another break or two on the way to Windstanley Island

 the blue skies are starting to show through.  we all hoping they come on strong as tomorrow is the color run and i am signed up for it.  i picked up my official swag bag..it's a pretty empty bag.  i have to wake early and feed dogs and settle them in while i meet up with friends for this.  hope i don't aspirate powdered paint or get it in my eyes.  these are my concerns.  planning on wearing some swim goggles and perhaps a bandana.

 we stopped at this spot after paddling pretty hard for a good 1/2 mile to mile.  it was soupy and choppy and we all got a work out.  i was never scared though that the boat would flip over, it was just waves coming in different directions.  really it was what we all feared the day before's paddle would be like for miles and miles so being in that slop for the short time we were in it wasn't all that terrible.  we were all ready for a rest when we came in here.

 Amanda got out the food and CJ played kayak monitor. the tides change rapidly here and if you don't watch kayaks you could find yourself on land without a boat and with the land you are on quickly turning back to ocean.  the tides are huge and dramatic all over Alaska.  he tied all the boats together and i think he enjoyed his alone time, chilling out there.

 a few of these are before we turned out of Rudyerd bay.

 Amanda entertained us by climbing out of her boat onto  a rock to fill up our water...and do yoga. haha

 loads of eagles out there, didn't take too many photo's of them though.

 filling out this 501(3)(c) paper is annoying. i'm not entirely clear what will happen once we are except, how much money we will be able to bring in, how exactly we will be able to bring in that money and how we will transfer it to fish and game for use on the island.  i just know in general we raise money and write grants that specifically send the money we raise to fish and game for use in the Walrus Islands Sanctuary.  the IRS wants to know how exactly we will do all this...just need to get through this and on to the next thing and the next thing and the next thing.

 i just want to help the walrus and the sanctuary. will head to bed early for the happy color run and then start in again tomorrow night.  perhaps if i create the by laws things will seem more clear.

 got a nice walk in with Blossom today.  we did the loop around Beer Can Lake...otherwise known as Little Campbell Lake.  no moose or bear sightings thankfully.  a few flowers, several mosquito's

 mosquitos are usually what make me yearn for winter to come.  they can be so annoying.  not sure why i put on bug spray today, the bugs just landed on it and bit me anyway.

 got to work to put in my pto...i really should turn them down the next few times as my pto numbers are a bit lower than i'd like.  time to just work. my friend had left some salmon there at work for me. didn't have my name on it, so i hope it was for me.  she said she'd left it there and i didn't see any other bags.

 also needed to get to office depot as with this WARIS stuff i'm going through more paper and ink than i have in the past.  i fill in the most obvious stuff, tons of questions on how much we will pay ourselves....zero, so that is an easy answer.  most of the money we make at first will be just to educate and promote and advocate for the sanctuary.  step one...let people know the walrus are there and need our attention step two...figure out how best to help the sanctuary and the walrus, step three..convince people to give us money so we can grant it to the department for said purposes.

 nice to get errands done and feel like i've accomplished a few things today.  i think my lazy sleep day was good for me yesterday.  i need more mental health days than the average joe i guess..haha.

 soaked in the tub tonight and read my readers digest.  i do enjoy that little magazine.  one of their articles, "how doctors die" was interesting.  same could be said for nurses as well i think.  it was saying they don't want to die in the hospital ICU.  it was discussing the downside to this thought of "do everything".

 here is CJ minding the kayaks.

 in the article they were saying more and more doctors and other healthcare workers chose no treatment over treatment.  they prefer the dignity of natural death over attempting to defy death in the torture chamber that can be our health care system.

 the article spoke things i have often said myself. people don't hear in the heat of the moment what the doctors are actually saying.  they have unrealistic expectations and they are emotional and unable to really see the futility of it all.  they want their loved one alive, they don't necessarily understand how impossible that is or i guess how possible that is...the outcome is not going to be great, but that is not what families are thinking about in the heat of the moment...all they know is they want their loved one to live.

 these rocks with all the holes are volcanic, super light.  rocks that float.  my dad would have totally loved these. he brought home some big volcanic rocks when we were kids.  i have no idea where he got those from but they were in our yard for years.  i remember how light they were for how large they were.

 more people need to understand what really happens when you code and have an extensive medical history or have been out for some time.  more people need to admit that we all will die at some point and take some control and action over how that will go for them.  leaving it to family can be tricky.  they may or may not be able to abide by your wishes, especially tough if you've never let them know what those wishes are.  in the absence of this communication the odds are you will be put through everything an icu can do in an attempt to  bring you back to a very uncertain fate.

 i often call it survival of the least fit..that is how America is becoming and sadly, that will have some negative impacts on society as a whole.  our number of dependents will eventually tip our ability to care for them.  both physically and financially.  nobody wants anyone to die, dignity or not, but it costs a lot of money to keep everyone alive.  that is just the reality.

