Saturday, July 2, 2011

return with honor..

just watched this documentary, "return with honor:american experience". it was stories of fighter pilots shot down in north vietnam. it was quite inspiring. it is easy to forget all that you have in life. events such as the ones these men suffered through ultimately give them a perspective on life that few of us will ever fathom. the things we all stress over in our day to day lives have no comparison to day to day torture and isolation. it's amazing to hear how they overcame the trials that went on and on for years. how they were able to pull together as a team without even physically meeting each other. they used every way imaginable to communicate. no matter how weak we think we are, there often is a strength that exists below the surface. one must just hope and pray that we are never asked to summon it.
i remember hearing of the POW's as a child, but never understood what that meant for them. i am more grateful than ever to those who serve with honor and saddened by those who will never return.

think i am ready for my trip. we leave tomorrow. the packing is pretty much done, though i'm really not sure if i have overpacked or underpacked. strange packing for a camping trip without taking all your camping gear. it's still a full duffle bag and i suspect i'll be paying some fees to get it there. the house is cleaned, at least to my acceptable level of clean. i found all the cat toys that i had wondered about. there were at least 8 of breezy's toys under the oven. now i will know where to look. always a bit nervous and excited before a trip. do i have what i need, will everyone get along, will everyone have fun, will we all be safe, what will we see? will the dogs and cats be okay while i'm gone? i find that the anxiety of planning and prepping dissapates as the plane leaves the terminal. it's all just out of your control at some point. the planning ends and the adventure begins. you change modes somehow. the dogs and cats will be fine, whatever happens will happen.

always very excited to see new places in alaska i've only heard of. there are so many awesome places to go in this state alone. none of us can experience all this grand earth has to offer us, but i know that i have been luckier than most in being able to see some of the most beautiful things this earth has to offer. i hope the weather and whales cooperate and allow me to share what we see out there with anyone out there who wants to. this modern world can be a difficult and complicated place. it's nice to get away from all the noise and equipment and get out into the peace. so many places i'd like to see in this world, as i said we can't see it all so when i am home i'm very grateful for things like the internet, books, television, all allows us as humans to share and experience places we may never be able to physically get to. someone may read my blogs about alaska, while i read others blogs in other parts of the world and get a glimpse into the life and experiences they have. it's all pretty great, really.

that movie was a good way to wind down after a few irritating nights at work. i must say i am extremely proud of myself for the patience i maintained over my two nights. some people take drama to a new level. sometimes you just have to laugh. the drama level was so high it did become laughable. one can be compassionate and laugh at the same time. i'm not good with that whining voice demanding this and demanding that. one must balance kindness with truth and frankness. there are many things i like about myself and many things i know i excel at. patience is always a tough one. as i drive to work i say a little prayer. usually i ask for patience, with the clients, with my co-workers. that prayer paid off this week.

wasn't perfect at all though. had hoped for an on call though realized it was a slim possibility. in the end another person was sent home. though i was the first on call on the list and though just the other week that seemed to mean something, last night it didn't. though i know life isn't fair, it still can be annoying that it's not fair. of course, you watch a documentary like this one i watched and you can be reminded to not whine yourself and to be grateful for all that you have and the easy, happy life you are given the opportunity to live. not to say any life is easy or that we all don't have our own crosses to bear, but certainly, when you look about you it's apparent that some of those crosses that people bear are much larger and covered in spikes and poisons while others crosses seem more laced with chocolate and balloons. compared to those POW's, my crosses have all been more of the chocolate sort. this doesn't mean i am unhappy with the lighter cross that i have to bear. we all have lessons to learn and different paths to take to get there. i hope i am learning all the things i've been sent here to learn. i often think that some of those lessons must be about being independant, coping with being alone and ultimately it may be that i must learn to allow others in to help more. that i must find a way to open my heart up and accept others into my heart. being independant has it's difficulties, but i suspect it's the easier path to take. much more difficult to have to compromise more and sacrifice the things you want and desire. it can be tough to let go of independence and it's also tough to trust others to be the worthy, honorable people you believe they could be. you have no control ultimately over others no matter how much love you think you share between you, no matter blood or other bond. we are all individuals and we all go through this life as seperate individuals.

blossom looks pretty honorable and trustworthy here. just bog and neighborhood walks this week. when i get back i'm hoping to do some of those big long walks i do enjoy in the summers. ptarmigan, williwaw, gold mint....they are calling me!

it's raining here, likely raining in juneau, possibly gustavus. haven't looked at any reports. lived in southeast alaska for 6 years...always found when it came to weather reports the best one was your window. of course, i've been known to rely on the bald eagles as forcasters. they go into drying's a good sign. so hoping to see bald eagles drying out their feathers in southeast this week!!

hopefully, i return with some pictures for all to enjoy. hopefully, i have got enough space and battery life to get through, but mostly, i hope we all travel safely and just enjoy the beauty that has been created for us all.

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