on call last night...

 never called in.  worked the door the night before.

 these are mostly Homer.  a few from that Powerline Pass hike and a few at the end of sandhill cranes from my last Homer trip.

 have seen several folks post a thing about how nurses/docs subdue patients all the time without killing them.  some false equivalencies but some things to ponder.  first off, we have drugs and we can intubate our patients...we have, at times, had to drug folks in order to control them...even to the point of having to intubate.  i've seen this when we've needed to do scans like ct's and mri's. even kids are sedated for these things because they can't/won't lay still enough for good results.  we just have that option.

 police have different tools.  we use the tools we have.  i suspect that sometimes some in both rely on the tools we have over the more rudimentary tools we all have.  tone, distance, words. it's easier sometimes to just sedate or shoot sadly.  sometimes you have no choice but to use the harshest tool in your tool box.

 i don't hate cops, i do not think most people hate cops. we don't like bad cops.  we also don't like bad pilots or bad doctors or bad air control officers...basically, there are some jobs where when you screw up the costs are too high. one problem i see is that we do not pay the officers themselves enough or put the money we have into the right training.  for many the bulk of the money goes to bigger and bigger weaponry.  is this really wise?  when you have a nuclear bomb you risk using a nuclear bomb.  this is the thinking of many who say, we just probably shouldn't have nuclear bombs.  perhaps the way we arm our officers should be addressed.  does everyone need guns?

 this has led to a nation that has more and more guns everywhere. the folks on the right like to say they need their weapons in order to take on a corrupt government.  these same folks on the right are often the ones who want much of our tax dollars used to build up the weaponry of the same government they hope will not become corrupt.  seems a bit odd to me. they have built up a military so large there is no way they could arm themselves and win.

 of course, these same folks will say that the proof of that effectiveness is in the Ammon Bundy take over of the Malheur wildlife refuge. yes, initially, the BLM were outnumbered.  if you think for one minute that the US military could not win that battle you are wrong. in this case, it no doubt wasn't worth it for another Waco situation.  this was not because the US was out gunned...of course, one does have to wonder...had this been a group of black guys who took over the refuge would things have gone differently. the law often works differently for different folks in this nation.

 many who cheered the Bundy actions of holding off the big bad federal government are the same cheering the governments actions of tear gassing the peaceful protesters in DC so that trump could get his photo shoot.  the white guys were seen as heroes, the blacks as thugs. hmm....

 just made some coffee cake for breakfast...so good!!

 it's easy to lose your cool when you work with the public.  i know, i work with the public all the time. people can be asses.  people on drugs can be terrible.  people in the throws of a psych issue can be stronger than you can imagine. little old ladies with dementia and alzheimers will surprise you with their strength and nastiness.  it's easy to get sucked in and it can be easy to get angry yourself as you get amp'd up. 

 you have to use the tools you have wisely. i've gotten pissed on many occasions especially if someone is swinging at you.  or even as a vet tech in my 20's a dog bites you and your instinct wants to take over and you want to pummel the animal.  no matter how much you love humans or dogs or whatever...when something attacks you, your instinct tends to be to attack back.  sometimes it takes everything you have to stop yourself.  you have to work as a team.  when you are getting frustrated you have to find a way to step back and let another take over.  fresh eyes. you need to change up the tactics.

 nurses and staff in the hospital work as a team...this helps keep folks safer.  cops need to do this as well no doubt. the team failed the other day  just like the team failed with George Floyd. the other day an elderly man in a video during a rally appears to hostilly approach the officers. the one officer shoved him back with some force. the guy lost his balance and fell hitting his head. i can have some sympathy for the first action, though it wasn't the best action..but the next action i have zero sympathy for. the one officer began to bend down to check on the old man...another officer prevented him from doing that and pushed him forward. they all walked on...

 we all have to rely on those around us to help us keep our cool when it gets intense. we have to recognize when someone is getting too amp'd up or angry...we need to try and find a way to take them out of the situation.  find a way to resolve the situation. 

 i recall i had a patient years ago who could not breath.  i was able to calmly sit with her and talk her through this.  an observer came to me later, impressed, and said my actions had prevented her from being intubated. when you stay calm you can often help others become calmer.  when you get amp'd up, the situation can get worse quickly. some of that is inate, some is taught and some of that we just have to help each other with.  officers who can't keep cool under pressure perhaps should find another way to serve, or need to learn how to put that emotion in check. 

