much has happened and nothing has happened....

 

for me, life is simple. i have a lazy life.  i'm mostly okay with it. i feel guilty at times as i know so many others have much more complicated, dramatic, painful lives.  i live in a beautiful place. i have wonderful pets to share my existence with.  i have amazing friends who are more like family. 

i watch the scenes from Ukraine and it makes me worry for the future and grateful for the peaceful life i have been lucky to have. lucky....i do not feel that i deserve a better life than others.  i just have been lucky.  some view their good fortune as a sign that God loves them more, or they were better in the pre-life as i was taught.  i just view it as good fortune. good fortune that may run out at any time

Put is a mad man.  he has become more and more isolated in his power.  he is no doubt surrounded by people who do not question him.  if you look at history...the dictators who live do not try to increase their territory.  Put is attempting to take over Ukraine at this moment. will he be successful...it seems he has more money and equipment.  

things that are against him...the bulk of the other humans/nations on this earth.  even China refused to stand up for him.  there is also the Ukrainian people.  there are many acts of bravery that have come out already.  while people here whine about being oppressed wearing a mask.  they stand up to Put troops and lose their lives doing so at times. their President is willing to stay with them and fight along side them.  their people are willing to literally say fuck you to the powerful military of Russia.  

another thing that Ukraine has going for it.  many in Russia are not fans of Put or this war. many have family in Ukraine. it sounds like many from russia who were sent to Ukraine to fight were not even aware they were being sent there or for this so they are not as willing as Put is to fight this battle. put is more of a hide in the bunker guy and send others to do his bidding.  he could care less if they die doing this.  we all know tump is that way as well. 

there are the crazy tump/put fans...how Americans can side with put is beyond any rational discussion..but there it is.  we have some major issues. faux news is being played, unedited on russian propaganda tv.  i do hear that there are annonymous hackers who are going after russia big time.  you just never know what to totally believe. i hope this is true though. the international community is hitting them hard with sanctions.  

even put directly. flights are cut off, banks are cut off.  many liquor stores have even refused to sell russian vodka. there are many protest marches, even in russia...where folks quickly get rounded up and taken to prison as protesting is illegal there. 

russia has become a master at misinformation and sadly, many in our country are deeply into that misinformation.  some of those fools run news stations or have positions of power in our own government. 

i really hope that put doesn't become desperate enough to use the nuclear arsenal at his disposal. Alaska is way too close. we can't evacuate...where would we go?

it's a horrible situation there in Ukraine and in the surrounding nations, the stress level must be so horrible. 

these photos are from this fall of course. we are having a melt down here still.  it's all a mess.  warming a bit/freezing a bit.  

on my walk the other day there was a poop on the trail that looked like possibly wolf. it had moose fur all over in it. as i walked further there was an odor in the air. wild but i don't know what it was.  wolf? bear? dead moose? i took a different route and hoped for the best.  we saw nothing.  both wolves and bear have been spotted apparently.  hoping the bears go back to sleep for a bit

we are quickly headed toward a change in seasons.  first we have fur rondy and the iditarod.  it appears that these things will mostly be moving forward with more normalcy than we've seen in a few years. 

i was on call last night and never called in.  i was awake at strange hours so i figured i'd blog, feed animals and perhaps take another nap before starting the real day and attempting to get some rondy events in. 

i only worked one night this week, in PICU.  the first night i had eaten something and my gut wasn't settling so i just called out.  i always get dinged in evals for calling out.  when i was younger i would work through anything...including bouts of bronchial pneumonia.  as i get older i'm just not as willing to do that.  

you try to take care of yourself.  life is fleeting.  we don't always control that much of it.  as i said, things are crazy out there, put is invading unprovoked with hopes of just taking territory and making russia bigger.  bigger isn't always better...it's hard to control bigger.  you can't watch all those humans or control all those humans..which is why i said those dictators who brazenly try to build up their territory generally do not have good outcomes. in general i do not see this ending well for put but he can do a hell of a lot of damage on his way out.  

tumps foolish cult followers parrot trump and act like tump was tough on put.  the reality was tump was the poop in put's diaper.  read the transcripts of the first impeachment.  he was blackmailing Ukraine, preventing them from getting defense from rus in exchange for supposed dirt on the bidens. tump also was doing puts bidding by attempting to get us out of nato.  what was said in that meeting tump and put had.  how much money does tump owe to put? does that crazy pee pee tape exist?  tump was puts puppet regime...if he gets in again we will have little hope.  i'm hoping put has met with some demise by that time.  

in lighter news....the puppy is adorable.  i often see an open spot between Ivy and Sunny and imagine Tusker there. 

i attended the first class for puppy training.  he will go on Monday.  i braved Home Depot with both dogs the other day.  it was a bit rough the first few minutes but he did well after that. 

