it's just the walk, a little errand and then home. 

reading, crosswords, games, tv...just try to keep myself busy and rest a lot. 

not sure where i'll walk today. it's been a headache day. nothing unusual about that, nor is that related to the surgery. 

i think my short term is coming through. i'll look after this. they have paperwork it sounds like. 

was re-watching some sex and the city, haven't seen for years. funny, they now seem pretty crazy and pathetic in many ways. was billed as strong independent women, but they mostly just wanted men to like them.  nothing new there. i remember after i left the church, i had taken to reading magazines like cosmo...try to figure out normal femaleness. a friend pointed out that the entire magazine was just article after article on how to make a man happy...nothing new from the way i was raised...except the church told you to cook and clean and be some helpmate, the magazine focused on how you looked and how you behaved in bed. they need articles on how to make you man see the ways he should be trying to make you happy...

i had sent out cards to the folks who sent me cards the last few years.  i bought less.  less people are doing cards and i'm less into obligations than i used to be.  some folks just aren't interested in doing the card thing. that is fine.  why should i waste money and effort sending cards to people who literally show zero interest in it all. so i have a few spares that i figure if i get that unexpected card i can respond with a card. post op, all the christmas stuff is not that important this year anyway. i got done what i could before surgery. 

i have done too much internet shopping for things i clearly do not need....i think i just like the potential for a package arrival. not too much to look forward too during this time. packages are fun though. 

now that it's been a week, it's time to get some of those weekly home chores done.  cat little, linen change, laundry. i'll just have to pace myself and get stuff done. life goes on of course. 

not sure where to walk today....will wait out this headache a bit i think. 

it's cold out there again today.  back in the teens i think. layer up. when i get home i turn on the mattress pad heater and reheat. need to fine better ways to entertain myself over the next several weeks. 

these are all from this summer and a few summers ago. both in August though. 

thus the mushrooms. 

and a lack of snow of course.  we don't have all that much snow here right now. some ice. may just hit the dog park today. Sunny loves to play with the other pups. 

summer are always great up here. i love the winter though as well. we are nearly to Solstice so it will be nice to start gaining in light. i enjoy the peace though of winter and the darkness. with all the light in summer you really feel obligated to just keep going so winter is a time you tend to allow yourself to be a bit lazy and shut in. watch old reruns, read books, do art projects. hermiting is a good time for people like myself, who don't always love loads of social interaction. 

i say that but most introverts want to be invited, we want to be remembered, we may not always respond normally but we secretly want to be included and sad when we aren't, even if we don't actually participate. i know we are strange on complicated, us humans. 

i've had a few sad/depressed moments this past week. i think that is to be expected. work is good for me in some ways, it forces to me interact and mix with other humans.  it's easy for me to hermit up and work forces the hermit out of the cabin. 

still a few light events that involve small amount of walking that hopefully i will get to next week.  also do enjoy short drives around just to see what lights are up in neighborhoods. 

no desire to go to any church services. i tend to panic with any organized religion. not really a big believer in the tales of Christianity at this point. most of the big stuff is just a repeat of other Gods of the past. Horus, Hercules, Thor were all sons of deity. the resurrection and ascension stories Hercules, dionysus.  sacrament...done

much of the "christmas" celebrations are stolen from paganism. it seems to make sense that most current religions are really just recreated from previous Gods/religions. i think many things that we currently relate to Jesus were derived from others, like Mithras

long fasting, going to temples as pre-teen/teen, solitude, very common.  Buddha did this as well. even the idea of a virginal birth is not just a Jesus thing.  son of God, also done before. many were also in stories of being slain to redeem others. the older i get the less the religion plays a major role. i do like the idea of a time that celebrates kindness and good will towards all. i think we all need that reminder in life. i also love the pomp and circumstance of the lights and music and decorations in general. 

a little gift giving and getting can be fun as well. 

i don't like the obligations that often come with this time of year and the stress that so many are put under to celebrate a certain way. 

i also am less and less impressed with the rise of evangelicals who bastardize the hopeful and giving messages or all these divinities over the generations. the Gods names change and the many of the details change along with them.  there are themes that run through. idolatry and greed have become far too prominent in these "religions".  they play like they are doing good when in actuality they are just using the season to increase they wealth while doing as  little as possible to help others, just enough to put on the show of it.  i know that makes me a very jaded individual. 

may just hit the dog park in a bit. super easy. want to get to best buy over the next few weeks.  get a new desk top before this one dies.  so far so good, but it is from 2009. any recommendations.  just like storage for photo's. don't see this happening today though. dang headaches. 

will be several months before we see flowers again. 

thanks again for the kind words and for those who have helped me, called, texted....it really is the little things in life that bring the most joy.  

i did sent a message to the local shelter saying i could take in a cat with her kittens. they'd have to be kept in a separate room but would be a good distraction.  no word back from them though.  i won't push it. 

not much exciting to say here.  i've avoided much of the politics.  it is what it is, right? we are basically fucked....what else is there to say. 

Sunny Boy is watching the neighborhood, i feel very safe for sure. lol.  he's so brave

ashes left at the dog park. i still leave ashes places. Tusker passed away early December those few years ago. i lost Blossom and Rio in November different years but this time of year is always a reminder of those loses. i do feel like those dogs send me other dogs and watch over us. easier for me to trust and believe in dogs than Gods.  i know that makes little sense in the big picture.  dogs are just pure in heart and religions...well, the proof is they tend to lean towards controlling and greedy. 

rest, walk, errand, nap...that is the plan at least until after solstice i think. 

i'll check back online on the short term disability stuff latter this evening.  can only sit on a computer for so long. 

again thanks, hope all goes well for everyone out there. the holidays can be fun or rough so i hope that any who read this are finding some peace and joy at this season.  for me that is often just a drive to look at lights and a snuggle with the dogs watching some sappy Christmas thing. 

grateful A to those who honor the peace of the season and the reason for the season B continue healing C that i've been able to get out each day and let nature do it's healing as well.