and so the crazy begins..

 ordered those cabinets and i was all excited....life doesn't bring you that without slamming you back down again.  that is how it goes in this big world.  at least for most of us i guess.

 these are in Homer.  this pair of sand hill cranes had two little babies....so cute.

 mostly the little ones stay hidden.

 anyway, after purchasing the cabinets i felt i should let the other cabinet guy that the contractor had given me the name of that i went with Home Depot.  then i wanted to let the contractor know that they were on order...he sent me a text that he had decide to retire and could not do the kitchen.  in the exchange he also informed me that he wouldn't have placed cabinets purchased some place other than the place he had sent me.

 he also alluded to the measurements he'd given me and that he hoped home depot had done their own measurements.  anyway, it has been a bit of a stressful few days with this running through my mind.

 have been reminded of a favorite quote, "everything will be alright in the end, and if it isn't, it's not yet the end". 

 in truth, i never really felt settled with this particular contractor though i do hear he does good work. it just wasn't meant to be.  still i do have cabinets on the way and a small house to store them in.  this will kick me into a higher gear i guess.

 often in life, i do not feel as capable as those around me. it just seems on the outside that other people seem to just do all these things in life seamlessly with no real stress or doubts. i suspect we all struggle though with those inner voices telling us others are more capable and competent. we all are really just stumbling through it all though. none necessarily more capable than the other.  you do it though, you get through it all and in the end you discover you are far more capable than you expected. 

 i own a tape measure.  i did few measurements.  maybe it won't be perfect, but i think i have wiggle room for small errors.  if not, i started to calm my panic with little thoughts and plans for alternatives...there is a small cabinet and if the measurements are really off i could simply not put that in and instead do some open shelves in the gap left.  hopefully, all will be well in the end, but it's good to at least believe i have options even if there are glitches along the way...even the contractor would have had glitches. 

 a friend gave me a name of one she feels is very competent.  i spoke to him already and hopefully he can help me out.  at least give me some quotes for the jobs and which ones he can do and which ones i will need to seek out assistance on. may cost less in the end or more...we shall have to see.  it will take time to pull it together.  i did have a good feeling speaking to him...

 still a bit overwhelming but i find you just have to look at stuff one step at a time.  then it won't seem so crazy.  i have found that as well when faced with extremely ill patients in the ICU.  you walk in a room that is filled with every drip and machines and tubes...it can be daunting. then, i just put my hand on the patients foot and i check the pulse and then i check the next pulse and i work my way into the situation and the patient....next thing you know, you are playing that game of titrating all those drips, following the smallest of changes in vital signs.  constantly assessing the changes...

 with some patients, especially those young critically ill kids, it may take hours until you now longer feel overwhelmed and stressed.  some nights you never feel you can relax.  you have a life in your hands...you are in control of their bodily functions.  you man the various medications, making small tweaks, adding a new med...it's a dance. 

 that experience, working on the sickest of bodies of all ages...it keeps life in perspective.  this is a kitchen remodel.  i can handle it.  it will all be alright in the end... just need to put my hand on a pulse and wade in to the thick of it.

 anyone who can say we are "just a nurse" has no idea what we do. your life can be lost or saved because you had a good nurse or a not so good nurse.  i am not tearing down Dr's.  we both have a vital role in the lives of our patients...but we have a very different role from each other. one is not less than...we observe, we inform, we have our hands on and our eyes on....

 i always wanted to be a Vet and i suspect it would have been a great career that i would have found great joy in.  that is not what happened.  life changes course and you have to be willing to alter course accordingly.  that may be a change in relationship, a change in career, a death, a birth, a contractor ditching you...it's not the change that is the challenge in the end as much as how you react and respond to that.

 humans are very adaptable.  panic turns to adaptation...making a plan.