Ivy's Birthday came and went..of course, it was Tuskers Birthday as well.  it was a bit low key. i did put down some ashes that for the first time include some of tuskers ashes.  sure miss that guy.  dogs do not know it's their birthday but i know and i felt bad for Ivy being without Tusker.  

she is bonding with the puppy and seems to enjoy her new friend.  dogs do not live in the past and i'm trying to learn from them and not live in the past as well.  

there are things in life you have to let go of even if you never fully accept them.  that is true with the losses we suffer but it is also true of pain caused by others.  i don't think you have to forgive or forget to move forward.  you don't have to put yourself in the position of a repeat of bad actions.  which is why i say you don't have to forget.  forgetting would put you in the position of allowing a repeat.  you can understand the issues in others lives that caused them to be hurtful without forgiving the actual hurt.  some things do require people to apologize and go through those steps.  life can't return to any normalcy without that.  it doesn't mean that you allow that persons behavior to stay with you in the form of anger. you move on from it and you respect yourself enough to never put yourself in that position again.  you respect yourself enough to set boundaries and demand actions...even if you know those actions will never come. 

Miss Breezy is demanding food.  it's almost that time.  she does appear to be starving. 

covid....it seems to be in a better place for the moment.  hoping it just fizzles out.  we just see less and less of it so i'm happy with that. hopefully this last wave got enough ill to help prevent another wave. our visitation rules haven't backed down yet, i expect them to any day though. 

now i have two cats demanding breakfast. 

cats are fed.  dogs next.  i'll keep writing. 

anxiety.  still have some. mostly it's random. i suspect the Ukraine attack has added to all of our stress levels even though at this moment most of us are not dealing with any of it directly. we live in relative safety. 

back to january photo's. 

work is still the cause of some anxiety.  it has improved though and very few stray beats of late. 

still occasional leave some ashes or memorial rocks out there. 

haven't done much painting these past weeks. haven't really done much of anything.  though, having said that. i did order the tile and have started that project.  i also got the dogs scheduled for an indoor pool day. i went to fish and game and met with the new manager over Round Island.  he seems cool and excited about his new role. 

trying to start on some purging of crap. there is just always too much stuff to deal with.  things pile up and you just have to get rid of stuff.  shredding papers brings me joy.  each little pile that goes away makes me happy...still way too many piles of papers to attend to. more comes in than goes out and it's just this constant battle. 

that little puppy just keeps growing.  lots of training to do.  his first trick is circle right and left.  just getting it.  it would help if i could remember my left/right as i'm doing the command.

we've been working on leave it this week.  only one piddle pad left inside. it's upstairs and yes, he still uses it from time to time.  brat.... on the plus side through all of this he has at least been pad trained and has had few accidents not on pads.

we do grooming training daily. haven't set up an official grooming appointment yet.  need to do that.  anyone have any good groomers out there?

i have slowly been trying to break up some of the ice on the decks.  worry about all that ice with Ivy.  do not need her other knee totally giving out on her.  so far so good. 

so a few days off and then back for three nights again. then we get to enjoy the iditarod and fur rondy...it always feels like spring comes quickly after these two events and these two events distract you from the final stretch of winter.

our days are getting longer. 

i have been on tiktok too much this week.  Ukraine video's mostly. some ex-mormon video's and of course kitties and puppies. 

i have not posted any video's. never like how i look or sound on video so i don't see myself starting down that road. 

look at this sweet face...his not mine

am i happy i left mormonism.  yes.  so happy.  has it been perfect...no.  sucks that so many in my family are still in and live in that bubble.  sucks to have people view you how they chose too and not how you are. i am very much an imperfect person and a work in progress.  i have many qualities that are good and i have bad qualities as well. i will always be judged by my leaving and not by who i am. 

covid has really helped me see who values me in this world and helped me have less of a desire to please those who will never be pleased.  it has been a truth teller of who is really in your life and who is just on the fringe.  i am happy i left the church and happy i moved to Alaska.  sometimes, in our lives, we just get things right. 

love this shot above.  he just has the sweetest face.  he's just a love and came to me in a time when i was feeling so sad. he's pretty mellow really and is willing to just snuggle when i need snuggles.  

he is always interested in the ashes from the dogs of the past.  love the little orbs that show up in the photos. yes, i like to believe those orbs are people and pets from the past come to watch over us.  oddly, i find that much easier to fathom than a God. 

it seems much more obvious to me that people and animals that had direct contact with us on earth would be the ones who would be watching over us and helping us from the next world. does that mean i don't believe a God is possible, no.  just that i do not believe a God would be all that interested in our individual lives and quite frankly there is so much that is bad out there i hope that a God would not waste time on my little issues. i hope God is helping the people of Ukraine and those oppressed in places like russia and n.korea. i hope God is helping those who are sick or have endured natural disasters. 

i think our prayers, if really answered, are answered by those close to us not God. 

have thought of how much arrogance there was in my previous religion.  they believed they were blessed before they were born. that they had proven themselves more worthy in the pre-life and were therefore gifted to be born under the covenant....into mormon families.  they believe they can and will become Gods over their own kingdoms...what humans are in any position to become Gods really...very few that are that selfless or flawless.  if this world is any proof...power makes men evil.  if we can't handle power here how the hell do we think those folks will handle becoming gods of their own kingdoms after just one run at life on earth. 

off to start the day....slept off and on through the night.  always wake in fear that i missed a call to come in.  when i sleep, it is deep.  grateful for A.  those who are brave against what appears to be overwhelming power B.  the hope that right will prevail against evil. C. the pets that share my life with me.