each day an adventure in alaska: starting to find a rhythm...

first the report on me.

mentally, i feel like i have begun to come out of the haze these past two days. i feel i am putting together a schedule that will work and that i can make work when i return to work

physically. i am improving. my knees both feel weak but i am at least coming up the stairs in the normal pattern. extension is improved, though still not at baseline. pain is less, range of motion is improving. walking. better, though slow and tiring.

doesn't he look cute in his booties and beard. i have managed it all these past two days, even the walk with Tusker. shorter but getting there. i believe moving is the way forward. i always believe that. first you have to get over the part where it's that painful.

that first week or two was painful. the knee was bad, but mostly it was that all the muscles in that leg completely cramped up. it took time and effort to get those to release. i was walking all twisted because i had to walk. thankfully, my friends helped me out tons. i still had to get Ivy outside 2-3 x daily on my own. that first few weeks that was with a sling to help support her back end and a leash to help guide her...so using any sort of support for myself was impossible. those little yard walks were painful and at times a bit scary.

the end result of that is that my other knee joint and my shoulder joint are both sore now from the contortion like walking. silly, but i had this pup to take care of. it is what it is. you do what you need to do in the moment and pay a bit for it later. so that just meant this was dragged out longer than it may have been otherwise. very thankful to feel like i am getting on the other side of this now though.

i called out this week from work. i just still had too much pain and exhaustion to attempt a 12 hour shift. as i said, it is what it is, and so next week i will need to put on the big girl pants and do what i need to do to get through the 3 shifts. the dogs will just have to manage.

hopefully the schedule i am creating will make it the least difficult. Ivy will have to hold her urine a bit longer but we've done the last yard run these last few nights before 9 pm and she has done just fine. will just have to be a bit earlier on the nights i work and all will have to be adjusted. dogs are pretty flexible.

nearly done with week 3 and moving on to week 4.

Ivy is doing great really. her other leg shows the weakness. they had said we could do other leg 2-4 weeks after the first...can't imagine doing that. i really can't imagine going through this again at all though. maybe i'll feel differently down the road, but at the time, i'm hoping she has the one good leg and can make that work for her. hate to imagine her with the chronic pain. will use the splint once this leg is healed if needed as i did before.

we enjoyed a morning walk with these beautiful skies.

it's easier to just deal with her on her little hood walks. she saw a dog the other morning and started barking...or was that today. wonder if she is more anxious of other dogs with her weakness. i also had to remind myself that for her the walking isn't just about walking but it's about being out and sniffing.

so we take our time and i allow her to do her sniffing. check the pee-mail out. i'm sure it makes her feel like a dog. it's about quality of life really. i doubt i can make her life completely pain free but hopefully, we can make it as happy as possible. with her just being with us makes her happy. dogs lives are not always that long anyway, do i want her to spend it having and recovering from multiple surgeries. those are the choices all dog owners have to make. i hate when people feel judged for the choices.

she was young and very active so giving her a shot at surgery seemed the best way. as i said, not sure i will be doing the other leg. at this moment i would say no.

it's a lot more walking with taking her for two yard and two hood walks and him for a walk. i did manage 10,000 steps yesterday. i'm nearly there again today. it just adds up with all these short walks. at the end of the day i am tired. ready for early bed again. last night my shoulder was more what was keeping me awake. my whole body is wreck.

family...still a limited thing in my world. i think i have done a much better job just letting go and accepting the extreme limits of that. i feel like i am the family kryptonite. i'll never fit in. since that message i just have felt myself move further away. the Mormon view of what family is....at least the way i see it, is not really the way i envisioned family. maybe it's just my family. when i look at our history. neither of my parents had much to do with their siblings so perhaps that is just how they were taught and how they see it. my Dad spoke to his sister a few times a year maybe, i suspect it was her calling him. i can recall very few times we actually vacationed or visited her.

my Mom's siblings lived closer, but most of my childhood we saw them once or twice a year really. Christmas eve, maybe july 4th. it's not like she spent time chatting with them.

they seem to get along with each other so the kryptonite is me.