 I'm not a vet though, i am a nurse.

 i adapted. 

 another favorite quote of mine is, "work begins when the fear of doing nothing at all finally trumps the terror of doing it badly".  i found that helpful when it came to  the walrus.  also a friend said, "you can't make the situation worse".  haha...he's also the one who said that no matter how bad today is, tomorrow could be so much worse and then today will look like a breeze.  wise friend.  haha.

 another favorite...."practice random acts of kindness and senseless beauty" the world would be better if more folks followed these words.

 we met a sweet doodle friend on the beach.  that doodle could walk near birds without chasing them

 we have mostly walked in the dog park this stretch...pretty common during  work days.  the sunshine has ended and the rain is beginning i guess.

 my new fridge will show up tomorrow. figure i will put it in the living room and then when it is cold, fill it and then find a new home for the old fridge.  no takers yet on the pool table or the drum set. like both of these but they do take up a lot of room in my small house and i don't use them enough to justify the space they take up. most stuff i give away is really no big deal...a few items are more of a bummer though.

 in the end it's stuff...and i have too much stuff. 

 i expended energy between shifts the other day (that is what stress can do) moving the kitchen table upstairs. it won't work in the remodeled kitchen but it's a good sturdy table.  i like to do crafts and such...so i figure i will make it the craft table. getting it into the room upstairs was a bit of a challenge. eventually i had to remove a few legs to make it fit.

 work went fine.  first two nights in the adult ICU and then to ER for holds.

 met with friends tonight for dinner, always nice.

 i need to mow the lawn and get the weed whacker out. will have to see when the fridge gets delivered and what the weather does.

 i stopped by Cuddy Park on the way home from dinner to look for baby birds.  there were several families of geese so i had fun watching them. also stopped by to check on grebes at Cheney Lake. it was still on it's nest so i have no idea if the eggs hatched or not.

 chasing small birds on the spit...later this same day things would change....

 such brave bird dogs.

 when i pulled in today the "neighborhood watch" guy was looking at a decorative bale of hay i had for free...had to put the other free items away as it was blowing when i got home from work. moving the table upstairs also prompted the cleaning out of a drawer chest on the stoop.

 i gifted him with a battery charger that was in a bin i had taken off deck to stain it. i haven't been through it.  he seemed a bit taken by it so i gave it to him.  i hadn't purchased it, a friend had when she was over pet sitting. Val...sweet Val.  she was always very absent minded and she had apparently left the lights on and the battery died.  she'd bought this... seemed an easy thing to give to the neighborhood watch guy...a small price for his services watching the neighborhood.  :-)  free stuff really makes people happy.  he said he'd take care of the old useless trash can i have. 

 he will also check on any one i have come over to do work on the house.  when the guy was over doing the fence i looked out back and there he was, neighborhood watch guy, in my yard with the fence guy.  cracks me up. 

 if there is a big quake or what ever...neighborhood watch guy will be key to survival no doubt...

 stopped by Deep Creek on the way back from Homer.  turned out to be a lot of fun.  below you can see all the black spots..those are bald eagles.  the beach was crazy with them. 

 hundreds of them really.  fun photo op time.

 so the rest of these are from that walk.

 Ivy seems to be recovering nicely from her procedure. still on antibiotics. 

 figured out a great pen name for myself so i can dream of writing my book under a different name to avoid hippa violations.

 don't tell but i think Ivy Rose Tuskerelli would work great.  i could write porn too if i wanted.  some great writers wrote porn for their bread and butter i think.  haha. the book title is also planned, "nurse to nurse, talking about you".  pretty catchy....now i just have to write the book.  no problem!  haha.

 we do talk about you...pretty juicy.  i think it would be a hit.

 you can't see the cliffs in these very well, but they were also loaded with hoards more bald eagles.

 see if i can read a few pages before i crash for the night.  I'm pretty tired though.  it may just be a page.  may use the craft table to write the book too. was thinking I'll just write it in the language of nurses...the readers will just have to learn the language. 

 nurses are kind, caring and crazy.  we have seen some stuff.  we often hang with other nurses because of odd shifts and who else could possibly understand us.  you are in the trenches with these people.

thankful for: A.  challenges that are unexpected and unappreciated at the time they happen, but make us remember we are stronger than we know B.  the neighborhood watch guy and all my other cool neighbors C.  my crazy nursing friends and the many stories we share.