 i joke at work often that i want to start a hospital for brain dead people who families still can't let go of...i know i'm a sick and demented person....i will tell you i've had many volunteers say they would love a job there.  it has been discussed often with various people.  our planned commercial venture, "if you can pay, your loved ones can stay". then we decided we should make our hospital on a cruise ship. we could travel all over the world.  international waters...so different rules. if you stop paying, well you have a week and then we just pull the tube and included is a burial at sea.  i know it sounds sick but after you have worked medicine for a time you do become a bit sick...you make jokes because the reality can be so ridiculous.  haven't heard any news about that young girl who was declared brain dead 3-4 times by different neurologists.  we probably never will.  it will be a sad and long process as she decomposes from the inside out probably.  my cruise ship idea pre-dates her...

 on that lovely note.  listened to a short bit on NPR as i was driving around. a guy wrote a book which he is now adapting into a series for HBO.  of course, i'm having trouble remembering the name of the book or the mini-series

 it was about the rapture...i guess what happens, or what is taught, is that the good spirits will be raised up and then there will be 7 years of all sorts of horrible times for those left behind.  after 7 years then Jesus returns.  anyway...this book takes place after the first group or worthy people have been taken to heaven.

 of course, that doesn't really mean that those left behind totally buy that this is what has happened but it sounds like an interesting show.  the people taken were not necessarily the ones who felt they should have been taken.  not surprising really as often the most annoying religious people of any religion are not necessarily the good people of the world. every religion has their own examples of these people. they think they have all the answers or that God is speaking through them only to discover that they are actually selfish and corrupt.

 so a cross section of folks from across the world are taken due to their goodness and not their actual religious beliefs.  so the book/show follows those left behind in the turmoil

 would i be left behind or not. i'm no saint i know that.  i try to be kind, i try to find things in all the religions and philosophies that seem to reflect goodness and kindness, but i fail.  i have moments of envy or anger, moments when i have been less than kind or have had unkind thoughts, times when i could have helped and walked the other way as it were.  i am not selfless.  i try and i try to have good intentions because i believe the intent you have is very important in life.

 i see myself as agnostic.  i do not know if there is a God or not for sure, i feel nobody can know, there are no facts, no data.  at the same time i do hope that such an entity exists. it would be of great comfort to see those who have done horrible things on this earth have some sort of consequence for their bad behaviour.

 one brother once told me that anyone who is agnostic just doesn't care.  of course, i find those who are the most argumentative about what you believe are so because they are less than happy in their belief system.  fear is a bad way to live life.  this seems true in many areas of life.

 people who pity me being single are often miserable in their own marriages. i find happy people tend to care less about others way of life as long as they too are happy.

 for me it takes faith to be a believer and it also takes faith to be a non-believer.  there is no proof of God that is tangible, but there is also no proof of no God that is tangible.  therefore a God/Gods may or may not exist.  i just try to be open to all possibilities.  everyone has truth and everyone lacks truth.

 it is up to us as individuals to find our own way through the maze and make our own judgements in life as to what we will believe and how we will incorporate those things we believe into our lives.

 it was funny that the guy was reading a line from the book and he mixed Mormons in with others that don't believe in Jesus.  i'm sure he'll get some grief for that.

 Mormons are Christians, or a form of Christians.  i do recall when i was much younger and going to church the truth was Jesus was rarely mentioned and instead the meetings and classes seemed to focus on Joseph Smith and the prophets that had come since him.  this gave the impression to many other churches of Christian faith that they worshiped Joseph Smith over Jesus.

 my friends went out for an evening paddle after we arrived at Windstanley. i was cool chilling on the beach so Janet got a chance to test out paddling a single.   i was happy she got that chance, i think she had fun out there.

 anyway, from my memory, sometime in the mid 70's to early 80's the church began to try to change that view and did bring Jesus back into their meetings more.

 i recall too that the education manuals became much more controlled around then or a bit after that.  where teaching manuals were once very loose they evolved into telling you basically what to say, which scripture references to use and even which pictures to share with the lesson.  not sure how it all works now as i've been out longer than i was in at this point.

 it is always funny to me how i was taught that Joseph Smith went out and asked which church he should join and was told none of them as they were all wrong and now that same new church he created has become homogynized so that it nearly resembles all those churches that Joseph was instructed to avoid.

 but i ramble on...that is what one does in a blog sometimes.

 i have a few days off before i attempt to get to work again.  i may have to print out these tax forms a second time and just use this one as my rough draft. don't want a bunch of confused scribbles in this as i figure WARIS out.

 could use a higher power to correctly fill out these forms and appease the IRS.  you never want to displease them or draw attention to yourself.  i tend to avoid drawing attention to  myself as a rule.

 it's all in here.  mostly people tend to not read the fine print.  perhaps if they did they would avoid me completely and encourage others to avoid me.

 my friends out paddling at Windstanely

 there were tons of dungee crab shells all over the beaches and loads of these tiny dungee crabs cruising around the beaches.  saw these groups of them floating in the tide.

 thankfully, i do not fear baby crabs.  they are cute.

three of us slept in the cabin that night.  at first i was on the upper deck and then i couldn't sleep as i feared i would fall off the bunk. there was no lip to keep you in.  i toss around quite a bit in my sleep.  thankful for: 1.  getting stuff done, it always feels good 2.  my health, i have some aches and stuff but overall i have nothing to complain about. 3.  a warm home, food on the table, a safe community. stuff happens but i know that compared to many in constantly war torn nations i have it very good.  night.