these mugs bring me comfort and happiness.

living here in Alaska and the great crew of friends as well as the members of the extended family who do seem to do more than tolerate me, who actually like me and have a desire to interact with some regularity with me...what more do i really need. accept the things that are instead of hoping for things that aren't.

got the dog cam all set up. now i can just roll over in bed and check on her...and hopefully, peek in on her from work next week.

so overall, things are going better at this end. my knee and aches are a bother, but manageable and improving.

watched some of the impeachment between dog care duties.

basically, the gop know he's a sob who instigated this all but are too afraid for their political selves to stand up and convict him so they found loop holes where they could and convinced themselves that the Dems were the ones who failed...that is all the GOP is now. lie, deny and blame others. they have no soul. the right is doing a fine job destroying Christianity. this is why it's not a good idea to mix religion and politics but years back those politicians decided to make it appear that all good Christians are Republicans since all Democrats are baby killing devils. brilliant really, as those fetuses demand nothing from the Republicans.

so they are really owned by Trump, a man who is sniveling, weak, amoral and a narcissist. seems a bad guy to depend on. i figure if he gets taken out at some point it will be from someone who was once loyal to him. he's made a lot of enemies...there are no worse enemies than those who once adored you and then were destroyed by you. he throws everyone under the bus eventually it seems.

he and his lawyers clearly had no problem throwing his most loyal supporters; who risked their freedom, vote and ability to carry guns in order to attack the capital, under the bus. he didn't care if they died. he didn't care about anyone but himself on Jan 6...that is who he is. as they say when people tell you who they are believe them. he certainly didn't care about the lives of even his loyal VP Pence or those in congress who have been sucking up to him all these months. if they died or were injured when he sent his mob up there to stop the process, he didn't care.

all he cared about was retaining power. he literally had one lawyer that is one of those ambulance chasing lawyers. it didn't matter who they put up there, they could have had a bag of rocks speak for trump...those GOP fools were going to save their cult leader. 7 did vote to convict though. making history...so he's the only potus who was impeached twice and the one who got the most bipartisan vote. McConnell made a big show of how you can't convict a potus out of office despite the fact that it was McConnell who refused to deal with it while he was in power in the Senate...boxed them in again.

trumps lawyers rambled and screamed and ranted and raved. the Dems didn't take long enough to make a full case, they did this all to fast....and yet, the Dems waited too long because you can't convict him once he's out of office. typical. the Dems can't win.

there was talk of witnesses. it would have just turned it into a big cluster i suspect. the Dems are getting blamed for that as well. i do wish the Dems would do more sticking it to the GOP like they have done for years. they give in too easily. i thought they did a very good job despite knowing those fools in the GOP would never vote to convict sometimes it's about forcing them to go on the record. their boot licking of trump is forever in the record.

don't hold out much hope that trump will ever be held to account for anything illegal he has done his entire life...privilege can do that for people. people like that can hide behind the money they have.

Ivy sleeps like this often. guess many of these post op do this.

it's 10:30 and i am exhausted already. will be up again at 8 to start the schedule again.

with the schedule i'm getting worked out i could take a morning nap after the first run. or just sleep after work.

i try to crawl in there with her at times and get some snuggle time. i feel bad leaving her in lock down.

the work sheet is getting more organized and less haphazard.

the madness is at least becoming a controlled madness

was kind of bummed to see the road crew. there are a few icy spots on the street now. i have to be careful of her with the ice. fingers crossed we don't have icy conditions to deal with over the next weeks...i know, it's Alaska but...

quite the sunrise the other morning.

occasionally i paint a rock. a little break in it all.

i think Tusker liked having me on the trail with him. we did one circle at the dog park today.

we came around a bend and there was a total Ivy look a like. it was a male Ivy. looked just like her. so funny. i spoke to the owner and they are the same age, picked up from the same breeder...so it was very likely to have been a sibling to her and Tusker. so funny.

have her on the cam. she just rolled over onto her back. she's been pretty good about the whole thing really. it's not like she's trying to bolt out of the pen area when i go in.