 Murkowski is "struggling" to decide whether to support trump or not.  really shouldn't be that tough of a struggle. he's now build a tall fence around the white house.  he's not a strong leader, he's a scared man who is in over his head.  trying to look tough and using the tools around him to do so...he is like the bad cops. the ones who do not know how to calm the waters so instead they use anger and violence and misuse the tools that are at their disposal.  he cowered in the bunker instead of standing and speaking and attempting to use calm to cause calm. i hope they had a few cases of attends down there....

 in this life, often the most bad ass out there are actually the most terrified out there. the bully's are the often the ones who are suffering, feeling unloved, they lash out at others. his favorite tool is twitter, but frighteningly he has the tools of the US military at his disposal, which is very dangerous indeed.  it's a terrible combination. 

 some generals are speaking out a bit post the use of military on civilians.  may be too little too late really,but still happy they are starting to find their voices on this maniac in the white house.  many used to respect Mattis on the right, but like anyone who speaks out against trump they soon find themselves the object of a hate campaign.  accused of being never trumpers and deep state members...they find themselves quagmired in conspiracy theories created by extremists and spread across the internet. everyone around him loses their dignity. i am really quite shocked that there haven't been more suicides in people who have worked for this tool.

the DC Mayor renamed the street, ceremonially anyway, black lives matter and has it written in huge yellow letters across the street. the street is near the white house.  the street sign is seen infront of the St John's church where Trump used the military force to dispatch protesters for his photo op holding up a bible.

 a brother had a post of Clinton holding up a bible as some sort of equal comparison.  several differences...Clinton had actually just attended a service.  many take bibles into service, my siblings included.  also he had not used military force in order to attend the church service. he did not use the bible as a political prop...it more looks like he just waved to the gathered crowd and happened to wave using the hand that held the bible.

 the evangelicals must have to twist themselves up trying to make trump out to be the Christian they claim he is. some seem to have put him at the level of God himself...seems like they may be coming close to breaking the first commandment....Thou shalt have no other Gods before me.  trump may push this too far in his glorification of self...it may one day be a bridge too far for even the evanglelicals. 

 it's nearly dog walking time...then another night of work.

 hopefully a few good hikes, debating seeing if i can find a place in Seward for a few days, or Valdez? will check tides,weather and places to stay and see what sounds interesting.

 this picture below epitomizes life at Deep Creek, bald eagle feather and dead halibut bits.

 as a female you also spend your life watching your back to some degree. you do not just walk to your car after work. you have to always be on the look out for danger and dangerous situations.  we do not have the same situation as say, black males have, but we can't just take a pull over for granted either. women have been raped in custody, in jails. i have been harassed by officers.  it's not the same, but it does help me to understand the messaging.

 i recall waiting at the apple repair place with several others.  a conversation had started up...can't recall why, but a lady who was walking with a cane and elderly stated that she won't park in parking garages because it's too high risk.  the white guys around us thought that was nuts...i mean who is going to rape an elderly lady.  the discussion became about how as white men they just walk where they want without a care in the world whereas as women we must be hypervigilant.  aware of our surroundings. aware of who is near us.  aware of possible escape routes, aware of what we may use to protect ourselves.  age doesn't protect you. the elderly lady knew being older made her more of a victim potentially.  maybe not for rape as much as even for robbery and assault.

 white males often just have no idea what it is like for others because they simply have never had a care when it comes to these things. they just walk to their cars, without fear. without a thought for whether it will be safe for them.  in all likelihood it will be safe for them. 

 beach flowers.  so pretty

 the colors at night kind of looked like a painting.

 it's always so pretty out there.

 cool designs in the pollen as the tide went out

 another from the powerline pass.  no doubt way more green out there already.  it's amazing how quickly everything changes up here.

 you really have to get out often and catch it as it will be gone just as fast.

 the rest are of the sand hill cranes. i have heard them flying over here as well. they are all over. looks like a swan pair has made a nest at potters so that is fun. 

 there are already baby geese out at the dog park .

 these are probably some mating rituals. they have such a cool and unique call.

 the stranded grey whale was able to get out of the twentymile river and back in Turnigan arm.  hopefully, he makes it back out to sea. 

 the scenery is always pretty sweet.

 perhaps we will get to Sitka one day in better weather. it was pretty wet and rainy when we went last summer. so many beautiful places up here.

 i ponder calling family...feel more and more disconnected. it's strange to see the world so different and to know that will probably never change.

 it all feels more and more pointless.

 my self esteem was never very good at base. i mean even when i get the rare compliment, there is a large part of me that doesn't believe it.  feels they must just be saying it to be nice.  not sure how you change that.  how do you feel good about you when you never were really made to feel good about you growing up?  how do you accept love when you aren't sure you are lovable?  i absolutely do not say that to get the pity comments.  i honestly wouldn't believe it anyway.  it's just that it does cross my mind sometimes. the dogs and cats...i always know, i always believe.

 the winner of this years Iditarod, Norways, Waerner, is finally back home.  he stayed here and extra 11 weeks, due to the Covid pandemic. the plane that he and his dogs ended up flying is an old DC-6, which will now be put on display in a museum there.

 a pipeline worker was apparently attached while out jogging by a black bear.  bad injuries per report, but not life threatening. missing winter.  :-) 

 there is still a census going on...so if you haven't done your census please go online and get it done. 

 perhaps a bit more coffee cake before i head out for my walk. 

 blogging is sanity for me, whether it's read or not. i have to get things out of my little brain.

thankful for A. being able to read and write  B. the beauty that surrounds us all C. the animals, as they accept me for who i am, free from judgement.