each day an adventure in alaska: 20 years....

so i think this may be my official start date for Providence...or within a few days. it was in September of 2001. a bit of an adventure getting here from Ketchikan. took the Alaska Marine Highway and the day we were in Skagway the whole September 11 terrorist attack happened. how the world has changed since then.

puffing the puff balls. today i was stomping on them.

nursing was never some calling for me. i loved animals and wanted to work with animals. eventually i decided i wanted to have an income that would support myself and nursing seemed to fit. i liked the medicine and vet school was just out of reach. i had spent too many years trying to sort out who i was and what i believed and how to go forward. i changed my major several times. i was a bit flighty during those days.

i am the most highly educated and least degree'd person. i attended Utah State University, Cal State LA. Cal Poly Pomona, LA Pierce College, Pasadena City College and University of Alaska. still nursing has provided the life style and freedoms that i clearly needed. it got me to Alaska. i was always more of a work to live, not live to work sort of person.

lately i clock out no break as i'm sure my co-workers do as well. there are no more breaks. i did get a night in PICU this week, it felt like a day off of Covid, which was great. they are always just such nice people too.

the next night when PICU decided they could make it without me, literal cheers came out from the ICU knowing they would have me to help them out. i predicted my no longer infectious covid patient would pass close to 8:15 am and they did. they are younger at times than the first run. there are more of them. we are full. maybe we can keep them going longer...despite that the vented ones often do not have good outcomes. it's just maybe dragged out longer. lots of death around us.

i was asked how the ICU nurses are holding up. they are a tough group. i think we all get most upset if and when there is someone vaccinated...too close to home. that is a rarity though. it remains nearly 100% unvaccinated.

these are all at Eklutna.

a patient i had that was covid negative, was retested and was covid positive. thankfully, they had just determined that we are to all wear n95 masks/face shields again in all rooms with vents/high flow or bipap/any aerosolizing things. guess they are tired of us going down. that made me anxious and i do have a close friend who is recovering at home so it's a little closer to my heart this week.

my one co-worker pops up with what, in her mind was a basic fact, that i would die if i got covid. she said because of my respiratory history i would die. she did add that i had gotten the vaccine so now she figures i wouldn't die. people just say shit sometimes and i know she in no way meant to negatively impact me or be mean...but i'm already anxious over covid and all so it got my brain ruminating. wanting a booster as soon as i can get it.

i do have chronic bronchitis. i tend to have a little cough at all times. overall, i've only ever had one true asthma attack. when i get a virus i do get a nasty cough and short of breath. i only use inhalers when i get a bug, i have never been hospitalized, though once my Doc in CA threatened to hospitalize me because i had a bug and instead of taking care of myself i drove to Mexico and did a 50 mile bike ride. they did pulmonary function tests on me before i left smoggy Los Angeles and at baseline my tests were all normal.

i try to walk 2-5 miles a day. i have had some super nasty bugs. i'm sure i've had pertusis and i know i've had influenza...i kind of feel in some ways like i may have been training for this my whole life. that in some ways i'm more prepared to stay calm through a bout of covid...still i don't want to push fate and i'd rather just avoid it all together.

covid does seem to thrive in the morbidly obese, perhaps they just end up with it becoming pneumonia more easily. covid also seems to be no respecter of anything. some, who are seemingly fairly healthy do not survive while others with lots of medical issues or who are elderly have mild cases. it's not easy to predict all the time. too many unknowns.

we are torn between wanting to work more so our co-workers are better supported and needing to work as little as possible to keep our own exposure down. some weeks i'm in it more than others...the poor folks in certain units have no breaks from it. at least i get different levels of sickness...it does turn fast at times.

of course, some will constantly remove their oxygen and the sats drop faster than anything i've ever seen. by the time we get gowned up and get in the room the sats can be quite low. we have to protect ourselves first.

we are tired, we are angry at times. frustrated by the politicalization of this virus and the stupidity of the GOP leadership and the conspiracy crack addicts who would rather believe absolute and utter crazy shit over educated and knowledgeable experts. it's insane. i have very little patience for the antivaxers that then whine about how horrible they feel and how they can't stand the oxygen and all of it...and yet they will still believe the idiots. they are taking their ivermectin...it's just insanity...i would never believe it if it weren't so real in each and every shift i work.

i'm nearly at 30 years as a nurse. time flies...the best of times and the worst of times. i am grateful to be in a job where you can make a difference in peoples lives in that 12 hours....not really right now though. if you get the bad covid, all that we do may not make any difference at all. i'm hearing we haven't had anyone survive who ended up on the continuous dialysis. i don't know that for sure, but there does seem to be a tipping point...a point of no return.

last night was the lowest i've seen the hold numbers in the ER in weeks...a day of less crazy....? or are people not out doing so much and getting hurt in addition to all the covid.

it is a crazy contrast we live in. we are at work and it's a war zone at times. covid is everywhere, people dying...then you go out and on the outside it often looks like nothing is going on. covid? what covid? no masks, no distancing, gatherings all over the place.

i have my little stretch of days off now. may try to do some walks and see some fall colors. maybe drive to Matanuska Glacier with the dogs. today i slept. after my stretch i do sleep hard, this pandemic is just exhausting for us all. the RT's are short. they are in it constantly! all hail to the RT's!!!!!

still lots of mushrooms to enjoy for me. the snow has been moving down the mountains and sticking. it ain't going anywhere. i hope that means we will have a lovely snow covered winter!

they gave me a little pin with a tiny diamond in it...is it real? nobody can say. i just ordered on their gift site. i chose a day pack that came with binoculars...seems a bit anticlimatic in the middle of a pandemic. i am thrilled that i am on this end of the career rather than the other end...i do hope we get this covid mess more under control. still over 1000 dying nationwide each day. the amazing thing is that despite over a million dying worldwide...who can tell...there are just so many people packed on this earth.

watched a movie...now i guess i'll finish this and crash for the night. sleep is always good.

i walked with my friend the other day and at the end i felt a little short of breath, then i realized i had been monopolizing the conversation. the next day i walked with a different friend, she felt short of breath at the end of the walk..it was her day to do the talking. we all need to talk and we all need to feel heard. take some time to listen to others and find people willing to listen to you. take care of each other

the pets make me smile and help keep me sane. they give you purpose.

saw this one and liked it...

i often put the two ponies in...it helps secure my n95 mask on. don't want that slipping

watched 50/50 tonight.

out with friends in the rain....having fun. :-)

was at the dog park today. they have created a better parking lot. in their remodel they had taken down an impromptu memorial garden. i guess some had written letters and they added an even larger one back in....thinking i may have to paint a special rock with my pups at the bridge to leave there next time i go :-)